Ok, Guys…

As AFC as some of you think online dating is, I have had phenomenal luck.

So... I don't want to debate pros and cons.

There was a nice looking redhead I was conversing with last summer, she and I talked about meeting once or twice, but never firmed anything up. Truth is, I was busy with other girls and we just kinda drifted apart and slowly stopped chatting and emailing. We talked on the phone once about meeting but she was leaving town that weekend and I was out of town the next.

So I thought it was just bad timing all around.

She e-mails me today and says:

(Oh... I left the typo in the third sentence)
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Dear M:

I'm so sorry I haven't written in so long. There has been much going on in my life and I'm just getting back to the point of feeling social at all. It seems at was at a friends house today and she was looking through Match and your profile came up and she sent you a "wink," I told her that you and had visited quite a bit but had yet to meet. I wasn't sure what to tell her about my thoughts on the two of you, except for that I think both of you are extraordinary people and if nothing else, could be really great friends.

I would love to visit with you soon. Please write I would love to hear what you've been up to, etc. Oh, by the way, I'm not sure what her name on match is, but she's blonde and her name is D. I'll introduce if you want, but I do still want to meet after so many conversations online. If that's still an option. You can never have too many friends.

Hope there are no hard feelings.

Talk to you soon. R
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I did get a wink from D, about 2 months ago, I responded with a reasonable intro and never received a reply.

The second wink came about 6 days ago, and I have yet to reply.

Anyway…

I think this is a perfect example of one woman wanting what another woman seems interested in…lol.

Yes, I will wait to respond, maybe not a week… but I will let her wait for a couple of days.

In the mean time should I bust on D for not responding to my first reply?

I was thinking of meeting both for drinks, and keeping both interested and laughing ‘till the end of the night and just see what happened…

I was contemplating a response and I thought you guys/girls might have some interesting input.

Any thoughts?

I don't understand how this post went to almost 700 views in just a few minutes...

girls look different on a pc then they do in person - invite both out and take the one that tickles your fancy

here is what i would do (not that i am giving the best advice), just meet one of them at a time... set something up to meet the first girl.. do what ya gotta do whether it be just a coffee date or drinks or dinner.. then set up a second meeting with the other girl for the exact same thing.. see how things go.. dont let either woman know how you feel about them.. keep them guessing and use the two to your advantage.. seems like the first girl is bashfull and is using her friend as a decoy to try and get you interested in her, which i would take as a sign of high interest.. have fun with this and if you land the redhead try to keep the blonde as a friend or vice versa.. you have nothing to lose.. seems like the redhead is the one who has something to lose... which is you! keep us posted! good luck!

I wouldn't put too much effort into the first one, she had her chance. As for her friend, she could be influenced by the first girls perception of you (which could change if she gets pissed off at you).

You could be stepping into an emotional pile between them. you need to ask yourself is it really worth it. There's a ton of other women online (I'm sure that you know) and you will be able to find one or two with a little less drama.

Somewhat off the topic, but could you explain how you've been able to generate success with online dating? Which online service?

Originally posted by NatureGuy
Somewhat off the topic, but could you explain how you've been able to generate success with online dating? Which online service?

Click to expand...

I think mrbreeze mentioned that it was through Match.com. I've used them before, pretty good setup. They are the largest dating site online since they companies like AOL, MSN and Netscape has portals to it for their dating service.

Given that, the only real upside to Match.com is the sheer numbers of people in their database. The real trick to successful online dating is not necessarily the site, but how well you can attract AND qualify the women you come across.

Thanks Francisco. I tried online once -
seemed useless to me. Maybe Match.com is better. You mention "the real trick" is
attracting and qualifying respondees. Any tips on how to do that?

Originally posted by NatureGuy
Thanks Francisco. I tried online once -
seemed useless to me. Maybe Match.com is better. You mention "the real trick" is
attracting and qualifying respondees. Any tips on how to do that?

Click to expand...

There's a bunch of threads and articles on this board about the subject. Here's a good place to start:

Using the Internet Personals

In a nutshell here are some things to remember:

1. You will have a lot of competition online, however the majority of them are AFCs.

2. Stay away from cliché personal ads and be sure yours is not cliché.

3. Chatting online or emailing back and forth does not constitute dating. Your objective online is to set up a meeting.

4. Be different, be a DJ. Be confident, funny and decisive online.

5. Be ****y but not too ****y, there is a fine line between ****y and stuck up.

6. Be wary of Glamor Shot photos. I personally gravitate to full body pictures, if they are active in the picture even better.

7. Use a current picture of yourself and switch pictures every couple of weeks.

8. Change your profile every couple of weeks. Keep it fresh with updates of your activities. Basically keep things current.

9. Go in with the expectation of meeting new people and let that be known in your profile. You aren't an AFC and you aren't online to meet your soul-mate. You just want to meet and spend time with other people who are as cool as you.

10. If the woman is serious, you will in most circumstances have a face to face with her within a week to 10 days. If nothing has clicked by then, move on.

***NOTE***
DON'T FEEL THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE A WOMAN LIKE YOU. IF THE CHEMISTRY IS THERE, SHE WILL.

11. Don't feel that you have to have her telephone number to set up a meeting. You can easily cut out that step and set up a meeting through an email. If she is interested, she will agree to meet by the third or fourth communication exchange.

12. Try to use the term "let's meet" instead of "Would you like to go out with me?" Its psychologically more pleasing when meeting a new person.

13. Be open and offer to meet during the week after work for coffee or happy hour. Stay away from the word "date" since it implies too much.

14. Keep the meeting simple, don't do anything where you are blowing tons of cash, why would you do that? You don't even know this woman.

15. It seems obvious, but I still tell guys to keep things upbeat. Don't talk about bad relationships or anything that wouldn't put a smile on her face (without supplication). You want her to enjoy being around you. Also, don't forget to smile.

D@mn, I had to catch myself because I got too far into the actual date. But hopefully you get the idea.

If anything you must keep in mind, remember this; take what a woman says with a grain of salt. Base your opinion on her actions, that is the only thing that matters.

Thanks once again Francisco. This is
excellent advice - I'm printing it out.
(Although I'm not convinced online makes
any sense - but I'll think about it...)

her on the computer <----Hot blonde, Jenny Mccarthy look a like
Her in real life<--------busted face, pimples, braces, virgin

Originally posted by Skel
her on the computer <----Hot blonde, Jenny Mccarthy look a like
Her in real life<--------busted face, pimples, braces, virgin

Click to expand...

And that is exactly what can happen if you go into online dating blindly and decide to meet women without qualifying them first.

Hey, thanks for covering for me Francisco, I couldn’t have said it any better than that.

Yes, Match is the only one I have used, they have a free trial, but I don’t think there is anyway to get out of it without your credit card being charged, so be prepared to spend the money for a month at least.

Also, you should know that once you are signed up and attempt to resign your membership they will offer you 2 months for the price of 1. I decided to go with that deal and was really glad I did. I have met some pretty amazing women, I won’t go into detail about how many or all the crazy times I had but I will say it was more than worth the price of admission…lol. That said, be sure you know how to resign and when, they make up for those free months with people that accidentally stay longer than they meant to.

her on the computer <----Hot blonde, Jenny Mccarthy look a like
Her in real life<--------busted face, pimples, braces, virgin

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Simply not true, (at least in my experience) lots of fine women are tired of the bars, and the games that go with ‘em. Like Francisco said you have to make them prove themselves to you, (qualify) I believe this is an important step. It makes the women realize you are truly picky and they go into “proving themselves” mode.

It may seem corny but I always suggest meeting for coffee somewhere nice. I never have coffee, usually just ice water, but you are there to gauge interest, hers AND yours. Not to get all hyped up and jabber your brains out. I tell them before we ever meet that I can stay 30 minutes and then have plans. While you could make an imaginary phone call and break those “plans” if you would like, I don’t recommend this no matter how hot she is.

From this point on she’s just another woman.

Originally posted by OpenMind

…do what ya gotta do whether it be just a coffee date or drinks or dinner.. then set up a second meeting with the other girl for the exact same thing.. see how things go.. dont let either woman know how you feel about them.. keep them guessing and use the two to your advantage..

Click to expand...

I think this is the answer I was looking for, just gonna be a little tricky getting started, them being friends and all.

Originally posted by mrbreeze
Hey, thanks for covering for me Francisco, I couldn’t have said it any better than that.

Yes, Match is the only one I have used, they have a free trial, but I don’t think there is anyway to get out of it without your credit card being charged, so be prepared to spend the money for a month at least.

Click to expand...

No problem, I had a lot of success online. One thing though, I went all the way and bought a year subscription to Match. Back then it was $90, I don't know how much it costs now.

And the majority of the time we did the coffee shop meeting. I'm not a fan of coffee but many of the shops have some type of fruit or dessert drink on the menu.

I've also set the 30 minute rule for the meeting too but like you said, it's easy to extend that time plus it makes the girl feel special if she sees that you chose to adjust your schedule since you were having a good time. My coffee meeting with my current GF lasted 7 hours, I kid you not. But here's the killer, we both only had one cup of java each and she paid for her own!!!

Being a DJ has its priveledges...