Ok so you are supposed to live in the moment. Hangout with the chick. Treat her like you are hanging out with any guy friend. No ulterior motives. Not even thinking about sex.

So how in the world do you make a move on the chick in this state of mind?

You gotta be somewhat sexual. Be playful ****y and funny. Playfight with her, tease her, kino her and when the time is right make your move.

You got confused, man.

First of all, you can't treat her like a guy. How would you apply kino and flirting?

Secondly, everyone has ulterior motives. And you WILL think about sex once or twice.

The purpose of being "desireless" is not letting your desire degrade your control of yourself and the situation. Be the most interesting, funny, and sexy guy you possiby can, as TheCollector suggests. Let her pursue you.

It sounds somewhat contradictory 1) Be desireless ala Tao Of Steve Vs. DJ Philosophy (beign sexual, Kino, etc)

but this is where you use your mind and try to find a medium or redefine what "Being Desireless" Means.

The medium for me is ..Act Sexual..but don't drown yourself in it..You have DESIRES .. BUT They are in CONTROL!

i.e. tao of steve..the guy talked up a good game with the bartender chick..brought her back to his place (i.e. all signs that he is interested in her)

then when she was at his apt..he did a COMPLETE 180..and acted like he had no desire to sleep with the girl..Although he REALLY wanted to..he told the girl they were just "friends" ..picked up his Guitar and started playing it..like he had OTHER things going on more important than SEX with this girl.

The most effective technique Ive seen work with me and my friends...is Get the girl..by being sexual, kino, desireFUL...

then when you have a Date with her..act DESIRELESS..like you have lost all sexual interest in her.

This will send her into emotional turbulence scratching her head "he wanted me before!! WHat did I do wrong? How come he isnt hitting on me now? Is my ass too big? does my breath stink??? I HAVE to find oUT!!!"

The insecurities kick in and you are in like Flintstone

For some reaon, that strategy has not worked for me quite as well. For instance, it seems that if I don't follow through with the sex after I get her worked up with the kino, kissing, etc., the girl is no longer interested in me.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had a date with a HB 9. Her IL seemed pretty high, although she seemed a little nervous and shy. I decided to pull back a little once we arrived at my apartment. Although I kissed her I did not try to follow through with sex and we just ended up falling asleep.

Well, since then I have not been able to secure another date with her and she has not answered my calls. Could it be that her IL plummeted when I did not go for it? Did I seem like a wuss, gay or not attracted to her? I don't know, but I am going to change tactics in the future and just go for the fyck close when the opportunity presents itself.

I guess, being "desireless" works to build sexual tension between two people, but if you don't act on it when the opportunity presents itself, you risk losing the girl as in my case.

Any further comments?

Starman got it right! You don't want to be desireless. You need to CONTROL your desires. You need to make it seem to her like you don't desire her sexually. But, I only do this for a very short time. Like the first date only.


To be honest, the last girlfriend I had knew from the second date that I wanted her. We were making out on her sofa and I just started to feel her up and trying to take her clothes off. She stopped me of course and said she was going to make me wait til our third date. I made some ****y, funny comment that led to more making out, but she still made me wait til the next time we saw each other. I'm not saying that this is the best approach by any means, but it worked for me. We dated for about seven months after that. You just have to find what works for you.

Musle, try reading Anthony De Mello's "Awareness", and you'll get it.

You nailed it. Now you can nail her.

Originally posted by violator
I guess, being "desireless" works to build sexual tension between two people, but if you don't act on it when the opportunity presents itself, you risk losing the girl as in my case.

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Exactly. You can't take that "desireless" stuff too far. One example of how to do it is described by David DeAngelo. You start kissing, etc., for a few minutes, then break it off for maybe ten minutes, start again, pull back for five or six minutes, fire it up again, etc.

Before I knew it was a tactic, I did this with a woman for about an hour, then told her I was leaving, gave her a passionate "good night" kiss and she just flat jumped my arse!

We were naked about two minutes later.

Violator,

Tis TRUE. Ive had women in my apt ready to do the jiggy..WHile I played "Hard to get" and passed out a few times in a drunken stupor..when the sex was RIGHT there. I didnt take initiative..and the chicks IL just plummetted. I even had chicks ask me if I was Gay (ahha female insecurities)

The technique I posted above is ONLY for women that think your ONLY motive is to get them into bed..what you do is create uncertainty in their head.

But hell, if she is jackd up to go, forget the mind games and Hit it!

My technique is give some, then pull back.

conversation is the key. You gotta get the chick talkin, dont try to show off how brilliant you are just trying to keep her talkin. You are lookin her straight in the eye. Touch her hand a few times, if she doesnt back you off hold her hand. never overtly jump her bones but be subtle. i go into my im touchy feely, speech. your face is all about the convo but your touch is opening up the door to the sexin. From there I do whatever it takes to start a play fight. If I can get a chick to the playfight its on im in. playfights always end up with her me on top, d!ck hard. once im on top the kissin starts and its on. I always want em to feel what im workin with and I it lets em know whats on my mind. Every now and again a chick will stop you but my thought is at least you both know where the other stands.

I think I know where MuscleDude is coming from.

Treat her like you are hanging out with a guy friend is a good way to start things off but you can't keep doing that for long, especialy if your on a date with her. I find that talking to a girl when you first meet (don't mean at a bar) as if she is nothing special can work. Lets say you know a HB 9 or 10 that you see around, migh be at work, the store, etc..... Chances are this hot chick is always getting hit on and just shuts people down before you even start. Just talk to her as if she is nothing special, do the C&F thing but don't over do it, try and make her laugh a little without telling jokes. Talk to her about everyday stuff, what I am saying is try and break the ice without coming on strong. When you notice her IL rising (if it does) then you have her where you want her. Normaly when a HB 9 or 10 doesn't get hit on by a guy that she talks to, its drives them crazy and rises their IL sky high. Give it a try, it works for me!!!!

You guys are missing the point. The point in treating a woman like a buddy is not in being desireless, but in comfort. In being cool, calm, laidback. When you call up a buddy, is you and your voice nervous? No, no need to. When you're hanging out, you are completely in "the zone" and you do whatever without fear of consequences. You don't try too hard either, your "you" just flows. Everything comes off naturally, because you're being natural.

THAT is the point in treating a woman like a buddy.

Still embrace your sexual desires. She knows you want to fvck her, there's no point in hiding it. Chris Rock once remarked guys go on first dates wondering if he's going to get laid, women go on first dates already knowing.

Control your sexuality by not letting it get the best of you (nervousness, boneheaded remarks, etc). Control yourself. Comfort with yourself.

Pretending to be desireless around hot chicks doesn't actually work. I had noticed girls were much more comfortable around me, I was having "success", but in the end I realized it was all a sham, for all I was doing was sanitizing myself; it didn't make them more interested in me, they weren't, I was just coming off as safer.