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Liar
04-02-2006, 01:50 PM
Warning: A long thread ahead!
I've been a long time (like three or more years) lurker on this site and never felt the urge to contribute, until now. I'm posting in the Tips section as I can see it as being the most appropriate a place for this thread. And I can feel it will be a long read so fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a long ride. And even though it may seem as too big a read and a waste of time I'm sure there could be useful things inside for some of you as this isn't just another of these "she looked at me, I don't know what to do" or "how do I get THIS ONE girl" threads, this board is getting filled with lately. It's a complete confession of just another struggling young western man who's trying to understand what went wrong in his life, if anything, and will try to get hold of it. So even if no one reads it (which I hope will not be the case) I will get at least some satisfaction off it as this very board and you people are the first and only ones who will get to know these things which I've been dying my whole life to tell someone but never got the balls to do so. UNTIL NOW...


The confessions of Liar

As far as I can see, I've always been a liar.


You know the saying "fake it 'till you make it"? I'm quite sure most of you have at least heard about it before, I for one have. And let me ask you something. Do you think it really works? Do you think you can tell lies to everyone for as long a time as you wish? Can you make yourself a wonderful diamond in the eyes of people who think that know you while in fact being nothing more than just a piece of dirt? Do you honestly (what a fitting word) think you can convince anyone about anything you want?
Let me give you a straight answer, HELL YES!!!
Now, if you think "cool, I can go and tell lies to get whatever I actually want and if I'm good at it the success won't take long to come" I must let you down. I lied to you (what a surprise) when I told you you can convince everyone. In fact, there will always be one person to know the truth and worse, someone who will always remind you of it,... YOU! Now if you think "What the hell? Of course I will know the truth but where's the trouble?", let me ask you this, Are you sure you are strong enough to take the truth alone while everyone else around you 'knows' only the lies?! You may be a strong one and take it for a long, long time but in the end I'll bet my soul it will break your neck. It sure as hell did break mine.
Let me tell you a bit about myself. As far as I can see, I've always been a liar. I've always been that what many people call 'a loser' as well. Or at least in my eyes I've seen myself as one. Yes, as you can probably bet, I come from a disfunctional family, I won't go into details here as it's as boring as it is painful for me but I can tell you I've been suffering what many young men suffer nowadays, a lack of a proper male-role model. I've been brought up by a woman who is definitely a great person but had no idea what a young boy/man needed. And let me tell you, my childhood was a living hell. Of course I could have been born in Africa and die at the age of five from AIDS or something which is definitely much, much worse a fate but in my eyes I've been (and probably still am) suffering a great deal as well. As my parents left me, my grandma took their place and tried to give me the best she had. And she thought she'd done a great job. Boy, was she wrong. Of course it is not her fault she didn't know what a young boy needed but you know how it goes when one gets too overprotective of their child. I wasn't allowed practically anything. I had to always be "a good pupil" and sometimes I even thought I was being brought up as a girl. Maybe I wasn't too far from truth. And let me tell you one think, instead of loving that wonderful person who tried her best to give 'her' child the perfect life, what do you think, I hated her. And if you think it's too strong a word, I'd say the opposite. The word can't describe what I actually felt towards her and even when adult and 'should be mature' I sometimes caught myself trying to hurt her. No, not physically (even though there were times I actually wished she died) but words can do wonders (and not always in a good way) to a human soul. But why, you may ask? Don't ask me, to this very day I have no idea why I felt and sometimes still feel this way. But a few years back I've actually heard about a young boy who robbed and stabbed his own mother like 30 times just to run away with her money and get himself a bike or something. Most of the people who hear such a thing will go "Oh my god, he can't be a human, he's a monster and should be dealt with that way!" But not me. Boy, I undrestood that poor soul to the last bit of his actions. His mother was a Satan's incarnation. Actually she was some religious freak who didn't let her child do basically anything. He wasn't allowed to go out, have friends, buy his own bike... He was like an animal held in it's small, dirty cage somewhere in a forgotten suburb zoo. And what does an animal do when in trouble with no way out? It attacks!
But what does this case have in common with mine? I did stab no one even though I wished to do so many times! I did not run away even though I sometimes tried to. I stayed... And I lied. To whom did I lie? To everyone and mostly to myself. But why did I lie? And how?
Before I went to school I had no life. No friends. No social knowledge. No nothing. I was well prepared for school, yes. Smart, probably. But definitely not ready for other kids. I was as some could say, socialy crippled. So when I came to school it was a whole new world for me and I started to learn how to live in that big cruel world. And I wasn't doing that bad I guess but then something happened. I had an accident. I got kinda badly wounded and for a year I had to stay at home and get cured. Then I was sent to another school. 'A better school'. Yeah, it was a better school but the kids there, that is a whole different story. They were what I would call 'monsters', at least from my point of view at the time. And the fact I got very fat, was always wearing clothes no kid in the world ever wore, with a haircut of a sweet little girl, you can draw conclusions yourselves. I never had any friends, no one cared about that wierd fat kid sitting at the very back of the class. No wait. They cared, they laughed at me. Big deal I know, most children get through this stage at one time or another but not me. I said to myself, "What the hell, they don't like this person, I don't like this person, no one likes this person, I'll make up someone whom everyone will like". And so I did. I started talking about things I've 'done', telling things which were sometimes unbelieveable but everyone seemed to believe me and actually enjoy it, and what's worse, I myself started to believe in the things I've been saying, but not doing...
Ok, anyway, you think most of people sometimes exaggerate to make themselves seem better in the eyes of others? Yeah probably. But this was a bit different. I had no life, I had lies. Then once again I had to change schools. I thought I'd start from a scratch, get new life, stop lying, but I couldn't. Of course I had to make up new stories and things about me but that was no problem. I was used to it, I could even go as far as to say I was good at it. I would probably make a great actor or politician for that matter...
Oh well, to make it shorter, I graduated, after some struggle got myself a job, got fired, got another job, got fired... You get the picture. I wasn't really happy but I wasn't really sad, I had 'friends' after all! But did they have the friend they thought they had?! Like three years ago I found this site, read the whole monster probably more than once and thought to myself, "That's it!" That's how I'll go on. I'll improve myself! But did I really do so or did I just add on more fake 'me'?

From time to time I hit the gym. No longer fat but kinda skinny. Unfortunately, after a rare disease I was left kinda badly scarred but what the hell I thought to myself, looks don't matter that much when you're a cool person, right? Got myself some 'style' and invented more lies to 'back it up'. From now on I was the cool bad boy giving no **** about anything. And let me tell you something. People always love that image. I got people calling me 'The Legend'. I got people telling me "they wished they were like me"! I got people trying to be like me. I no longer cared what I was saying. I perfected my lies and went as far as to write them down so I wouldn't forget them. Almost each time I was to talk to someone, in my mind I prepared what I would tell them. How pathetic is this? Well, actually with a lifestyle like that you can't just lie all the time, you also have to show the people you are someone they think you are. No problem here. I started living the way I was lying. And this may be the only thing I don't regret that much. For the first time I could say I had somewhat a social life.

Liar
04-02-2006, 01:51 PM
But is something like that possible to keep forever? I guess it is, if you can handle it and if it makes you happy. And here's the main problem. It slowly started to bug me off...
Everyone thought I had no problems with meeting new people, I had dozens of 'imaginary friends' here, there, everywhere, yet most of the time I was still kinda worried when I was to meet new 'friends' on my own. But I could probably have done so if I ever went anywhere on my own, which most of the time I didn't. Sometimes, when invited to a party I went as far as to say I was already going to another party with my other friends, yet I was thenafter sitting home watching TV. Why? I have no idea. Not to look needy, I guess.
Everyone thought I had a great job, earning solid money, doing a good work on my part, no problems. The truth? I couldn't keep up, hated the job, hated the boss, low to no earnings, then fired. Why? Not my fault, of course. "The company was not that good after all..."
And finally, the thing that probably bugged me the most. Everyone thought I was good with women. Hell, I gave advice to my not so skilled friends about everything. Of course I had no idea. Well, I probably had, after all I read everything on the DJ board, right? I had women chasing me here, there, up, under. I was the womanizer... Or was I? One poor guy, a very good friend of mine told me, he was sad he was still a virgin and admitted to had envied me of my large successes with women. He talked about a girl he had fallen for. I kinda laughed at him and started giving him all the advice I read here. But he's a lost case or so I thought and so I quit trying to 'help' him and just kept on with my stories about girls I've just laid. But did I? Let me tell you this, I'm a well-over 20yo virgin. I could have probably kept the stories coming, so what has happened? I don't really know, too many things had happened in a very short time but the thing that probably made me wanna change everything is,... yes, as the old saying goes "look for a woman behind everything". I've fallen for a long time female friend of mine. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not a total loser around women, something you people here call AFC, or at least I don't see myself as one. I may be wrong though, what do I know. I have never even kissed a woman, if we don't count the 'birthday kisses' and that ****. But in my mind I've always blamed it on my looks. Was I right? Partially, maybe, but mostly it was probably due to the fact I was afraid. Yes, this is the first time I've admitted it, even to myself. I was and probably still am afraid of women. I could talk to them, make them laugh, become friends with them but then when I felt it could have lead somewhere *boom* the voice in my head started reminding me of my other side. I could have heard it screaming at me "liar, liar, LIAR!!!" I was trapped. Even if I ever got so close with a woman I couldn't have gone on. She would have found out! And then, everyone would know. I couldn't have anyone know... How could have I looked them in the eyes if they knew?! All the years, all the lies! Lies, lies, lies...
And then... I hit the very bottom. One more step and I would have probably fallen dead. Yes, for the first time in my life I was actually considering a suicide. No, not in that sence when you think "what would happen if...", I was really thinking of just going and ending it. But then something happened. I heard a voice in my head I thought had been gone for a long time. My real self. Under all the lies, all the faking, all the imaginary people and stories, there stood this little helpless child left in school with everyone kicking him, with his own father leaving him to rot down the sewer of lies and laughing at him struggling all the years...
But don't get mistaken. He is a strong one. And he had enough!
Unfortunately, the 'web of the lies' was too strong and the 'spider' guarding it wouldn't have given up so the best possible way was to simply let go and leave. Yes, that's exactly what I did. I left everything behind, my house, my job, my friends, the girl I loved... everything. Just like that...
I told everyone I was going out of the town to solve some personal problems and will be looking forward to meeting them again. Hopefully, this being my last lie forever!!!

So, now what, you think? That's all? Just leave and nothing more? Yes and no.
Yes, I just left. I won't be going back and hopefully I'll never meet with any of the people I left behind however cruel it may sound. Don't get me wrong. I love them. They are cool people, they loved me too and I will miss them but I just can't look them in the eyes anymore. And I'm still not able to tell them the truth and am afraid will never be. You have no idea what it is like when you're lying your whole life and then should tell everyone the truth. I just can't! And that's it, call me coward if you will.
And no, that's far from 'nothing more'! One of the reasons I'm writing this here, besides the fact I want everyone to take at least a bit from it to their heart and avoid the mistakes I've made, I also want this to be some kind of a journal if you wish. As I'm left with no friends, basically no one I can talk to about anything, especially something like that and most of all someone who would keep an eye on me while trying to improve myself, I'll be using this site as this 'all seeing eye' above my actions. And I'm willing to undergo a radical change. But I'll probably be opening a new topic for that as it doesn't kinda fit in here.

Anyway, conclusion? You see, the biggest mistake I had made at the very beginning was trying to make up and fake someone everyone would like instead of trying to actually become that very person but not to appeal to the others. To appeal to my own self, to improve...
However corny it may sound, you should always be honest. If not with anyone else then at least with yourself. But best, of course, is being honest with everyone, be it your friend, foe or someone you've just met. Don't exaggerate just to look 'better' in the eyes of others. Be humble and know your limits. This is coming from someone who has always laughed at these words but believe me, there's nothing to laugh about when you're standing above your grave with one foot almost in. I'm not saying you should be stupid and tell everyone everything, just don't lie to people who deserve your honesty. And most of all, don't lie to yourself, ever! You can admit your weaknesses. Everyone has some. No one is perfect and those who claim to be are the very opposite. It's legal to be a loser!

The goal should be becoming the very best person you actually can and to do it for yourself and yourself only. Screw what others think of you! No matter how many friends you have or how many people like you, be it sincerely or not, there will come a moment in everyone's life when there's only one person by their side, their very own self. Yes, we all will be dying alone. (Unless you of course believe in a god of any sort but that's another story...) So you better get used to being alone and loving that wonderfull person you are. Or do you want to be dying with someone you hate by your very side...?!

t_champ
04-03-2006, 05:24 AM
Wow man, You seem to be on the right track now, with the attitiude you have now I have no doubt that you will get to where you want to be. Its a good idea to keep that post as a journal for yourself, that way you can read every now and then to keep that attitude alive. I think a lot of people on this site have a lot to learn from this post, only downfall is that it's ****en long lol. Keep up the good work.

cheers!

Liar
04-09-2006, 09:42 AM
Thank you for your kind words!
I've just made the journal, set my goals and am officially on my way for a better life. If interested, you can follow my progress in that thread (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=97796)!
Thanks!

Toushi
04-09-2006, 10:34 AM
Awesome, man. You striked me with this post. You had to very brave to start a whole new life from scratch.

Good luck. I'll follow your progress in the other thread.