AlwaysExcel
Senior Don Juan
Damn, ya’ll got me in a KJing frenzy! ;-) Wyldfire’s Successful Man thread was getting long and messy. In that thread I realized that we all agreed that confidence was key. I want to talk more about confidence here and better explain my views on seduction.
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Confidence is a belief in your own value. As result, people try to increase their confidence by increasing their value. Value implies “valuable to someone.” A person increases his value in a variety of ways that are determined by his beliefs about what is valuable to him and/or to others. We increase our value to prove ourselves to ourselves and to others. We want affirmation of our value (validation).
GENERAL SELF-IMPROVEMENT
The proponents of general self-improvement say that you should work on what is valuable to YOU and learn to value your self. Then go approach girls with this broad based confidence. The fear of rejection theoretically won’t be present because you value yourself and do not need other people to affirm your value.
The problem is that the need for validation is SO deeply ingrained in us. Consensus reality is the strongest reality out there. The most real things are the things that are real to the largest amount of people. Take the physical world for example. Our sensory experiences seem to match up for the most part, so the world we collectively experience is called “reality.” Any aberration from this collective experience is called “unreal.” All sorts of negative connotations are associated with experiencing something radically different than consensus reality.
So we are uncomfortable and anxious when people disagree with our beliefs. As a result, just building up our beliefs in our own value is not enough. We have to struggle to hold that belief in the face of disagreement. We have to come to terms with other people denying that we are valuable. We have to learn how deal with this rejection. Merely building up our value without exposing it to judgement will not produce real confidence. The belief must be tested.
SEDUCTION RELATED SELF IMPROVEMENT
Other self-improvement proponents narrow things a bit. They say that in seduction, the point is to be confident that your value is evident to girls. So work on what is more specifically valuable to girls, rather than what is merely valuable to you ie. work-out rather than mastering Halo 2. These folks suggest things like improving your looks, finances, getting an interesting life, becoming a positive person by doing some things you value etc. If your value coincides with what girls value, then they will agree that you are valuable. Your belief about yourself and consensus reality will be in harmony.
GETTING CONFIDENCE THE RIGHT WAY
Then there are the folks like me who agree that the point of seduction is to believe that your value is evident to girls. However, we think that the aforementioned values are relative, temporary, limited in their potential for development, not a permanent part of you, and not fundamental to attraction. Interactions with girls are first and fundamentally social interactions. Social value will be the first and fundamental thing conveyed to every girl you encounter. Social value is the most common human value. Social value is a very important value for seduction, because everyone values it. Remember what I said about the strength of consensus reality.....
More importantly, developing social mastery is a double blessing because it both builds and demonstrates confidence. The social arena is where consensus reality is formed and experienced. The social arena is where a guy has to deal with judgments about his value. The social arena is where a guy’s belief about his value either caves or stays strong. The social arena is the ultimate testing ground for confidence.
Since the lack of confidence stems directly from the encounter of your self-image with consensus reality, the most direct way to build confidence is to confront consensus reality from the get-go. What is the point of building value outside of the social arena in order to gain a belief about yourself that needs tested in the social arena and may or may not stand up to consensus reality? Seems like the long route.
WHAT I DO TO BECOME CONFIDENT
Here’s what I’m doing to confront consensus reality:
1) I seek validation indirectly. I work on better conveying my value to other people. The disconnect between my value and society’s affirmation of it is merely a matter of skills, which can be improved. I don’t suck, my skills do. This is where experimenting with techniques, field work, and “outer game” comes in.
2) I seek self-validation. I try to look at high value people with more a more balanced perspective. I balance her strengths and with her weaknesses. I try to view her as a person rather than an overblown potential source of validation. I focus on my own self-value and balance my weaknesses with my strengths. With this perspective, I try to build myself up as higher source of approval than others. I mainly focus on this type of inner game when I need to combat any depressed feelings from failure in the field.
3) I erode the power of validation (yeah seems kinda contradictory).
I try to get out into the social arena a lot to interact with women, particularly in unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations where consensus reality can be the most unfriendly toward my self image. In other words, I approach women and try to seduce them. I force myself to experience rejection until it no longer hurts and I am no longer afraid of it.
I don’t focus on the ebb and flow of validation and the resulting psychic pleasure and pain. I focus instead on experimenting and learning to become more powerful through field work. Playing with the process rather than becoming a victim of its outcomes.
I also downplay the importance of validation by reminding myself that validation is NOT an ultimate unchanging pronouncement of value. My value is relative. Through interacting with people, I see that other people’s validation of me is also relative and affected by various factors. Likewise, I experience how everyone is driven by validation and fear. I accept that validation and rejection simply happen. Validation seems more trivial from this perspective.
OTHER THOUGHTS ON CONFIDENCE
This KJing is so validating that I’m going to do a little more. ;-) A word about confidence and attraction.
Confidence is attractive because of what it implies. Your strong belief in your value implies that either 1) you actually DO have value and everyone agrees or 2) you’re an extremely strong person whose self image can withstand the pressure of consensus reality, which in and of itself is extremely valuable.
Confidence is valuable because the key to everything for a person is that person’s worldview. Our subjective experience largely determines how we act. We have huge potential that we limit because we do not believe or REALIZE our own value. Fear blinds, binds and limits us. Once we realize our value, we become free, which is ultimate power. In other words, once we realize our value, we are valuable. Not in an “I think I can, I think I can” sense. Realizing is more about FEELING and EXPERIENCING value. That is why field experience and facing consensus reality where it lives is the best way to realize your value and become free.
Peace
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Confidence is a belief in your own value. As result, people try to increase their confidence by increasing their value. Value implies “valuable to someone.” A person increases his value in a variety of ways that are determined by his beliefs about what is valuable to him and/or to others. We increase our value to prove ourselves to ourselves and to others. We want affirmation of our value (validation).
GENERAL SELF-IMPROVEMENT
The proponents of general self-improvement say that you should work on what is valuable to YOU and learn to value your self. Then go approach girls with this broad based confidence. The fear of rejection theoretically won’t be present because you value yourself and do not need other people to affirm your value.
The problem is that the need for validation is SO deeply ingrained in us. Consensus reality is the strongest reality out there. The most real things are the things that are real to the largest amount of people. Take the physical world for example. Our sensory experiences seem to match up for the most part, so the world we collectively experience is called “reality.” Any aberration from this collective experience is called “unreal.” All sorts of negative connotations are associated with experiencing something radically different than consensus reality.
So we are uncomfortable and anxious when people disagree with our beliefs. As a result, just building up our beliefs in our own value is not enough. We have to struggle to hold that belief in the face of disagreement. We have to come to terms with other people denying that we are valuable. We have to learn how deal with this rejection. Merely building up our value without exposing it to judgement will not produce real confidence. The belief must be tested.
SEDUCTION RELATED SELF IMPROVEMENT
Other self-improvement proponents narrow things a bit. They say that in seduction, the point is to be confident that your value is evident to girls. So work on what is more specifically valuable to girls, rather than what is merely valuable to you ie. work-out rather than mastering Halo 2. These folks suggest things like improving your looks, finances, getting an interesting life, becoming a positive person by doing some things you value etc. If your value coincides with what girls value, then they will agree that you are valuable. Your belief about yourself and consensus reality will be in harmony.
GETTING CONFIDENCE THE RIGHT WAY
Then there are the folks like me who agree that the point of seduction is to believe that your value is evident to girls. However, we think that the aforementioned values are relative, temporary, limited in their potential for development, not a permanent part of you, and not fundamental to attraction. Interactions with girls are first and fundamentally social interactions. Social value will be the first and fundamental thing conveyed to every girl you encounter. Social value is the most common human value. Social value is a very important value for seduction, because everyone values it. Remember what I said about the strength of consensus reality.....
More importantly, developing social mastery is a double blessing because it both builds and demonstrates confidence. The social arena is where consensus reality is formed and experienced. The social arena is where a guy has to deal with judgments about his value. The social arena is where a guy’s belief about his value either caves or stays strong. The social arena is the ultimate testing ground for confidence.
Since the lack of confidence stems directly from the encounter of your self-image with consensus reality, the most direct way to build confidence is to confront consensus reality from the get-go. What is the point of building value outside of the social arena in order to gain a belief about yourself that needs tested in the social arena and may or may not stand up to consensus reality? Seems like the long route.
WHAT I DO TO BECOME CONFIDENT
Here’s what I’m doing to confront consensus reality:
1) I seek validation indirectly. I work on better conveying my value to other people. The disconnect between my value and society’s affirmation of it is merely a matter of skills, which can be improved. I don’t suck, my skills do. This is where experimenting with techniques, field work, and “outer game” comes in.
2) I seek self-validation. I try to look at high value people with more a more balanced perspective. I balance her strengths and with her weaknesses. I try to view her as a person rather than an overblown potential source of validation. I focus on my own self-value and balance my weaknesses with my strengths. With this perspective, I try to build myself up as higher source of approval than others. I mainly focus on this type of inner game when I need to combat any depressed feelings from failure in the field.
3) I erode the power of validation (yeah seems kinda contradictory).
I try to get out into the social arena a lot to interact with women, particularly in unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations where consensus reality can be the most unfriendly toward my self image. In other words, I approach women and try to seduce them. I force myself to experience rejection until it no longer hurts and I am no longer afraid of it.
I don’t focus on the ebb and flow of validation and the resulting psychic pleasure and pain. I focus instead on experimenting and learning to become more powerful through field work. Playing with the process rather than becoming a victim of its outcomes.
I also downplay the importance of validation by reminding myself that validation is NOT an ultimate unchanging pronouncement of value. My value is relative. Through interacting with people, I see that other people’s validation of me is also relative and affected by various factors. Likewise, I experience how everyone is driven by validation and fear. I accept that validation and rejection simply happen. Validation seems more trivial from this perspective.
OTHER THOUGHTS ON CONFIDENCE
This KJing is so validating that I’m going to do a little more. ;-) A word about confidence and attraction.
Confidence is attractive because of what it implies. Your strong belief in your value implies that either 1) you actually DO have value and everyone agrees or 2) you’re an extremely strong person whose self image can withstand the pressure of consensus reality, which in and of itself is extremely valuable.
Confidence is valuable because the key to everything for a person is that person’s worldview. Our subjective experience largely determines how we act. We have huge potential that we limit because we do not believe or REALIZE our own value. Fear blinds, binds and limits us. Once we realize our value, we become free, which is ultimate power. In other words, once we realize our value, we are valuable. Not in an “I think I can, I think I can” sense. Realizing is more about FEELING and EXPERIENCING value. That is why field experience and facing consensus reality where it lives is the best way to realize your value and become free.
Peace
