control. it is a very serious word, it denotes a very serious concept. how many of you are here because you want to know how to control, how to manipulate a woman into doing what you want? and when you fail, how many of you let it affect your self esteem, and the way you see yourself? and how many of you are here because you have a failed LTR, or a failing LTR, and you are panicking because you cannot control it's downhill spiral?

a lot of you.

i am inspired to start this thread by another thread. i think a lot of people have control issues in one form or another, and i'd like to hear some perspectives, and ideas on it.

who is really in control?

i wrote this in the other thread:

it is hard to accept that you can not control the way another feels about you, or if they leave your life. and the more you feel and love the person, or want the person, the harder it is. this makes it feel like THEY are controlling YOU, making the situation even worse. in reality they are not controlling you (they probaly don't even give a sh!t), it is your own issues of control controlling you. YOU are negatively controlling YOU. you need to break this control.

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a form of control is manipulation, and i'd like to address that as well.

i think that the more you try to manipulate something that you can't control, the more you have only an illusion of what you really want, under circumstances that are false, twisted, and unhealthy. this is why it is important to be true to others, to ultimately be true to yourself, and vice versa.

you can only control...YOU

the only thing you can really control is yourself. whether you come, or go from another's life. and never do that as a form of manipulation. otherwise you are really not in control of yourself, your need for control of another is what is in control.

more on what you CAN control:

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
You need to be like water...flowing and adapting. You can't control the hearts of people who come in and out of your life.

What you can do is create an environment where they will wanna be near you. Create challenges for them to get to you. That is how you control....you step above the game and use your higher vision to guide people where you want them to go.

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this is great. this is gold.

control, and how it affects your self image

once you are feeling like you have lost control, and you are in that deep dark hole, with your only chance of salvation being if she comes and saves you, and revalidates you, it is time for some introspection. and realization.

nothing has been taken from YOU.

you are still you. and everything you were before she came into your life. all of those traits and great things about you...are STILL THERE! you are still funny, intelligent, sexy, whatever. and once you get past this, there will be even more! you will be more intelligent. more experienced. more wise! all of your good traits will be expanded!

just because you give all of yourself to someone, does not mean that if they leave, they take it with them. it is still yours, so claim it.

hope this is helpful. peaceout.

manipulation of others is not so much an issue of control, but more so an issue of communication.

Originally posted by GTS Jeff
manipulation of others is not so much an issue of control, but more so an issue of communication.

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think again. from merriam-webster:

Main Entry: ma·nip·u·late
Pronunciation: m&-'ni-py&-"lAt
Function: transitive verb

1. to manage or utilize skillfully b : to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
2. to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose

Self-control is the greatest display of power and strength.

That is, to be able to get into a state of mind..where you are ultimately the MASTER of how you control your thoughts, feelings, behavior.

When you get dissed or rejected..what is more important? to control your thoughts and emotions..and brush off any negativity you are feeling/thing?

or is it more important to avoid self-improvement/self control..and begin to focus on controlling that OTHER person to define your success and self worth

when you exercise mental/emotional self control..you are impenetrable, you are the KING of the world, and your need to try and control others diminishes because self control gives you POWER..the power to feel and think the way YOU want

Trying to gain power from controlling others is a cognitive distortion..its sidestepping your own inner power..and trying to delusionally gain a flase sense of "power" from controlling others

Originally posted by iqqi
think again. from merriam-webster:

Main Entry: ma·nip·u·late
Pronunciation: m&-'ni-py&-"lAt
Function: transitive verb

1. to manage or utilize skillfully b : to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage
2. to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one's purpose

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i dont think u understood my post. even so, please dont patronize me with the dictionary.

the 2nd definition is better than the first, because it merely mentions "change", not control. when u are manipulating someone, u are "changing" their thoughts and opinions, not controlling them. as u said, the only person u can control is yourself. however, "change" is effected with communication. this is one of the main concepts of nlp, the idea that when u manage to communicate your ideas to another person properly, then they will change their actions accordingly.

unfortunately, im not an english major, and its difficult for me to get this sort of stuff across in an even clearer manner.

Originally posted by GTS Jeff
i dont think u understood my post. even so, please dont patronize me with the dictionary.

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sensitive! was not trying to patronize, only correct your idea.

the 2nd definition is better than the first, because it merely mentions "change", not control. when u are manipulating someone, u are "changing" their thoughts and opinions, not controlling them. as u said, the only person u can control is yourself. however, "change" is effected with communication. this is one of the main concepts of nlp, the idea that when u manage to communicate your ideas to another person properly, then they will change their actions accordingly.

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jeff, if you are trying to change something, you are trying to control. communication is definately one way you can manipulate, but there are others. also manipulation is not always done maliciously, or with the intent of control.

in a hierarchy, it would be like this:
I. control
a. force
b. manipulation
1. communication
2. body language
3. punitive actions
4. ect.
c. ect.

do ya follow? do ya disagree?

you might, but i am really interested more in why you chose to disagree. do you use manipulation often?

Originally posted by Starman
Self-control is the greatest display of power and strength.

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i agree, and hope that this discussion leads to ways to find this. is it natural? is it easier for some more than others? how did you all achieve this?

Originally posted by iqqi
sensitive! was not trying to patronize, only correct your idea.



jeff, if you are trying to change something, you are trying to control. communication is definately one way you can manipulate, but there are others. also manipulation is not always done maliciously, or with the intent of control.

in a hierarchy, it would be like this:
I. control
a. force
b. manipulation
1. communication
2. body language
3. punitive actions
4. ect.
c. ect.

do ya follow? do ya disagree?

you might, but i am really interested more in why you chose to disagree. do you use manipulation often?




i agree, and hope that this discussion leads to ways to find this. is it natural? is it easier for some more than others? how did you all achieve this?

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well, i think that we may be thinking along the same lines, but are using different words to express the same ideas.

as a matter of fact, i do, or did, manipulate quite a bit. i used to work at future shop as a sales associate, and i find that the trick to selling (manipulating a person into buying ****), other than confidence, is communicating in the proper way to the customer. communication is a word that encompasses a lot....the words u use, body language, tone of voice, eye contact, etc etc...just things like actually "telling" a person to buy something vs. "asking" them to buy something makes a huge difference. this is why i think communication is the secret to manipulation.

when i think of control, i think of some strange voodoo magic that forces another person to do something.

when i think of communication, i think of getting an idea across, so that the other person will understand and want to do something of their own accord.