View Full Version : Killed my desperation... now what?
05-27-2004, 04:16 PM
Just want a bit of feedback on something. When I came to this site a few years back I was the worst AFC imaginable. I had huge self esteem problems, I let women walk all over me, I was pathetically desperate, etc.
So I've been working on that aspect of myself since then. I look and feel completely different now, most people don't recognize me if they haven't seen me in a while. I filled up my life with my passions - playing guitar in a band, studying astronomy, lifting weights, oh and work of course. I no longer feel desperate and have a great self esteem.
So what's the problem? Well I think I did too good of a job at killing my desperation. I'm not sure what it is but over the last 4-5 months I suddenly have very little desire to go after women anymore. I'm still attracted to them but I find it hard to put in so much effort just for some pvssy considering the trouble that comes with it. I'm only 26 so it can't be a decrease in libido :p
Maybe I'm just too busy and too focused on my goals now. Maybe I'm still gun-shy after my last "relationship" which ended with her cheating on me with a friend and sending me to the poor house. Maybe I just need to relax and enjoy the single life. I dunno. Its just wierd though, up until recently all I would ever think about was getting laid and now its almost always the last thing on my mind. :confused:
So what do you guys think? Is this normal? Do I just need to wait it out? Anyone here gone through something similar?
05-27-2004, 04:47 PM
I used to have that desparation before I got to this site, and for awhile I had some indifference after being on here, now I've found a comfortable middle ground where I enjoy dating, meeting people, but am not desparate.
Now that you don't care, you'll meet some great women.
I still pursue now and then ... you know, like Water Tiger. :>)
05-27-2004, 04:57 PM
You guys are fine - and I think it's a natural progression.
There's big difference in not wanting to get laid - to no wanting to jump through hoops to get laid.
And that the beauty of where you are now - you realized that there is no point jumping through hoops for a woman just on the chance that your going to get the poon.
All this builds into Self confidence - your now not that guy who's desperate to get laid - who has the smell of desperation surrounding him.
But just don't be so laid back that you don't go after poon when the opportunity presents itself...
I frequent a local bar - and it's so fvcking funny to see all these chumps that are out there trying as hard as they can to get some pvssy.... When your not desperate the poon comes...
05-27-2004, 09:39 PM
im not alone. i feel the same way. actually now when i go out to clubs with my friends i have more fun watching them try and hit on women. the reason i think its fun is because 9 times out of ten the women they are hitting on approach me soon after. when we are on the dance floor i just groove in mt own little space while my friends are bumping up on women, then it always ends with me being surrounded by the women they were hitting on and i just flow with it. i guess because maybe i just give off the "i dont care" attitude, because i really dont. who knows, it seems to work for me...
and congrats on joining the band, i also play guitar and just opened my own studio myself.
05-27-2004, 09:53 PM
Congratulations Fly Guy,
I can relate. Over the past month or two I have been gradually feeling the same way. I do have a few prospects in the "pipeline", but I am just not that keen in putting much effort into it anymore. I am just focused on my own projects and what's important to me. Just a few months ago and at the end of last year I was like most single AFC's, "I need! I need a woman!". Not anymore. It really makes you see the world in a whole new light. It all thanks to this wonderful site, aside for the unfortunate decline of the main forum, even over the relatively short period of time since I first registered.
You will learn alot from the more experienced guys in this forum though Fly Guy; guys like TCU, NewMan, Slickster, PRL, WestCoaster and others always provide quality insight.
05-28-2004, 10:13 AM
hey fly !
man, i wished i could've smartened up at your age.
it took me a bankruptcy, loosing a farm and a cheating ole lady who left me holding the bag to finally smarten up, so congraduations bro !
while going thru a divorce, i wanted them all and it was 24/7 thinking about it, but now i like myself, like being myself and getting laid happens when it happens now.
you will find them now and they will come to you cause a woman likes the attention, and if you ignore them and be yourself they cant stand it and approach.
yeah, i'm like you guys, watching these knuckleheads stumble over their tongues dragging the ground hounding on the chickies makes us guys who have our crap together look good.
so, stick to your routine, be yourself and they will come !
05-28-2004, 10:38 AM
Like F & D, I discovered DJism at a later age. Granted, I did focus heavily on my career for a long time, but women often pre-occupied my thoughts, even when I wasn't dating anyone. I was on the hunt or whatever, and I think the desparation showed. Actually I know it showed.
What the pseudo-DJ's on the other site are just not listening to is the essence of DJism: Work on yourself, be in contol of your emotions, focus on career, friends, fitness, overall health, intellect ... the women will arrive after that. They are attracted to COMPLETE men, not those who have craving desire.
Some punk I shouted down on the main board was worried about being a pimp after having a kid. Sick, twisted, and corrupt, like our American culture.
What these pseudo-DJs don't realize is all their clamoring for women and AFCness (some guy wanted to kill himself after a breakup with a gal after only four months ... please) is that the future managers, CEOs, CFOs, brokers, teachers, doctors, lawyers, and good guys who get the women are working on their careers and inner qualities as we speak! And these AFCs will work for them.
The essence of DJism is outlined in the DJ Bible, but everyone is ignoring it. They need to shut down the main board, give it a week off and start over, and start deleting posts to create a positive DJ culture.
So to make a long story, longer: Follow YOUR heart, not someone else's. Work on your inner self and it will all work out!
05-28-2004, 03:52 PM
Thanks for the feedback guys. Its about what I figured, that I'm finally starting to develop my inner game. I guess I was just a desperate AFC for so long that it felt wierd to have control of myself and my desires :) How's that for a reflection of modern day America? Manhood has become so dilluted that it feels wierd to be a man! LOL
05-29-2004, 02:21 PM
you have touched upon the key to the whole thing...at least at our age.
indeed as others have said, you are on the right track! you might not think so, because you are newly reformed. you are less desperate for pvssy because you now have a life of your OWN--you have controlled your "desperation" rather than IT controlling you. this is where it's all at.
it seems that you are approaching, or perhaps are already there, the realm of not NEEDING pvssy, but WANTING it. you are seeing that pvssy in a whole different light. many times, it's simply not worth the trouble--at our age anyway. we have other things to worry about--goals, aspirations, grown up stuff.
so now you are asking yourself, "hmmmm...what's going on here? suddenly i don't have as much desire for women..."
this is because you have controlled your "NEED" for them! this is good!
and this is what a DJ is all about. if there's one thing that chicks can sense, more than anything else, it is AFC desperation. so you end up getting nothing or getting chicks that will gladly take advantage of it and "walk all over you". either way, not cool.
the truly sad situation is those that are so desperate that they will accept this for years, if not longer. all of us have friends who are in LTR's or married, where the wife is THE BOSS. usually she's a fat, ugly, nagging, biatch, who was once "pretty" but slowly transformed into Earnest Borgnine. do you want to fvck Earnest Borgnine? AND catch shiat from him? AND have him drag you down?
i have a couple of friends where they have to actually get PERMISSION from the wife, just to go out for drinks! a Vegas trip? taking the boat out to Havasu? absolutely out of the question. jesus H. what a fvcking miserable life they live. they are a prisoner. and this ruins every other aspect of their lives--all for pvssy.
all of this because they were desperate and they allowed IT to control THEM. they've gladly turned their lives over to someone else, b@lls snipped off, and she's wearing them as earrings. worse still, they don't even realize it. one day, they will suddenly wake up and say, "i just wasted 10 years of my life on this biatch". this is the RULE rather than the exception.
conversely, if you project the image (real image) that you don't NEED them, this will end up attracting the quality ones.
this is what the younger guys on the other boards don't (can't) realize because they get a raging boner when the wind blows. if the younger guys don't get over this hurdle and "wake up", they end up living a life of desperation, and it's all downhill from there.
it is a fact, if you don't control your life, someone else will. most likely it will be a woman. she has that one "thing" that we all need and she knows it. worse still, is if YOU believe that she has that one "thing" that you NEED! you are doomed.
further, the young guys (and older ones that don't get it) get all caught up in the excruciating minutia of "what should i wear...does she like me...what should i say...what car should i drive..."
if you have to ask these questions, you are fvcking DOOMED. it wreaks of low self esteem and desperation.
aside from the minimum "standards" on looks, smarts, etc., my MAJOR criteria on chicks, NUMERO UNO, is this:
WILL THIS CHICK DRAG ME DOWN OR BRING ME UP???
TooCold wants nothing to do with a chick, even if she's an HB10, that will drag him down. i've worked too hard to get where i am in life. ain't no fvcking way some chick is going to jeopardize it. NO WAY!!! i want a chick who will enhance it.
but we are men, right? there is, and always will be, a latent desperation in all of us. so consider it an ongoing process--you will NEVER kill it--it's a cockroach.
when it rears its ugly head, STOMP IT INTO THE GROUND.
05-29-2004, 02:45 PM
you are right WestCoaster. they need to shut the main board down and start over. it's pathetic! as a matter of fact, if everyone came to THIS board and just listened to us, 90% of their problems would be solved.
in the future we should push the Mods into making this board READ ONLY for the newbies. most of the material is already better than what's in the Bible.
sh!t, this thread alone will solve the AFC problem!
but what do we know?
05-29-2004, 06:05 PM
Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
All I can say is dont be scared to approach chicks like try having fun when you approach them. ITs just a game. At first its hard to have fun cos you are a bit lost on what to do and shyt but yea practice makes perfect and alcohol helps too. Remember its not what you say its how you say it
if you need or feel you need alcohol, even a little, you need some work!
was this a joke?
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