Master DJ's I am in need of assistance. Please Aid.

I am a 19 year old college student/competive bodybuilder,
and I get my fair share of chicks. However, this year in school I got bored of the one night stand gimmicks and the casual messy hookups. My schedule is pretty full with working out and other schtuff. Needless to say, I know that at this point in my life I desire a girlfriend who I can hangout with when I'm not working my ass off, and someone who's there to wait for me when I get back at like 3 am every weekend from traveling to competition to competition.

I met this chic at my gym 3 weeks ago. Total knockout, but after I got her number I figured "Eh, she's just another hot chic, no big deal."

Well the thing is it became a big deal. At 19, I've hooked up with probably seventy five girls in my life and dated about half of them on and off. I've had a 2 and a half year stint with one girl, and like 3 month stints with some of the rest. However, with this one girl I connect with better then all of them. I really want her to be my girlfriend, but here's the issue.

She had an on and off relationship with her old boyfriend for about 3 and a half years. Like most long term relationships, they had paradise for about the first year then it fell into the crapper. I know for a fact that he's hit her on more than one occasion and that things must be crappy to break it on and off like that. As of now, they are on bad terms but she has him always in the back of her mind because of that one year in paradise. She even told me the other night that a part of her would always be with him no matter what.

Anyway, the weekend following after I met her. We hooked up, and even had sex like the second night of knowing each other. I don't think she's easy, I just think I knew all the right things to do and say to have her give it up.

So as time goes on we start hanging out more and more. We have a class together in the morning and we hangout during the break. Behind closed doors we act like boyfriend and girlfriend, basically all over each other, and in places like movie theatres, it's pretty much the same. However, little things like saying goodbye are weird because we just hug, rather then the traditional pec on the lips sort of deal.

Me wanting her was eating me up so badly that I decided to tell her two nights ago when I hungout at her apartment. I decided I wouldn't kiss her or lead her on, and tell her that I like her so much that I need it to be official or else I can't hookup with her at all.

I told her all I had to tell her, and she told me how she felt, and how much I meant to her. She told me she misses me all the time, and how she's scared of getting hurt. She told me I was the only one she was seeing at the moment, and all she wants is to take it slow, but she cant handle a relationship because of her career and school. (bull**** to me if you ask) I tried not to give in, but she's brutally hot and seductive and we ended up having some amazing sex right after, probably the best in my life so far.

Anyway, it was about 4 in the morning when I had to leave. Now even though we talked about how we should take it slow and she cant handle a relationship. Something inside of me told me to speak up once more. I couldnt walk out her door so I said " I dont know if I can do this." She was kind of like "Huh?" but I continued to ramble on, however, I did it so much I made myself look weak. She then grew angry and was like "After all we talk about, you still can't respect the fact that I can't enter another relationship, blah blah."

I left on a sour note, but we spoke briefly the next day about how stupid I was when I left. I really did feel dumb, not at what I said, but because I made myself look weak. I haven't spoken to her in a few days, but I'm sure she'll call.

I'll get over that little thing, but what I really need is to figure out a way to get this official. I'm tired of being cloudy and not knowing what me and this girl is. I need to take the upper hand and have her wanting a relationship and not vice-versa. She fills all my gaps, and is everything I want in a girl, and believe me it takes a lot for me to say that.

What can I do to get her? Should I pull out the "be a ****" card I've pulled in the past that seems to work on most girls? Should I continue to follow her "go slow" advice even though we have sex and hangout a lot? Should I cut off all ties, which isnt that hard for me and diverge myself into some other form of work?

I don't know what to do brothers....

Please offer assistance......

The Rookie Pimp....Naitch

Just had a similar situation, nothing you can do about it; she's not over the ex... its best you dont have a relationship coz she'll go running back to him garaunteed soone or later, until she clearly makes a descision to get over it and let the passed go by... It's hard for a lot of women to let go, can take months sometimes a few years.

Best thing to do is not concentrate on her, as you're her comfort cushion right now. Don't let her be the only one otherwise you're going to get some major oneitis...

Nothing you can do bud sorry, only time, patience.. move on.

Well...this isn't a TOTAL disaster anyway. First of all, lets just say that its' AWESOME that you know what you want. You know that you want to have a real, actual connection with somebody. Most of these asses want the same thing but their ego's won't them admit it. Good for you man. Now lets get into this....

"She even told me the other night that a part of her would always be with him no matter what. "

Eh, that may or may not be true. I doubt it personally. After a tough breakup EVERYBODY says that. 3 years later we look back and laugh and think "Wow, haha, how stupid was I?" Don't even worry about it. Thinking about it, talking with her about it, hassling her about it, isn't going to accelerate the rate at which she does, if she will, forget about him.

"I don't think she's easy, I just think I knew all the right things to do and say to have her give it up. "

You're full of shyt there, big guy. I understand you're a good looking, muscular player but it really didn't have as much to do with your slick, smooth "game" as you think. She fvcked you because she wanted to fvck you. That shyt is going on in your head. Jump off of your high horse now and give more credit to yourself, and not your silly "game", yo.

"I really did feel dumb, not at what I said, but because I made myself look weak."

Yeah man, these kinds of girls will do that to you. And it's not the girl themselves, it's what you build them up to be. You stop and think "Man, she's hot, I need to get with that. I need to be with her 'officially'. She needs to be with just me." Then what happens is, your behavior starts to mimic that and soon you seem weak and desperate. It happens to us all. What you need to do is keep your EGO out of this. Because it is THAT, which requires you to "want want want". It doesn't care what it makes you look like. In this case it "wants" a relationship, and it'll stop nothing short of making you look like a pansy ass for it. Take control of that; of yourself and handle this like a man. There's nothing wrong with having strong feelings, and connecting with a girl; but keep your ego out of this.

When you depend on a girl too much for the other half of the connection...when you depend on her to fill the "voids" inside of you; if she leaves, that crutch snaps and you fall to the ground. Beware.

"I'll get over that little thing, but what I really need is to figure out a way to get this official"

Why? What's the difference? You said that you're having an AMAZING time with her right now? Why would you push anything right now when things are going so well. Don't pressure. Sit back and if things are going to happen, they will happen. I promise.

-Blitz

Thanks guys

hey thanks, to both of you who responded. While the first post offered a new look on the thing, the man xblitz who wrote the second post really changed my perspective on the whole situation. Thanks for the advice guys, and I'm gonna keep my ego out of this and just see where the road takes me. You guys rock.....later

PS Id like any other DJers to offer some words of wisdom, i like looking at this thing from all angles.

You said it yourself. She's still in love with her ex and is using school as an excuse to stay out of a relationship yet keep you around. You give her what he doesn't and vice versa. And in her mind, he's better than you, because he doesn't give a damn about her, and you do, because you stop to think how hot she is before acting, and he doesn't. Become better than he is in her mind and she'll be yours. Figure out what it is he gives her that you don't and challenge her to get it from you. Continue along your present course and you won't get more than you already have. Good luck.

Originally posted by Krassus
You said it yourself. She's still in love with her ex and is using school as an excuse to stay out of a relationship yet keep you around. You give her what he doesn't and vice versa. And in her mind, he's better than you, because he doesn't give a damn about her, and you do, because you stop to think how hot she is before acting, and he doesn't. Become better than he is in her mind and she'll be yours. Figure out what it is he gives her that you don't and challenge her to get it from you. Continue along your present course and you won't get more than you already have. Good luck.

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Well said. He hits her, you dont, hhaaha. Truthfully he is a dikc, but that is just what chicks want sometimes without even realising it. Its sad, but its true. Maybe the feelings just arent there for her towards you, most of the time this is caused because she knows she can have you. U gotta change this up, tell her no problem and tell her about a couple of other girls you are dating. Tell her that one of them is really growing on you, that she is cute, funny and interesting. This will get her Jealous and make her doubt if she actually HAS you. Also neghit her, do it a lot, just try not to make it insulting.

Peace

It sounds like you both know what you want, and you've both told each other. You want an 'official' relationship with her, she wants to meet up with you and have sex, without any 'relationship' tag on it, for now. You can't make her want what you want, nor can she make you want what she wants.

Right now, you're going along with things the way she wants it, because you hope that down the line her feelings for you will grow and she'll start to want what you wanted all along. That may well happen.

The important thing for now is that you keep in mind that, right now, she doesn't want that. Don't get so caught up in the idea of what you could have later on, because she may never want that. So keep going, just keep it real, and keep talking to her. If you get to a point where you just don't want to do it anymore, and you know she isn't coming round to wanting a real relationship with you, you're just going to have to walk away.

Good luck.

I'm not really a master DJ, but just recently i've expierenced a similiar situation, only this chick baled out on me . And I've tried to figure out what went wrong, and I will post my thoughts about it.

It bassicly comes down to 2 reasons i can think of. One of them is a classical DJ mistake I made, and the other reason is that she was never willing to get in a serious relation in the first place.

1. I failed at being a challenge, she had me and she knew it. After she knew this we continued having sex for a week, but then it was over. We emailed everyday, which is anti challenging, i made it clear i wanted to go for a LTR which is anti challenging. I did not became less available after she made it clear she wasn't yet sure about the LTR, which is anti challenging. I kept on calling her after she repeatdly had some excuses for not comming, this was getting desperate ( but i missed the great sex). At this point I realised i had lost this one, next.

2. She never was realy showing intrest in my life. Small example, my room is filled with guitars and guitar equipment, she never asked once about it. More of those small examples which may indicate it was doomed before it begun. She recently broke of a LTR with her ex. She kept on talking about the ex, which is a red flag. Maybe I was just a short time fling for her, tasting the single life she missed out on for 2 years.

Well, you've got a real mess on your hands. I'll point out all the problems...

I know for a fact that he's hit her on more than one occasion

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..and along come NatureBoy, her knight in shining armour to save her!! If she's not smart enough to get out of an abusive relationship, there's absolutely nothing you can do to change her mind. She may actually enjoy the drama of it all.

Me wanting her was eating me up so badly that I decided to tell her two nights ago when I hungout at her apartment. I decided I wouldn't kiss her or lead her on, and tell her that I like her so much that I need it to be official or else I can't hookup with her at all.

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The night in shining armour turns AFC. This is where you messed up. You indicated that goodbyes are weird with NO KISSING. This immediately indicates that something's missing. Perhaps a lack of kino? Women respond much better to actions than words. If you want her to know you like her, do it through your actions by using kino. Now you've barfed your feelings all over her. This made you look incredibly weak and girly. Now she's going to back off.

I told her all I had to tell her, and she told me how she felt, and how much I meant to her. She told me she misses me all the time,

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Everything she said was great, up until she said this:

and how she's scared of getting hurt. She told me I was the only one she was seeing at the moment, and all she wants is to take it slow, but she cant handle a relationship because of her career and school.

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In other words, you don't turn her on like her abusive ex-bf does. She's trying to let you down easy because you've indicated that she's a priority in her life. The message she got from you is that you function on the very thought of her. Women don't like this, it's a HUGE turnoff. As a result, she's backing off.

but she's brutally hot and seductive and we ended up having some amazing sex right after, probably the best in my life so far.

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She's only having sex with you because you're temporary until another man comes along that makes her constantly wet her panties. You're a filler.

I left on a sour note, but we spoke briefly the next day about how stupid I was when I left. I really did feel dumb, not at what I said, but because I made myself look weak.

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You've just gone and made it worse. You talked about how weak you looked. When you make a mistake dealing with a girl, NEVER bring it up. Carry on like nothing happened and it will get voided out by everything you're doing right.

I haven't spoken to her in a few days, but I'm sure she'll call.

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Only when her ego needs stroking.

I'll get over that little thing, but what I really need is to figure out a way to get this official.

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I'm afraid this may not happen. Relationships evolve naturally, they can't be forced.

I'm tired of being cloudy and not knowing what me and this girl is.

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One word - REBOUND.

I need to take the upper hand and have her wanting a relationship and not vice-versa.

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It's best to start fresh with a new girl. She's covered in vomited feelings, and it's going to take some time to clean it all off. The relationship area is where you're lacking self-control. You've shifted into a mode where you actually want a relationship, but don't know how to get one started. A LTR is an evolved version of a STR. You need to work on the STR before you have it evolve into a LTR.

UPDATE...sorta

Thanks for advice all. I take each and every one of your posts into consideration when weighing out my options as to what I should do with this situation. Some of you guys offer good advice, but forget that I have to see this chick everyday cause I have class with her. The only post I didnt understand was about me not having kino with her, totally not true at all if that is what you meant.

Since last night though, I''ve decided to keep my distance and not call her back ever. She knows my true colors, where I stand, and what I can give her, but it's time to pull back the army. Question though, if she calls me should I accept or reject the call?

I think eventually the tables will turn, it always seems to when I let go. So from this moment on it's in the past. Will I be friends with her? Yea I guess, but I'm gonna pursue/talk about other chics and let her know, not by coming out and saying it, but by acting that I'm not gonna sit back and wait for her to take her time while I sit in limbo. I won't mention any more of my feelings for her, or compliment her in anyway anymore. I mean just today she looked brutally hot, i mean freakin ridiculous and I know she wanted me to say something, but I was just like ur hair is really curly today, and that was it.

Here's a piece of info I failed to leave out. She introduced me to her parents last week before we had that incident I spoke of. It was kind of spur of the moment sort of deal where we were hangin out and shes like "You want to meet my rents?" and I was like "Umm, alright." Anyway, I met both of them. Two seperate trips, one to her moms one to her dads on the other side of town. Her mom wants me to come to thanksgiving since I cant see my family cause I live in Florida and Im not flying home. What should I do brothers?

Thanks again, and I look forward to the replies.

I think eventually the tables will turn, it always seems to when I let go.

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That's exactly the way it works. A woman will notice when you're no longer interested in her. Again, women respond very well to actions rather than words. If you're not calling her, not complimenting her, and talking to other women, she's going to notice, and she's going to want the attention you're giving other women. Then she'll start connecting with you again.

Her mom wants me to come to thanksgiving since I cant see my family cause I live in Florida and Im not flying home.

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If her mom wants you to come for thanxgiving, her mom will call you.