Online dating requires not only a great pics and great profile...
you gotta start with somehting to talk about.
In my opinion the first letter is quite important: should be casual as much as possible, or more ****y?

Here is a letter I used:
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Your profile caught my eye with the way you expressed yourself and your travelling hobby. Sounds interesting, what places you visited and liked? I would love to hear more about it.

Take care,

Is it too plain.. too casul and too AFC? Please, comment how bad\good is it.




To come up with somthign c&f is much harder...
for example this may be a little bit more funnier, though still not ****y:

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May I assume that you are a woman with adventurous sense of humor along with playful openness of intelligence? I'd love to talk to somebody like that. Hi, I am Al!

Any comments? Should I write in ****y style as muc as possible?
What did you guys write - please share some experience and _letters_.

If you go too AFC with the E-mail, it's going to get lost in the fray with all the other E-mails she gets (don't forget--women get HUNDREDS of E-mails from random guys whenever they join an online dating service.)

So, make your 'subject line' stand out. Use a teaser that makes her want to read the actual E-mail (even something basic like, "I HAVE to ask you...")

The mystery of a subject line like that will at least get a woman to OPEN your E-mail, which is half the battle.

I'd DEFINITELY use a nice dose of C/F in your first letter. Again--YOU NEED TO STAND OUT. Get her attention. If she doesn't realize you're joking, she's probably one of those chicks who has "Looking For Prince Charming" in her profile headline.

I just started doing the online dating thing a few months ago, so let me share my experience with the first email.

I use two approaches.

1. "Secrete Admirer" heading and a form letter that I modify by inserting some text after researching each women's profile for something unique and interesting. This approach works but tends to feel a little wimpy. There's no secretes in internet dating. I need to change this up a bit as I've seen less response lately than before when I first started using it.

2. "I like your smile" heading and a simple message that says I just wanted them to know. This is really just a wink with a few words attached.

I have dated about a dozen women over 8 weeks and about half of the women I approached and the other half approached me. A pretty nice head shot with a good smile is a plus. Don't show a bare chest unless you want to limit yourself to just very superficial women (which might not be bad as long as they are HOT). Every woman I've talked to mentions that they laugh these profiles off as hilarious and share them with friends to bust on them. No need to be humiliated in the process.

check your spelling and grammar. damn people are sloppy, it says something about you.

as far as replies go, let's face it--you know nothing about this person.

i stay away from all the chumpish stuff that she gets flooded with, such as:

--you seem interesting
--your profile caught my eye
--i would like to get to know you
--yo yo yo wassup baby, here's my phone number, lol

i just say something like...

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caught your profile...you mentioned some of the same things that i did...check out mine. if you're interested get back to me and we can chat about the XYZ that you seem to enjoy.

have a great day!

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repeat 500 times.

it's a fact, you can't spend time sending out scores of highly personalized, lengthy, responses. esp since she's going to judge you largely on your pic, your education, your job/career--which is perfectly fine as far as i'm concerned--i do the same thing.

Post a link to the profile and I'll point out what may work in replying to it. I've never provided this level of help before but I hope that it will make things a bit easier for the guys willing to practice their DJ skills online.

here's a profile that i post...it works well. i tweak it here and there depending on the site.

cross-posted from ogre's dating post.

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HEY, I KAN SPEL REELY GOOD TWO (PIC)

A Little Something About Me:
Let me see...I skip past the Safety & Warning pages in the instruction manuals. B O R I N G!!! I swim after I eat. I'm pretty sure I have a bunch of outstanding library fines. I run with scissors. I blaze my own trails, for I am a rebel. I ride at dawn.

I've built a nice consulting company--strategic finance, business advisory, and supercalifragilistic investment analytics. I teach business and corporate finance, MBA types, at a really big university. I have a lot of responsibilities, but I leave them at the doorstep whence I come home.

I do what I love and love what I do. Life is great, please don't drive my boner into the ground. Dig?

I joke around way too much sometimes and I'm quite a charming, easy going man, but with a sharp edge, and a keen sense of The Way. I wouldn't be where I'm at if I wasn't. Double-Dig, Grasshoppa?


The Rapid-Fire 20 FAQs You Want To Ask...
Q's: A Scam Artist? A Cheater? A D!ck? Debts? IRS Liens? Garnishments? Bad credit? Criminal record? DUI(s)? Institutionalized? Bi-Polar? Other mental issue(s)? Violent tendencies? Alcoholic? Drug Addict? Otherwise medicated? STD(s)? Psycho ex-girlfriends? Dangerous enemies? Is there a frozen head in your freezer?

A's: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

I kan spel reelly good two, n kan formalate semi-conplex thoughs. I know how to treat a lady, in the bed and in the head. No wife, ex-wife, or kids that I know of.


A Little Something About You:
A FUN TWENTY SOMETHING gurly gurl who is smart, independent, charming, enthusiastic, secure, IN SHAPE...an extra few is okay, but if you don't care about your body, why should I? Good question, huh?

To Be Cont...you know the drill.

Don't be shy. Peace & Love.

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like i said, it works, and it's perfectly congruent with who i actually am, which is very very important as there are far too many lying a-holes online.

pretending to be someone you're not is probably the biggest pet peeve that women face in the online dating arena. offline too!

There is a huge post on online dating in the archive forum. Check that post first there is a ton of online dating information there.

There should be an online dating post in this (mature man) forum also. Use the search feature.

Your response is too stiff and plain. The best way to reply to a personal ad is to try and find something special or unique about her or her profile. When you send a response letter include this info in the letter.

I've built a nice consulting company--strategic finance, business advisory, and supercalifragilistic investment analytics.

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I am just thinking out loud: your profile is attractive for women, no doubts, but what is it that attractive? You know that - money,
I am not sure chicks digs "rebel" style that much.. but a rebel with money\job is somebody every chick would consider dating.

Just for a change, if you got some time to kill: delete that paragraph about your job and associations with finances. Post that new profile and you will be really surprised on how many responses it would attract.

Anyway, the best idea as we all know to come up with really funny and quite ****y profile without any kind of other props.
Maybe I am wrong, but even if I have a company, I would not talk about it: it would attarct some women with golddigger tendencies....

The first letter: Basically you said "Check out my profile". Hm. I guess quite a lot of guys do that: it is a one liner... it may work, though it shows " a guy didn't put much effort... should I respond?" to most women. Not sure if you wanted to convey that message.

Originally posted by al77
I am just thinking out loud: your profile is attractive for women, no doubts, but what is it that attractive? You know that - money,
I am not sure chicks digs "rebel" style that much.. but a rebel with money\job is somebody every chick would consider dating.

Just for a change, if you got some time to kill: delete that paragraph about your job and associations with finances. Post that new profile and you will be really surprised on how many responses it would attract.

Anyway, the best idea as we all know to come up with really funny and quite ****y profile without any kind of other props.
Maybe I am wrong, but even if I have a company, I would not talk about it: it would attarct some women with golddigger tendencies....

The first letter: Basically you said "Check out my profile". Hm. I guess quite a lot of guys do that: it is a one liner... it may work, though it shows " a guy didn't put much effort... should I respond?" to most women. Not sure if you wanted to convey that message.

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i've taken some time off recently, and have been poking around the online space. this is what's working for me, that's all i can say. again, the important thing is to be consistent with everything you do.

the first letter: that's exactly the message that i want to convey...that i didn't put much effort into it. hey, i don't know her from adam (eve) and i damn sure aint gonna spend a ton of my time on the first letter. if she has a problem with this, or nixes me because of it, it's highly likely that i would not want to meet her anyway.

and besides, i don't have the time to write a bunch of long personalized letters. i think that most of the chicks will realize this, if they read my profile. i really DO have better things to do, so it separates me from the rest, esp in light of the fact that it's consistent with the contents of my profile (e.g. what i do for a living).

btw, i was at odds about putting what i do for a living in there, for the reasons you mentioned, and others.

i have already tried a variety of ads, including not mentioning what i do. i get less responses, and those that i do get are from ones that are less like what i am looking for. with this ad, i get higher quantity, and higher quality.

it's a fact, chicks want a guy who's smart, successful, good humored, good looking, and has a bit of an edge. a lot of what i said in the personal was tongue in cheek, including the "rebel" part. but it's true! i DO HAVE some outstanding library fines!

but a rebel, who has his shiat together across the board...yeah they would consider dating such a person. sue me, lol. it's taken me 15 years to get there.

i get a lot of responses from women who simply say, "i loved your profile...very well written...kudos". i also get a lot of angry responses from mid-thirties women who call me a bastard who's looking for a bimbo. some are funny as hell.

as far as the gold digger factor, i'll worry about that later. it's easy to screen these types. and a chick that wants a successful guy isn't necessarily a gold digger--she wants someone who has the drive, b@lls, etc, to get to that point.

also, i have a killer, artistic style black and white, half face pic of myself, that i get tons of compliments on. break out that digital camera, take hundreds of them of your face, and pick out the best one.

hey al77--i replied to your PM but your box was full. same info here though. thanks.

reply to hot-azz mexican chick. successful too! yummy.

she mentioned, and had a pic of, her little dog (mutt) "bruno". a little terrier. she said, 'you have to like bruno'.

my first letter...

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hey there...
bruno seems fairly cool. is he an ankle biter or a leg humper? i need to know if i should get some duct tape for my ankles or a condom for his little pecker, lol.

my name

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she got back to me, told me he was more of the leg humper type, and i knew then she could be cool. we flipped some emails (funny azz ones) back and forth, we went out and had a great time. we're going out here and there.

i called her a beaner several times, lol. she was digging it.

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick

the first letter: that's exactly the message that i want to convey...that i didn't put much effort into it. hey, i don't know her from adam (eve) and i damn sure aint gonna spend a ton of my time on the first letter.

i have already tried a variety of ads, including not mentioning what i do. i get less responses, and those that i do get are from ones that are less like what i am looking for. with this ad, i get higher quantity, and higher quality.

as far as the gold digger factor, i'll worry about that later. it's easy to screen these types.
hey al77--i replied to your PM but your box was full. same info here though. thanks.

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Ok, point taken. Lets imgaine what a short email "check my profile out" will make a girl think. Probably "Hey, he has emailed tons of girls......" but ok, next she looks at your "rebel" style...
"Oh, he is such a "bad" boy kinda guy.....".
The thing is many many women would immediately conclude "a player!". Some women like that... so sure you can get enough responses and lots of quality if you say quality is about looks.
But at the same time she will think "a player"... if it is ok with you, well, that it is fine. I figured out if she thinks "he is a player", she is not going to stick aorund for long.

Filtering gold diggers: agree, it is easy. But. For example I had some responses, quite a lot of them... and 99.9% were just not interesting (could hold a convo or her looks were not my type).
It is cool to get many responses, but eventually I got tired of filtering them by myself, I do not want to receiver emails from somebody I cannot even talk to or cannot look at. See what I mean? Same with golddiggers: it is cool get their attention all right, usually they are hot. But, eventualy you will get tired of them anyway unless it is fine with you: to go out with them 1-2 times, pay a lot and have fun.
It depends on what you look for.

Judos to you about the letter to the mexican... very c&f, except "condom" thing. I think it is too much reference to sex.
Usually most women would get scared. The mexican probably was very gutsy.

Originally posted by al77
Ok, point taken. Lets imgaine what a short email "check my profile out" will make a girl think. Probably "Hey, he has emailed tons of girls......" but ok, next she looks at your "rebel" style...
"Oh, he is such a "bad" boy kinda guy.....".

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not necessarily. again, when they check my profile and see what i do, they see that i'm the right combo of "rebel" (i'm not a rebel! i have a sharp edge though) and "professional". consistency is the key.

The thing is many many women would immediately conclude "a player!". Some women like that... so sure you can get enough responses and lots of quality if you say quality is about looks.
But at the same time she will think "a player"... if it is ok with you, well, that it is fine. I figured out if she thinks "he is a player", she is not going to stick aorund for long.

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again, not necessarily. actually, not at all! DJ yes, player, no. but if a woman immediately concludes that i'm a player, then i really don't want to hear from her anyway--she's insecure.

Filtering gold diggers: agree, it is easy. ...

I do not want to receiver emails from somebody I cannot even talk to or cannot look at. See what I mean? Same with golddiggers: it is cool get their attention all right, usually they are hot. But, eventualy you will get tired of them anyway unless it is fine with you: to go out with them 1-2 times, pay a lot and have fun.
It depends on what you look for.

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i wouldn't waste any time on the gold digging types. next, asap. it's not cool to get their attention! you know it...they're a waste of time.

i also prefer to turn the convo over to IM asap. i want to see if they can actually engage in a convo, BEFORE i go out with them. also i want to see if they can spell!!! that's a criteria of mine. if she can't string two sentences together, forget her.

IM is like having two or three mini-dates. you can catch/create a good vibe if you know how to convo on IM. women also prefer this, i've found, for the exact same reason--to filter YOU.

Judos to you about the letter to the mexican... very c&f, except "condom" thing. I think it is too much reference to sex.
Usually most women would get scared. The mexican probably was very gutsy.

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i turn up the heat on the sexual innuendo asap as another filtering strategy. a chick that is sensitive to this, is probably trouble, ice cold, with no sense of humor. WATCH OUT, however. you have to know how to do this, without coming off as a creepy pervert. DON'T DO THIS, ogre, lol. not yet, anyways.

i take risks with women. educated and calculated risks. this is also consistent with who i am. they appreciate it, because you are indirectly saying, "i will jeapordize 'da pvssy". it's also consistent with how/why i've gotten to the point, professionally, where i'm at. the chicks that i'm looking for, know this!

Catchy headline, "pull on pigtails"

What gets almost 100% return emails when I've had a go at the online thing is a catchy, provocative subject line, somehow related to the content of her profile, and a brief email that conveys the idea: "your profile looks interesting enough to investigate further," while playfully teasing her a bit. "Pulling on the pigtails," so to speak.

Bad boy beats nice guy 99% of the time. Different beats mudane, provided you don't come off as nerdy or insane. The worst thing one can do is blend in with the other 1000s of emails.

You can also initiate discussion of something in her profile you can relate to, without explicitly saying so. Show, don't tell.

However, I've not been very good at continuing the dialogue and actually getting dates after the 1st email exchange, so I've been out of the online thing for a while. Seems a lot of gals want to go on emailing forever. My phone game's wildly inconsistent, too.

Your profile's pretty good, TooColdUlrick. I agree totally with you about sexuality. A lot of gals online are blue balls waiting to happen, so may as well weed them out ASAFP.

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick


DJ yes, player, no. but if a woman immediately concludes that i'm a player, then i really don't want to hear from her anyway--she's insecure.

i turn up the heat on the sexual innuendo asap as another filtering strategy. a chick that is sensitive to this, is probably trouble, ice cold, with no sense of humor.

[/B]

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Well... I dont think women have that category for us guys: DJ.
Either player.. or not. Mostly likely somewhere in teh middle... anyway, you are right in the sense you know what you want and how to get it.
THough look at it from other perspectve: you want somebody who warms up quickly, i.e is hot (not ice cold) with good sense of humor. Sure, you can find plenty of them, the question is...you think those hot chicks with awesome sense of humor, would immmediately forget about other guys? My point is: if a woman is very good with guys... she is not gonna stop and be with just one of them. These women are trouble in some ways too.

If she's scared of sexual innuendos in teh first email, well.. it is a normal reaction for majority of women. I personaly would be scared too if a girl would right me somehting like that in the first email...."is she ho or what?"

Anyway it all depends on your goal... if you want to get a prize girl: the best chick.. hot, with a sense of humor, you will get her.
The thing is how long you want to be with her.

PM box open again

Just a note, al77. "Inbox full" is a deceptive term: should be "mailbox full," because sent messages also count.

Delete some sent messages if your "inbox" is full.

The first rule when it comes to internet dating is:

THE PICTURE IS 99.9% OF YOUR PROFILE.


If you have bad pics or look like crap, it doesnt matter what you say because nobody wants to look at you.

Heck, if you have really good pictures, don't even write anything and I assure you that you'll end up with plenty of advances.

Heck, do you guys ever read a girl's profile? Would an interesting profile make up for an ugly girl? No.

Originally posted by Luveno
THE PICTURE IS 99.9% OF YOUR PROFILE.

Heck, do you guys ever read a girl's profile? Would an interesting profile make up for an ugly girl? No.

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I guess I have a pic which is too good, though still it doesn't bring me tons of responses from HB: i have to actually contact them.

The profile is important too: if she says somehting like "all american girl... who love to party... and just have fun"... well,
that profile smells ONS even if she has a super hot pic. I mean you dont wanna deal with some silly girls, they might be good for ONS, but anything else is questionable.