I'm starting to think I'm approaching conversations with the wrong mindset. I think this because usually my conversations with women just end up being friendly exchanges.

"<smile>...<smile back>...What's up?...Hi....What's your name?....Where are you from...from there...do you know blah blah...yeah and random fact 1...yeah random fact 1 too, also random fact 2!...cool!...well I'm gonna go back to my friends...nice meeting you...bye."

I think this is because when I approach a conversation, I'm thinking to myself, "This girl's attractive, I oughta start a conversation with her. If it goes good, maybe it'll turn into a number or ONS. If not, hey, I talked to her, right?"

I'm starting to think a more productive mindset would just be, "I'm going to have as much fun with this chick as I possibly can." When I get into that kind of mindset, where I'm really just messing with the girl, I seem to have SO much better results. Kino comes more naturally, eye contact is easier to hold (because you're TRYING to throw her off-balance, whereas with the original attitude, you're trying not to make her uncomfortable), ****y/funny remarks and neghits come to the tip of your tongue very quickly, as opposed to the other mindset, where they usually occur to you two seconds too late.

What kind of attitude do YOU have when you initiate that first convo, if you could sum it up in one sentence. And I'm not looking for an internal attitude, like, "I'm the Alpha Male" or such, but your attitude specific to the conversation you're initiating.

And how well does it work for you?

Just wondering if I'm on to something here, or barking up the wrong tree.

Check out my thread at http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=34639

One of the things I learned last night is that it is infinitely easier to approach a girl when you don't care what happens. If you sit there and think about approaching a HB all night, then you are putting so much pressure on yourself that it makes it difficult.

It's like shooting a free throw. You can be a 95% FT shooter, but still miss in the championship game because there is so much pressure. However, are you likely to miss in the pre-season? Not nearly as likely because the stakes aren't so high. The key is to not think about what you are doing. In basketball, you rely on physical memory and reflexes. You don't think about every dribble, etc. It's the same with approaches. You can't script a conversation.

Easier said then done, though, right? Well, yes, but you can do some things to change that. One helpful hint is to follow the 3-second rule. It's there for 2 reasons:

a. girl won't think you are a ***** to approach
b. you don't waste time thinking about her and elevating her onto a pedestal

Anothing thing you should do that you alluded to is simply have a good time and forget about the girl. Remember in the back of your head that you will approach her, but don't dwell on it. Then, when the time is right, just go and do it.

Honestly, I think you know all this, but you are just looking for someone to re-enforce your beliefs and spell it out for you. It's really not that complicated, there is no magic secret.

Good post. I think this is a common problem. I often find myself just bouncing off the same questions and not getting anywhere with the girl. I do think you and I and everyone else are trying a little too hard sometimes. If she is not asking you questions and actively pursuing the conversation, it's time to move on.

To answer your question more pointedly, I have began to approach them with the attitude of just showing them that I could care less whether or not they respond to me. I'm not going to let a rejection ruin my night. It's their loss anyway.

Last night I was at a bar and I began talking to a med student who looked pretty cute. The conversation was flowing and she was asking about me a bit. I was ready to kill the convo so I said, "hey, let me get your number and I might call you sometime." HAHAHA. I have never thrown in that "might" part before and I now know why. She was ready to give her number over, but she was slightly offended and called me out on the "might" part. She said ask nicely and I'll give you the number. I wasn't about to supplicate, so I said, "ok, let me get your number, and if I get a free day sometime I'll call." This did not satisfy her, so I walked away. I won't be using that "might" line again. It's a little too arrogant I believe.

Hopefully your focused on getting her life story from her when you approach the convo...and you don't get all shifty eyed.

The following is from another posting board:

I see alot of wanna be playa's when they are interviewing women getting all shifty eyed and ****. If you can't hold eye contact with a women it tells her that your insecure and have low self esteem.
A unmistakeable sign to biatches that you are a powerful man is when you can hold eye contact with them for extended periods. There is almost a connecting of spirits that most women find intoxicating when a man stares deeply into her eyes.
Alot of playa's need to learn to beat that habit of shifty eyes. This shi*t makes you look untrustworthy and as if you are trying to hide something. If you can't hold a look try this old acting trick of looking at the bridge of her nose.
Now I'm not talking about doing a Charley Manson stare on a baitch and asking her if she has ever tasted human flesh before. Nahhh and save the deep look for those moments when you are asking her thought-provoking questions about her life. Watch the way her eyes move.
Keep the **** light and crack jokes to keep her relaxed and then wham hit em with the deep look.
This type of unpredictable behavior is addicting to women. There have been studies that have shown that unpredictablilty is habit forming. That is why casinos are so popular. People never know what's going to happen. One minute your down, the next minute your up.
The best way to drive a stalker type of biatch away and make her loose interest in you is to start acting predictable, needy, boring and blah. that **** will kill her attraction so dam fast it's not even funny.
Try this **** and let me know if it works for you next time you are interviewing a ***** for your team.

*************

peace

I like this post............and I have the same question. So bump.

You've probably heard the expression, "paralysis by analysis." This is what happens to a lot of guys. They over think every interaction with a girl, making them awkward and just plain weird.

Think about it like this: what if you purposefully thought out every motion of your golf swing? Chances are you'd produce a less than ideal swing. You leave the conscious processing to practice. But when it comes time to play, you just do it. There's no thinking involved; you simply execute.

It's the same thing with conversations with girls. You know how to make conversation. You've been practicing for most of your life. You do it all the time with your friends, your coworkers and your family members. The more you think about it, the worse you are at actually doing it.

If the girl is from my social circle or we are at a party:

"I should have another beer..."
"There is a fu..in` good meal waiting for me at home... "
"Man! I cant wait till tomorrow to ride my motorbike..."

If i am on a date:

There are lot of threads on that topic.....

squirrels said:

What kind of attitude do YOU have when you initiate that first convo, if you could sum it up in one sentence. And I'm not looking for an internal attitude, like, "I'm the Alpha Male" or such, but your attitude specific to the conversation you're initiating.

And how well does it work for you?

Just wondering if I'm on to something here, or barking up the wrong tree.

Click to expand...

I imagine her being naked with her hair spread on a pillow on a verge of orgasm.