TO MYSELF. Pathetic, isn't it?

Lately I've been going out to bars and such here and there, but I just haven't been "feeling it." Everything always feels forced and desperate. I find myself talking to girls just because it's what I'm "supposed to be doing" based on what I've learned on this website.

Somehow I was under the impression that it would be like turning a key...that all of a sudden I would "get it" and all the women in the world would be throwing themselves at me.

I feel as though I'm "behind" everyone here because I've been here so long and I'm STILL a virgin. So I go out and put myself in places I really don't care too much for, trying to pick up women that are attractive, but I'm not all that attracted to, just to prove to myself that I'm making progress...that I'm somehow becoming more "Don Juan," when really what I'm doing is contrary to the whole idea.

Not only that, but chicks seem to be able to see this better than I can...and it's not the most attractive thing in the world. It reeks of desperation and sexual frustration. *barf*

I honestly believed that how many women I "hooked up" with was the measure I should use for my success with women. But obviously it can't be...it just doesn't work for the reasons enumerated above.

So answer me this:

What is the measure of a "Don Juan"?

How do I "know" I'm making progress, that I'm headed in the direction(s) I should be headed? Or should I "just know"?

Hey squirrels,

Here's what I'm seeing. Firstly, you say you have a hard time getting laid. I think you're placing way too much emphasis on the actual act itself. In the back of your head you always have this little guy reminding you that if you don't have sex with the female that you're talking to right in front of you that the encounter was a failure. Entirely false. You need to step outside (yourself) and take a look at what's really going on.

Go back to phase one and an start all over again if you have to. Get a fresh start. Take a break from sosuave. Then go out and make as many approaches as you can to keep getting better. It's all about practice. You just have to want it. You really have to WANT to get this part of your life figured out.

BTW, you also stated that you feel "forced and desperate." Don't even approach when you feel like that. It won't help in your case. Here's generally my mindset whenever I go out anymore:

To go out but not explicitly for the sole reason of picking up chicks. I go out to have fun. Girls shouldn't even be in your head when you go out. Your focus should be to have FUN. Then when you see a hot little number, you go up to her because you want to infect her with your horribly contagious FUN personality. You want her to feel as good as you do. No pressure. Just have a good time with it.

I'm sure you've heard it all before but only you can do something about it. So just do it.

Oh, and to answer your question "What is the measure of a Don Juan? A Don doesn't need a measure. He's already sure of himself.

"If your rap is strong it can't go wrong."

thecraftylefty

Word. I think I've started to incorporate the DJ belief system into every aspect of my life EXCEPT women.

I think I'm going to lay off clubs and bars unless I'm with friends...I'm just not having fun going alone and it shows. Being in a place like that by myself just makes me feel even more desperate to find someone to associate with.

It does seem like any time that I HAVE attracted a woman, sex has been the furthest thing from my conscious mind...I've been doing something else I enjoy and just having fun and *BAM* there they are.

It's just weird when people talk about "taking a break" from women, but I've never really been with a woman before. It sort of digs in my confidence. I guess it shouldn't...if I'm not feeling a girl I shouldn't force myself to talk to her just because "the SoSuave forum says approach as many women as possible."

My sex drive has been at a relative low lately. It's funny cuz it fell off just as I started on this forum. I should just take it easy and wait it out...do other stuff.

Originally posted by squirrels

So answer me this:

What is the measure of a "Don Juan"?

How do I "know" I'm making progress, that I'm headed in the direction(s) I should be headed? Or should I "just know"?

Click to expand...

This is a very good question, and one that not enough people here ask themself.

My answer? A Don Juan is a guy who spends quality time with women he is attracted to (quality time = having fun, not desperately pursuing).

Squirrels,

I think most guys on this site know what you are talking about and have been there before, if not at the present time (they may not admit to it). The other night I was at a bar and approached a few girls and got shotdown (rather abruptly). It kinda ruined my night, even though I was with a good friend. You need to expand the places where you can meet women, you should volunteer at a animal shelter or museum, or join a fun club. Have as many optons as possible, it is definitely a numbers game.

Like yourself, I look around a lot and am puzzled I don't have better success with women. Force yourself to be as outgoing and friendly as possible, that is what attracts girls. It can get frustrating when I look at some of the guys who don't appear to have as much going for them, and who are doing very well with women. You just have to expand your comfort zone and keep trying, and except that you will make mistakes.

...

Originally posted by squirrels

It does seem like any time that I HAVE attracted a woman, sex has been the furthest thing from my conscious mind...I've been doing something else I enjoy and just having fun and *BAM* there they are.

Click to expand...

Squirrels, I'm in a similar situation that you are except I don't go out to bars and clubs to meet women because I know it's pretty much a "meat market" This thing you've noticed does seem pretty weird. It seems that the same exact thing has happened to me quite a few times.

I have found girls who have gotten "interested" in me and I wasn't even thinking of them, of approaching them or seducing them. And almost every time I've "tried" to get them interested it has never worked You notice I say tried since I've failed each time.

It almost seems like I already know how to get girls interested, but it only shows up if I have no intention to do it. I even did C+F on this girl at work, mainly for practice (my intention really was to practice since she's not really my type) and voila! next thing I know she's after me like a moth to a flame. I've tried doing C+F on girls I wanted to get interested and almost always come up short

I'm definitely going to investigate this further as it seems it has to do with intention more than technique. We already know the "techniques" although I don't think there's any. In fact techniques in my opinion are simply ways to emulate something that you don't genuinly have!!! Like pretending to be busy so she gets interested when you're really sitting by the phone counting the days till you can call. We automatically are attracted to people who display certain traits, and all technique does is emulate those traits in a vacuum. The trick may be to find a way to get those traits naturally.

Anyway, enough theory. I'm going to investigate the times when I did attract girls albeit to no further success due to mainly me either not knowing about it, or not being interested. Fingers has a nice post on this: Shattering the limits

The things you've got to do is mainly be more social, hang out more in different places, make more friends especially girls and always intend to have fun.

Originally posted by squirrelz
prove who is the real squirrel

Click to expand...

It's been done, dude.

I'm flattered that you chose ME to knock on, though, rather than people who I believe are much more established.

Peace.

hey squirrels. I just read the original post, so dont knock me if this has been mentioned.


Motu mentioned it once... once you read all this sosuave stuff, there will be a voice in your head constantly telling you what you should be doing... "approach.. kino... look longer than her..close"..

I myself have this voice, and one of the biggest things after recovering from AFC status is to TURN this voice DOWN.

SO called "naturals" have voice in their head too.. as you become more and more relaxed, you will realize the voice is growing dimmer and dimmer.. but at some situations still pop's up... i dont know if i can get rid of it... but im doing alright for now...


The reason bars and talking look forced and needy to you is because they are forced and needy... to YOU. Being relaxed, calm, in right skin and right spirit is the jackpot. I feel great at parties and clubs, some might feel great in the park, some love it in the grocery store.. it is all about feeling yourself calm and natural.. so there will be no forced errors.



I myself hadnt had sex since october last year.. what is that 9 months or so? Well, you know.. it is nice to hit it, but , as mentioned and agreed by many people "things you have to do to get sex are ridiculous"... but, again, you are older, and might be thinking "this is time of my life, i need to enjoy it..and get laid"
Truth is, meeting cool women is great, meeting chicks who you can relate to is awesome.. but it takes time and a lot of turn downs... fvck now im ranting.. im off to gym.

I feel as though I'm "behind" everyone here because I've been here so long and I'm STILL a virgin.

I am in a similar mindset as you in this very sense. Physically, I am 23 years of age, but in terms of my experiance with women, I am probably about 16 or 17 years old. Its difficult because people around you are growing up and maturing in this sense, while you're still trying to figure out the first step.

I have found girls who have gotten "interested" in me and I wasn't even thinking of them, of approaching them or seducing them.

Most of the girls that I later found out were attracted to me got interested without any effort on my part. I actually tried hooking this girl I knew with one of my friends, which resulted in her becoming interested in me. That said, it was me being me that sparked the initial attraction.

What is the measure of a "Don Juan"?

A measure of happiness with yourself and your life.

Squirrels,

What is the measure of a "Don Juan"?

A Don Juan is a guy who gets what he wants with women period. There are a billion correct answers to this question and only you can decide what you ultimately want in this area of your life. I've met guys who are phenomenal with women who range from being happily monogamously married to guys who are truly players and date as many as 9 women at once. Squirrels, you've got to decide what YOU ultimately want with women and when you're making progress towards that, whatever it is, you'll be becoming more of a Don Juan.

I think I'm going to lay off clubs and bars unless I'm with friends...I'm just not having fun going alone and it shows.

This seems like a great decision. If you don't like clubs and bars DON'T GO. Your dislike of them will show and you'll have less success there then you could at other places. That being said you MUST be approaching tons of women to have any kind of success with them, whether you want to be hooking-up with them or finding one that's worth having a relationship with. Most guys love clubs, because women are there to mingle and you can meet tons of them really quickly. If you choose not to go to clubs, which is cool if you do, you need to make it a priority to find and act on other ways of meeting women. Even if you're looking for a relationship with one worthwhile woman you're going to have to approach and date a lot of women to find her.

Improve your game.

I am a bodybuilder and I dance like a male stripper.

When I go to a club I go by myself (it is easier for girls to come up to you) hbs almost always come up to me and want to bump and grind on me. My deal, I only bang the hottest chicks so I turn most the girls down which actually impresses the 9 and 10s which I want.

any updates, squirrels?

Originally posted by squirrels
TO MYSELF. Pathetic, isn't it?

Lately I've been going out to bars and such here and there, but I just haven't been "feeling it." Everything always feels forced and desperate. I find myself talking to girls just because it's what I'm "supposed to be doing" based on what I've learned on this website.

Somehow I was under the impression that it would be like turning a key...that all of a sudden I would "get it" and all the women in the world would be throwing themselves at me.

I feel as though I'm "behind" everyone here because I've been here so long and I'm STILL a virgin. So I go out and put myself in places I really don't care too much for, trying to pick up women that are attractive, but I'm not all that attracted to, just to prove to myself that I'm making progress...that I'm somehow becoming more "Don Juan," when really what I'm doing is contrary to the whole idea.

Click to expand...

Wow, I didn't know you are still a virgin. Well, I am not anymore but guess what, I am not getting action too. Just because you lost your viginity it doesn't mean you are a DJ.

In my past "dates" I would get very anxious and as a consequence all girls lost their interest. Later when I kissed some that were interested in me, I lost a bit of my fears and I started to be more sexually agressive as opposed to the "polite" guy. My main problem is that I just study and don't go out very much so it's difficult to find some girls. And even when I go, I am usually alone.

"Trying"

don't

"to prove"

don't