In general, being honest seems to be a quality. However, being TOO honest can sometimes lead to unpleasant situations, which in turn can lead to losing an interesting girl that you might have been pursuing.

For example, a girl tests you: "So, if some other girl was your girlfriend instead of me right now, would u love her more than u love me?"

If you're very honest, you might tell her that u cannot know, but it could hypothetically be the case, if you had more things in common with that other girl...or something like that.

Consequence, your gf is upset and may think u dont love her that much and what not...So your honesty worked against you.

There are many more examples where being too honest can hurt a relationship or can sabotage a relationship that could otherwise materialize. (Anyone has examples?)

So, i wonder, can we be totally honest when talking with women and still stand a chance?
Or must we lie (or skillfully hide/deform the truth) in order to avoid catastrophy?

Dude, have you seen the movie "Out to Sea" with jack Lemon and that other guy( the guy who plays Mr. Wilson in Denise the menace? That movie illustrates what happens when you don't keep it real with women. The answer to your example would be, "maybe, it depends." or something wittier than that. But try to be tactful, and not brutally honest whenever giving constructive criticism to a girl.

Originally posted by flyinshark
"So, if some other girl was your girlfriend instead of me right now, would u love her more than u love me?"

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Hahahaha wtf? Have you ever actually been asked that question? I'd question the sanity of any girl who asked that.

I'd probably act totally lost the first time she asked it (hell, I was lost the first time I read it), and then when I understood, I'd say "I probably wouldn't know you, just as I don't know that "other girl" right now... so I'll let you answer that one"

I'd turn to her and say "What sort of question is that?," then walk off ...

Generally, guys can't be honest with a girl and still stand a chance. Unless of course you've been with the girl for years.

Skillfully hiding or deforming the truth is still being dishonest. Saying "I have no comment" could be construed as being honest. But girls would get pissed off anyway with such a response.

The one thing most girls don't understand is the fact that all guys are capable of hurting them. They might say they know this, but each time they get together with a guy, they expect him not to. It is this expectation that makes them avoid those that are honest and seek those that are able to comfort them with sweet words of commitment and loyalty. What they fail to understand is that it is better to hope that your guy won't hurt you than to expect him not to.

Saying to your girl that you might sleep with some hot chick you met in a bar does not mean that you're actually going to do it. But the fear that you might is too much for girls to handle.

I don't think that if you would to explain it to them as mentioned, that they will be able to accept it. Time and time again they will fall for the guy with the sweetest talk. Time and time again they will get hurt because of their expectations that men can be faithful no matter what.

I get this type of sh!t on a regular basis.

HER: So, if some other girl was your girlfriend instead of me right now, would u love her more than u love me?

ME: Who said I loved you?

HER: (hitting me or giving me the look)

ME: Awww...I'm just playin baby. You know that all other women are hideous in the light of your flawless beauty.

Sometimes this is enough and they buy right into the BS. Other times they think I am being sarcastic so we end up wrestling, which leads to the tickling, which leads to naughty behavior, which leads to spanking!

Either way they always come around. They eat this push/pull game like it was chocolate-flavored crack.

Originally posted by CrotchSniffer
ME: Awww...I'm just playin baby. You know that all other women are hideous in the light of your flawless beauty.[/B]

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Awww...

Flawless beauty? Damn dude. What planet are you form?


Ok. Dishonesty is a trait of the desperate.If you had a choide: Lie hideously and get laid... or be honest and don't get laid. Which one would you take?

Remember. Lies always backfire. Especially the big ones. Say you actually liked this girl and wanetd to see her again, you'd have to keep on lying. How many of you could live like that?

Remember. Lies always backfire.

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Not true. We lie all the time because people aren't predisposed to accepted the cold hard truth that if we are being brutally honest, we're looking after number 1 here and everyone else takes a back seat.

There's a difference between fabricating a story persona to dupe or mislead somebody, and flattering somebodies ego.

I've never had a hang up about telling someone I love them if they expect to hear it. But then I love my mum too, and a few of my guy friends, so what does it mean?

As already mentioned, a question like the original poster stated wouldn't deserve an answer. Any chick who asked you that would be off her nut (i.e. crazy), and I'd tell her so.

Next, you *can* be perfectly honest with your girl. Why would you lie? To make her happy? She asked the question, she got an answer. Who cares if she gets upset? Boo-fvcking-hoo.

DO NOT change what you say to make a girl happy. She is then controlling you. Is this what you want? Walking on eggshells? Sounds like loads of fun. Hell I want to be obsessing over if I said the right thing all the time too.

Do not let them control you guys.

- HV

Honesty is overrated

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
Honesty is overrated

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I wholeheartedly agree. How many people actually appreciate people who label themselves as "brutally honest?" Personally I have yet to come across one of those people who has any idea what 'tact' means.

However, I do believe that kindness will get you a lot further with much less pain or repercussions. Just something to consider.

Dude, have you seen the movie "Out to Sea" with jack Lemon and that other guy( the guy who plays Mr. Wilson in Denise the menace? That movie illustrates what happens when you don't keep it real with women.

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No, i haven't. I'm tempted to ask what happens in that movie, although the answer is predictible. Feel free to share though, if u wanna.

Now, on reply to the guys who commented on that example i gave, i wanna say that this thread isn't about that particular example and what one should answer in that situation. I just felt like making the post a bit more interesting by adding an example.

And yeah, a girl did ask me that question about 2 years ago. It's a ridiculous question too, i find. I believe her goal was to force me to compliment her, although most guys won't get this and will attempt some logical answer to the question, which is not what she wants. Screw her anyway, cuz that's not a way to ask for a compliment.

JonJack:

The one thing most girls don't understand is the fact that all guys are capable of hurting them. They might say they know this, but each time they get together with a guy, they expect him not to. It is this expectation that makes them avoid those that are honest and seek those that are able to comfort them with sweet words of commitment and loyalty. What they fail to understand is that it is better to hope that your guy won't hurt you than to expect him not to.

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I think u're right. Poor women. Seen in this light, those women that think like that seem really insecure and vulnerable. Which makes me think, why are some guys so shy with girls anyway? I mean, if they saw girls as insecure and vulnerable beings, they should maybe feel compassion or superiority in front of them, and not fear or nervousness.


Keeper:

Ok. Dishonesty is a trait of the desperate.If you had a choide: Lie hideously and get laid... or be honest and don't get laid. Which one would you take?

Remember. Lies always backfire. Especially the big ones. Say you actually liked this girl and wanetd to see her again, you'd have to keep on lying. How many of you could live like that?

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So, do others agree with the 1st sentence? Being honest means u won't get laid? I doubt that, but i do think that it can hurt your chances sometimes.

Lies always backfire...not always, but i generally agree with u. I personally avoid lying as the pest, because if u lie, then u always have to remember your lie in order to not contradict yourself in the future and get caught. Life is so much simpler and stress free if u keep things honest. But then comes in the problem that girls get hurt by honesty in certain situations, and that can hurt you, the honest guy...

Next, you *can* be perfectly honest with your girl. Why would you lie? To make her happy? She asked the question, she got an answer. Who cares if she gets upset? Boo-fvcking-hoo.

DO NOT change what you say to make a girl happy. She is then controlling you. Is this what you want? Walking on eggshells? Sounds like loads of fun. Hell I want to be obsessing over if I said the right thing all the time too.

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I agree with u in that we shouldn't change for a girl and that "Boo-fvcking-hoo" if she gets upset. However, girls will always become more or less upset following a brutally honest comment, so they wont change either. Now, if we wanna get laid, or have a relationship with a chick, maybe we can learn how to say things to them in a different way.

Maybe there's a way to still remain honest but not really say what u feel like saying... I guess being tactful and complimenting her while changing the subject or chanelling the subject on her can be an option. But i'm not an expert, so that's why i'd appreciate more feedback on how to talk with girls.

To be honest or not to be honest? Or better, how to be something in between, while still remaining honest?

Originally posted by flyinshark
For example, a girl tests you: "So, if some other girl was your girlfriend instead of me right now, would u love her more than u love me?"

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ofcorse answering that question would be wery stupid, but....

I would reply with a simple: "YES" and a big smile on my face. and then I wold eather slap on on her or say. "most other gurls would do loundry for me but since you don't...."

See where im going with this. there is a time to be honest and a opurtunity to make fun of her for asking such a dumb ass question.

Fransisco, tact is a sense of what is the right thing to do or say without causing anger or hurt feelings; skill in dealing with people.

It is called using the dictionary.

Originally posted by wavejams007
Fransisco, tact is a sense of what is the right thing to do or say without causing anger or hurt feelings; skill in dealing with people.

It is called using the dictionary.

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WTF Does your mom know that you're in here? Maybe you should go back to the childrens table...

Originally posted by wavejams007
Fransisco, tact is a sense of what is the right thing to do or say without causing anger or hurt feelings; skill in dealing with people.

It is called using the dictionary.

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Dude, your comment about using a dictionary is completely unjustified. I am however open to hearing your explanation of what was wrong with Francisco's use of the word "tact".

Personally I have yet to come across one of those people who has any idea what 'tact' means.

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Fransisco, tact is a sense of what is the right thing to do or say without causing anger or hurt feelings; skill in dealing with people.

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They're just messing with each other.

Which makes me think, why are some guys so shy with girls anyway? I mean, if they saw girls as insecure and vulnerable beings, they should maybe feel compassion or superiority in front of them, and not fear or nervousness.

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Well, when you're approaching a girl, you tend not to think about all their insecurities and vulnerabilities cause you don't know them that well yet. That is why we all tend to be more relaxed and comfortable with people we've known for quite a while.

clarification

flyinshark,

I'd like to add that I do not support *brutal* honesty, but only honesty in general. I see no need to purposely phrase something to inflict as much emotional damage as possible, as an individual displaying 'brutal' honesty would.

However, it is important to realize that we will say things that will upset chicks... and that this is okay. If our intent is not malice then its all good. Its not our job to keep them happy.

- HV

Originally posted by flyinshark
Dude, your comment about using a dictionary is completely unjustified. I am however open to hearing your explanation of what was wrong with Francisco's use of the word "tact".

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Yeah, like flyinshark said!!! :woo: