Reinvented21
New Member
To many, Fear can be a DJ's worst nightmare, especially when it comes to approaching women. For some fear can motivate you to seal the deal and get the digits, for others, fear can paralyze you and leave you helpless like a ragdoll. End result you dont get the digits and then you wind up beating yourself up. But there is hope!!!! In order to understand this fear that so many DJ's and DJ wannabees face, allow me to break the fear down and then discuss what to do about it.
Fear number 1: Fear of being judged, laughed at, and humiliated.
You see a beautiful woman at school, in the gym, or on the job. You want to approach her, but you hesitate. In the back of your mind your saying to yourself...what if she thinks I am too short? What if she thinks I'm dressed funny? What if I sound nervous? What if she see's me sweating?
The more you think these thoughts the more nervous and anxious you feel. The end result : You hesitate, she leaves, and you dont get the digits. Finally you beat yourself up for not trying to get the digits.
Fear number 2: Having perfectionist ideals
Again you see a beautiful woman at some location. You are about to approach her and you hesitate. You begin to tell yourself : What if I dont come up with the perfect pickup line? What if I dont have the perfect car or the perfect haircut?
Fear number 3: Low frustration tolerance
You are a DJ at home. You think about some chick you see at work or at school and you say to yourself.....Tomorow I'm gonna approach her.
Fast forward to tomorow-- You make up every excuse in the book not to approach her. Bottom line. You dont want to put in the effort and the work to holla at the woman you desire. You feel like you cant stand putting in the effort to make the move and possibly get the numbers.
Fear Number 4: Awfulizing/Imagining the Worst Outcome
Youre about to approach a woman you are interested in. You hesitate and begin to imagine the worst. You imagine that she will laugh at you. You imagine that that she will vomit at the sight of you. You imagine that that she turns you down and that your life is going to be over.
So what is a DJ to do?
I cant tell you how many times I have seen or heard people say....Just do it. Grow some balls. Be a man and talk to her. For some that may work. But for many, it is just too difficult. What I suggest is a little philisophical reasoning. The main objective is too put things in perspective in order to calm your fears and put you in a better position to holla at the woman of your dreams.
In Fear number one the main fear was of being judged. My suggestion is this. If you are in the situation where you want to approach a woman you are interested in and you start to feel nervous...ASk yourself "What am I afraid of"? If it turns out that you are afraid of being judged by this girl it is time to change your thinking. Ask yourself What evidence do I have that she will laugh at me? What evidence do I have that she will judge me? You need to vigoriously challenge your negative thoughts. Remind yourself that up until the point you harbor that belief you are only hurting yourself.
In fear number two you feel like you need to be perfect. But what laws say you need to be perfect. Ask yourself if holding that harmful belief is doing more harm than good. Chances are you will find it is doing more harm.
In fear number three you suffer from Low frustration tolerance. If you feel like you can't stand putting in the effort to talk to the ladies, you need to challenge that belief. Tell yourself things like....I can stand putting forth the effort. Tell yourself I can bare some temporary discomfort for long term gain.
In fear number four you imagine the worst case situation. You imagine she will laugh at you and think you are worthless piece of sh*t. You need to tell yourself that no matter what happens, it is not the worst thing that can happen to you. There are worse things like Death. You need to remind yourself that even if she does laugh at you...So What?
In order to triple the effects of this I suggest to my fellow DJ"s that if you feel extremely nervous when about to approach a female you do the following:
1. Do some Deep breathing before the approach.
2. Challenge any irrational thoughts you may have.
3. And finally, visualize success. Every night if possible, Visualize yourself going up to the woman of your dreams. Be mindful. Visualize what you see, smell, hear. At the same time tell yourself that you are as Pook has said...The Great Catch!!!! Finally imagine the best possible outcome.
Hopefully I have hit the target and have helped some of you out.
We all have the same desire.....the desire to be happy.
Best of luck fellow DJ's
Fear number 1: Fear of being judged, laughed at, and humiliated.
You see a beautiful woman at school, in the gym, or on the job. You want to approach her, but you hesitate. In the back of your mind your saying to yourself...what if she thinks I am too short? What if she thinks I'm dressed funny? What if I sound nervous? What if she see's me sweating?
The more you think these thoughts the more nervous and anxious you feel. The end result : You hesitate, she leaves, and you dont get the digits. Finally you beat yourself up for not trying to get the digits.
Fear number 2: Having perfectionist ideals
Again you see a beautiful woman at some location. You are about to approach her and you hesitate. You begin to tell yourself : What if I dont come up with the perfect pickup line? What if I dont have the perfect car or the perfect haircut?
Fear number 3: Low frustration tolerance
You are a DJ at home. You think about some chick you see at work or at school and you say to yourself.....Tomorow I'm gonna approach her.
Fast forward to tomorow-- You make up every excuse in the book not to approach her. Bottom line. You dont want to put in the effort and the work to holla at the woman you desire. You feel like you cant stand putting in the effort to make the move and possibly get the numbers.
Fear Number 4: Awfulizing/Imagining the Worst Outcome
Youre about to approach a woman you are interested in. You hesitate and begin to imagine the worst. You imagine that she will laugh at you. You imagine that that she will vomit at the sight of you. You imagine that that she turns you down and that your life is going to be over.
So what is a DJ to do?
I cant tell you how many times I have seen or heard people say....Just do it. Grow some balls. Be a man and talk to her. For some that may work. But for many, it is just too difficult. What I suggest is a little philisophical reasoning. The main objective is too put things in perspective in order to calm your fears and put you in a better position to holla at the woman of your dreams.
In Fear number one the main fear was of being judged. My suggestion is this. If you are in the situation where you want to approach a woman you are interested in and you start to feel nervous...ASk yourself "What am I afraid of"? If it turns out that you are afraid of being judged by this girl it is time to change your thinking. Ask yourself What evidence do I have that she will laugh at me? What evidence do I have that she will judge me? You need to vigoriously challenge your negative thoughts. Remind yourself that up until the point you harbor that belief you are only hurting yourself.
In fear number two you feel like you need to be perfect. But what laws say you need to be perfect. Ask yourself if holding that harmful belief is doing more harm than good. Chances are you will find it is doing more harm.
In fear number three you suffer from Low frustration tolerance. If you feel like you can't stand putting in the effort to talk to the ladies, you need to challenge that belief. Tell yourself things like....I can stand putting forth the effort. Tell yourself I can bare some temporary discomfort for long term gain.
In fear number four you imagine the worst case situation. You imagine she will laugh at you and think you are worthless piece of sh*t. You need to tell yourself that no matter what happens, it is not the worst thing that can happen to you. There are worse things like Death. You need to remind yourself that even if she does laugh at you...So What?
In order to triple the effects of this I suggest to my fellow DJ"s that if you feel extremely nervous when about to approach a female you do the following:
1. Do some Deep breathing before the approach.
2. Challenge any irrational thoughts you may have.
3. And finally, visualize success. Every night if possible, Visualize yourself going up to the woman of your dreams. Be mindful. Visualize what you see, smell, hear. At the same time tell yourself that you are as Pook has said...The Great Catch!!!! Finally imagine the best possible outcome.
Hopefully I have hit the target and have helped some of you out.
We all have the same desire.....the desire to be happy.
Best of luck fellow DJ's