And then I can't hold out for long.

It doesn't "FEEL" too good physically -- but more MENTALLY.... We start out all right, slowly and carefully, but then my brain kicks in and I'm thinking

"oh my God, I'm actually making love to this girl, I'm actually doing it, oh my God, she's moaning under me, oh my God, she's so wet, oh my God, I am actually going in and out, I can't believe this is happening... oh sh!t, no, no, no...."

and that's all...

I blame it on my lack of "practice" - since we don't get to have sex too often due to not being able to find a place to be together... And then when we do, I'm always reluctant because especially when she gets me so hot, I can't control myself for long... and it's a vicious circle...

And, I know those who recommend Kliegel (sp?) exercises - they won't help, since at that point *nothing* can help me...

Any suggestions for controlling your "BRAIN?!"

Lol, I see those porn flicks where they go on for like half an hour before they just "decide" to call it quits... But I'm guessing there's no "connection" between those people, so it's just like "going through the motions"... Am I wrong?

Help

edited title: thanks for advice, legolas

I'm not one to have the most experience in sex so take my advice with a grain of salt. What I think you need to do here is one of two things. Well one of three now that I think again. First write a message with the subject line "How do I last longer?" That'll getcha some good advice.

The other two things are, either make the girl so hot that she c*ms as quickly as you, or desensitize your mind. That is if you don't want to c*m quickly, think of nonsexual stuff. But then what's the whole point of having sex? Maybe you should prolong the "pregame show" aka foreplay so that penetration is then limited to a quick fun blowout by maybe both of you.

Originally posted by legolas

Maybe you should prolong the "pregame show" aka foreplay so that penetration is then limited to a quick fun blowout by maybe both of you.

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Actually, that's the problem I think... I believe that if there was LESS of pregame show - then I wouldn't be so anxious and hot as after, say, half an hour. But, she has no problem with anything - she gets off easily, and I make sure of that -- but it has never happened from actual "definition" intercourse...

Visualise yourself having sex with your mother for the briefest of moments. That will kill any over-excitement.

Originally posted by thatguy
Actually, that's the problem I think... I believe that if there was LESS of pregame show - then I wouldn't be so anxious and hot as after, say, half an hour. But, she has no problem with anything - she gets off easily, and I make sure of that -- but it has never happened from actual "definition" intercourse...

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Then allow me to ask you a question.

If you're having fun, and enjoying it, and she is enjoying it equally then WTF is your problem? SInce when did porn videos become the standard of how long a man should last? A porn video is not shot straight out from beginning to end, there's a lot of editing that goes on behind the scenes, and plenty of outtakes whihc you never see. If you make porn your standard for good sex, then you've clearly gone off the deep end here

But do make sure that she is indeed having fund AND that she has no problem with it, because if she does, then that could be a bug in the relationship that can screw it all up for you.

Why not just use some sort of stop and go method... or if your not, wear a rubber, that will certinaly slow you down.

Originally posted by legolas
Then allow me to ask you a question.

If you're having fun, and enjoying it, and she is enjoying it equally then WTF is your problem? SInce when did porn videos become the standard of how long a man should last? A porn video is not shot straight out from beginning to end, there's a lot of editing that goes on behind the scenes, and plenty of outtakes whihc you never see. If you make porn your standard for good sex, then you've clearly gone off the deep end here

But do make sure that she is indeed having fund AND that she has no problem with it, because if she does, then that could be a bug in the relationship that can screw it all up for you.

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Well, I actually kinda told her about this all -- and she looked at me strange and what she said was this:

"I understand what you're saying, but so what? Just have fun, isn't that what it's about? You don't have much experience but at the same time you're afraid to get more experience, so how do you expect to get better?"

We have an open relationship and aren't shy or afraid to discuss these issues. But, even though she says this, I want to be able to control myself somehow, because I want to be able to enjoy those moments without worrying of them ending too soon... because no other form of intimacy can compare to this even if all of them "lead" to the same end

Originally posted by B9
Visualise yourself having sex with your mother for the briefest of moments. That will kill any over-excitement.

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Sick!!!

Originally posted by thatguy
Well, I actually kinda told her about this all -- and she looked at me strange and what she said was this:

"I understand what you're saying, but so what? Just have fun, isn't that what it's about? You don't have much experience but at the same time you're afraid to get more experience, so how do you expect to get better?"

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OMG, you knw what?

She's right!!!!!

Yeah, I also understand your pride issues with being a man and in control and all that BS, buh' lemme tell ya somthin', pride has always hurt people more than it has helped them. If my dad was less prideful (new term), he and my mom would have a much much more pleasant relationship.

Control and pride are the two most dangerous things an insecure man tries to show, because of his fear of losing control, he has to offset it with a HUGE pride. Like my dad for example, as soon as he feels control is slipping away he has to pull out his big guns of anger in his facial expression, (I still shudder from this) and in his voice. He NEVER resorts to hurting anyone physically, but he does it anyway psychologically. Do you really want to become a mean old man like my dad, who can't remember the last time he really had fun?

Because if you fear losing control, that assumes that there was no control to beging with. But I think control comes from a totally different mindset that people tell you. To be in control, means to be able to have a choice in a decision that is made by you. You have no control if you have no choice in the matter, or if someone else makes the decisions for you.

Anyway, to get back to sex. You want to be able to enjoy those moments longer, well your body is not desined to enjoy an orgasm for a long time. You'll have to find joy in the fact that you can actually get off, and that she acually DOES get off (what a stud you are!!) and that you both have fun in the matter. First you have to change your thinking, then you have to change your approach.

What if I told you that once control is a nonissue for you anymore, you're going to find ways to actually get the control that you want, would you believe me?

Probably not.

Why?

Because you'd want some evidence showing that it was true. You won't see the evidence right away, but eventually when you'll come back and read this, you'd go "Yeah, legolas was right"

A friend of mine, who got in a relationship with this girl, kept bragging to us about how long he was able to last, and how many orgasms she'd had before he had his. I asked him what was his secret. You know what he said?

Well first he said you have to pace yourself, but then he added that he was just having fun, because before, when he focused on lasting, he would always screw it up. He then said "F*ck it" and kept enjoying the ride.

So tell me, how will you get the evidence?

here...

A Couple of things to add.

1) If you really MUST last longer - jerk off before you guys do it - perhaps an hour or two before (assuming you know upfront).

2) If you don't wear a rubber, try wearing one.

3) If you do wear a rubber, you can get rubbers which will help you perform longer. Delay ejaculation. These do work.

4) Keigel exercises work - you should try it.

5) Practice. Jerk off, and practice holding off your orgasm. Practice the stop start method.

6) when your banging your girl, don't be afraid to switch positions. This can be a usefull tactic if your close to orgasm. E.g. - your banging her from behind and are close to orgasm. Pull out and flip her on her back. Then go down on her for a couple of minutes - focus on getting her close to orgasm, then when your ready - bang away.


Remember, The stop start method - getting close to orgasm, stopping and restarting, actually gives you a more intense orgasm. Same for her. So tease her, get her close to getting off, then back off.

One thing to remember (and it sounds like you do this anyway - so it's probably mute) but as long as you get her off, and she is having lots of fun, it doesn't really matter. When she's finished, you can go ahead and have YOUR fun - however you like it. If it's quick, so what. But try and mix it up - use the techniques above every now again for a marathon event.

one thing you can do..

is when you gotta pee, try holding it in for a moment, ten let go and then hold it again. This trains your muscles "down there" and after a while you can get some real good control of you "major". cant say it works wonders but it helps to an extent...just my 2 cents

A Response

Visualise yourself having sex with your mother for the briefest of moments. That will kill any over-excitement.

Click to expand...

Hell F*CK NO!!!

Originally posted by thatguy
Well, I actually kinda told her about this all -- and she looked at me strange and what she said was this:

"I understand what you're saying, but so what? Just have fun, isn't that what it's about? You don't have much experience but at the same time you're afraid to get more experience, so how do you expect to get better?"

Click to expand...

Wow, you've got a good woman. And I'd say she's right.

But, if you want to last longer, try thinking of the smell of burning tires.

Re: A Response

Originally posted by Silquee Smoove
Hell F*CK NO!!!

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but, but... it will!