This was mailed to me on the mailing list:


"** My Personal Breakthrough **

Recently, my girlfriend was in the bar where I play in a band, and she
got very jealous when I was talking to a woman. She pushed past the
girl and ordered me to take her home.

Well, this woman belonged to the bartender, and my girlfriend was
being ridiculous. So I told her that I wasn't taking her anywhere
until she apologized to the woman for being rude.

She argued a bit, but I stood my ground. Guess what happened. She
not only apologized to my female friend, but they bonded, and were in
the bathroom for about 15 minutes chatting (women!).

I can't even begin to tell you how empowered I felt at that moment.

The main point of sharing this story was that I now realize that I
don't have to be scared of making a woman upset anymore. I don't have
to put up with bad behavior.

When a woman behaves badly, I will call her on her bull without any
fear. If it's too much for her to deal with and she won't change what
she's doing, I will cut her loose and find someone more stable.

I now tell myself how there are more single women that would love to
spend time with me than I could ever date in ten lifetimes.

So learn about the "scarcity mentality", and how devastating it can be
if we let ourselves buy into it. Don't put up with B.S. from any
woman, no matter how attractive and powerful she seems to be.

This has been an amazing breakthrough for me. It is important to go
beyond understanding to becoming the knowledge."

Now. I remember a discussion initiated by Monkey regarding whether to call women on their BS, or just pass it and move on. Can we get a clear distinction between the two? Are there situations where you just CANNOT win, whether you call her on her BS or not?

Discuss...

I've always been very firm in my relationships, and made it clear to my partner that if she acts rudely or without propper insight, or ignorantly; that I will not stand for it.

I always firmly held my ground and therefor that was respected.

Shouldn't be any other way, firm yet caring.

I think as long as there are emotions involved, there are situations that exist that can not be won.
I've always tried to create win-win situations, but sometimes I fail to handle things correctly and sometimes the woman is just too temperamental to assess the fairness of a situation.

As for calling women on their BS, I think that's done on a case by case basis.

I recall a date when I took a girl to a party at a buddies house. She knew that my friends would be having their own test, to deem whether she was worthy. After all, if she can't get along with a bunch of hard-up bozos, she's not likley to be very manageable.

During the course of a conversation, she blatantly lied about something. I knew the truth and she knew I knew the truth. I thought really hard about calling her on it right there in front of everyone. But, I thought better of it, as I could tell that she was just trying to impress everyone. My night would have likely ended up poorly, my friends would have thought poorly of her, I just didn't see any win out of it. Sure, I'm a know-it-all sometimes, but I think I served everyone better by waiting until we were alone before I told her she was full of crap.

In summary, perhaps I was wrong; but we can see that there are many different contexts in which we can call someone on their BS. It's up to the DJ to decide which is the best context.

I think a lot of it has to do with how you do the BS correction in the end.

If you lose your cool, freak out, strike 1. If you don't say anything, you're out. If you supplicate and tell her to "please not do it", you're out.

Thing is, I am generally a very easy going person. I can give a lot, but then in turn I expect a lot as well. So it is difficult for me to start hunting every single case as a "possible contravention" of rules...what the hell is the point then anyway.

The best way is probably just look her straight in the eye, and tell her what you didn't like. Make it clear and keep it cool. Then she knows, and if she does it again, you have good enough reason to kick her azz.

Funny thing...as with most things we learn on this site, this applies to all your social interactions in general.