Amante Silvestre
07-21-2012, 06:06 PM
I wanted to post this days ago, but I slowed down a little after surgery to have a tumor removed from my neck. Sorry. But I'm good now! So here it is:
As discussed in the first part of this series (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195923), our memories serve as our guide in how to deal with whatever it is we're about to engage. When we constantly fail to approach women successfully, it is because our brains have only the many negative experiences of our past to recall and rely upon. We learned in part one how to start replacing these negative memories with positive ones. We learned to retrain our memories so they begin to recall success instead of failure. We learned that it all starts with very simple eye contact and greeting exercises that only require 3 seconds of your time and one word from your vocabulary. And, we learned these are the beginnings of every cold approach.
In this part of the series, I am going to discuss how to build upon what you've learned in the first article.
Exercise 3: Redefining Success & Taking Total Control
If there's one thing you can take comfort from, it is this: Under my process, your goal is not to keep escalating until you fail. It is not about making and learning from your mistakes. It's not about stepping way out of your comfort zone. No more of that. It is now only about establishing positive memories. In order to do this, you must now learn what success really is.
Previously, you had set goals for yourself that were unlikely attainable for you; goals where most (or even all) attempts to achieve them lead to failure. No numbers, no dates, no notches on the bedpost. Failure, failure, failure. That's no way to build confidence! Yet, somehow, you convinced yourself so well that even now you might still believe the only way to success is to overcome these failures. Not true.
Success is self defined. It's relative. Setting your standards to someone else's ability is no way to gauge yourself. Why would you set your standards to those of a smooth womanizer if you're not even close to being that type of guy yet? Foolish. That's like setting yourself to the standards of an Olympian runner when you finally decide you're going to jog for the first time.
From this point on, success is defined by where you walk away. YOU decide when you're done. Nobody else. You're in control now. A phone number, a date, that petty stuff isn't going to define who you are or what your next step should be or what you should say next...NO. No more. You have control now. If you feel good about making eye contact and you want to walk away right there, then do it! Good for you! This is your game now. If you say hello, she responds with a big smile and says hello back to you and you decide to just turn your back on her and walk away right there, DO IT! F*CK her! You've got this game in a death grip now. YOU decide when you're done! Nobody else has that privilege over you anymore, women included.
From here on out, I want you to continue the first two exercises as you have been, only this time, I want you to take the opportunity to pick a high point, take control and pull the plug whenever a woman responds in a positive way.
For example, lets say you make eye contact, you say hi, she responds with a hello... I want you to say something here and just walk away. Don't even hang around to watch her reaction. Just walk. You're done with her. It doesn't matter. The only point to this exercise is to end it on your terms every single time. This is to get you used to the feeling of walking away feeling good. If you'd like, start with very brief complements or observations about anything at all. The weather, the wall in front of you...anything. Maybe at some point you can tell a very short, corny joke. Maybe eventually you can say something intentionally weird or head scratching. Just learn to have fun with it. Keep doing it until it's like a game for you.
This exercise allows you to literally test every possible outcome to everything you can say to a woman without subjecting yourself to suffering the consequences of rejection. After all, you're basically rejecting her by walking away. You've decided you're done with her.
The idea here is to train your memory on what it feels like to be in control. Wondering what to say, when to say it and all of those other "how do I react" things that makes a women seem like a ticking time bomb that you have to diffuse inside of 60 seconds.... is history now. No more of that crap. You're not going to learn control by always being reactive. You have to take control.
I want you to continue doing this exercise until you're bored with it, until you're basically coming up with stupid sh*t just to keep it interesting. I want you to keep doing it until you're willing and ready to know what the next step is on your way to totally eliminating your anxiety with women.
I'll write and post that article as I sit here recovering from cancer. For now, I expect you to get busy recovering from AFCism.
As discussed in the first part of this series (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195923), our memories serve as our guide in how to deal with whatever it is we're about to engage. When we constantly fail to approach women successfully, it is because our brains have only the many negative experiences of our past to recall and rely upon. We learned in part one how to start replacing these negative memories with positive ones. We learned to retrain our memories so they begin to recall success instead of failure. We learned that it all starts with very simple eye contact and greeting exercises that only require 3 seconds of your time and one word from your vocabulary. And, we learned these are the beginnings of every cold approach.
In this part of the series, I am going to discuss how to build upon what you've learned in the first article.
Exercise 3: Redefining Success & Taking Total Control
If there's one thing you can take comfort from, it is this: Under my process, your goal is not to keep escalating until you fail. It is not about making and learning from your mistakes. It's not about stepping way out of your comfort zone. No more of that. It is now only about establishing positive memories. In order to do this, you must now learn what success really is.
Previously, you had set goals for yourself that were unlikely attainable for you; goals where most (or even all) attempts to achieve them lead to failure. No numbers, no dates, no notches on the bedpost. Failure, failure, failure. That's no way to build confidence! Yet, somehow, you convinced yourself so well that even now you might still believe the only way to success is to overcome these failures. Not true.
Success is self defined. It's relative. Setting your standards to someone else's ability is no way to gauge yourself. Why would you set your standards to those of a smooth womanizer if you're not even close to being that type of guy yet? Foolish. That's like setting yourself to the standards of an Olympian runner when you finally decide you're going to jog for the first time.
From this point on, success is defined by where you walk away. YOU decide when you're done. Nobody else. You're in control now. A phone number, a date, that petty stuff isn't going to define who you are or what your next step should be or what you should say next...NO. No more. You have control now. If you feel good about making eye contact and you want to walk away right there, then do it! Good for you! This is your game now. If you say hello, she responds with a big smile and says hello back to you and you decide to just turn your back on her and walk away right there, DO IT! F*CK her! You've got this game in a death grip now. YOU decide when you're done! Nobody else has that privilege over you anymore, women included.
From here on out, I want you to continue the first two exercises as you have been, only this time, I want you to take the opportunity to pick a high point, take control and pull the plug whenever a woman responds in a positive way.
For example, lets say you make eye contact, you say hi, she responds with a hello... I want you to say something here and just walk away. Don't even hang around to watch her reaction. Just walk. You're done with her. It doesn't matter. The only point to this exercise is to end it on your terms every single time. This is to get you used to the feeling of walking away feeling good. If you'd like, start with very brief complements or observations about anything at all. The weather, the wall in front of you...anything. Maybe at some point you can tell a very short, corny joke. Maybe eventually you can say something intentionally weird or head scratching. Just learn to have fun with it. Keep doing it until it's like a game for you.
This exercise allows you to literally test every possible outcome to everything you can say to a woman without subjecting yourself to suffering the consequences of rejection. After all, you're basically rejecting her by walking away. You've decided you're done with her.
The idea here is to train your memory on what it feels like to be in control. Wondering what to say, when to say it and all of those other "how do I react" things that makes a women seem like a ticking time bomb that you have to diffuse inside of 60 seconds.... is history now. No more of that crap. You're not going to learn control by always being reactive. You have to take control.
I want you to continue doing this exercise until you're bored with it, until you're basically coming up with stupid sh*t just to keep it interesting. I want you to keep doing it until you're willing and ready to know what the next step is on your way to totally eliminating your anxiety with women.
I'll write and post that article as I sit here recovering from cancer. For now, I expect you to get busy recovering from AFCism.