While I have done extremely well as far as self-improvement goes (play the saxophone to a high standard, president of debating club at university, in good shape, doing well academically, in the chess team, etc etc.) my social improvement has been really limited.

I have always been shy and introverted, being more of a thinker than a talker, and enjoying my own company. While at university I have tried desperately hard to get out and socialise, talk to girls, etc. it does not seem to have made a lot of difference, and at the age of 19 I am still yet to have a girlfriend.

I can talk to girls, but very soon the conversation dries up, as it seems I have little in common with a lot of girls, and to be honest most of them bore me. I meet some girls in my societies, but most of them are attached or not interested in me (have asked for a fair few numbers this year, with little success).

Part of it is also that I am extremely inexperienced with women, having been at an all boys boarding school till 18, and having no sisters. Not having had a girlfriend before, all I have to go on is the theory I read here, without any practical experience.

I am good looking, and have the build of a rugby player (6 foot tall and 200lbs with a flat stomach and very little surplus fat)
As mentioned above I also have a lot of interests and talents. I just don't seem to attract women, and cannot chat up girls that easily.

Did anyone else have similar problems in the past, and what did they do to solve them?

Seems like the only thing keeping you back is your inexperience and mainly your conversations. Check out the thread titled "i am trying years now and have o success" started by jack 03 -- i think some of my advice may apply to your personal situation. I just don't want to type it out again.
Let me know.

Yes, I did find that thread Puerto Rican Lover, and I agree that fear is in part holding me back. Not fear of women per se, but more fear of the unknown. I have no problem talking to women in class, or interacting with them in societies, it is just social events that I am useless at. I am not very good at small talk, and can never seem to get a conversation going (I usually ask polite questions etc.), and in group conversations I just seem to fade out completely. When there is a topic or a subject, I am fine, as I am well-educated, debate for the university, and eloquent. However, girls rarely seem to enjoy discussing intellectual stuff, or art and culture.

My societies and interests are very male-focused, and as such there are very few women in them, and those that are in them tend to be attached or not interested. I have tried joining clubs like yoga and aerobics, but I have no interest in them and I think girls can sense a phoney a mile off.

I am definitely not a typical AFC, as I have a strong sense of self, and as I have done without women for so long, I do not get desperate or needy around women. I also have a lot of self control, and can avoid actions such as pestering girls, phoning several times a day, or blurting my lifestory to every girl I meet.

I think you are right that my main barrier is a lack of experience, but I cannot seem to attract any girls for a girlfriend even 4s or 5s.

Try hitting on really ugly girls just for the practice. Take note of how they "help" you through the conversation. All it takes is practice.

just curious

Do chicks ever ask if you are gay?

Snoopy, I have never had a girl ask if I was gay.
I have however had female friends express disbelief when they asked whether I had a girlfriend and I said no (These girls were all quite seriously attached, so I did not have a chance with them).

Big Pappy, I agree that I should probably hit on ugly girls more. I have tried this in the past, but if anything better looking girls tend to be more friendly than ugly girls, who seem a bit suspicious of me and cold.

You would fair best with older women.

Why do you think that coldcoal. I actually find older women a lot easier to talk to, and I find their confidence extremely attractive, however being at college I do not come across a lot of older women (except for lecturers and that would get me in a lot of trouble!!)

While I do not anticipate many problems in my 20s getting women, I would quite like to have some dates and romance at college. What do you reckon I should do to improve my chances?

Learn to tolerate small talk. You might not land yourself a girl with the sort of intelligence you seek but pairing you off with one who knows how to cut lose and play wouldn't be all bad. You might actually learn something.

An older woman is sure to appreciate a young, healthy, rugby-built, intellectual like yourself.
They are smarter, more confident, much more sexually experienced and not exactly afraid to show it.

The fact that you are college does not mean you cannot frequent places usually attended by older women. You mentioned you play the sax. I assume you like variations of jazz? Although I am unsure of age limitations in England, on a night you are free hit a jazz club. The mere idea that you date older, more sophistcated women is a form of social proof that can work in your favor with college women at some latter point.

Learn the art of small talk. You are going to have to learn how to talk in social gatherings it's a requirement if you want a girlfriend. If you want you can listen into what others talk about. Usually it's trivial things or just jokes that's why it's called small talk.

Personally, i'll ask a few odd questions to a girl i'm interested in. Questions they don't usually here. Skip the "so what degree are you going for" stuff because she's been asked it a dozen or so times. Go for the "panties or thongs" type questions. These are designed to be playful and entertaining. Since it's easily sexually based you can see what kind of sexual preference she is. i.e. prude, *****, shy but a hornball (mmm my favorite.).

In short, i think you just need to practice those communications skills, get a sense of humor, and learn to hit on girls. Become a flurt.

Yes, small talk is required, but I think the attention it gets on these boards is over-rated.
It can lead to silences when clung to for too long. IMO, it's an ice breaker and nothing more. When I meet a woman, I expect something of an intellectual conversation after about half hour or so.

Thanks for all the advice. coldcoal, I like your idea of going to jazz clubs. I am not sure there are that many in Coventry where I am at uni, but I will have a look. When not at university I reside in London, where there are plenty of jazz clubs where I could meet some sexy mature women.

I have to say finding a Mrs Robinson figure has always been a fantasy of mine ever since watching the Graduate! What is the best method to proposition these older ladies? One thing I have found is that older women are much more likely to start the conversation and lead it, something which I appreciate a lot.

I admit small-talk is a weakness of mine, and yes, once I am beyond the "What degree are you doing, where are you living" stage conversation seems to dry up. I am also hopeless at starting conversations, even with people I have already been introduced to, and "How are you" seems to lead into a dead end. Does anyone have any more advice on this area? Flirting and teasing girls is something else that I have seen very successful guys at university do, and this too is something I think I have to learn. Do you think that David DeAngelo's ****y and Funny technique is something that could work for me?

Yes his technique would help you. The best way to overcome your lack of skill in these areas is EXPERIENCE. You have to do it on your own so you truly understand the art of conversation, seduction, flirting, teasing. Sometimes its best to do it on your own because if you just do what a book or friend says you are denying yourself the experience. No amount of training can prepare you for the real thing. It's why veteran military units are more than twice as affective as green units. They don't just follow their training they follow what works because they've experienced it they know the why of their training. Hopefully that makes some sense.

Your best bet is just to go out and practice. Start with guys, older people, kids, your dog. You have to get comfortable and take babysteps if you have to.

Some friend of mine just made me remember something funny from last year actually

I was at a christmas party the 22nd of december, we were alot of people. I was one of the people that had started earlier so I was pissdrunk that evening. I had talked some with a girl actually everyone at the party i talked with... I remember I was drunk etc so I didn't care about picking anyone up... Later I got to pick up a beer from the fridge and I met that girl there and she just placed her hands around me and started kissing me. We ended in a bedroom fooling around before her friend came inn.. I was pissdrunk she was not she had only had two glasses of wine.

She proceeded to call me the next day and she actually adressed me as Don Juan I think it's funny cause it illustrates how it was natural etc Cool.


ok /end random interjection.