I told myself no more "oneitis" and here I am!

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

All I can say is sh-t! I had a previous post titled "losing my DJism" and unfortunately I am. I guess I better read the DJ bible again. Da-n I hate this.

In a nutshell, graduated from grad school, moved away 500 miles to a new job. Was hung up on a woman in grad school, though it cooled between us. In an AFC moment, I applied to the same university she got a job at, just on a whim. Didn't expect to get the job. I got it. I know, put me in the AFC Hall of Shame.

I get to campus two months before she does and I'm not really thinking about her. She strolls in this weekend, and sure enough, I take her out to dinner, we go on a long drive have a great time. Right before I drop her off she tells me about this Air Force pilot she met a few weeks ago in Vegas. He's the latest "flavor of the month" by the way ... yes, I've been played by her before. Has something to do with great chemistry between us and incredible lust on my part (she's a 9).

Making matters worse is another gal I was e-mailing to back at my old haunts hasn't been in touch lately, and I've frickin' struck out on the dating scene here. To quote the Nuke in Bull Durham, "F-ck, sh-t, p-ss!"

I need advice, and yes, I deserve to get flamed by all you guys for succumbing into AFC land.

Starman · Aug 18, 2003

you did everything anti-DJ and you were expecting to see results?

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

I know, I was an f'n moron!

Like I said, flame away. I did do everything anti-DJ and I'm paying the price.

I've been a pretty good DJ all year long and one slip up into AFCism and I'm paying for it.

Starman · Aug 18, 2003

there is no flaming..you are already paying the price..goes to show with one-itus..you need to take EXTRA precaution not to fall into AFC mode

WHY do people revert to AFCdom when they know it wont work is beyong me..maybe social programming

Reto · Aug 18, 2003

You made a mistake. Now you are stuck in the same town...Just avoid her...Don't get sucked back in...focus on new, more interesting, better looking women...

and...B!TCH SLAPP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING....

ok. i'm done...

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

AFCness NEVER works, never

I'm still pissed. This gal hasn't been flat-out mean to me, she's just kind of pulled me along like a stupid puppy dog. I've rarely done this for a gal, but I've done it for her.

AFCness is one of the worst afflictions ever. It's really damaging to one's soul.

BGMan · Aug 18, 2003

I guess Discipline is the key, and you've gone a little soft. Oh well. We all have relapses. But what distinguishes you from the average AFC is that you KNOW you have a problem and are trying to correct it.

The next time you see this broad, act cool. Not out-and-out rude, but act as if you really couldn't care less that she's there. Stare at other women while she's trying to talk to you. If she's interested in you, that really ticks them off. In addition, she mentioned this guy as the latest "flavor of the month" probably as an attempt to make you jealous. After all, since he's a "flavor of the month", she's probably just flirting with him without anything serious. Granted, however, I wouldn't expect a woman who liked you to bang on about other men. But don't get angry at her, simply withdraw.

Maybe she's trying to hook you and thinks the only way to do it is this hot/cold "I like you but I'm seeing other guys but I won't tell you if it's serious" sort of thing. If you have acted DJ to her in all other ways, then maybe she's trying to entice you to (gasp!) MARRY her! At least, that's what my mother once told me.

How big is the town you're in? Are there other women who are possibilities?

BGMan

MR_PERFECT · Aug 18, 2003

This is the saddest thing I've ever read.

You need to leave this job whenever possible.

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

Getting my just punishment

Hey, I appreciate all the advice. The town I'm in is about 150K or so. I MUST meet other women, it's absolutely critical. It is a sad story. I had some vision of us riding off in the sunset together or something f'n stupid. I also didn't think any way I would get this job. I had a stack of rejection letters on my desk, then I got this offer. I had to take it, my loans were gonna start trickling in.

I've always offered good DJ advice on this board and shamed AFCness, now I'm one of the biggest chumps on this planet. Trust me, I am NOT happy about slipping into AFCdom. I'm more pissed at that than anything she's done.

AFCness does more to shred a man's dignity than anything a woman could do. I was a true AFC with her all last year, I was so calm and collected and cool, and this attitude had me scooping up youngies on the side.

I get to a new town, new job, I'm lonely, she arrives and bam! -- AFC land.

I should be banned from this board or from talking with real DJs until I regain my DJness.

Professor · Aug 18, 2003

I know how you feel. I myself just slipped from the DJ tactics (which were working so well...) and screwed up. Now I have one hell of a job to correct the situation, if that's even possible anymore.

BGMan · Aug 18, 2003

Re: Getting my just punishment

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Hey, I appreciate all the advice. The town I'm in is about 150K or so. I MUST meet other women, it's absolutely critical. It is a sad story. I had some vision of us riding off in the sunset together or something f'n stupid. I also didn't think any way I would get this job. I had a stack of rejection letters on my desk, then I got this offer. I had to take it, my loans were gonna start trickling in.

Hey, just because you got a job offer in the town in which she lives doesn't make you an AFC. In fact, if you had rejected the offer just because she was living there, and let your debts pile up, THEN you would have been a real AFC. You did what you gotta, and you live in a nice large town. Don't let it get you down.

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I was a true AFC with her all last year, I was so calm and collected and cool, and this attitude had me scooping up youngies on the side.

Huh?

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I get to a new town, new job, I'm lonely, she arrives and bam! -- AFC land.

And how, exactly, were you an AFC? Did you spill your guts to her about how much you missed her and cared for her? Or did you just have a fun night out? If the former, then yes, you were an AFC. If not, then I don't think there's anything to worry about.

In addition, you said you two had "great chemistry". Then there's the plain fact that she "showed up" and gladly went out with you. How did you get ahold of her, anyway?

I rather suspect you're getting scrupulous with this "AFC" thing.

BGMan

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

Correction

I was a true DJ not a true AFC.

AFC is so in my mind right now I can't shake it!

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

To BG: More inward AFCism, than ******d

Forgot to answer one more of your questions, I really wasn't AFC around her -- yes, I have one teeny, tiny shred of dignity left in my life -- I've never really been AFC around her.

It's the inward AFCness that kills me. You know, the **** that swirls around your head when you're at home or work, you're thinking about her, putting off meeting other women, just being a big puss, etc.

Inward or ******d AFCness, no matter how you slice it, it's still AFCness, and right now I feel like a chump.

Rahul · Aug 18, 2003

Originally posted by WestCoaster
All I can say is sh-t! I had a previous post titled "losing my DJism" and unfortunately I am. I guess I better read the DJ bible again. Da-n I hate this.

In a nutshell, graduated from grad school, moved away 500 miles to a new job. Was hung up on a woman in grad school, though it cooled between us. In an AFC moment, I applied to the same university she got a job at, just on a whim. Didn't expect to get the job. I got it. I know, put me in the AFC Hall of Shame.

I get to campus two months before she does and I'm not really thinking about her. She strolls in this weekend, and sure enough, I take her out to dinner, we go on a long drive have a great time. Right before I drop her off she tells me about this Air Force pilot she met a few weeks ago in Vegas. He's the latest "flavor of the month" by the way ... yes, I've been played by her before. Has something to do with great chemistry between us and incredible lust on my part (she's a 9).

Making matters worse is another gal I was e-mailing to back at my old haunts hasn't been in touch lately, and I've frickin' struck out on the dating scene here. To quote the Nuke in Bull Durham, "F-ck, sh-t, p-ss!"

I need advice, and yes, I deserve to get flamed by all you guys for succumbing into AFC land.

Dude, what the hell? You moved 500 miles back to be an emotional tampon? I mean, even getting married doesn't merit that.

The best thing you can do now is try and find a job AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE, I mean you already moved 500 miles just because of a hoe, you could probably move even further FOR YOURSELF.

I'm certainly no expert, not even close to a don juan (recovering afc) but I think that you should cut off all contact with this girl and make as much distance between the two of you as possible, can't you see? She's controlling your life, and you're not even chained...er married to her yet.

BGMan · Aug 18, 2003

Rahul:

He said he had no choice, it was the job in this city or nothing.

I personally think she's trying to pull him in slowly, and he's freaking out because he thinks having a fun night out with her is "AFC". In addition, she probably figures (hopefully!) that HE is seeing multiple women, so she's dropping the Vegas Air Force guy to show him that she's popular with the opposite sex as well.

I don't think he has been acting like an AFC at all, and that he's being hyperscrupulous and obsessed with not appearing "AFC". But then, he refuses to ELABORATE on WHY he AFC'd up his last date, so I can't really call this one as well as I wish.

BGMan

squirrels · Aug 18, 2003

Re: Correction

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I was a true DJ not a true AFC.

AFC is so in my mind right now I can't shake it!

Wah, wah, f**king wah.

"I'm so AFC, I deserve to be flamed, I can't think anything but AFC, I'm so AFC, what can I do? Oh, WHAT can I DO?!?"

You can grow the hell up and take responsibility for yourself, that's what.

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

BG, have you looked at the economy of late?

Uh, I had a stack, and I mean a stack of rejection letters BG. I got an offer from a good school and took it. They went out of their way to hire me, wined and dined me and have treated me great since I've been here. Leaving this scenario because of a woman would be AFC. I live in the West, where the worst economy in the nation is taking place. I'm in higher ed, another field that doesn't have a lot of openings. Job-wise, I'm counting my blessings.

On the date I was not an AFC, not at all. I just had to hear this **** about the new guy. I AFCed at home on my own -- and it's still AFCing, even if you're just grinding at home.

Yes, this whole thing is driving me nuts. No, I'm not stupid enough to go on the unemployment line for a woman. Wait a sec, quitting a good job would not get me unemployment benefits. What do I tell them? I was an AFC with an advanced degree with a good job and I quit it because of this woman. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

I'd rather get raked over the coals on this website than go through that!

squirrels · Aug 18, 2003

Re: BG, have you looked at the economy of late?

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Uh, I had a stack, and I mean a stack of rejection letters BG. I got an offer from a good school and took it. They went out of their way to hire me, wined and dined me and have treated me great since I've been here. Leaving this scenario because of a woman would be AFC. I live in the West, where the worst economy in the nation is taking place. I'm in higher ed, another field that doesn't have a lot of openings. Job-wise, I'm counting my blessings.

On the date I was not an AFC, not at all. I just had to hear this **** about the new guy. I AFCed at home on my own -- and it's still AFCing, even if you're just grinding at home.

Yes, this whole thing is driving me nuts. No, I'm not stupid enough to go on the unemployment line for a woman. Wait a sec, quitting a good job would not get me unemployment benefits. What do I tell them? I was an AFC with an advanced degree with a good job and I quit it because of this woman. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

I'd rather get raked over the coals on this website than go through that!

So what's the issue? Keep the job if you like it, stop wasting time with this woman, and find another. Or find TEN more.

You were acting AFC toward her. Good. You know the problem. Now FIX it. How can you make it all the way through grad school, yet fail to solve this simple problem...especially when you already admit to KNOWING the situation and how to solve it?

C'mon man...we were all AFC at one time. The difference is that we recognize the problem and FIX it. Better than never being "AFC" because you know not to make the mistake again.

DO what you have to do. AFCs sit there and kick themselves for their mistakes. REAL DJs learn from them, then fix them and MOVE ON.

WestCoaster · Aug 18, 2003

Squirrels, it's call venting

Hey, I expected to get reamed, but you don't have to be a big a-hole about it. You can fault the action, but you don't have to fault the person.

As I said, I was not AFC around her and have not been AFC around her. I guarantee you that. It's more of an internal thing.

Also, this site is a good place to vent and I did just that. If you don't want to read this thread, here's a clue: don't open it.

squirrels · Aug 18, 2003

Re: Squirrels, it's call venting

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Hey, I expected to get reamed, but you don't have to be a big a-hole about it. You can fault the action, but you don't have to fault the person.

As I said, I was not AFC around her and have not been AFC around her. I guarantee you that. It's more of an internal thing.

Also, this site is a good place to vent and I did just that. If you don't want to read this thread, here's a clue: don't open it.

You said:

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I need advice, and yes, I deserve to get flamed by all you guys for succumbing into AFC land.

If you were just venting, then I apologize for being so harsh, but the fact that you said, and I quote, "I need advice" led me to believe that you were seriously looking for an answer, rather than a shoulder, when the answer is right there in front of you.

Honestly, man...we've all been there. You're dwelling on it, and it's not healthy. You can talk about it all you want, but it's not going to change the past. You screwed up. I could fill up half the Internet with all the times I've felt "AFC" around women. But it's in the past. Learn from it and let it go.

EDIT: Sorry for being so harsh, man...sometimes I have a knee-jerk reaction to stuff before it has a chance to sink in.

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I told myself no more "oneitis" and here I am!

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