Yes, it's true that many people do "next" girls too easily. I think I have commented on this before; but there is an important reason DJs are taught to do this early on. When you haven't been out in the field for a significant amount of time and don't know the ropes, it is all too easy to get "one-itis".

"One-itis" is like coming down with a life-threatening disease, and "nexting" is like taking an antibiotic. Of course taking antibiotics over something silly like a cold is stupid, and over time they will do more harm then good. In other words, when a chick doesn't fall deeply in love with you on the first date, don't next her yet!

But in the case of this life-threatening disease, "one-itis", isn't popping a good ole antibiotic "next" pill -- better than DIEING???

When you get sick, your immune system usually is much stronger once you get over it. Over time, when you begin to "perfect your game", you can decide for yourself whether or not you want to continue to pursue that little hottie. (Imagine Pook coming down with pneumonia and not needing to see a doctor!)

Tell me folks -- when was the last time you heard the phrase: "Don't stop pursuing until she says NO." on this site? Been a while?? I think the reason we are forgetting is because of this recent surge of questions from newbies (Don't worry, I am not going to b'itch about it). What do we tell them? "NEXT her and read the Bible".

I have caught myself giving that reccomendation a few times lately. It's a good reply though, isn't it? Yes, honestly it is. Makes me feel like I really know my s'hit too! Until I remembered the real reason of being a DJ...


I believe it was Aristotle who advised to read a book, not so you can say you read it, but so you can learn what it has to offer. So next time you read the DJ bible, pay close attention and learn it. Then go out in the field and get dirty. Get sick for that matter. Do this until you are immune to "one-itis".


This goes for all of us.

Totally and 100 percent disagree. Without a doubt, 9 times outta ten, most people, including the newbies and RAFC's on this site, and ESPECIALLY people out in the real world, hold on to duds WAY to long. been there done that. Trust me, when your game is tight and you have 5 on the backburner, your lee-way is short. They start screwin up or flakin the least bit, gone.

Bottom line - There are 4 other girls waitin in line behind the one Im seein now. I don't put up with any BS or flaking attitude whatsoever. Its like a depth chart on a football team. The starting girl can't hold it down? Off the team she goes.

Business, you have to be in control, you have to be in the drivers seat. I don't pursue women, or anybody for that matter. I don't chase when it comes to girls, I drive the friggen car, and there in the passenger seat! I don't like what they have to offer? I open the door and boot them the hell out. i don't wait until they ask me to stop the car and leave themselves. This isn't a taxi.

Totally and 100 percent agree with hisfriendblu. I loved your taxi comparison haha.
Although, when you FEEL FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART that ____ is the right one for you, although you recieved something like a negative from her, go after her and dont next her.
Just dont convince yourself of feeling ¨from the bottom of your heart¨ that your oneitis is worth a inhuman chase.

I think you both missed my point.

I don't mean "hold on to the girl" instead of nexting her. I mean keep asking a girl out until she says "no".

So many guys come here and say "this chick in class said she was busy when I asked her out". What, are you gonna tell the guy to "next" her? No, you pursue until she says "no".


And SamePendo, when you say:

"Although, when you FEEL FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART that ____ is the right one for you, although you recieved something like a negative from her, go after her and dont next her."

No. When you are getting feelings from the bottom of your heart when the chick is giving you negative feedback, you have one-itis. THAT is when you "next" somone. Not when you are asking them out.


I realize I probably made my post a little ambiguous, so sorry for the confusion.

Originally posted by SamePendo
Totally and 100 percent agree with hisfriendblu. I loved your taxi comparison haha.
Although, when you FEEL FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR HEART that ____ is the right one for you, although you recieved something like a negative from her, go after her and dont next her.
Just dont convince yourself of feeling ¨from the bottom of your heart¨ that your oneitis is worth a inhuman chase.

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I agree with blu too, the taxi analogy was very good. If your DJ skills are in gear, you don't need or have the time to keep a woman around that is confused or is playing games in hopes that she will come around. Trix are for kids...

I agree with what you are saying, and it seems like you are comparing apples to oranges...

Although, yes, alot of guys do next to easily... at times I am one of these people, but I really hate the BS. Nexting is kind of a little to cookie cutter for me... I mean, I will only accept so much from a women then I next, meaning I just stop calling her... if she wishes to pursue the relationship she will call and take the next step. BUt things have to change for me to take her back.

Whereas, pursuing untill you get a NO is more of a sales technique... It's more the kind of thing where you meet a woman, and if she says NO (or snubbs you) you walk away, if you keep going and make out with her, and then she says NO (then you walk away... anything other then a no should be taken as NOt yet... ie back off and start again.

As soon as a chick says no to sex, if you have sex with her it is considered rape, even if she changes her mind... I remember reading,

---
You're in the interogation room where the officer asks you, "Did she say NO?" and you say, "Yes, but then she changed her mind."
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Unfortunately, that doesn't cut it, and you will soon be acquainted with your Bum pal Bubba....

I often use the nexting tactic to raise interest, because you stop calling her, if the interest was there in the first place you return control of the relationship... anyway... off to the clubx.

Business,
The problem with pursuing a girl that already has said "No" once is the IL factor. IL is the MOST improtant tool for selecting a girl. If a girl has said no, it already is assured that her IL in you is not sufficient. Sure, if you keep pestering a girl over and over, eventually she will go out on a date with you. But not because of high IL, more because of boredom or a ego/self esteem boost.

we have all heard of stories and been there where we were persistent in pursuing a girl that had already said no. Yep, she may have caved in for a date, but it ALWAYS leads to some sort of LJBF zone that is sex-less and dull. Life is way to short to be even wasting your time with that.

Bottom line business - if a girl has said no to a date, her IL isn't very high. When a girl has High IL, she will jump threw hoops and cancel all plans to go on a first date with a guy she really likes (High IL). If she hasn't demenstrated this, NEXT.

I agree with "The Business Man." And I liked the analogy also... I got from it: If you next chicks on the first sign of problem you will become immune from chicks who flake, but what about the "big one" who is destined for you, when she comes you will have built up your defenses and she won't be able to get in, or she gets in and you don't know what to do with her, or love her

Although the fresh newbies are always seem to be hung up on one chick, the rAFC's or "learning-dj's" always seem quick to next a chick if she doesn't show high interest within the first meeting together. The other day someone posted saying "should I next this chick, because I can't tell if she's interested?" That alone speaks for itself. Half the fun in the game is the chase. I'm not saying you stalk a girl, but nexting a chick early is like giving up on being a DJ because you got rejected on yuor first approach. Sure you might succeed elsewhere, but who knows what could've happened if you had stuck to it and tried a little more.

Mic Fiend - I like what you said here, this is the kind of thing that you develop an intuition for, whether or not the chick has some interest to develop or whether nexting is the best viable alternative.

In times of uncertainty it is usually better to pursue the chick untill it becomes clear as to where you stand with them. If you keep moving forward with every woman the woman will usually stop you at a certain point if she's gonna stop you at all... it should be taken as a good thing because then you know not to waste any more time with them.

Seems appropriate : "In life if your not moving forward, your moving backwards; If you aren't growing then you are dying." The same can be said for women... this quote btw, Is attributable to Anthony Robbins

I don't mean to be bumping my own thread here, but I need you guys to remember something.

Remember the story you've all read on here about the guy who got rejected once by some girl -- she totally had the hots for him, but she never told him because she said "he didn't try again". She wanted him in bed that night, but the guy gave up -- end of story.

Myfriendblu is exactly right that a girl with high IL will jump through hoops just to be with you. But if you really do have 5 on the backburner, what is it gonna hurt to pick the hottest one of the bunch and try her until she says no? Surely that won't tarnish your ego too much. And if you have other girls on hand you aren't gonna be obsessed, no harm done.

Of course, if a girl starts throwing mixed signals, she is probably not interested or is testing you. A good rule of thumb I use is - if you aren't having fun, forget about her. And trying to figure out mixed signals is no fun. But then, that wasn't what this thread was about.

Oh, I also meant to say that I'm glad you guys criticizing me (and each other). That's a lot healthier than a bunch of guys who go around thinking we are all always right.

So thanks for the feedback!

Certainly when you're an aspiring DJ tired of getting blown off and becoming a wreck after catching oneitis you may get into a nextring rampage...

One must understand FEAR, a lot of people will next women due to fear, fear or rejection, fear of being hurt, your ego may tell you that you're doing it b/c she's not worth YOUR time, that you're king and that you don't need it..

Some women will play hard to get unpurpose, some women won't open their legs right away, those women I actually appreceite much more...

It's the women who fling into something heads first without a seconds thought, its the women that spread their legs on a whim of their emotions, that you gotta worry about, sure they are a good bang but nothing you would want for a fruitfull LTR...

You have to "next" by following your intuition, not your emotions, not your silly mind and ego which do nothing but play tricks... INTUITION: it requires practice to distinguish it from the rest, but once you do you'll never make a wrong choice for yourself.

I also think that it comes down to one thing... respect.

If she resists but is still respectful it is ok to continue, but once she starts losing respect for you that's the sign to bail out ASAP. Even if she just meant to play hard to get, once a woman crosses the line she's gone regardless.

Originally posted by The Business Man
A good rule of thumb I use is - if you aren't having fun, forget about her. And trying to figure out mixed signals is no fun.

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Definitely good advice. I used to NEXT at the first Doc Love sign of not-stratospheric IL but like I said in another post I don't really need that defence anymore. Now I check two things with myself when I want to know whether to continue going after a girl or not:

1. Am I enjoying this?
2. Do I feel confused about her signals?

If I answer No and Yes, it's a big NEXT. Everytime I've chased girls who weren't being clear that they wanted me, it never turned into anything good.

Originally posted by The Business Man
I
Myfriendblu is exactly right that a girl with high IL will jump through hoops just to be with you. But if you really do have 5 on the backburner, what is it gonna hurt to pick the hottest one of the bunch and try her until she says no? Surely that won't tarnish your ego too much. And if you have other girls on hand you aren't gonna be obsessed, no harm done.

Of course, if a girl starts throwing mixed signals, she is probably not interested or is testing you.

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LOL, the word "No" should be all the signals you need when it comes to NEXTing a girl. End of story.

The problem I have about just selecting the hottest chik in my life right now and pursuing her? Because out of the three main categories that rate females, looks are the third most important. if you put looks first, your gonna be having A LOT of problems in dating, for a long long time. My girl rate scale goes like this, one most important, to three

1. IL
2. A girls rank on the "Giver-Taker" scale
3. Her rank based on looks.

Another reason? TIME. Time, I cannot stress enough, is SO valuable. Im not like alot of 18 year olds on this site who have endless hours a day to do nothing. You will quickly find out that once your older and the real world sets in and responsibilities as well, that you DO NOT have a single minute to play games. I DO NOT waste any time whatsoever chasing girls, playing games, spending any time with a dud or a girl that has said no. EVER. Thats why i devised this scale, and thats why im a HUGE, HUGE believer in IL. You should NOT WASTE a single minute on a girl that hasn't demenstrated at least good IL.