Need a second opinion on this situation (update)

Here's the deal:

Went out with this girl once. Coffee date, she was kind of flaky about it on the day of, calling to say she'd be late, etc, but we eventually got together and had fun.

Next week I called her, left a message, and she did not return the phone call (no surprise there). Saw her in class the next day, she apologized for not calling.

Couple days later (Tuesday) I called her again to invite her out for Friday, and told her she needed to decide by Wednesday so I could make arrangements. She told me on the phone that she'd call me later in the day (still Tuesday) and let me know. I had a feeling she wouldn't call, and lo and behold, she didn't.

Today is Wednesday. Saw her in class, she apologized again for not calling, and I told her to call today. Today was the original deadline I gave her.

She hasn't called, and my gut instinct tells me that she won't call me today but instead will tell me tomorrow in class that she would be happy to go. Now, the truth is that Wednesday was only the deadline I gave her - in reality, I can actually make arrangements for our date on Friday at the last minute without a problem. But the point is that I set a clear deadline of today and I doubt she will keep it.

If my gut instinct is right, and she tells me tomorrow that she does want to get together, what should I do? Tell her, "sorry, you needed to call me yesterday" or "all right, I'll see you Friday?"

My instinct tells me that her IL is pretty high, but at the same time, I think she might be going through some personal issues right now. I know her friends at school and they all like me. (that doesn't necessarily mean they want her to hook up with me)

I am inclined to tell her tomorrow that our date for Friday is off because she didn't call me when I told her to. Do yall think I am correct in this course of behavior?

"Sorry, i've made other plans."

Originally posted by coin
Couple days later (Tuesday) I called her again to invite her out for Friday, and told her she needed to decide by Wednesday so I could make arrangements. She told me on the phone that she'd call me later in the day (still Tuesday) and let me know. I had a feeling she wouldn't call, and lo and behold, she didn't.

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This was probably a mistake. You should have gotten a confimation (yes or no) from her before the end of the phonecall - don't give her a couple of days to think up an excuse to back out or avoid calling you back.

Today is Wednesday. Saw her in class, she apologized again for not calling, and I told her to call today. Today was the original deadline I gave her.

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Another opportunity missed to get a straight answer from her. Why are you asking her to call you - if she's standing there in front of you then that is a golden time to ask her straight up "Are you coming to blah blah with me?"

My instinct tells me that her IL is pretty high, but at the same time, I think she might be going through some personal issues right now.

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My first instinct is that her IL is pretty low. Hence she's not returning calls.

Thanks for the advice Kodiak, you've affirmed what my instinct is already telling me.

But is it plausible? She's going to see me tomorrow morning. How could I already have made plans by then?

Doesn't seem believeable to me. But sticking to your guns is more important than a legitimate-sounding excuse.

Re: Re: Need a second opinion on this situation

Originally posted by Howie Farkes
This was probably a mistake. You should have gotten a confimation (yes or no) from her before the end of the phonecall - don't give her a couple of days to think up an excuse to back out or avoid calling you back.

Another opportunity missed to get a straight answer from her. Why are you asking her to call you - if she's standing there in front of you then that is a golden time to ask her straight up "Are you coming to blah blah with me?"

My first instinct is that her IL is pretty low. Hence she's not returning calls.

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Point taken about the missed opportunities Howie. I was just trying to play it cool by seeming like I didn't care that much. (ie, I only ask once.. if she doesn't follow up then that's her problem) I'll just have to play it by ear to see if this is still salvageable.. if not, next!

As for the IL, though, I still think it's high. She tends to approach me more than vice versa. Monday I think she told me that she wanted to get together again soon.

Howie you think I should call her now or just forget about it?

Well you're the only one who can really judge her IL. When it really is high there's not much you can do wrong, so if your gut tells you it's high then call her and ask her out again.

I can understand you wanting to look like "you don't care much" but what you probably need to do instead is give the impression that "nothing phazes you much". A DJ always cares what's going on in HIS life - he just doesn't let external things get to him too much.

No take her out, and have a conversation with her. That conversation should go something like this.

You: "Let's just be friends."

It puts her on the spot, one way or another she has to stop being flaky and play her cards.

-Grey Fox

But is it plausible? She's going to see me tomorrow morning. How could I already have made plans by then?

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Easy, your a DJ - your a busy man and she has to EARN your time. You are the catch, not her.

Doesn't seem believeable to me. But sticking to your guns is more important than a legitimate-sounding excuse.

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You don't really have to explain yourself if you dont want too. Just tell her you have made other plans (she had her chance!) for Friday but you might be free on XYZ and that you will get back to her.

Good Luck

Of course it's plausible that you've got other plans now. It only take two minutes to call a buddy and say, "Hey, let's go out Friday night."

High IL or not (and I think NOT), this girl is flaky. You've given her two chances and she's flaked out on both. Why are you so keen to be turned down again?

Find a girl who show you she wants to go out with you by her actions, not her words.

I think this girl is full of it. Girlies are masters at being all smiley and sweet to our faces so that they can avoid confrontaion and not seem "mean," but it's her actions that tell the full story. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that if a girl likes a man she will call him when she says she will. Don't waste time with all of the mixed signals crap. Life is too short.

Update:

Passed her in the hall today and no eye contact. Looks like yall were right about low IL... I will be chalking this one up as a learning experience.

next!