My problem is that I constantly freeze up around chicks. I never know what to say. Chicks basically give me 5 minutes to put on an entertaining show, and if they get bored with me, they turn cold. Fvck, I can't tell entertaining stories that just entrances the girls the way most other guys can. I'm so introverted.

So, is it possible to just ask them questions, and try to get them to do most of the talking?

I'm actually very interested in getting to know people (I could have been a psychologist), but the general advice seems to be that if a chick thinks you're interested in getting to know her, then that means she'll think you're lower value than she is, so she won't be attracted. Instead you should be so fvcking interesting that SHE is the one who wants to get to know YOU.

My problem, however, is that my negs and canned routines are failing pretty miserably. I really am a good guy (I don't fake it), and I naturally offer lots of compliments to people. I never make fun of others, even in a joking manner. When I'm with friends, I never bust on them (and, interestingly, they never bust on me either . . . it is as if they subconsciously realize that I'm too good for that sort of shlt.)

So when I do the routines it comes across like I'm an arrogant @sshole. It can also come across like I'm obviously trying to pick up the chicks I'm talking to, since I'm trying so hard to tell the damn stories.

So my question is, is it possible at all to become a Don Juan who really is interested in getting to know chicks?

The advice I always used to hear as an AFC was "chicks love to talk about themselves" and "asking a woman questions about herself lets her know that you're not too self-involved". Was that incorrect advice?

And, if it is okay to converse with chicks by mostly just asking them questions, how do you phrase them? Do you say things like:
- "How did you feel when you _______________"?
- "What do you really enjoy doing for fun?"
- "What did you enjoy most about your last vacation?"

I hate to go on a rant, but I can't take anymore rejections. I've done all sorts of affirmations, self-hypnosis, and meditations to handle rejections and cold-shoulders from chicks. The problem is that after constant failure, it's hard not to hate yourself. In life, one does have to succeed every once in awhile to maintain a shred of self-esteem. I just want to figure out a system that's simple and that works.

They should be selling themselves to you....get them to put on a show for you!

First, you need to find a girl you have a better connection with....i have found some women boring and thus boring convos.

Just laugh, take it easy and let it flow...listen and take it from thee...question her on stuff she has told you in a previous answer....treat it as if this girl was a guy friend initially....relax...it will flow...smile and laugh.

"I've done all sorts of affirmations, self-hypnosis, and meditations to handle rejections and cold-shoulders from chicks. The problem is that after constant failure, it's hard not to hate yourself. In life, one does have to succeed every once in awhile to maintain a shred of self-esteem. I just want to figure out a system that's simple and that works."

Maybe it's time to trash what you thought you've learned and start over. Start with a brand new outlook, a new model of life that will work for you. The answer isn't to find a system that works. That is the easy way out and it will inevitibly lead you back here, once again, after it's failed.

I think it's time to do some self-discovery. You have a million misperceptions that are working against you as we speak. Self-limiting beliefs that have been solified by bad experience after bad experience. Why, in the beginning, did you feel you needed to 'improve' or find a system to meet chicks? Why did you think YOU weren't good enough? What experiences made you believe this?

Typically you'll notice that we were brought here for the SAME reasons. A girl or a few girls hurt us, we didn't understand way and felt vulnerable...like we've lost control. It's amazing. After only a FEW girls we allow them to change our perception to "Since these 3 girls didn't like me, I must not be good enough, I must improve". What the hell is that all about? Why can't we just SEE that the reasons the 3 girls didn't like us is IRRELEVANT. And that, even NOW, 3 girls STILL don't like us. Fvck it, 2 MILLION people don't want to have sex with us! So why do we feel like we need to go out of our way and overcomplicate such a simple process of meeting women all because of 3 women?

Figure out the source of your insecurity. Figure out what you want, and what is stopping you from getting there. You'll find that whatever it is that's stopping you, is coming FROM you. You are the source of your own frustrations and complications. Identify what it is, and dissect it. See it as JUST a misperception. In the end, after all is said and done, you'll see how silly it is that we feel we have to create this FANTASY world of 'seduction' in order to compensate for our lack of understanding of OURSELVES. Stop running. Figure yourself out and you'll have TRUE control.

testing

Questions are OK . I do this all the
time. Be sincere, funny, smile when you
can (as I think you've been doing).
Biggest problem I've had periodically is getting nervous and then getting a tense look on my face, which scares people
away.

Consider asking questions like an interview and do your fact finding in a more conversational, give and take manner. The questions seem canned and usable with any woman on the street.

Women enjoy feeling unique and special so questions geared toward them individually will work better than a line of questions that you'd hear on a cheesy game show. In a nutshell, each woman should feel as if they are the first woman that you've talked to and that you are making an effort to get to know them.

Listen closely to what a woman has to say and ask probing questions that tie end into what they were talking about. Lastly, don't forget to share a little about yourself. Just enough to pique their interest but not too much to bore them.

ask curious questions. dont ask "cuz you know more than i do" questions.

I usually make bull**** and lie alot.

In The Club

Intro:

Tkman - What's your name?
Her - Bobo

Stage 2- Say something ****y+funny (c+f)

Tkman - I like your nails do you mind scratching me Bobo? (see this absoltely makes no sense at all but now she laughed = more open and interested)

Stage 3- Go back talking about her

Tkman - What have you been up to? (I know the answer - she's going to stay ... )
Bobo - I am having fun with my friends (like I give a ****)

Stage 4- Challenge her + close # + HIT IT

Tkman - Do u know how to dance?
Bobo - Yes (99% she will smile also ... IL is skyhigh)
Tkman - I dont think you can handle me !!! (I am not the best dancer trust me. IL has exploded)
Bobo - Yeah, ok !!!
Tkman - Ok lets go !!! (Done Deal, Peace, Over)

Hey guy. What's happening. I've been there, so I wanted to respond with something. But I think you're main question is beyond the problem right now.

I want to hit two things I believe will help you, as it had helped me.


1) I believe your buddies don't bust your balls because you don't play along and poke back at em. It's not because you're "too good for it", it's because they know you're not fun with it. By avoiding some friendly taunting and teasing with the boys, you're missing out on a great way to practice being C+F, not to mention defending a self-esteem and learning how to belittle rejection.. possibly why you may feel like an arrogant @sshole when you try C+F and negs on the ladies? It's such a big step from your norm that you're easy to spot as a fake. If you can't pull this sh*t off with your buddies, how do you expact a woman to fall for it?

2) Compliments....they're so standard issue for the not-so-suave types that they reek with unoriginality, transparency and desperation when given too freely. They should be a delightful treat when least expected, rather than a cheap, upfront freebie. If you want to continue being the sort to give compliments, then at least try to create the contrast that'll make it a treat.

The bottom line in both points is that you're not presenting enough challenge in these fundamental areas. Without the challenge, you're always on the defense...trying to be entertaining. Trying to be interesting. Trying to keep the attention. All the work is on you to compensate for being simply typical.

I just want to say I really appreciate all the good advice you guys have given me. Thanks to this thread, I've got a lot to work on and know which direction I need to go as I climb of AFC land. (It's definitely tough when you first start out!)

I was feeling pretty bitter and despondent, but you all have gotten me back on the right track. Thank you!