This is reposted and updated from Here


Introduction - The new Don Juan begins his journey with a strike of enlightenment. Often times, he needs to walk out of the barrier he's locked himself behind.

I'm going to jump right in. The majority of this is a compilation of previous material I have posted all into one so don’t think I wrote this all at once .

When I was in my AFC prime, I was locked in my own world creating enough dramatic material for a season of any soap opera. I was exceedingly obsessing over one girl. ONE GIRL. I would try ANYTHING to make her closer to me, even if this led to friendship not what I wanted. I typed two pages of the worst parts of my life and told her I needed to get it off my chest and she read it and said she cried.

I would spend up to an hour every night thinking about her, wondering if she liked me, how I could make her like me, impress her, make her dislike another guy. Sometimes almost crying. This wasn’t healthy.

After five or six months of this, talking to people I knew, asking them what to do, talking to people on the internet (mostly girls), I finally found www.sosuave.com. This site changed my life 1000 times over.

However, even at the beginning of my metamorphosis, I was still locked in my world of one girl and my unattainable hope of getting to her. I became almost best friends with her, and this made me think I was getting closer.

Well, to make things short, I spent a few months on her thereafter until finally deciding (With the help of Jester especially, just ONE simple reply. Thanks man I really owe you even if it wasn’t anything devastatingly hard to comprehend) to drop her, ignore her, pretend she was non-existent; just completely obliterate her from my world. I simply unlocked the cage I was holding myself in, and stepped out into the real world. Man was that a surprise.

Today I read a post about a guy and 2 girls, and how everything was all messed up and he needed help and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. This was an excellent example of one man in one world with tons of created, artificial drama. Now, there’s a difference between actual drama and this forced kind. The actual drama results from real-life events that have meaning to you. Everyone can change their perspective of things, and the subconscious can also do this to reinforce emotions you have, created ones or innate ones.

I often see people doing this to themselves, creating this fairy-tale land, holding themselves back and making a HUGE deal out of it. Their whole life revolves around it, and this is the why. Everyone wants a life, correct? Why was I torturing myself night and day over something so simple and stupid? Because I wanted a life.

When your life is all made-up drama, night and day, there’s actually something going on. It’s not just “I got up, went to school, came home, ate dinner and went to bed. Oh yeah and I talked to someone today.” People value having something more than nothing, even if it’s negative.

Why do people do this? Isn’t it so much easier to just have a normal life and enjoy it?

Well, it is. That’s why I’m telling you to stop with the drama. A very large portion of the members of www.sosuave.com are people who started out as AFCs with no hope of escaping, until they got here. Their lives revolved around that artificial drama, because there was nothing else for them to revolve around.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen rise from the very bottom to the very top, and it’s a beautiful thing.

All it takes is one simple thing. Walking out of that cage.

You might think your life is special and somehow different from everyone else’s because of all the drama you have created. Face it. It’s not any better, you’re hurting yourself.

So what I want you to do is to step out of that cage. Anything you’re making dramatic, anything you’re obsessing over, anything you feel extremely dependent on, get rid of it now.

Eventually I was best friend with this girl, but I had to get rid of her. Yes you might hurt one or two people along the way, but it’s for a much greater good. I want you to cut off contact with anyone you feel dependent on or are obsessing over.

When you have to see them, act friendly. You just need to throw these people away from your world. Destroy that world. Create a new one that you’re in control of.

Now you need to build your new world, the one that’s going to make you king. To start off, you have to have the motivation. Once you have that, you’ll find your way. Now I’m going to help you with that. I’m going to stick it all into one post here, so it’s going to be long. Some of my ideas might have changed slightly and excuse me if I cover some material multiple times. I’m getting this directly from other posts and just changing what I see needs to be changed.

#1) http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/003584-2.html I strongly believe in gaining a good physical appearance. This was crushing my self esteem until I looked at every detail and fixed it and now I feel great.

Motivation comes from having major desperation, but you don’t quite give up. You see hope and you decide to give it everything you've got.

You will HAVE to start fixing flaws. What I sometimes do, is find the thing I dislike about myself the most (I.E speaking clearly). I’ll always think about it and be conscious of it, "am I speaking clearly and loudly? No? Ok I’ll speak louder and slower" and eventually it fixes itself. You have to ALWAYS be conscious of your flaws in order to fix them.
Let’s get some confidence going.

1) Improve physical appearance.

It doesn't matter if you're a stud or a monster. If you improve at all you will feel more confident. So let’s analyze how you are physically. A few things come to mind.

-are you wearing clothing that is a bad size
-wearing clothing that’s absolutely ugly
-wearing clothing that people would laugh at
-have a bad posture
-hair (BIG IMPORTANT ONE), I recommend getting it about 2 inches if you think it looks bad. This looks good on most men.
-shoes, as long as they're clean and not $5 they're ok
-clothes need to be clean and don’t wear the same thing every other day
-smell
-hygiene
-voice
-smile (i.e. teeth, this is also a big one)
-energy (too much too little, uncontrollable???)
-Complexion (there ARE ways to fix this, even texture of skin is pretty important)
-fingernails trimmed
-clean shaven or distinct facial hair
-the list goes on

2) Improve social skills

This can ONLY be done by TALKING to people. You HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE TO GET BETTER SOCIAL SKILLS. You might make a fool out of yourself the first 20 times. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Your brain will pick up on what people react too positively and negatively.
Try going to somewhere where you can’t hurt your reputation. Approach PEOPLE. Note PEOPLE not GIRLS. Meet people. Try different techniques, talking about sex, talking about school, anything. You really have to find these things out for yourself.
I know you have trouble with conversation. Here are some tips:

-Talk about ANYTHING on your head. If a girl walks by with a weird looking shirt, mention it
-TALK ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. Chances are they'll really open up and go in depth on what they're talking about. This will make it really easy and eventually they'll hit something you can talk about that you can bring up
-ask open ended questions immediately. It doesn't matter what the situation is. i.e. "hey you were in my bio class last year. How long have you lived here?"
-Just talk, talk, talk. eventually you'll feel comfortable enough talking to people that you aren't too familiar with, this will give you more ability to think about what you're saying.

#2) http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/002126.html this explains why it is just as easy to get attractive women as non-attractive ones.


Since I like going into the psychological part of then picture as many girls you know as you can in your mind. How many of them would YOU ever ask out? How many would you say yes to if THEY asked YOU out? Now I want you to think about this. Most people would probably say yes to more girls than they would actually pursue. What does this mean? This probably means one of the following:

1) the man is desperate in some way
2) the man is too lazy to pursue anyone but "perfect"
3) the man feels inferior to 9s and 10s.
4) the man feels TOO superior to 6s and below (we're not aiming for superior to women we're aiming for superior to ourselves at our current state)
5) the man doesn't belong on this site
6) the man is as gay as Rosie O’Donnell WITH the feminine features
7) the man doesn't want to waste his time with girls that aren't all that great
8) the man is TAKEN

After reading those I’m guessing a lot of you would have picked #7. So what? There’s nothing wrong with that is there? Does #8 apply to you? If not, then why are you worried about wasting your time if you aren't going anywhere now? If you're doing it right, you should have lots and lots of 4s 5s 6s and maybe some 7s and 8s.

Let’s say its English class and the best looking girl is a 6. Why not go after her? She’s too ugly? She doesn't cut it? Who cares? WHO CARES? If you've been here a while you should already know the following:

1) Having connections to girls you are pursuing through their friends is IMPORTANT.
2) You HAVE TO treat all women the same. HAVE TO. It makes you look better to other women and makes them jealous
3) women like guys for their personalities. We know that. Well guys can like women for their personalities too, and the more you like someone's personality, the more attractive they are anyway. That 7 you know could turn into an 8 or 9 after you get to know her.
4) You could use the practice. So USE THE PRACTICE! Perfect opportunity.
5) You know how much influence friends have on each other. This is another plus with friends. If this not-so-hot girl goes crazy about you, she's going to tell her friends how great you are. Even the hot ones YOU DON'T KNOW YET. Wow wouldn't that make it easier.

Why do you think girls that aren't that hot are easier to go after? Well, yes, one reason IS the fact that their bad looks lower their confidence. BUT I know a really hot girl who has lower confidence than anyone I know. The REAL reason is that NO-ONE ever pursues THEM. They get left in the dirt. So when they see a chance they grab it.

But now for the real reverse side of it. I asked you about how many girls you would say yes to versus how many you would actually pursue. Now, think about this from a girl's point of view. It’s natural for them to wait for the guys to come to them. So, how many guys do you think they are going to come after? I’m sure that even if they don't pursue Johnny over there there's a chance they would say yes if he went after them. How many girls that you've been with actually came after you first? Probably not many. There are always exceptions though.

Why would a shy girl like Jennifer over there bother to go after every guy she would ever go out with? I’m sure there's a lot, because these days GUYS ARE TOO AFRAID TO GO AFTER GIRLS. So she feels even more desperate and there you go.

#3) http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/001803.html Some things to keep in mind.


So you've been hanging around here for a while, and you see all these wonderful tips, each able to "Get you all the women you want!"
True, there are things like having a clean bathroom that will help significantly. Hugging a girl with your left hand two inches higher than normal could help you a little.
I imagine you have all these ideas in your head, no room for them all (especially if you're new at this)?
I'm going to compile all these little tips and ideas into some basic rules, and build off of those.


Rule #1
GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT
Something I have seen is that many people come here in hope of easy ways to get women. That can be found [/b]if you look in the right places and get your priorities straight[/i]. Often newbies get here, read pages and pages of information, and then try applying it whenever they get the chance, amazed at the new concepts they have come across.

There's a problem with this. DJs don't NEED women. They shouldn't be trying as hard as they can; trying to pick up every girl they see. They have OTHER PRIORITIES.
Try as hard as you can to picture a "natural" DJ, particularly someone you know. Chances are you see that person VERY social. Maybe a guy on the football team, who DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR GIRLS.

It is well known that being a DJ is a way of life (quite like Buddhism ). But that doesn't mean to spend your life trying to get perfect girls. DJs have other priorities, and girls shouldn't be their top one.

Many people who have discovered http://www.sosuave.com were once "outcasts" and major AFCs, with [/b]NO SOCIAL LIFE. [/b]

That's why many people here have trouble when all these simple tactics should be working.
Some of my priorities are listed below, in order:

• ME
• My beliefs, values, ethics
• Family
• School
• Friends
• Skateboarding (my hobby)
• Girls

My #1 priority, the one listed as ME, has different things applying to it. I'm constantly looking for improvement, and each new step is great feeling of success and boost of confidence.
Things that fall under ME would be:

• My social life
• My appearance (including personality, which is becoming more and more to my liking.)
• My progress in school or anything I'm working on
• Hygiene

Girls come if I have time. If I have too much time for girls, that's a bad sign for them.

DJs need to understand that there's more to being a DJ than knowing how to play the game.

Rule #2
BE THE DOMINATOR
This is probably already well known here. Stop letting girls walk all over you, stop letting guys walk all over you. If you act like an emperor, you will be treated as such.

I know some of the smallest stupidest kids who people are scared of. It's obvious that they would go down in a fight, but an emperor has people backing him. You'll get respect and followers/people backing you.
Confidence is a major key here.

If you think you can dominate, you will dominate. Don't take anything from anyone. You don't need anyone. You don't need anything. You could go solo, but you choose to have a social life (VERY IMPORTANT).
So you have low confidence? That can be fixed. Physical characters make up a HUGE percentage of what your confidence is built on.

Workout and if you're not in shape play a sport. That will help more than anything, because you're constantly being pushed physically and you're having fun (hopefully) at the same time.
Hair is one of the most important things as far as looks. This cannot be stressed enough!!! Find a good hairstyle, short is always a good way to go if you can't find anything. Ask girls for advice on your hair. White, straight teeth are a big plus. You know where to go for those.

Skin care is important. Visit www.acne.org and take a careful look if you have acne (no matter how severe).
Shaving frequently (even if you can hardly tell) does help, unless you have a certain way you want your facial hair.

SHOES ARE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT CLOTHING ITEMS.

Guys ignore this fact and girls don't. Bad shoes really stand out to a girl, and good ones stand out even more. Try to find a style that isn't boring for you, try different things until you find something that you like. Accessories are ok, don't overdo it though.

If you have an introverted personality (shy, quiet, not outgoing) then start talking to people as much as you can. Talk about whatever is on your mind. Get used to conversation then you can fine tune your conversation skills. And try to be a bit of a jerk for a while, eventually it will go away but your confidence will be boosted.
You need to be a leader.

I read this tip somewhere else, can't remember but it's extremely valuable: "When in a group of people, talk about general topics that they can all relate to." When talking to particular people, find out their interests and become genuinely interested in them.

Try organizing something with a group of friends and girls. Don't wait for someone else to. Always be busy, always be doing something. Being a leader (a successful one) is very rewarding in many senses.

Rule #3
LIVE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT
You have come to this site to become successful with girls. That doesn't mean change your whole personality to something that you're uncomfortable with just to get girls. You need to live your life how you want, just follow the basics and don't make girls feel like your mother.

You have your hobbies, you know what you like. Keep living a way you enjoy. Just become better with the ladies. If clubbing isn't fun for you, don't do it. There's other ways to get girls. You'll meet plenty just doing daily stuff. It's all in your hands to take initiative.

So that's it, the idea of this post is to take control, do what you want, don't waste TOO much time with girls. Let it all happen and stop worrying. Read the bible and if you stick around long enough, you'll get the rules down great. It's up to you to go out there and do it right.

#4) http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/002133.html One of the most important things… people just don’t realize it.

Now, when I first started all this DJing, I was pretty a pretty shy guy. This REALLY hurts you if you're trying to get a girl. Today I noticed something that stood out really well. We were hanging out and this girl came, and she's really good at getting guys the message "I like you" if she likes them.

She was acting like this around 2 guys in particular (me too but I try staying away from her because she's my good friend's ex), and one guy was responding very well (making comments and joking about her sexually), but the other one kind of laughed and didn't know how to respond.

All she was looking for was a hint that the guy was interested, and she really responded to the one who was making it obvious.

If you're comfortable making funny sexual comments about a girl (they'll start doing the same thing usually), or using a little big of extreme kino, it's a lot easier to express yourself and be on the top of your game.

If you're nervous, subconsciously your body will be worrying about saying the right thing and you'll be more likely to screw up.

People have to feel like they know how someone is going to react before they do something that affects them. If you can do something without really caring how their reaction is (this can only really be done either naturally or by PRACTICE!!), you get your message across really well.

So what can we do to correct this??
Well, depending on how fast you plan on getting there, you need to do one of the following:
Engage in conversations with tons of random people, act like you know them just don’t know stuff about them. This is a LOT friendlier and they feel comfortable around you so you can feel comfortable around them
This method will help extremely fast, you just need the balls to do it in the first place.

Talk to people (mostly guys) that you notice you have something in common with, IE they're wearing a football jersey and you like football so bring it up and start a conversation. Do this with a few people a day or week.

This method will help pretty fast, and is easier to bring up a conversation.
Talk to people you see a lot (IE at school or work) that you don’t know, they'll be able to adjust really quickly if you're friendly enough.

This method will help build confidence, and lead you up to the steps above. It’s a good place to start if you haven't really EVER talked to people you didn't know
Talk to people you've talked to but don’t know well. Get information from them and try building rapport. Try talking to girls too.

This method will take a little longer but get you more socially involved.
Or... if you're really bad
Talk to people you know, try making them better/good friends. This will help you establish a social life
And if you don’t know ANYONE, you better start meeting people.

The idea is, the more you talk to random people the easier it is to feel comfortable around them and say what you're trying to say. YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES AND SAY SOME STUPID THINGS AND FEEL STUPID if you are a shy person. But it will come pretty quickly and the more confident you are, the more friendly people seem and the easier it gets.

You just have to go out there, and pretend you know people already. Pretend they know you, treat them like people you see all the time.

#5) http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/002316.html Explains why people do things. Remember women are included in people…. If you go to the actual post there is a huge debate over this, so if you have any thoughts about it check that first.


Feelings, the basis of human life.
The root of EVERY SINGLE ACTION TAKEN BY ANY HUMAN BEING is based on FEELINGS. Think about it. What’s one thing you did this morning? Got out of bed? Why? You didn't feel tired, so you got out of bed. You would have felt bored if you just laid there. You got up and brushed your teeth. Because your mouth felt (well tasted) sick, and because when you have a good smile, you are more attractive, and then girls like you, and then you feel good. Simple things like brushing your teeth are tied into feelings.
Animals use almost all feeling, little intelligence.

Humans, however, use intelligence based on feelings. Why does your mom tell you to clean your room again? Because she needs to feel important. By raising you to become the ideal man, she will have a feeling of importance and accomplishment.

What is the ideal man? A man who has blah blah blah characteristics, and is a clean person. Not someone who lives in a trailer filled with garbage. Your mom knows this, and her feelings drive her towards making you the ideal man.

By raising the ideal man, she can feel important.
The number one thing humans need is the feeling of importance. this can be found in Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I would strongly suggest reading book this as it really helps you understand how humans think.

Humans live on the need to feel important. If you are important, then you feel like you have accomplished something. People will go to almost any extent to feel important. Criminals that commit stupid crimes like burning a house down often do it only to be in the news, and feel like they have made a change. So what does that have to do with it? If you are important to people, that makes you top dog.

If you are top dog, girls will come after you. If you get girls, you have accomplished your goal. Reproduce. So, by the law of syllogism (I finally found a use for this logic stuff), if you become important you will accomplish the goal of your species (reproduction).

What’s so hard about this in these days? Since instinct definitely doesn’t go away in just a few hundred years (someone else mentioned this in another post), then our needs change, but our instincts don’t.

A few hundred years ago (or thousand if you want to think caveman) the goal of our species was to survive and reproduce, as it is now. To do this, the man’s job was to bring home the food, from hunting, and the women’s goal was to take care of the offspring.

To be a successful man, you had to be a successful hunter. A successful hunter had a good build (girls feel attracted to this), he was confident (girls feel attracted to this), he wasn’t needy, since he was such a good hunter (girls feel attracted to this), he was successful in his goals (hunting) (girls feel attracted to this), and he had ambition, (girls feel attracted to this).

If a man had all these traits, he could go out and bring back a huge dinner. No wonder it works to not be an AFC.

Why are AFCs coming up so much now-a-days? Because there’s no need to hunt. You just work at a nerdy job and you get paid to buy your domesticated food. Women can do it no problem. Our jobs aren’t as distinct anymore. Men can live like women. So now, women are becoming less dependent on men. And men don’t like that. They become AFCs trying to get women to fall in love with them. They go crawling to them desperately begging to have a mate. Now, since men don’t have to compete as far as the hunt, they don’t have anything to attract women to them.

They lose the characteristics that make a successful hunter.
Men are losers now. They aren’t confident. They aren’t ambitious. They aren’t physically fit. THEY AREN’T MEN!!!!! Why would women be attracted to a man who’s not at all like an ideal man? And the bad thing is, since women want more power, they are turning us into what they don’t want! The advantage to this is, now you know what’s really going on, women are going to be more desperate for men that are ideal hunters.

So you become that, and you’re in! Women don’t know what they want because they turn us into this based on intellect, not feeling. Their intellect is taking over their feeling, but their feelings are still the same based on their instinct. So they’re all confused and messed up. All you have to do is learn how to utilize the skills of a DJ, and they’ll be all over you because they don’t know what they want, and since you’re so dominating, you can make everything fine.

Instinct and feeling are closely related, and they are the core of women (and yes you too). If you can learn how to control your feelings and understand the woman’s, YOU’RE IN!

#6) http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=24525 Basic Ideals and Applying Them Readily
A rather intelligent man once told me, if you are training for a one mile race, practice by running two miles. I don't know if this was reiterated from another source, but it is very good advice indeed. Imagine, after running your maximum speed for as long as you normally do, you will begin to tire and slow down. However, if you increase your standards to two miles when your goal is one mile, you will probably not slow as much after the first mile. When competing with other runners who have trained by running a single mile, you will have the advantage.

Anyone can raise their standards. Many schools in Europe require children to begin at as young an age as 3 years old. In the USA it is around 5 or 6. Yet somehow neither seem to have a problem with their age. Have you ever set a goal and made a determined effort to complete it, when you were just unable to? I doubt this has occured in most cases. Did you really look to all the possiblities and think about the situation?

The reality is, everything you need to know to be the best you can be with women, as an employee, spouse, friend, pet owner, anything, is out there already. But there is also a lot out there that is garbage. How can we determine what really works with women when one man says to treat her like a princess, when another says to treat her like another girl you see everyday, and both tell you to expect the same results?

Once can come to the conclusion that there are many forms of advice out there that can change everything for you if taken seriously. Just to name a few cliches:

Practice makes perfect
Treat others as you wish to be treated
Respect yourself
Anything about determination and effort

However, how often do you actually take these things seriously?

Everyone has a different perspective on everything. Everyone's "perfect" is flawed in the perspective of someone else. You must find your own utopia. But how?

It can be said that the most important things in life are the most down to earth and basic. Whats more important, a yacht that you can buy with a few million dollars that has the latest technology, employed staff, etc, or food? Obviously food is much more basic and much more essential.

So what ARE the essentials? Well everyone knows that you need food, shelter, clothing. These are all standards for survival. Everyone has shelter, even if it's a bridge. Food, if you're alive you have access to at least some food.

So everyone has the essentials right? Well what about the all the stuff like cell phones, airplanes, the internet, education, MONEY, that everyone is trying so hard to get?

Well, most people have the essentials, correct? This is where I'm asking you to think a little further. What about the emotional aspect of this? What are the EMOTIONAL essentials?

If you asked someone what one thing they could have if they had a wish, I wouldn't be surprised if "happiness" was the reply. So what is happiness?

On the emotional side you have happiness as the ultimate emotional aspect of life. The physical? Survival is probably sufficient, since anything more would be feeding the emotional part (for example being in better shape would help you feel better about yourself).

so, the two things we strive for are survival and happiness. Lets see if we can break that down even further.

Survivial
-Food
-Shelter
-Clothing

Happiness
-Fulfilling urge of Reproduction (to continue species)
-Desire of Importance/Belonging
-No pain (physically/mentally)

So the survival aspect was previously covered, but now the happiness part. We have fulfilling the urge of reproduction, this is an instinctual drive and many people want to raise children. No pain, obviously you can't be mentally satisfied if you're in pain. Then the desire of importance. This is where everyone is trying to be better than everyone else. This is where people want the very best. They want to feel like an accomplished individual, with a place to belong to and people to look up to them. It can be said that all during a person's life they are trying to become something other people admire, depending on their perspective of where to stop (for example the people with no motivation due to the fact that they would rather sit on the couch all day and save their energy, however if you're here chances are that's not you). That being said, you can see that everyone has basic ideals that help define their "perfect", but somewhat distorted and warped compared to other people's.

Everyone wants and needs the basics. But on top of that there are different proportions as to how much of what is needed to be happy.

Everyone has their own opinion on abortion. Everyone has their own opinion on what food is good/bad. Everyone has their own opinion on what our leaders should be doing.

All that being said, let me refer back to a portion of what I said earlier.

It can be said that the most important things in life are the most down to earth and basic.

Click to expand...

This goes hand-in-hand with those cliches such as "practice makes perfect". This is a very basic idea, its not something like "if you throw a ball over a roof at 37 degrees with the wind blowing east at 30 mph it will ____". That can be much more subjective because there are so many things that can change the outcome of throwing the ball. What if the person is weak? What if the ball is a baseball vs. a basketball? What if it hits a bird?

However, "practice makes perfect" is not as subjective. Sure, you could say that in certain situations you just can't improve, but then it's one way or the other. Also, with this particular phrase you can't really practice and in effect get WORSE at it. If anything it won't change. But everyone knows that if you add 2 digit numbers up all day then you'll get pretty good at it.

But how do we incorporate these basic ideas into our lives? By consciously using them. Pick one. Think about it. Think about it's potential. If you practiced everything you did more often, chances are you would get better at them. consciously evaluating situations also helps your brain consider it better.

You can start by finding a few basic ideas that you can see work. Don't tell me practice doesn't work. That's just common knowledge (and why I used it so much). Think about multiple situations you've been in that are similar, such as interacting with girls, and see if you can form a rule that will help you in another similar situation. We do this all the time, but subconsciously. Now I'm telling you to make it conscious. It will speed up the process, I promise.

One of the things we learned in history, is to look for a broad answer to a question that can answer 100 questions. Or 1000. For example, you can say that the reason John died is because he had a bullet to the upper left side of his heart, at 3:00 am. Or you can say that Guns have the potential to kill people. Then you can narrow it down to the appropriate situation, and make the necessary adjustments.

So how will all this help you? By forming simple ideas and thoughts that apply to many situations (including girls!), everytime you come to a similar situation again, you already have a possible starting point. Then you can think about it, and see if it fits and how you can make it work. They often say the hardest part about doing something is starting it. For example, if I noticed that all the girls I talk to laugh at a certain type of joke, I can make note of that and I'll have something to build off of the next time I talk to a girl.

Like I said, we do this subconsciously already. But you don't recall those facts as readily and you don't think about the effects of them (like if I came to this conclusion subconsciously, I couldn't think about it because it would be my brain and not me that was processing it) in the same manner.

Last of all, you might want to know how to start forming these thoughts/ideas. Practice! Talk to girls. Think about "ok did I do good or not". Obviously we already have an abundance of ideas (like confidence etc) here, but it will do you good to discover them for yourself and find your own.

#7) http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23151 The Real Truth Behind Confidence, Mystery, etc.
There are dozens of "How To Be Confident" tips in this forum. I'm going to make an attempt to clear this little issue up.

One thing people fail to realize, is that confidence, mystery, being a challenge... it is support. It supports the things that really make a person attractive. You cannot develop these things and be successful without developing other things.

Example: Due to methods well known on www.sosuave.com you are able to create mystery, and you have a great thing going for a few dates.

One day, she calls and you let her get the machine to be a challenge. Well she needs something from you asap so she comes by to get it. She knocks on the door, and finds you playing a game on the internet at 3 PM eating cereal with clothes and papers scattered all over your floor when she thought you were outside doing something important.

Mystery, gone. Challenge, gone. Girl, gone.

However, lets say you had those dates, created mystery, and she comes to your door again. You're just getting home from golfing with your buddies or from a meeting or something similar as you see her at the door. You invite her inside for a moment and she sees that you have a clean place, you're dressed nicely, and on your way to run an errand.

See the difference?

Tell me, what is confidence without personality? What is mystery without something exciting hiding behind those doors? What is being a challenge when there's nothing different about you?

By simply not calling her for 3 days that's great, by being ****y around her, by retaining important information, it will all help.

But it cannot hide the fact that you aren't the great catch she thought.

So what can you do about it?

Think about your average guy who still pulls the chicks. Whats different about him? Is he clean? Is he funny? Is he somewhat busy? Is he polite? Calm? Mature? Friendly? You can be most of those without being excessively ****y, confident, etc.

Try thinking of it this way. You are having a party on Saturday. All week you decorate the outside of the building, the lawn, the invitations, call people. But then they finally show up on the big day and inside the place is small, smells bad, needs to be cleaned, and is falling apart. You have a tiny stereo with 3 or 4 CDs. They show up and find out what this party is really about. And they leave.

Party Over.

My point is not to worry so much about confidence, mystery, being a challenge, ambition etc, but to focus on the things that produce those. Try to improve your sense of humour. Try to be more friendly. Try to improve SOCIAL SKILLS. Big one! Get involved with people, learn how to be a leader. Become comfortable with interacting with other people. Hygiene. Consider if what you are wearing is suitable for you, if it represents what you want people to see you as.

Then comes the confidence. Then mystery is a possibility. Then comes the real challenge.

Then comes the fun.

#8) http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=19585
Perception and How We Think

Part 1: Perception and Working for Our Feelings, Intelligence, and Instincts

To become a DJ we must first be aware of our surroundings and how we perceive them.

Perception is everything. Children are a great example of this, you tell them the sky is made of marshmallows and they'll believe you because they have to perceive SOMETHING other than NOTHING or what are they left with? Abstract thinking, which I believe is inconceivable.

If someone sees something I call a zugalot, they're going to accept that it's a zugalot unless they have reason to believe otherwise (i.e. encountering multiple things that are already classified). If I weren't there to tell them it was a zugalot, they would have to come up with something to call it themselves.

That person would probably look for characteristics they could define, such as color, smell, shape, size, and most importantly resemblance to something else. i.e., if it looked like a tree they might call it treedo.

Where do they get the "-do" from? It’s not abstract if you thought I was going to say that. The "-do" is of the alphabet, and other words have the letters "do" in them. If that information was not there the person would not have thought up the "-do". Why might you add the "-do"? To differentiate between the tree and treedo is a good reason.

Imagine this though; there is nothing that could possibly be resembled. You have no childhood, one day you just appear in the world. And there are no surroundings. You have no senses, there is nothing to see, nothing to hear, taste, smell or touch. Your mind exists alone. Your mind absorbs zero information.

With these conditions, what thoughts can be processed? Well there is nothing to process.

The youngest children rely on feelings, and instinct.

I believe there are three things humans react to:

Feelings

Instincts

Intelligence

Instinct is simply one thing: The feeling or urge that a certain action must be taken. This action can only be done in certain surroundings. I.e. if you had an instinct to pull bananas off of their trees, this instinct wouldn't apply where there were no bananas.

In our world where there are no feelings, and no surroundings, instinct is non-existent.

Feelings can't really be broken down any further than the ideas of emotions and the fact that it is purely psychological (as are instinct and intelligence). The brain senses emotions and tells the body to feel them. Where do they start? Surroundings. If your bed is warm you will feel it. If you discover you won a million dollars, you'll feel happy. What if you had no surroundings? Where do your feelings come from? No senses, no interaction with another world. There would be no feelings. In our closed off world, feelings are eliminated.

Last is intelligence. How does intelligence come about? Babies do not react on intelligence. It is only when they become older and parents enforce certain ideas that they learn that thing A does this because ___ and that can help me in this situation because _____. In that case I’ll use thing A. I theorize that the smarter the animal, the less instinct and feeling are relied on. And the more instinct and feeling are relied on, the less intelligence is. Babies do not know to do anything other than what they are told by people the feel trust for and comfort from. Their feelings guide intelligence, and intelligence cannot exist without feeling. Thus since we eliminated feelings above, intelligence is also eliminated.

Part 2: Perception and Value

What do you have left to react on now? All three things are gone. You cannot react, and if you can't react to something there is no growth. Growth only occurs when there is a reason for it. If you nurture and water a plant it will grow, if you choose not to water it then it will not grow. If you struggle catching up to your prey, your body will evolve to increase your speed. Your speed doesn't increase "just because".

There is a cause for every effect. You are closed off now with no causes for any effects. No effects take place. What will happen? Nothing. No growth, nothing at all.

So why do we want growth? To interact better with our surroundings. Our surroundings correlate very well to our growth. Why do we want to interact better with our surroundings?

This will enhance our feelings, instincts, and intelligence. Those 3 things govern our bodies and minds. They control what we do for their own satisfaction.

However we are a part of them, and they are a core part of us. Everything we do affects them and anything positively affecting them positively affects us, since they govern us.

We have no will to just die, so we value them not negatively but positively. they don’t want to die so our intelligence says "we're valuable" and our feelings say "we make you feel good" and instincts say "our race has evolved for many years, I know what’s best for you I’ve been through those years." we have no choice but to agree with them, because there is nothing else to convince us otherwise. The only other option we have is suicide.

*quick note* I’m not encouraging suicide and saying your brain is plotting against you.

Everything we interact with we place some sort of value on, and that’s where our perception comes into play.

If I offered you either a hundred dollars or a thousand dollars at no cost, what would you take? The thousand dollars is valued higher because it can satisfy more of our feelings, instincts, and intelligence (from this point forwards I’ll call those "FII").

We have to pick between two options, live or die. Since you are reading this you are obviously alive and don’t want to die, so in that case you agree with your FII that you need to satisfy them.

As I said before, we place value on everything. The kid riding his bike on the sidewalk has little value, being that it has value in that it's part of society, and POTENTIALLY could be of more value if certain things were to happen.

Potential value is a big one here. If I were to trip and fall and break my neck while no one else was around, this kid could save my life. In this case his value would be extremely high. However if he just rode on past and nothing happened to me the value would be low. But potential value doesn't change.

The higher value we perceive things, the more we will satisfy our FII. In this case, we want to put as much value on things as possible since we are working together with our FII to please them (so we will be pleased).

If you give a child chocolate for the first time, he's not going to perceive its minimum value. He’s going to love it, and if you tell him that he can only have it once a year, he's going to value it even higher. The value we place on things is lowered the more access we have to it, since we don't have to go to as great lengths to acquire it as if it were always present.

I love using children as examples when it comes to human nature because they haven't yet been educated by society to think certain ways. Children will value things however you tell them to, because they feel devotion and trust to you. Adults have already been told how to value things, whether it was in words or actions. Children can view a new bed as highly as we would view a million dollars for free, or as lowly as we view dirt. This is the capability of mankind's perceptions.

Let me explain it this way. If every person you met on the street was "stupid" until you got to know them, you wouldn't be a friendly person and you wouldn't be pleasing you FII. If your perceptions were that every human being was great, and you valued them highly enough to be very excited and happy and friendly around them, you WOULD be pleasing your FFI and things would be going better.

What’s the difference? Perception. That is how much it can change things.

I’m going to bring up another point, relativity. Everything is relative. Repeat that a few times. If you view all humans 10X better than John does, your perceptions for each individual will still be different. If a girl has a softer voice than another girl, even though you might adore both of them, you will place higher value on the one with the softer voice.

This is how we strive to improve. Even if you have $10 mil, that's not much compared to bill gates. If everyone had bill gate's money, the economy would change and you would be considered poor.

This is why we try to go for better, no matter how good what he have already is. Values drop as their relative value to other things drops. If you can control your perceptions to things to where the effect relative value has on actually value is limited, you'll be in great shape.

Let’s talk about one way of getting around that. It’s called diversity. If all the girls you dated looked closely the same, had the same accent, enjoyed the same things, etc, their relative value would be about the same. Their actual value would drop because that type of girl would be easily accessible. Now let’s say a girl from another country comes along, looks different, different accent, enjoys completely different things. Her value is going to skyrocket because she is so diverse from the rest.

Ever hear of supply/demand? If something is easily accessible its value drops. The more the supply outweighs the demand, the more accessible something will be.

The more of these "special" girls you find, the more accessible they will be and the lower both their relative and actual value will be.

Diversity is very important in our lives. It allows the demand to go up, but in many cases we control the supply, so we control the value on our lives.

By becoming a diverse person, by becoming DIFFERENT from other people, by finding diverse people and items, the value your FII places on your life will be much greater at much lower cost.

Ever wonder why they say "be different?" this is as good a reason as any.

The way you perceive things will change the value you place on them. So let me ask you this one final question:

Are your feelings, instincts and intelligence telling you to acquire the more or less valuable?

If you are a diverse person, you will be successful with women. If you are different from other men (not negatively), women will see you as a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and there will most likely be none other like you they come across again.

www.sosuave.com is not only about getting women. Maybe that’s the core part that gives it substance, but countless people have changed their lives through this website, so take it a step further by making your life the best possible.

Part 3: Molding Yourself to Fit Your Desires

Now that you know that you operate to please your FII, you can begin the process of changing yourself to fit what you really want.

People want happy lives. Yet they are sad. People want to be physically appealing. Yet they are repulsive. People want talent. Yet they are untalented.

See where I’m going? How many times have you seen the man at McDonalds who looks like he’s eaten one-too-many cheeseburgers, the chair bulging under his weight? Does he wish to live such a life? Does he really enjoy being this way? Perhaps there are some, but I’m willing to bet most people suffering from obesity wish the problem to go away. But do they take initiative to fix it?

Often, no.

How many men do you know that would like to look like that model on a weightlifting magazine, wishing to look more muscular and appealing? How about the people who suffer in their marriages, and yet do nothing to fix them?

If you’re getting tired of me leading you on, what I’m getting at is that people often find it easier to complain than to focus on the problem itself.

How many people do you know that just seem boring? They have a dull life and they know it, but they don’t choose to do anything to make it any better.

Before you can consciously change yourself, you need one thing. Motivation. The desire to change. You have to have a reason to use all that energy and time. It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, just that you really want to change. It has to justify the process of getting there. It takes limited effort to complain, but it’s a full-fledged project to go through with fixing the problem.

If they guy who eats too much complains all the time, he obviously wishes he didn’t have the problem. But humans are great at fathoming new thoughts and possible outcomes. People can visualize the vaporization of an entire city beginning with a firecracker. Of course, reality doesn’t always fit with our “visualizations”. People can imagine the outcome of an action to be much worse than possible. This creates fear of taking that action, and they can hold themselves back from doing great things.

Perhaps the obese man decides to himself that the end result of going through the process to lose the weight is not worth it. Exercising daily and maintaining a healthy diet for that much time is just “too much”. He visualizes that the process is very tedious and much worse than it actually is. It could be pretty bad, and perhaps he is happy enough as he is, so he doesn't see the point of going through with the change.

So before you decide to change yourself, you have to plan out the process needed to make that change. Then decide if it’s all worth it. Often immediate situations prevent us from taking a beneficial action. For example, most people wouldn’t approach a random woman on the street because it would be leaving their “comfort zone”. However, you probably know that this is very justifiable after getting great results with women, by simply stepping out of your comfort zone.

Once you have good reason to make the change, you have to really decide how you’re going to get it done. Go into detail, if you want to “become muscular” then do some research and devise a plan that will fit to your schedule and needs most efficiently.

Efficiency is key in most effectively completing a change/goal, and using minimal resources (time, money etc). This way the compromise of making the change is more appealing and is worth it.

If we want to become something, be it humorous, intelligent or anything else as far as characteristics of personality go, the mind will take us there if we have the proper motivation. If you consciously try to be funny around people, your mind will subconsciously note what people like and what they don’t, and will help you in changing your humor to fit what is “funny”.

The main idea is, if you really want to change, you will find a way to get there.

#8) http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=19585
Improvement ; consider this similar to one of the topics above but much more in depth
So here you are. You’re really disappointed with yourself but are already on your way to self improvement, you just don’t know where to start. So I’m going to break it down for you and try to help you out.

People say to be yourself. I say progress yourself.


#1 – APPEARANCE

There is only one excuse I would accept if someone claimed they weren’t wearing clothing they thought represented how they wanted other people to see them, if they were unable to get that clothing (due to money problems, etc). There is almost always a way to dress that people will like and see your personality stand out. If someone accused me of stereotyping someone because of how they looked, and if my opinion was based on clothing, they would have no justifiable position. The way people present themselves is chosen by them.

Category A – Clothing

I’m going to talk about your clothing. Clothing is an extremely important part of how you look. Try going through a couple magazines with models and see what they’re wearing. Look at some of the popular people you know. Try some of it. If you like how something looks on someone, see if it looks good on you. You have to experiment.

Things of importance:

-Color
If you wear all black, you might get second looks from people (bad ones). If you wear completely opposite colors, chances are it will look fine to most people now-a-days. If you wear pink stripes and purple polka dots, chances are it’s not going to go over too well. Pick colors that stand out, but aren’t ugly looking. Ask people for their opinions.

-Size
This is really important. DO NOT worry about something being too small, and getting something 2 sizes bigger than you need. Tight clothes look OK while exceedingly loose clothes make you look scrawny and poor. Try it on, if it’s hard to move in its too tight, and if a shirt goes down to your knees or pants can’t stay up without a belt then it’s too loose.

-Style
Style is definitely a biggie. It represents your uniqueness, how you’re different from everyone else. There are a lot of different ways to dress commonly known by people. Prep (becoming popular), Punk, Goth (generally disliked), whatever you would consider Fubu (what a lot of black people wear), 70s, 80s, you name it. Try to pick something that matches your personality/lifestyle.

-Shoes
Shoes make more a difference than a lot of people think. Good, clean shoes are great. Don’t go for the cheap $20 Nikes, try something a little better quality and sharp looking. Shoes, as with everything, should represent how highly you think of yourself. These should match your style too.

Category B – Accessories

Things such as rings, necklaces, piercings (to a limit), chains, belts, etc can make a difference. They are the bells and whistles. They can be expensive, but don’t have to be.

-Rings and piercings
One or two rings can be a bonus, pick them wisely. Mostly anything made for men will probably be ok to wear if it didn’t cost 50 cents. Piercings… depending on your style, eyebrow, nose, and tongue etc piercings can be ok. If you pierce your ears it will probably look fine, but make sure you get something that looks good.

-Watch
A watch isn’t a bad idea. Just get a decent one, you’ll know when you see it if it will look good. There is a lot to choose from.

-Necklace
I couldn’t really tell you much for this one, except to see what other people out there are wearing and what looks good with your style.

Category C – Hygiene and Body

It is very important that you are clean, and in good shape. You want to make sure you don’t smell awful, or have hair down to your knees (unless you’re into that...).

-Hair
Make sure your hair is neat and you have a definite thing going. If you want it long, make sure you know exactly how it’s going to be, don’t just let it grow out and leave it, it looks sloppy and lazy. Cut it pretty short if you want minimal work and still have it look good. Gel is in today, girls like seeing that you have effort to take care of yourself so it helps. If you have the right build, shaving your head might do wonders for you. If you’re kind of tall and have certain features, long curly hair might work really well. It all depends on the person, and what you want. Ask people, play around a bit, go to a stylist.

-Skin
If you have acne, I recommend www.acne.org. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY, and many people are really surprised by how well the regimen over there works. You have to be committed to it, and it will probably help. Go there for more info. Other options are definitely a dermatologist. You have to try things to find an answer. Skin texture is also important, and how tan it is. If you’re really white then get a tan. If your skin is really dry, get lotion. For your face, make sure you shave unless you are going for a certain look. If you want a goatee, then go for it! Just don't let it get shabby.

-Nails
Cut them. That’s about it.

-Teeth
If they aren’t straight, braces. That’s all you need. It’s expensive but the effects are really great. If they aren’t white, BRUSH THEM REGULARLY. Two minutes a day. Time it. If you need to make them white, try those white strip things; otherwise ask your dentist what he can do. Teeth are what a smile is all about, and a smile is all about showing how friendly you are.

-Build
We have a whole health and fitness forum for this. Workout, and look there for advice on how. If you gain muscle, you’ll look better, plain and simple. Just don't look scrawny, and you'll be fine. Unless you're a dedicated bodybuilder (in which case you'll know this already), you cant have too much muscle.

-Smell
Shower at least once a day, twice if you get all sweaty etc. Change your sheets on your bed regularly. Brush your teeth. Wash your clothes. This should get rid of bad smells, to add good smells use cologne.

-Voice
If you have an annoying voice (ask people trust me, you don’t know how your voice really sounds, or you can also record yourself) then start singing along with different types of music try to train your voice. Do a search (www.google.com). This mostly only applies if you have a voice that stands out negatively. If you have a bad laugh, try to control it a little.

-Posture
This is very important. Get someone to record you (or do it yourself) walking around or doing something. See if you walk weird, sit weird, bend over weird etc. Try holding your shoulders low and back. Let your arms swing NATURALLY. Don’t make your steps too big or small. Keep your chin up. And don’t overdo any of it, it’s very obvious.


#2 – PERSONALITY

Being friendly and likable is important. You want to become sociable, it will make you feel very confident and put you on your way.

Category 1 – Self Speculation

I want you to think about yourself. What do you like and what don’t you like. Write it all down, and then put things in order of most important to least important. Starting with the most important one, work on these, one at a time, until they become strengths.

You need to think about what you like about yourself and what you don’t like. What do other people like? What could be better and give you a better reaction? IMPROVE IT!! There is ALWAYS room for improvement. You just have to step forward and take the time and effort to do it. It has to be worth it to you. So make it worth it.

Category 2 – Conversation Skills

I have said this many times before, I’ll say it again. To easily engage in conversation with someone, you need to be COMFORTABLE around them. How is this achieved? Simple. Experience! The more strangers you talk to, the more used to being around them you’ll be. The more comfortable you’ll be. The easier it will be to talk about things freely. You HAVE to go up to a few random strangers and talk to them, find out things about them.

Open ended questions-
Every time you talk to someone you don’t know, you’re going to need to find out some things about them to know what they’re interested in. So ask them! Before you talk to someone, you should plan on finding out a few of the following:

Name
Where they are from
What they are interested in
What you have in common

Once you find out some of these things, you can start basing questions off of them. If they say they’re from Wisconsin, ask what it was like there. They say boring, ask how come. They say because there’s nothing to do. Ask them what they do here. See where I’m going? Once you hit certain points, you’ll be able to jump in and get into the conversation, or they’ll get really interested about a few things and will go on and on. It all takes EXPERIENCE.

Category 3 – Becoming Friendly

There are a few things that you need do to in order to appear friendly to most people:

Smile with confidence (IMPORTANT)
EYE CONTACT!
Engage in conversation easily, become interested
Joke around
Emit energy, don’t be boring and monotone and out of it. Have energy!

People will warm up to you if you make sure to be friendly. Women like friendly people; they get along with everyone and are full of confidence.

That’s it for now… I’ll update this as I post more tips or the like.
I’m off!

Bump.. for my own records at least

Much easier to save everything in one post than save all the seperate ones.

holly **** you put so much time into this and it may be likely that one person didnt even read the whole thing

one day i will

nice

nice work

just so you know, this is basically most of my "tips" posts all in one.

This post(s) overwhelmed me
Nice work!

This post overwhelmed me
Nice work!