And so it is Spring Down Under,a time of mellifluous breezes redolent of Hawthorn and Cherry blossoms,when a young Mans fancy turns to love...When even lecherous old rogues like Scarra,from time to time get a throb in their old football injury....

Wondering innocently in the local Garden Centre,my thoughts centred on finding a Quince tree,my peripheral vision picked up a Petite Chinese Women standing at the vertical display for Lawn Mower parts.....Up periscope!!!....Action stations!!

Not wishing to betray haste,I nonchalantly sidled past the Bags of Fertiser,till I was standing next to her and intently scrutinising the hose fittings,such interesting things sprinklers!....But nowhere near as captivating as slim almond eyed Asian beauties....This one was very nice indeed,less than five foot tall,but lovely athletic body,from the form of her arms and well developed calfs, she works out...And so I watched points...
After a while she called the young counter assistant over....Seems her Mower was playing up and a helpful neighbour had told her she probably needed a new sparkplug....The young counter assistant explained that he couldn't help without the model number or better still the old plug...
He wondered off leaving her perplexed and helpless...

Scarra for all his ignorance is a dab hand on two stroke motors...Chainsaws,whipper snippers,outboards,are no Strangers to me....I have kept my Old Mans Mower going in a desultory way for 42 Years!...I approached this Yangstze Lily,and politely asked if I could be of assistance???
That is Scarra all over,a fool to himself!!!

To cut a long story short we had coffee as I explained the intricacies of Mowers....Managed to completely confuse her,Asked where she lived....twenty minutes from my place,not wishing to scare her off I explained I was busy for a few days,but could come around Monday lunchtime,and so my Merry Men while you guys are pushing up Zeds...I will have removed the plug and have my nimble fingers exploring her carburettor.....What is the bet,that before you blokes start on your Coco-Pops Scarra has more than her spark plug removed,and his carefully manicured fingers are exploring much more interesting places?

Sir, I stand in awe...

Glad you're still throwing spark, Scarra.

Remember, "Righty tighty, Lefty loosey" and don't cross the threads. She's probably metric (though I guess you Aussies are metric, too).

Let us know how she runs after you clean out her jets.

That's the point of approaching - being able to get what you want when you see it. You didn't go to the garden store with the intent of standing there and bothering every woman who walked by. That's what a lot of younger guys do incorrectly in regard to approaching.

Well done

Nicely played, good sir!

Very good read. Nice work, Scara!

I fvcking love this shyt. Like a boss, Scara!

Well played, well written.....cheers to hopefully well executed.

Three said:

Sir, I stand in awe...

Click to expand...

I agree, you should write more as you have a way with words.

Thanks for the field report Scar.

I've heard you speak positively about the Asian ladies before.
The city I live in is teaming with them (think about a half million Asians), but I always assumed they were quite traditional.

These women you refer to, are they cute little fobcycles, or 2nd+ generation?
Next question, what age range do you typically succeed with?

I've been with four, but the Canadian born was the easiest.
I suppose all were under a couple weeks effort, but the fobs seemed to need to think you were very serious and open to a relationship.

This is uncharted territory for me. I never sought out any of the four, just kind of dropped from the sky.

Note: iPhone accuracy disclaimer.

Thanks,

SH

Dear All,
And so Monday is nearly done down under,while you were all asleep in your beds,young Scarra was playing hard at it down under....And so I turned up at the home of my Oriental Rose,complete with the necessary to explore the innards of a Mower,and always,Like a Boy Scout,carrying what is needed to explore whatever innards,come his way....
The mower,was not as described,but the Plug was extricated,and showed itself to be completely carboned up!!....but no that is not what the exercise is about,it is about deception,smoke and mirrors stuff LOL....So I tutt-tutted,then went on to remove the air cleaner,the cowl,the carburretor.whatever else I could screw off,soon I had quite an array of bits and pieces spread out,I explained that this was a touchy business,she was lucky she had found me,as maybe this mower is terminal!!...."How much is a new one?"...."Well one like this,at least $600"....I saw her shudder,but no my Flower of Malaysia don't worry,all is well Scarra,the generous,kind but self effacing hero of the hour is here....Show me the Dragons?...And so I tossed it all back together again,squirted a bit of Aero Start into the spark plug hole...Flung a silent prayer into the ether,and pulled the starter rope....Chuugg-chugg Veroom!!!....Oh ye Godless heathens, of little faith,There is a God!!.....So not being one to miss an opportunity,I grabbed hold of her and holding her close,gave her a passionate one close to her lips,Gosh how firm she is,and those Mammaries,only tea cup size,but soo firm....Happy days are coming!!!...But noo,just when everything seems Tickety-Boo,there's some one to upset the Apple Cart,and there she is,....The wicked Witch,taking it all in from the Glazed Sliding Door onto the patio....Her dear Mother!!!....Why,Why,Man in the Sky,why me?....Bluddy Old Witch....She was just staring at me,if looks could kill,I would have shrivelled up on the spot!!
And so My Asian Empress,not one to let an opportunity to save a buck,slip out of her hands,coyly suggested I look at her Driveway Gate,"I haven't been able to close it in two Years!"....Not a big deal,just a matter of loosening a few set screws,tightening a few bolts,and it is AOK at Lloyds....
So "what about A Cup of Coffee","why not" I smirked...So in I go,"meet Mum",Stone me An Oriental Brunhilde,she hates me,I can see!....She has nothing to worry about,I shall never take anyone from their Home,but fear shows in her eyes....And so we talk,this Girl is very nice,those honey coloured legs!and she likes me lots...So what motivates her?....Money....OK,whatever colour the Mouse,there is a cheese to put on the trap!....This one is a gardener....Got to get her away from Mummsie!....Soo "what about coming over to my place?"...Pick up some winter salad greens, some seedlings,Lettuce,Zuchinis,EggPlant,Cucumber,Tomatoes,collards?meet my old Dog?....Her little almond eye balls nearly fell out of their sockets, dollar signs,were shining like neon lights,Mother fumed,but this little darling will be mine soon,I pick her up on Friday Afternoon!!!

Dear Second Half,
Good post,look the FOB's (Acronym for fresh off the boat for the great unwashed,out there)are a waste of time,even worse are those living in the Homeland...There really is a canyon of communication difficulties between the Anglo and the Chinese...And dear Chap,forget about second generation,the sordid worm of feminism,has eaten into their moral fibre too....I think of them as Bananas,Yellow outside,white inside!
No,the ones I seduce,and genuinely like,are those with twenty or so years in our Anglo Nations,always chose the educated ones of good family,they generally married Old Men,and were treated badly...Like the dog that has been beaten by a previous owner,they respond soo well to being treated humanely,they really are worth the effort...Guess you live in Vancouver?...Soo Johny Cannuck give it a try,what have you to to lose?....Oh and forget about ****y and funny,and remember to wear a nice female style perfume,then TELL them what you want,if you are either,and preferably both,wealthy or highly educated....Easy as a walk in the Park!

Dear Taiyoo,
Thankyou for your kindness....I should like one day to play with a Japanese Lady....Sayonara!

I love you, Scarra. Friday is gonna be your day

Saramouche,

Please, write a book. Your writing talent deserves an outlet.

scrouds said:

Saramouche,

Please, write a book. Your writing talent deserves an outlet.

Click to expand...

I agree mate

And so I am busy preparing for tomorrows Rendezvous........Must say that I don't think there was much more of a build up for D Day.....Fair enough,this is Deflowering Day anyway....Firstly,clean the House,well a Cosmetic Cats lick and a promise anyway....then the Bedroom,change the Photo on the Wall,I made the frame,so I could quickly change photos,doesn't every Woman likes to delude herself that she is the one and only?...Now it's my Old Mums turn,nice touch Huh?....The other saucy pictures are replaced with Gould Bird Prints.....wash the bedding,perfume with Lavendar....quick run round the bathroom with masking tape wrapped round my hands to remove hairs,good reason for only inviting Asians home,they all have Black hair...Arrange a clean towel on the Vanity Bench,face washer and three Tulips in a vase...New toothbrush,little toothpaste tube,fresh bar of soap ...that's that!
Now prepare,and place in the Frig, a strong Baileys with Milk,generous tot of Vodka,all in a fancy glass,grate nutmeg on top,finish with a cherry on a stick...She'll like that,so sweet,but treacherous!....
Then,a cold collation....Chicken,ham,cold fried rice,Greek salad...to finish.....A chocolate Macadamia nut flan,all sliced,one missing to encourage her,gave that to the dog,don't eat shvit like that myself!....
Then La Voiture....Here,youngest Son and heir came up trumps...He's a mechanic does up Classic cars on the side....He only had two good ones,his own,a modern Bimmer (BMW) and a White XJ six Jaguar he has just put a Chevrolet Motor into.....Well I really liked the look of the Jag,took it for a run round the block...Gearbox crunches a bit,he should have put the Chevee Auto transmission in too,but the growl of that big Chev Donk the aroma of Leather Upholstery,the Walnut Dash,the Instrumentation I'm sold....You feel like you are in a Spitfire want to machine gun everything else off the Road...So that's decided...
Better get my gear together for tomorrow,ironed a shirt,cleaned my best dress jeans,polish my high heel boots,silk cravate, and we are ready...

I love a chevy motor in anything but a chevy. I have a Nissan Z car and a Camaro engine waiting to merge right now. I would recommend against burnouts and doughnuts if he hasn't replaced the drive train, or else the Chevy low-end torque will rip pieces off the car and leave them in the road. Good luck and have fun!

It must have been a Honda.

So I am there,rock up,into her front drive way....The curtains on the Wicked Step Mothers room move enough to betray her evil eyes watching me....Well you Old Bvitch its Two holds and a submission....And,your out!!!
My little Asian Princess,glides demurely through the Door....Hmm High heels,hair done up in a beehive,open neck top,quite revealing!.....I survey the Promised Land,reflecting that they must be very expensive by the pound! (Tee-Hee)...perfumed to kill....Oh this is going to be too easy...
Pleasant drive,she is Indonesian of Cantonese extraction,comes from Aceh,a Christian Refugee,involved with the
Christadelphians/Pentecostals...that's the first red light...The second is not long in coming, she tells me she's into Tai Chi,goes to classes at a local college,seems the same time as one of my plates...Hmmm...this plate is not much to look at but a very nice little performer,bet they know each other....am I going to have to let her go?will it be that easy?might I lose both?Start to get worried.
We drive up to the Hacienda,she is visibly impressed....we go up into the Family Room,opens onto the Garden,where on a large picnic table are seedlings ready to prick out into pots...I get her the Drink,show her how you transplant the little seedlings,stand over her,guide her little hands,press real close,she has her first sip...She likes it very much,quoffs it down with a slice of flan,I duck back to the kitchen to prepare another drink.more Vodka this time?why not?...Meanwhile my Old Dog has discovered her,they become great mates....I can see the Alcohol is biting she is becoming loud,starts touching me,giggling....She has another slice of flan and swills it down with more Baileys....This is too easy....I play my only Chinese CD....I sit down,diagonally opposite her..."You seem to be favouring your right Shoulder.did you perhaps injure it starting your Mower"I good naturedly ask..." Yes"she says "it is a bit sore"....Being the big hearted bloke I am,I get up and go behind her chair,"Did you know I am a certificated practitioner of Swedish Massage"(A slight exaggeration),"Are You?"...."Oh yes did the course", start kneading her neck and shoulders,she is touchy round the nape...."Oh dear you have quite a ball of knotted muscle there,you need attention"she actually does....By now she is putty in my hands,I work on as does the Alcohol...She giggles,starting to feel good,my hands roam around her neck,gradually move down the front of her chest,she really likes that,I lower her Zip,her breath is becoming deeper,time for action....."Come over here onto the sofa so I can get at your Shoulder better",obediently she rises,moves across to the Sofa,I could swear she is trembling..She closes her eyes,I keep going,those Oxytocins must me racing,she sighs,I spend a minute or so,gradually homing in on those lovely fun bags....No resistance,so I flick her bra undone,then start fondling her ....By now,her chest is rising and falling rapidly,this Girl has amazing Nvipples,large and extremely sensitive...I play it cool,but she is ready to rock...I quickly stand,and with one hand under her knees,the other at her back,carry her upstairs,though only about 100 pounds,that's tough on my new hip joints ....Do I feel it?Yes,yelp!......But we get up into the Deflowering chamber,bed turned down...gratefully I drop her down,turn around and trip over the old Dog,bit of a hiccup....time in these matters is of the essence,I quickly strip her,get back to massaging her,then do a quick change act myself,she is soon back on the boil....
So I jump in the sack with her,all is going soo well....Then I slip my hands between her legs...."We shouldn't do this She murmers"...."But it's so nice", I reply,I start rubbing on what I think is her pleasure button,but I can't find it...Truly!seems she hasn't got one,and so I slip my courting finger in....."No that's not nice"she says,pushing it away....At a loss as what to do, I just apply pressure with my palm,where I judge her pleasure zone to be....After a few minutes,I hop up and straddle her,push her legs apart,attempt to penetrate her...."I'm sorry" she says,"I haven't done this since my Husband left eleven years ago"..."Use it or lose it"I reply....But try as I might I cannot get in,it must be less than an inch in diameter..."No" she says "this is hurting,I can't do it"...."Don't worry" I say."couple of years ago,I got a Lady going who hadn't done it for fourteen years",I could have bitten my tongue off....The almond eyes flickered,I could see deep within that Simian Brain,a glimmer of understanding,the penny was dropping.....This is Do or die!one last effort,but only succeed in rupturing the Condom....Now she fully understands the situation,appreciates that maybe I am not all she thought I was...."I don't like this"she cries "let me go"...Hmm,she's panicking,crying!this is fast becoming a Nasty Afternoon in Afghanistan!..."Relax" I say,getting tangled up in the bed clothes,in my hasty attempts to back off,the stupid Dog is barking..."Sorry things got a bit out of control,I'll take you home".....She says nothing,hastily puts her gear on,We go back to the Car....She gets in...Then,"Where are my plants?"....I breathe a sigh of relief,if that is her main concern then hopefully,this is as far as it will go....I race back get the plants and the rest of the Flan in a bag...The trip back home seemed to take hours,things are very brittle...Lets hope she wont take things any further!
And so like Napoleon running home from Moscow,I make my way back to my Sons Place,reflecting that I should be grateful,she could have been Swedish,and I might be sharing a cell with Julian Assange!
So Brother Don Juans,what would you have done differently?