Ok... I was going out with this girl and she had to move for job-reasons... and she asked me not to hook up with anyone for awhile and I said ok.... yeah yeah I know..stupid me... so I hookup up witha chick and she found out and blah blah blah....

you can read the history of it all here...its not too long..
Previous history

so now... I'm hopefuly going to visit her in about 2 months... and she wrote an email whcih said the following

"it's no secret that i was pretty hurt/pissed to hear what you did a couple of days after i left. i know it's in the past and you're looking past it but frankly it left a lasting impression on me. there's no point in talking it to death but i feel that you need to know that i can't look past it as easily as you can."

and....

"i would like you to still visit but i think that things will be different if and when you come. i'm not seeing anyone here or anything but like i said, your actions truly did leave a lasting impression with me. but also, i know it's going to be super expensive for you to come out and seeing that you still are trying to move to miami i don't want you to spend all of your $$ on seeing me if the visit may not pan out to be what you expected....all things to consider..."


my question to you guys is... is there anyway I can show her I'm not a total d!ck and have a more respectable opinion of me?

I don't really want to pressure her into having sex with me as that won't work, I mean, I'll still be very flirty with her and apply lost of kino and let her make up her own mind if she wants to sleep with me or not... but I won't be as forceful as I was when I originaly met her. kinda reverse-spychology thing..

"Wow, he didn't come back just to have sex with me...!" *creating more intrest and sexual tension*

anyway... what would you guys do...?

or is it a lost cause and just see her for the fun of it and hang out..?

thanks in advance for any and all replies..

Best,

Jin

I read your post and some of the Prehistory. My immediate question is:
Why even bother with her on any serious basis? You don't live near each other,
you want to keep your options open, and
it doesn't sound like you want her all that
much.
Keep in touch with her but pursue other
women and other things (like school,career).

I still want to be able to date her when and if I see her again. I usually try to do that with all my ex's. I am good friends with all of them and would date or do me at the drop of a hat. I just want to keep that vialble with her as well.

and of all of my ex's... she was/is the best...in everything..

and no I don't have oneitis.. I'm still doing my own thing and getting #'s and whatnot... I just want to build our relationship to what it was before she found out I screwed that other chick.

and I still talk to her and everything....its just i don't have the option of dating her again right now and I want that option back again.

Best,

Jin

Next yourself.

This is a two-edged sword....

Either she doesn't want anything like that todo with you anymore.... Or she is testing you too see if you really care...

You say that you're getting other #'s and whatnot, so what's the point of going all the way out to see her if you're not so serious? You keep all your other girlfriends close so you can hit it at the drop of a hat, so why persue this one so hard if you apparently have many other projects going on?
Also, you mentioned that you want to continue to date her in the future, but do the two of you have future plans to be close to one another?
To me it sounds like you're confused- you sound like you like this chick enough to go the distance, but at the same time you're keeping tight ties with pasts and are also persuing new. Sounds to me like you should look past this past chick, unless she's cool enough for you to forget others.
-J

Don't waste your money going to see her. She's told you nothing's going to happen, so the best thing you can do now is agree with her and let her go. If you turn up and are all up in her face showing her what a great guy you are you will get nowhere.

Jin: I read your response, and all the good
responses from others. If you examine what you're saying, you want the impossible. You want her somehow, but don't want to offend her, yet still have relations with others (which is what she didn't like) and so on.
Not going to happen.
Follow Pappys advice !

You say that you're getting other #'s and whatnot, so what's the point of going all the way out to see her if you're not so serious? You keep all your other girlfriends close so you can hit it at the drop of a hat, so why persue this one so hard if you apparently have many other projects going on?

Click to expand...

its not that I keep them close.. its the relationship I have with them... some I may never see again... no problem... but if I do ever see them, they have no hesitation about being with me again. See what I mean..?

and I'll be going on vacation at the same time... we both worked for Club Med and she works at one in Turks and Caicos in the Bahamas... so even if I don't get it back to the way it was... it would still be good to see her and just relaxe on my own.

but i hear all you guys... it just sux to have it so good and then flush it down... only now its too late to save it... and every fiber of your being is like "No!..Its never too late!!! Never!!"

Need to btch smack that AFC to where he belongs...

oh well..... I'll prob go down there just to see her and have fun.. thats all I can do. ;-)~

thanks for all the replies guys...

Best,

Jin

You may be surprised, it may not be too late to save it. I recently moved west from the east coast and broke up with the coolest chick imaginable from Connecticut. Things have been on hold for a couple months now- we said we were breaking up but wanted to keep close contact. Although we did at first things kind of drifted and I thought it was going to be a lost cause which sucked because of our relationship. Either way, I swung out for a visit and we were able to pick things up right where we left off.
I don't know if that's exactly what you want to do with your girl, but just wanted to let you know that things may be fine when you get out there- but then again she didn't find out about me screwing some other chick after asking me not to....Best of luck,
-J