Hey guys,

I have decided that i need to post about how I'm feeling recently, as i haven't been myself.

Although things on my career etc are going well, as i have started a new job with a big company, and enjoying it so far. And in my personal life, i have recently become an uncle for the first time. I'm very proud of my brother and his wife, and of course the newest member of the family.

However, i have been feeling very down for the better part of 2 years

A few years ago my ex of 2 1/2 broke up with me. I was devastated, as she left me coldly when I was struggling with work, and fighting with 2 of my best friends, because of her. I done all the wrong things looking back, and ignored red flags, but I did my best considering the circumstances of that time. She never contacted me until 18 months later, but I didn't reply. It didn't matter at the time, as i was seeing a girl in a LDR from Germany who i was beginning to really fall for.. While I'm over her the ex, or maybe convincing myself i am, I done things with my life such as traveling and seeing the world on my own, starting from nothing in a new country, and getting a good job.

But i always thought about her every day, and how i allowed myself to be treated in that relationship. I feel she got off Scott free, and ashamed of myself in how I tolerated her bad behavior.

Recently, the girl i was in a LDR with, and who i also moved back to Europe to see, basically told me through facebook she met someone else, 4 days after declaring her love to me lol. I think she had BPD. and I haven't spoken to her in 1 1/2 months, and not planning too either. I don't care about her, but it was a punch in the gut. I dusted myself off, and got up.

Since i came home, i have found it hard to settle and adjust. I haven't been on a date properly in nearly 2 years. I have recently joined a gym, so i hope this will help me burn off some negative energy, but for nearly 2 years now I'm feeling numb, and indifferent to the world, and especially women. I find most of them are superficial and shallow. But that isn't right either. When i try and open up and get close to women, and come out of my shell again, It blows up in my face. I have had plenty 1 night stands since my ex, but they just mean jack sh$t if i try to be honest with myself.

Traveling has definitely broaden my mind, and life experiences, and I had the time of my life traveling. But now that I'm back to reality, and seeing how everybody is settling down, and getting engaged is depressing me.

This is not a proper DJ mindset, and I used to be so much happier. I'm 29, single, no debts, have a great family, have a good career and keep myself in good condition. I'm lucky and know that lots of guys my age are struggling because of the recession and are tied down with kids etc. I'm trying to be humble and just get on with things and keep my head down, but I'm not enjoying life. In the mornings I'm often in a dreamland thinking of my ex, and being sad about how things went down.

I will get flamed for this post, but I really don't care. I need to talk to someone, as it's weighing me down too much. I want to be happy again, and enjoying meeting women and not being bitter and sad thinking of "what if's"

Thanks guys.

HBK - Stay positive. I've been through a lot of shit with women and I've been devastated by it. I'm in a hole right now in a number of ways, but I have to tell myself every day that I really do have a lot going for me. This is what keeps me going.

Also, remember that you're better off now without all the bad stuff that came with that relationship. I'm in this place where I have to fight daily against the fantasy of how wonderful things were. In reality, things sucked and there really was never a purely good time in my last relationship. That may not be true for you, but it helps to dispel the fantasies when you focus on the negatives.

What I'm trying to do now is what I would recommend to you as well. Try to find new passions. Do something new that you've never tried before. Take some classes in a new language or a new musical instrument. Find something that you have a passion for and throw yourself into it.

This may not change your life overnight, but, then again, it MAY change your life overnight when you find new passions and the joy that comes with it.

Thanks for your advice Three. I know your right about getting involved in new passions. Sometimes i feel so lethargic, and have really low interest in doing anything. I'm getting back into fitness and Gym again, and also my electric guitar so hopefully this will encourage me and get me thinking positive again.

I'm sorry to hear your in a similar situation in ways at the moment. Once you are removed from a toxic relationship, maybe I'm being a little sharp saying that, as all relationships have good times too. But when the rose tinted glasses are gone, and you reflect, you see the mistakes.

I guess lately, with the advent of social networking and how superficial women have become, I'm beginning to believe that there is no quality women out there. Either they are damaged goods, or have ridiculous unjustified opinions of themselves. All women want it affirmations of their worth, and that they are desired.

I've thought about this sort of thing in the past and came to the conclusion that our brain sure can be stupid. LOL.

Why? Well, does it make any logical sense to be pining for a girl from your past that you know logically is just not meant to be, not good for you, or life just made it so it didnt work for whatever reason? No, it doesnt make any sense, so why would you be thinking about her so much? Don't know but it sure is silly isn't it?

Its actually quite hilarious and if you keep reminding yourself of that, i think it helps.

I know what your saying guys. If she came back tomorrow crying, and saying she wanted me back etc I just wouldn't. It's in my past, and i have long accepted that. However I guess, it's just the rejection was a really big ego blow to me, and at a time when my confidence in myself was at an all time low. It has taken almost 2 years of my life to get back to normal.

Anyway, another thing has been I'm questioning a lot of things in recent years, especially after traveling. When you take someone out of their comfort zone, and away from their friends and family, your mind begins to really get going. One think i question is my spirituality. I read things like Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, and as a "Christian" I often agree with them. I like to think there is something out there, but as I work in Science, and the more hypocrisy i see in the world, especially by Christians, i wonder does Religion make the world better, and is it all just BS made to supress the masses. Being from a traditional Catholic Irish background, I have spent all my life questioning everything, and find it hard to relate to people these days. I have 1 very close friend, who i enjoy debating with about deep topics e.g religion, science, politics, women lol. However most of my friends just focus on their GF's, and their careers, and havent time to chat about deep issues, especially when they just want to get pi$$ed and watch football.

I think i need to change my circle of friends.

I think i need to change my circle of friends.

And maybe to some more intellectual ones. I'm thinking Chess Club, Mensa, or maybe take an advanced university course.

lol, thanks Bible Belt