I find myself falling into the trap of "trying too hard" in a lot of situations. I'll be talking to a girl and part of me will be saying, 'You've spent way too much time with this girl/getting too close/talking too much, lighten up, roll out for a little while and come back.' and part of me will be saying, 'You want to close, increase the intimacy now, while you've got her attention, get an arm around her, touch her, get close, don't leave now.'

I guess the whole idea is to build attraction and then present challenge as necessary, but it seems like lots of times when I try to build attraction I end up being too aggressive, and when I try to present challenge I end up being too aloof. I wonder if anyone here knows the secret, the balance between the two, and whether it's something ELSE I'm doing wrong that screws both up.

Any thoughts?

squirrels,

I know you really don't believe what I believe; that attraction is either there from the beginning, or it's not. If it's there you just have to not fvck it up. I know you believe that SS and The Bible have some kind of mystical way to break into a girl's mind, figure out somehow what is specific to that girl, and feed her an illusion that you're that guy....but try to apply the "attraction is there or it's not" method to your past experiences and I think you'll be able to make more sense out of your situation when you realize it was never the challenge or persistance that got her wet for you to begin with.

I hear what you're saying, the initial attraction is either there or it's not, but what I'm talking about is more how to intensify an already existing attraction, or at least not screw up and lose the attraction that's there.

I mean, you could be attracted to someone, but if they hang around too long or are NEVER around, that attraction could be lost. That's more what I'm getting at.

squirrels,

I understand that much. You have a good point. The problem is though, that every single girl is different. Lets say that you hang around two seperate girls, on two seperate occasions and go the "persistant" route. Or at least what YOU think is persistant. Both girls are "attracted" from the beginning. That means that both girls have assumed PERCEPTIONS about you. It is those perceptions that fuel the attraction.

Girl A may think "Mmmm, he's staying here with me, he must really like me. I'm kinda shy so I'm glad he doesn't just leave." But Girl B might think "God, he's attractive but he's so damn clingy." Girl A's perceptions stay in check, the attraction sustains. Girl B's perceptions dissolved, you're not what she expected, the attraction loses it's fuel and fades. That's the reason that we can never predict what a woman is truely "looking for". Especially in the beginning of the relationship. The criteria of what each girl is looking for very well may be different, and more importantly, the PERCEPTION of your actions will be different depending on the girl.