ok, after a lot of thinking, too much, I have come up with a theory. to some this may sound nuts, to others it could make sense. i just want to 'test the waters', so to speak.

hopefully it wont be anything complex, so ill try to use a basic example, and apply the theory to only one situation.

first to clear the air. what im referring as ONE-ITIS is where an LTR falls short of the guys expectations. for example, the girl breaks up with the guy.

then what happens? the guy is depressed, cant get over the girl even though he knows there are better and plenty of girls out there to chose from. he might have even slept with/had relationships with plenty of ladies. but still cant get this girl out of his head.

REVELATION: in this case, the girl is the one who has the power, the control, she decided the outcome. not the guy. so what the guy is really upset about is not having the power, missing the control.

an exagerrated example, could be the guy being a 'control freak'. he does not have the power, thats what he is really upset about.

this means, there are possibly two or more ways from curing the thoughts, the ONE-ITIS disease.

1- get back with girl, and reject her. you break up with her, regain the power.

2- see a psychologist/counsellour, to stop being a controlling person. work through the problem, and understanding that it is not necessary to have the power in all situations.

anyone get me? got any ideas? what do you think?

yeah I have an idea. There is a chemical reaction in his brain. Causing him to think about her all the time and even obsess over her. Dont think it is so simple, and even if he does get back with her and dump her as you say, he will still think about her all the time, he might feel like he got a bit more power, but ultimately will it will not make him happy and most of all IT WILL NOT cure his one-itis!

ok cool...

so what you are saying is that the guy has some other psychological disorder? you mentioned obsessive, there is something called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD. i think thats it.

can I ask- do you have ONE-ITIS? or previously experienced it?

Yeah I got ONE-ITIS, I got it BIG TIME. This is with a girl I can't even get though since she's got a boyfriend I've had it for her since June! All the other chics are crap compared to her(not so much her looks, although she is fukking hot!, but her personality that is SOOO much my type)

Yeah this chick knows that I fancy her like hell and she loves to mind phuck me too. I've met other women to get over her, but she's all I think about when I'm with these other chicks, they just don't compare to her. You could say I think about her 95% of my waking days. I guess it could be a case of "always wanting what we can't have" that makes her all the more irresistable...

I'm still searching for a cure for my ONE-ITIS....

REVELATION: in this case, the girl is the one who has the power, the control, she decided the outcome. not the guy. so what the guy is really upset about is not having the power, missing the control.

Click to expand...

There's lots of possible reasons why a guy hurts when he's dumped. Loss of control could be one, also loss of affection, loss of the hopes and dreams you were building up, loss of the confidence that comes from knowing someone thinks you're sexy. It can hurt in all sorts of ways, it really depends on the guy.

Interesting topic TTAG.

Having been through Oneitis myself, i realised it is a very illogical phenomenon. It just doesnt make sense.

Essentially i think its an EGO thing. Its the wierdest thing but here's how it worked for me.

We went out, i liked her somewhat (interest was say 70%), and thought she liked me alot (her interest was probably 90+%, verging on oneitis).

She had a perception of me that was flawless. I was mysterious, challenging, she liked my style, my look, the whole shebang. She was hooked.

Simply put, i fukked it up by going AFC on her (ie. she got to know me too well, i lost all mystery and challenge). Then finally, she gave me the LJBF line. (all this while she mainained HER mystery).

DAA DAAAAAA DUMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

My world was hit by an earthquake.

Insecurities crept in, yadda yadda yadda. At the end of the day, my EGO was shattered.

I felt empty inside unless i knew she was interested again. I'd DJ her, she'd fall for me again. The chase was over, i won. So i lost interest. Oneitis was gone.

Then i went AFC again. She lost interest, my ego got shattered, oneitis came back. And over again.

I finally got over her by actually getting to know who she REALLY was. I saw her interact with her friends, i saw how she carried herself in the company of other guys. I got to know her better, each interaction we had. And what do you know... shes not half the girl i thought she was. Then oneitis was cured.

So in conclusion, i believe there are two things you must do to get over oneitis:

1) Get to know her. I mean REALLY know her. Find out about her lows in life and the stupid things she's done. You'll find that you're in love with an IMAGE and not a PERSON. Find out who the person is, and the image vanishes. Her shyt stinks too. She's probably got pimples on her ass. Or hair on her back. She's probably dumped bigger turds than you have. Believe me.

2) Get her to want you back. But dont let her get you. Become the one that she cant have. Your EGO will be restored. Never befriend her again. Cut it off when you're ahead.

The point of #1 is to realise that there are a billion girls out there who are the same, if not better than her.

The point of #2 is to restore your ego and wipe away your insecurities.

TTAG, oneitus = INFATUATION

Yeah, I think DonJohn is right...

You have to focus on the bad things about her. I've been victim of ONE-ITIS many times, and this is the thing that worked. If you're deeply in love with someone, this feeling is manipulating your brains man... just realize that these feelings are messing with your brain, and that you're not going to surrender.

So try to keep things real!

Secondly, you should try to keep your mind of ONE-ITIS, by doing exciting things (but don't go out drinking). The thing is that you put this chick on number ONE of your list of importances in your life. Come'on... you have a lot of other things to do so stop needing them so much. Girls are out there and they need YOU.

And another thing to cure and prevent ONE-ITIS is being surrouned by a lot of girls! And not only be surrounded, but play with them... Man I remember, some time ago I had this heavy ONE-ITIS for more than 8 months... In this time I met a lot of interested HB's, I didn't wanted.

Time is valuable... ONE-ITIS is a sickness that affect your precious TIME .

BEAT/AVOID ONEITIS!

See:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=42742

on tips to overcome ONEITIS!

My cure for one-itis is usually a.)sluts or b.) strippers.

a.) I prefer sluts because usually you don't have to pay them and who doesn't like getting drunk with a slut to help solve your problems. Yes indeed, true sluts will be all over a guy who has just been dumped by a girl they have one-itis for and have the amazing power that actually lets you forget their name, less that you want to have anything to do with them. Forget about them having any power over you at all after you start nailin some slut(s).

b.) Strippers are a last resort effort for me where I can't seem to find a slut (rare) and the thought of what ever chick is killing me. I'll usually explain the situation to my boy and he'll get me a few lap dances. After a few shots of three wise men or just straight jack or cuervo, my boy will mention said girls name and more often then not I'll respond with "who are you talking about?" Instant one-itis cure in less than 3 hours.

There are always more girls out there so getting stuck on one, especially one that you've developed some sort of feelings for that aren't returned, is fairly easy to over come. I personally find sluts and strippers (or even strippers who are sluts) to be the best cure.

DonJohn83


You really hit the nail on the head dude. Great advice....many can relate i bet.

Re: ok cool...

Originally posted by TTAG

can I ask- do you have ONE-ITIS? or previously experienced it?

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yeah of course I have previously experienced it! I had it twice and it was hell. Everyone has had it, and if they havent, they are either too young, or lying! That or there is something mentally wrong with them! Glad I have changed now!