I'm just out of a recent breakup with an LTR, she broke up with me. I'm afraid of running into my ex with the new girl.

The reason is that my ex asked me if I'm dating someone new and I was honest and said yes. She started crying like crazy. Then this weekend again she called and asked me and I told her no because i didn't want to hear her cry.

Why am I so sensitive to the needs of my ex?

Originally posted by Ricky
I'm just out of a recent breakup with an LTR, she broke up with me. I'm afraid of running into my ex with the new girl.

The reason is that my ex asked me if I'm dating someone new and I was honest and said yes. She started crying like crazy. Then this weekend again she called and asked me and I told her no because i didn't want to hear her cry.

Why am I so sensitive to the needs of my ex?

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Hey, dude... I think it depends on who does the breaking up, how recent it is, and how the breakup went down.

If you broke up with her, then it probably still stings for her to see you with someone else. If she broke up with you, then the hell with her, man.

Just this past weekend I thought of taking the girl I was with to dinner at the place where I know my ex works. But I chose not to do that and we went somewhere else. I just didn't want the drama.

I think that is the same with me. Yeah my ex works at a great restauraunt as well.

I'm worried about Saturday because I'd love to take the new girl to some of the bars around the neighborhood where my ex lives. A bit risky. My ex would probably flip out and make it very uncomfortable for the new girl.

BTW, I have mentioned almost zero about my ex to the new girl, which I believe has been smart. I don't want the new girl to think she is just a rebound.

I don't know why this is even an issue.

She broke up with YOU. You are therefore entitled/required to move on. She now has ZERO rights to control what you do with your life (not that she had any say before anyway).

You told her already that you are seeing someone else and she must accept that. As long as it is not her best friend or someone within her social circle, she is behaving like a crazy pathetic stalker. If she wanted you, she shouldn't have broken up with you in the first place.

I think you need to be firm with her. Leave emotions at the door next time she called. She ask you if you are seeing someone else, say yes. She starts crying. You can either:

1. hang up the phone;

2. ask why she is crying. She will give you some lameo excuse about how you didn't take time to get over the relationship and how that is disrespectful and means that your relationship didn't mean much to you blah blah blab. That's just chick logic dude. You must cut that crap from her because if you don't, she will continue to make your life hell. Gently remind her that it was HER that ended the relationship. It was HER that didn't want to be with you, so you found someone else who appreciates your fine qualities. If she is now having second thoughts, then she must work to get you back.

Tell her it is exactly the same as leaving your job at a big firm. Your employer is entitled to replace you right away. You CANNOT come back a week later, saying you have changed your mind about leaving and expect to get your old job back.

Letting her do this to you is WRONG and must be stopped.

Originally posted by Ricky


Why am I so sensitive to the needs of my ex?

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Because bro..you're human. Even being a DJ, its Ok to be human and feel sorry and NOT want to hurt somebody intentionally.

So you stated she broke up with you. What were the terms of the break up? Did she break up with you because she wanted to or she was pressured to? Was the decesion entirely hers? Did she play you?

I don't know the entire story, but, if she broke up with you for reasons beyond her control (her parent's dissaproval, a huge move, maybe you are going to be shipped to Iraq).

I'm just taking a stab in the dark..but...these are legitamate reasons where a "fair" break up was done with respect to you...so...it wouldn't be tough to ask for that respect in return from you. Go to a different bar, restaurant, or nightclub. Besides, you don't want a psycho/sobbing ex gf ruining the night with the new HB. Its as attractive to the new chick as it would be for you to see the new girl's ex bf at a club or bar sobbing away.

However, in the case the ex dumped you because she was getting the train action from the entire football, baseball, and basketball teams - THEN F*CK HER!!!!

That is the difference beteween guys and girls. If the tables were switched, the girl would not hesitate to move on and do things she wants; she would never worry about stuff like this. When its done to them, the break the crocodile tears as form of manipulation.

Usually the person who was more in control of the relationship, is also in control once its over. All it takes for her to change your behavior is to weep some tears and play her manipulative games. Sack up man. You do whatever you need to do. If some hot stud was available for her to date, she would not hesitate to spare your feelings.

Thanks guys. You are right, she gave me excuse number 2, that I shouldn't be over it yet.

I am really worried about seeing her out because I could see her trying to sabotage it with the new girl and make a big scene. Or even as bad, come up to me while I'm with her and act as if nothing has changed (she might think the girl is just some girl I met and started talking to).

Who knows. I even went so far my ex that this band she likes is playing at another bar this weekend (which they are), in hopes she and her friends don't show up at the bar I want to go to.

Crazy.

This type of thing has to be tough for people who live in smaller towns or cities.

My city isn't too big, but the new girl lives in a town 45 minutes away in one direction and the ex lives 20 minutes in the opposite, so they are normally an hour away. The only thing is that in this town there are only so many really good bars and places to go to.

I could care less if I ran into an ex while on a date. Personally I see it as a GOOD thing. 1. You have a new piece of tail, 2. your ex sees this and knows you've moved on.


Gangster Of Love hit the nail right on the head. Stop worrying about this girl's feelings so damn much. She dropped you, but you're the one worried about 'her'? Makes no sense bro. Don't worry about her doing something to mess this up. As a true DJ, there isn't a situation you can't control or handle. Right?

she gave me excuse number 2, that I shouldn't be over it yet.

my response: 'I'm not over it yet, i still think about you while i'm banging someone else'.

Tell her it is exactly the same as leaving your job at a big firm. Your employer is entitled to replace you right away. You CANNOT come back a week later, saying you have changed your mind about leaving and expect to get your old job back.

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That analogy is on target and funny...lol Next candidate! lol

she gave me excuse number 2, that I shouldn't be over it yet.

my response: 'I'm not over it yet, i still think about you while i'm banging someone else'.

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I'd say, "I'm over it. My new girlfriend is over it. Are you over it yet?"


Ricky,

Your intent isn't to hurt the ex, so don't sweat it. Go wherever you want with the new girl. Don't let the ex dictate your mobility and enjoyment of available venues.

Cheers,
Mav

Guys I guess it is because this ex of mine I had been with for close to 3 years.

She is damn good at making me feel guilty and also second guessing myself to the point where I feel like I was being mean to her and that was the reason for the breakup.

I am a nice person, I know that and she exploits it.

I just think I'm not compatible with her, and she doesn't seem to turn it around until she realizes she could lose me.

Damn women are good at making you feel guilty.

She is damn good at making me feel guilty and also second guessing myself to the point where I feel like I was being mean to her and that was the reason for the breakup.

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If this isn't reason enough for you to shut down all contact with the ex, than you're just going to allow her to continue making you miserable.

Having a girl in your life is to enhance your joy and pleasure. You did the right thing by not going back to your ex and you know it. Start living it now.

Cheers,
Mav

I can top you Ricky. A couple of years ago I was at the mall with a girl I had been seeing for maybe a month or so. We ran into these two girls she was really good friends with in high school. Turns out, one of them was my ex, who I had gone out with for over two years.

It was like, that very night, my ex called me on the phone. She said that she saw I had found myself a new girl. She then informed me that she was friends with this girl (I hadn't been aware of that until we saw them at the mall). Then she told me that she would tell my new girl all kinds of untrue stuff about me unless I paid off her credit cards (about $450)! She assured me that she was such good friends with my new girl that my new girl would believe every word of it and I could forget about having a relationship with her unless I paid up.

Obviously, I told her to f*ck herself with a rusty butcher knife. She never called my girl.

Damn Gio, that hits home pretty close. My ex already hit me up for money. I gave her a bit because I thought it would help with my guilt for dating the new girl (really crazy illogical thinking on my part)

Financially even crazier, I don't have a job, I'm finishing grad school!

Go for the checkmate

Ricko,

If you see your ex sieze the oppourtunity and take revenge..For example: I happened to see my ex on a local road...I passed her in my new car made eye contact with her and gave her the middle finger to let her know i waws through with her and didnt want to see her again...It felt great...You should do the same..Take advantage of the situation french kiss your new woman in front of your old ho...There is nothing better then a fresh plate of revenge served up to a deserving biotch

Well my ex is the type that would tell the new girl all my negatives to spite me.

Hell she told half of them to my face, so I can only imagine what she would do to embarass me in front of a new girl.

The reason I really fear this is that I had called one of her friends about our relationship and she got really pissed that I called her friend, because she thinks I wanted to get with her friend.

She told me to back off from talking to her friend or she would let her know everything dumb that I did with her and all other types of personal stuff that I trusted to her.

What a great girl huh.

Heres another option

Ricko,

1. You are acting like an AFC...Who cares what your x says about you...You might as well accept your fear that ur x is saying stuff about you instead of worrying about it....

2. It sounds like ur X is a really jealous and controlling biotch...If you are really worried about her actions then I think you should fight back and bang one of your x's friends just for the sake of doing it...That should really make ur X stew in her juices and hopefully that will end everything

3. Read the 4 agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

4. I know what having flashbacks about the X can be like...I realized that it is silly to think about someone that is not face to face with you at present....Make an agreement with yourself that the X is not face to face with you nor will you ever see her again so why bother thinking about her..

5. to this day my x's friend always says hi to me..I cant seem to figure that out, the little biotch even gave me her phone numbers to "talk" with her about things...this was 2 yrs ago, and it was a month before my X tried to get back with me 3 times....Looking back, I should have banged her friend just to spite the X...Thats why I am recommending that you split one of her friends like wet pine and enjoy every minute of it...

Originally posted by Ricky
I'm just out of a recent breakup with an LTR, she broke up with me. I'm afraid of running into my ex with the new girl.

The reason is that my ex asked me if I'm dating someone new and I was honest and said yes. She started crying like crazy. Then this weekend again she called and asked me and I told her no because i didn't want to hear her cry.

Why am I so sensitive to the needs of my ex?

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Because you're not over her yet. You may also just be a wussbag but I don't know enough to say that. From my experience, most likely it's just because you are still emotionally attached to her.

*edit* Ok, I just read you replies in this thread. You ARE a wussbag. You've got some work ahead of you. You'll get through it.

Then she told me that she would tell my new girl all kinds of untrue stuff about me unless I paid off her credit cards (about $450)!

That's just f&*ked up!

It is acts like these that makes forwarding emails of pictures/movies of your ex girlfriends doing dirty things in the bedroom justifyable...

Originally posted by uniassign
That's just f&*ked up!

It is acts like these that makes forwarding emails of pictures/movies of your ex girlfriends doing dirty things in the bedroom justifyable...

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It's ironic that you say that... I had a couple pictures like that of her but I destroyed them after we broke up. I wouldn't send them out or anything like that. But she didn't know I got rid of them, and I think that's a large reason why she didn't actually do what she threatened to do. I think she remembered.

Re: Go for the checkmate

Originally posted by sustainable007
Ricko,

If you see your ex sieze the oppourtunity and take revenge..For example: I happened to see my ex on a local road...I passed her in my new car made eye contact with her and gave her the middle finger to let her know i waws through with her and didnt want to see her again...It felt great...You should do the same..

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You WEREN'T over her. You were/are delluding yourself. If you really were over her you wouldn't have cared enough to do anything. You wouldn't care at all.