ianlove
Don Juan
I really do appreciate this site and I am glad I found it as its helped me immensely from the first day back in 2005.
I have seen this word thrown around the forum alot "confidence".
Its mostly people asking how they can get it and what they can do to make themselves feel more confident.
First of all i hope you can concur that confidence isn't just found and there is no one thing that makes confidence suddenly appear in oneself. The thing about confidence is that it has to grow but once it reaches a certain level it is self sustaining.
Yes, women love confident men and I have seen people asking 'how can i ACT confident?' This is a big mistake, acting confident is much different from being and it can be sniffed out by women so easily its scary. Confidence is also more than talking the talk, it is walking the proverbial walk too, saying things that sound confident won't work when they come from a guy or girl with terribly cold and closed off body language, this is part of the "walk".
Mystery said something about Incongruence and how you have to back yourself up, remember when you get a book and it looks good at the start and it lets you down because it doesn't deliver? this is comparable to being Incongruent. So it has to be true out and out confidence you have to have to get the ladies.
I started the road of growing this confidence by reading the DJ Bible and other works on Psychology and body language and i watched myself everyday spotting just how closed I was nd being like that doesn't get you friends nevermind girlfriends. So i copied the types of body language that project confidence and applied them to myself, and yes you feel like you are a faker doing this, doing something different to how you usually act.
I read somewhere that a simple way to make you feel good is to force a smile, yes its forced, but do it anyway because it has a cumulative effect making this forced smile become a real smile. When you wake up find something to laugh about. Ofcourse you don't want to employ a goofy smile, just a comfortable relaxed smile and automatically you give off this image of being comfortable and relaxed in yourself. The first step into true confidence.
What really holds you back is that damned imagination of yours. Imagination is both our blessing and our curse. Back in secondary school there was this girl who i'll call "Michelle", she was pretty popular and i was the classic nerd who hung out with all his nerdy friends who thought girls were goddesses etc (If only i knew what i did now right)
I did think she was hot so i thought 'why would she ever like me?' this was what i conjured up in my imagination that ultimately held me back. God I was so fuc|<in stupid!!!, looking back they were the most obvious come ons ever.
I remember it well, in Science class, she said something across the table to me asking me out, i actually thought she was taking the p1ss and said something much akin to what we call neg hits except back then i had no idea what a neg hit was and i didn't say it with C+F, it was all to save myself from what i THOUGHT was this girl taking the p1ss, she was actually upset because i said "no"
So this can be seen in many guys, they're imagination stopping them from going for what they want. Its a lesson to be learnt my friends, a lesson that guts me to this day
The next step is eye contact. We don't hold a true gaze with the woman we find attractive because of fear. Just holding good eye contact with a woman is found arousing (on both parts). Several months ago I went to a gig with two friends + friend 1s gf and friend 2's sister. The second I met his sis who i had never met before. Handshake, winning smile and a cheeky wink and we hit it off immediately. We chat fluff, very generic small talk nothing special but all the while I hold my posture that by now is second nature to me and i held good eye contact. Just recently i went on a few dates with her but nothing too big and she told me just how turned on she was by this simple body language, nothing i said, no canned lines or C+F, she said she would have had me there and then if she could (we must remember her bro was there lol)
I am not especially attractive, I not athletic or slim but it was me being confident that did it.
But you have already heard about how its your body that does the most talking, it is so true. A man can talk about something really quite boring but if he has flair and a lively voice, open and energetic body language it can suddenly become the most enthralling thing said all night. Think about it, its all about the delivery that projects confidence. So becoming confident is NOT something learnt over night, no no, its developed, grown, nurtured like an animal.
Its also the mindset that you ARE worth something, NOBODY can take away that confidence, nothing any fuc|<er says can shake true faith and beleif in yourself. Its not fearing what SHE says or thinks about you, why do you have to change or compromise!? Not jumping hoops for a woman trying to impress her, a confident guy knows its her who should be impressing YOU.
Hope this helps guys
I have seen this word thrown around the forum alot "confidence".
Its mostly people asking how they can get it and what they can do to make themselves feel more confident.
First of all i hope you can concur that confidence isn't just found and there is no one thing that makes confidence suddenly appear in oneself. The thing about confidence is that it has to grow but once it reaches a certain level it is self sustaining.
Yes, women love confident men and I have seen people asking 'how can i ACT confident?' This is a big mistake, acting confident is much different from being and it can be sniffed out by women so easily its scary. Confidence is also more than talking the talk, it is walking the proverbial walk too, saying things that sound confident won't work when they come from a guy or girl with terribly cold and closed off body language, this is part of the "walk".
Mystery said something about Incongruence and how you have to back yourself up, remember when you get a book and it looks good at the start and it lets you down because it doesn't deliver? this is comparable to being Incongruent. So it has to be true out and out confidence you have to have to get the ladies.
I started the road of growing this confidence by reading the DJ Bible and other works on Psychology and body language and i watched myself everyday spotting just how closed I was nd being like that doesn't get you friends nevermind girlfriends. So i copied the types of body language that project confidence and applied them to myself, and yes you feel like you are a faker doing this, doing something different to how you usually act.
I read somewhere that a simple way to make you feel good is to force a smile, yes its forced, but do it anyway because it has a cumulative effect making this forced smile become a real smile. When you wake up find something to laugh about. Ofcourse you don't want to employ a goofy smile, just a comfortable relaxed smile and automatically you give off this image of being comfortable and relaxed in yourself. The first step into true confidence.
What really holds you back is that damned imagination of yours. Imagination is both our blessing and our curse. Back in secondary school there was this girl who i'll call "Michelle", she was pretty popular and i was the classic nerd who hung out with all his nerdy friends who thought girls were goddesses etc (If only i knew what i did now right)
I did think she was hot so i thought 'why would she ever like me?' this was what i conjured up in my imagination that ultimately held me back. God I was so fuc|<in stupid!!!, looking back they were the most obvious come ons ever.
I remember it well, in Science class, she said something across the table to me asking me out, i actually thought she was taking the p1ss and said something much akin to what we call neg hits except back then i had no idea what a neg hit was and i didn't say it with C+F, it was all to save myself from what i THOUGHT was this girl taking the p1ss, she was actually upset because i said "no"
So this can be seen in many guys, they're imagination stopping them from going for what they want. Its a lesson to be learnt my friends, a lesson that guts me to this day
The next step is eye contact. We don't hold a true gaze with the woman we find attractive because of fear. Just holding good eye contact with a woman is found arousing (on both parts). Several months ago I went to a gig with two friends + friend 1s gf and friend 2's sister. The second I met his sis who i had never met before. Handshake, winning smile and a cheeky wink
and we hit it off immediately. We chat fluff, very generic small talk nothing special but all the while I hold my posture that by now is second nature to me and i held good eye contact. Just recently i went on a few dates with her but nothing too big and she told me just how turned on she was by this simple body language, nothing i said, no canned lines or C+F, she said she would have had me there and then if she could (we must remember her bro was there lol)I am not especially attractive, I not athletic or slim but it was me being confident that did it.
But you have already heard about how its your body that does the most talking, it is so true. A man can talk about something really quite boring but if he has flair and a lively voice, open and energetic body language it can suddenly become the most enthralling thing said all night. Think about it, its all about the delivery that projects confidence. So becoming confident is NOT something learnt over night, no no, its developed, grown, nurtured like an animal.
Its also the mindset that you ARE worth something, NOBODY can take away that confidence, nothing any fuc|<er says can shake true faith and beleif in yourself. Its not fearing what SHE says or thinks about you, why do you have to change or compromise!? Not jumping hoops for a woman trying to impress her, a confident guy knows its her who should be impressing YOU.
Hope this helps guys