Being married. Do you enjoy it or not?

[5string]

I just thought I'd ask.

Do you married guys enjoy it? Let's discuss. The other single and/or younger guys might get some insight from us. Many are totally against marriage and have their reasons. I'm OK with that. To each his own and that's the way it should be.

I went to bed with the wife last night and I was wiped out from traveling. She woke me up this AM and had her way with me. Then I got her up at 6:AM and she made me breakfast to take to work as she does evey day. We talked a bit this morning over coffee and decided that since we have both been so busy, we'd hang out, go out to dinner and have lots of sex which was her suggestion for the weekend.

Mrs.5string tries to make things interesting, in and out of the bedroom as do I. It seems to work for us very well. She had some surgery recently. I took her to the hospital, stayed with her and brought her home where I made sure she was comfortable. We rely on each other for many things.

After I get off work tonight, I think I'll get on home, get Mrs.5string and take our German Shepherds for a walk. Then maybe walk to the pub for a glass of wine or two and escalate just like you DJ's do out in the field. It really does still work when you are married. You just have to have a stronger frame to maintain the relationship.

Anyway, I like being married. Feel free to comment.

AND....I asked the mods to consider a married man forum so I could post this sh!t over there? What say you mods?

[Atom Smasher]

Personally, I think it's an excellent idea. The sex, I mean.

No, seriously, I think a married man forum would be very beneficial. I'll bring it up for consideration in the Mods' Corner.

[backbreaker]

I do enjoy it honestly. I'm actually surprised at how the married lifestyle fits my personality more than I expected it to.

I mean, this forum is a great place and lord knows where i would be with women without it lol. But at the same time, you have to be careful not to become so warped that you become to hate women or that you do not ever trust anyone or what not. There is a fine line between being socially aware and being a crazy old man lol.

I actually enjoy being married more than I did being single and spinnin gplates. While it sounds silly, I assure you it's not. half the plates I spun I was spinning just beucse i could, not beucase i had any long term itnerest in them, the routine of dating got old.. most guys on this forum dont' have any success with women and can't imagine them ever getting tired of dating new women but i assure you it does grow old. But it's soemthign you have to do and i did it. Just the routine of it all, the sex, the stupid women, the good sex, the bad sex, the dinners and the same conversations with different girls at dinners, it just got to the point where i mentally was ready to settle down if i found the right girl and I did.

I actually enjoy my wife's company, she compliments me very well. It's like, i would rather sit at home on a sunday night with my wife and have a drink and watch mad men with her curled up under me while i'm kissing on her neck then to have a girl over my house on a sunday night that i just met 2 weeks ago and we are playing the 800 pound gorilla in the room game with you being over my house on a sunday night and i know you want to have sex but you have to pretend like you are there for some other reason lol.

[SecondHalf]

I really liked being married.
Loved the companionship, the division of labor and expense.
I've always been in happy marriages too (right up until BOOM).

I'd do it again if I thought they were still attainable for a person my age.

[zekko]

I'm not sure there are enough married guys on this forum to support a marriage forum. If the Mature Man forum was any slower, it would almost be dead.

Anyway, I'm not married currently, but cohabitating is pretty similar, and I definitely enjoy it. I also enjoyed my marriage up until the last year when everything went to sh!t.

The only downside I can think of is it would be nice to have sex with another woman from time to time. That sounds like a big deal to most guys probably, but it's really only a minor complaint, especially compared to all the benefits (the other guys have already named a few).

Remember, for all the badmouthing marriage gets around here, studies show married men are happier, healthier, and live longer.

I actually enjoy being married more than I did being single and spinnin gplates. While it sounds silly, I assure you it's not. half the plates I spun I was spinning just beucse i could, not beucase i had any long term itnerest in them, the routine of dating got old.. most guys on this forum dont' have any success with women and can't imagine them ever getting tired of dating new women but i assure you it does grow old.
I could not agree more with this. The whole routine of dating gets very tiresome after awhile. Maybe because it doesn't really go anywhere. Once you've spent time with a quality woman worthy of spending your time with long term, some random lay pales in comparison, and fails to satisfy.

[disgustipated]

The OP sounds like something possible inside a normal LTR without the paperwork. That's often the position I'll take when talking to women about why I might not want to get married.

I don't know if you're making a distinction between marrigage and LTR's or just marriage and bachelordom?

I get the whole dating gets tiresome after awhile but there was a period there where I was getting excited meeting so many new women, realizing there was a good chance I'd be bedding a new woman soon. Even if I struck out, I knew I was that much closer to a new lay...percentages reinforced this and I'm a numbers guy.

Marriage is something I would only consider if I found that quality girl and is something she NEEDED(per one of BB's posts)...I would do it for her because she absolutely needed it. It wouldn't be for me, but for her. And if I knew I wasn't going anywhere, marriage or not, I'd do that for her. That post helped me put into words what I had been thinking all along.

[Bible_Belt]

I'm not married currently, but cohabitating is pretty similar,
Me either, and yes it is

Do you married guys enjoy it?

Yes, very much. Beer is expensive if you have to buy it for yourself.

[backbreaker]

The OP sounds like something possible inside a normal LTR without the paperwork. That's often the position I'll take when talking to women about why I might not want to get married.

I don't know if you're making a distinction between marrigage and LTR's or just marriage and bachelordom?

I get the whole dating gets tiresome after awhile but there was a period there where I was getting excited meeting so many new women, realizing there was a good chance I'd be bedding a new woman soon. Even if I struck out, I knew I was that much closer to a new lay...percentages reinforced this and I'm a numbers guy.

Marriage is something I would only consider if I found that quality girl and is something she NEEDED(per one of BB's posts)...I would do it for her because she absolutely needed it. It wouldn't be for me, but for her. And if I knew I wasn't going anywhere, marriage or not, I'd do that for her. That post helped me put into words what I had been thinking all along.
I mean, I"m not going to **** on another guy's hustle. there are no absoute truths in the world of women. Marriage is for some it's not for others. I just know why I got married.

I'm a business oriented guy. I work a lot. Gaming women, I had gotten so good at what I was doing it was almost scary. I don't say that to brag or boast, but to just say that there comes a point that you can have too much of something. Gaming women by the time i was 24 years old was a part time job, if done right. Most weeks I went out on dates or spent what little free time i had to myself with a girl 5 or 6 nights a week and could easily be 7.

And while that's good for your game, it came at least for mat the expense of my own personal, what is the word I'm looking for... my own personal passions I suppose. For instance, I love Australian horse racing. They are pretty much about what, a half a day and some hours ahead of us. Their big races are always on saturday afternoons which is our friday night's here. It got to the point that i could not watch the races hardly, at least the good ones because every friday night i would spend it with some girl and the few times i would try to stay home and catch some you would have some braod with her lip poked out beucase she wanted to go "do something fun".

And so while i am going out and kicking it with this girl and everything looks good on the inside I'm actually quite miserable buecase i'm not doing what I want to do. But, when you commit to gaming women and keeping multiple plates happy, there is a fine line you have to walk with every woman and keeping a woman satisfied and i know i don't have a lot of free time as it is, that's a sacrifice that i just had to make if i was going to keep my mind frame right while plate spinning.

Now, not only do i get to watch my Australian racing, gearing up for it now actually, my wife and son are plopped here right along with me. IT's 100% turf racing just like they do in europe and it's very high class racing on friday nights and we get into it. That may seem trival to you but it's not to me at all.

I get the whole dating gets tiresome after awhile but there was a period there where I was getting excited meeting so many new women, realizing there was a good chance I'd be bedding a new woman soon. Even if I struck out, I knew I was that much closer to a new lay...percentages reinforced this and I'm a numbers guy.

what i am saying is that i ahve had so much that..

a perfect example is if i gave you a big ass, gourmet made red devil chocolate cake. I think everyone here could agree that the cake would be pretty tasty and fun to eat, but there comes a point where you have had too much cake and it's time to step back from the table. There comes a point in time where another bite of the cake became almost nauseating. No one is aruging that sex with different women is a bad thing. It's a good thing. but even too much of a good thing can be bad for you if that makes any sense.

I am not saying i was nauseating by boning different women who all wanted me, but it had gotten old. And honestly, we talk about this **** all the time, me and my wife and honestly, if she gave me a free fvck a girl pass. i don't think i would take it. i really don't. it's not like i am holding in my interest of other women to remain in a relationship the interest just is not there. Because I am in shape and I am handsome i still get hit on quite a bit despite having a wedding band, and sometimes by some pretty attractive females, and while I can appreciate their attractive ness, i have no desire at all to fvck any of them.


this is coming from someone who basically from 21 to 24 had a part time job spinning plates. the up's the downs, drugs, having vases thrown at me by women, flaking from women, the ex boyfriends, the oribetrs, the games, the coordinating dates to make sure you don't run into other dates, or in some specific instances, coordinating them so that you DO run into one of your plates lol, the 2 fake pregnances to try to get me to shack up, there just comes a point when you know.. it's just time to do something else. i can look back on it and i have great stories, but i am extremely happy where i am now.

and you know what, i'm no different than you are. when i was 19 and 20 i would day dream about having all these women interested in me and going on dates and having sex with very pretty women and all that comes with that. I did that for 3 years and when i met my wife within a few months I knew i was ready to settle down. I didn't' know about getting married then it took me almost 2 years to propose, but i was ready to at the very least put black book in the storage room

[betheman]

Mariage is supposed to be for life, you amke the ultimate commitment, anyone married less than 5 years isnt worh listening too, 5 years plus? 10 is better, tel me you are still ravenous for each other?
marriage is great, short tem, short term for me is around 2-5 years, lets hear it from guys hw have done 1o.15 20 years...like me! with kids...no, its not quite what it started out to be

[disgustipated]

I get the whole passion thing man. That resonates with me. I think I was more able to have guilt free time for myself when I was 2 years into any LTRs versus freshly dating a woman(s).

Recently I been dating this super cool chick, she has a 10 yo child. She stealth got me to meet him lol. Anyway the other day I was on my way to jog at the local park(a passion of mine) and thought what the **** why not call her and invite her to take a nature walk ya know? So she immidiately perks up and sees this as another way to get me to bond with her boy. I give in as I like to do what she suggested anyway but this is where my selfishness kicked in. It was late, so there was max 1 to 1.5 hrs of daylight left, I'm already there waiting on her and son. I'm thinkign to myself man I coulda got my workout in by now wtf is she? She was taking her sweet time getting there, even lit up a cig and had the nerve to call me as her son was fumbling around looking for shoes or some ****. He don't realize how precious my time is lol. This is not something I have to be patient with as a single man, I come and go as I please. I know all would say this is why you don't date single moms, I know I know but I relate to the other time constraints of my personal time when dating multiple women too. There seems less of that when you're with ONE person for a good period of time. By that time she realizes she can breath without you and it's okay to pursue hobbies seperately.

That part I get. The whole marriage versus remaining committed in a LTR is my whole thing, when you're acting as a married couple anyway. I certainly knock no one for being married, in theory it's always been a BEAUTIFUL notion to me but so is communism. People tend to **** up beautiful notions though.

[backbreaker]

I get the whole passion thing man. That resonates with me. I think I was more able to have guilt free time for myself when I was 2 years into any LTRs versus freshly dating a woman(s).

Recently I been dating this super cool chick, she has a 10 yo child. She stealth got me to meet him lol. Anyway the other day I was on my way to jog at the local park(a passion of mine) and thought what the **** why not call her and invite her to take a nature walk ya know? So she immidiately perks up and sees this as another way to get me to bond with her boy. I give in as I like to do what she suggested anyway but this is where my selfishness kicked in. It was late, so there was max 1 to 1.5 hrs of daylight left, I'm already there waiting on her and son. I'm thinkign to myself man I coulda got my workout in by now wtf is she? She was taking her sweet time getting there, even lit up a cig and had the nerve to call me as her son was fumbling around looking for shoes or some ****. He don't realize how precious my time is lol. This is not something I have to be patient with as a single man, I come and go as I please. I know all would say this is why you don't date single moms, I know I know but I relate to the other time constraints of my personal time when dating multiple women too. There seems less of that when you're with ONE person for a good period of time. By that time she realizes she can breath without you and it's okay to pursue hobbies seperately.

That part I get. The whole marriage versus remaining committed in a LTR is my whole thing, when you're acting as a married couple anyway. I certainly knock no one for being married, in theory it's always been a BEAUTIFUL notion to me but so is communism. People tend to **** up beautiful notions though. sounds like me when i used to take girls to the race track with me. anyone who has ever been to a track, espeically on a saturday or sunday and ESPCIALLY when there is a big race or it's a big day, you know you have to time it just right to get in line to place your bet if you are making a wager at the track, you got this girl with you who wants to go all the way to the other end of the damn building to get a hot dog or some **** or wants to go look in the gift shop i'm like girl i'm trying to stack this paper fvck yo hotdog. i'll give you a hot dog when we leave lol.

[backbreaker]

for whatever the reason may be, this thread has made me do a lot of thinking, and I truly am happy. But honestly if something happened tomororw or next year and I was again single.. I don't think i would date.

I want to do something very big, that's so big that only one person (my wife) knows what I truly want to do becuase if i told anyone else they would laugh at me and to make that happen i am willing to sacrifice ***** if that is what it means so be it, I'm going to achieve what I want to achieve or I'm going to die trying. hat's what drives me today.

I could not achieve what I want to achieve and at the same time have a full fledged 7 course meal full of plates, but the way the game is played today you can't deal with this knucklehead women without plate spinning. Even if one falls in your lap and she meets you and likes you and next thing yo know she's always over your house and seeing you all the time and 5 months later she is bored and now you are emotionally drag into trying to keep her happy and ****, the only way i could be single is to spin plates. it's the only way to go. at least starting out.

[Malice]

Yeah I am enjoying it. I have a hot foreign wife after dating American sluts for years.

Anybody who marries an American woman is a fool.

My hot wife from Peru does anything I say, she is faithful, she cooks every night, she sucks me off every night with enthusiasm and all I have to do is provide her with some security.

All the guys at the gym stare at her when we go.

[disgustipated]

i'm like girl i'm trying to stack this paper fvck yo hotdog.

Literally laughed out loud on that one haha!

[Lexington]

I've never been married and I don't plan on getting married any time soon. But I do come from a pretty traditional family background. There is absolutely no divorce in my close family. My parents, my grandparents and all my aunts and uncles are married and have been married for a long time. Some of my older cousins have also been married for a while.

I don't look at marriage as something fun or enjoyable per se. It's like raising kids. Does that seem like fun? Not really. People find it rewarding, but it is also very hard work. Obviously many people find benefits in marriage but for the most part, married people also tend to live more sedate, routine lives. They also tend to be bound by more commitments. After all marriage is about "commitment" and "settling down."

I can see how the single life could get old. And maybe my time will come when I feel like settling down with the right woman. But right now, I enjoy living the bachelor life. I enjoy being able to do what I want when I want. I also love the thrill of the hunt. To me, a bachelor is like a wild animal. You have to go out there and hunt for your tail. It's not served up on a platter at regular intervals. You might get less sex, but the sex you do have is more exciting.

For now, I enjoy having sex with different women a whole lot. I've had my fair share of hot girls (and I've also banged a few duffs too), but the novelty factor always excites me. I feel like right now even if I was doing Meagan Fox or Jessica Beal, I'd get bored after a while and I'd want to bed other girls.

[SecondHalf]

While it lasts it's nice.

[easun]

While it lasts it's nice.

It sounds like you were getting more out of it than she was. Check out Rollo Tomassi's blog - rationalmale.wordpress.com. Especially the stuff on hypergamy. That'll give you the much needed wake-up call. The problem was - you were living in a fantasy! So the solution is to wake up to reality, and then stay one step ahead in your next "relationship," whatever type of relationship that might be.

[zekko]

I've never been married and I don't plan on getting married any time soon.
Honestly Lex, at your age it's very common for guys to say they will never get married. When I was 27 I swore I would never get married. In fact, until I met my wife-to-be, I always swore I would never get married. Guys tend to say this until they meet the right girl, or they've finally had their fill of the single life.

Of course, that may not apply to you. Some guys never tire of the pickup lifestyle, you could be one of them. But from what I've seen, most guys always swear they won't get marred, until they do. Although some guys are very keen on starting a family, and are very straightforward about it from a young age.

I find my life with my girlfriend fun, by the way. I don't feel trapped or bored, even though I do agree with your appreciation for novelty. Backbreaker says he has no interest in sex with other women, but he has to say that because his wife reads this forum, lol. But he hasn't been with her all that long, so maybe he's telling the truth :)

[backbreaker]

Honestly Lex, at your age it's very common for guys to say they will never get married. When I was 27 I swore I would never get married. In fact, until I met my wife-to-be, I always swore I would never get married. Guys tend to say this until they meet the right girl, or they've finally had their fill of the single life.

Of course, that may not apply to you. Some guys never tire of the pickup lifestyle, you could be one of them. But from what I've seen, most guys always swear they won't get marred, until they do. Although some guys are very keen on starting a family, and are very straightforward about it from a young age.

I find my life with my girlfriend fun, by the way. I don't feel trapped or bored, even though I do agree with your appreciation for novelty. Backbreaker says he has no interest in sex with other women, but he has to say that because his wife reads this forum, lol. But he hasn't been with her all that long, so maybe he's telling the truth :)

I really don't. my wife and i are brutally honest with each other, i would have it no other way. she knows who i Think is and is not attractive. she has known at times when i have wanted to fvck other women.

today we are in Fayetville for the red-white spring game. i'm sitting here in a stadium chalk full of co eds, cheerleaders, the whole 9, and yes there is some nice talent but i don't desire to sleep with any of them. do not mistake what i am saying for saying my wife is the prettiest woman on earth. she is not. she is drop dead gorgeous but she isn't the prettiest woman on earth. she will tell you that and i will tell you that. i am just saying that while i see pretty women, the desire to have sex with them really is not there. I am sure it could be there under certain circumstance but right now it is not. i'm not saying it never will be like that, but i can only speak for the present and that's how i feel at this time.

[marmel75]

Some days more than others. The good is sex is available pretty much whenever I want it, the bad is I have to fight my urges when I am out at the bars/clubs and girls are coming at me...thats when it sucks, when I know I could end up banging a hot young chick and then I have to face the reality of the situation. $886/mo in child support + alimony is a hell of a deterrant...

These young girls are so aggressive these days. You don't need to do much of anything other than workout, wear a tight shirt to have muscles popping through it and wear some good smelling cologne. Girls will be coming up to you, "brushing" by you and trying to get your number all night long...wish it was that easy when I was 22...

[Augustus_McCrae]

Every man needs to be fully aware that marriage is a legal contract. Nothing less, nothing more. If you think it's something else, you are fooling yourself. It is a tool of the state and society that has nothing to do with love or a monogamous relationship.

And if your long term marriage ends, you will most likely wind up in court. And the divorce laws favor women, not men. And if you make more money than your wife, you may have to pay her alimony for the rest of your life.

Yes... The rest of your life.

If I had fully understood this as a young man, I would never have gotten married.

Just be aware that you fully understand this before you enter into that legal contract (yes, that's what it is) with a woman and the state.

[cordoncordon]

Not married. Never have been. Though I am living with my gf of 3 years (lived together for 1 year so far) and I could not be happier. Who wouldn't want to wake up to this every morning. :)
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/69/rose44444.jpg/

[AlNess]

I don't look at marriage as something fun or enjoyable per se. It's like raising kids. Does that seem like fun? Not really. People find it rewarding, but it is also very hard work. Obviously many people find benefits in marriage but for the most part, married people also tend to live more sedate, routine lives. They also tend to be bound by more commitments. After all marriage is about "commitment" and "settling down."

As zekko mentioned, it's common to have the point of view you have about marriage at age 27. I basically had that point of view until I met my wife at age 33.
As for raising children "seeming" like fun: it didn't "seem" fun to me when I was 27; but then again, I was focused on other things in my life at that time (typical younger guy stuff), and there was no way I could imagine myself as a dad or as dad material back then. Now at age 38, I love raising my 6-month-old daughter, and she is my #1 priority. What one considers "fun" changes throughout life.

the novelty factor always excites me. I feel like right now even if I was doing Meagan Fox or Jessica Beal, I'd get bored after a while and I'd want to bed other girls.

That is normal, and is known as the Coolidge Effect. Nobody is immune to that, but I think that it becomes easy to deal with once a guy finds himself in a relationship that results in a reshuffling of priorities and values.

[easun]

That is normal, and is known as the Coolidge Effect. Nobody is immune to that, but I think that it becomes easy to deal with once a guy finds himself in a relationship that results in a decline in testosterone.

Fixed for ya.

[AlNess]

Fixed for ya.

It's been reported that fatherhood can result in a decline of testosterone.

If that's the case, then I'm blessed to be able to pay such a tiny price for something so awesome. ;)

Like I said...a reshuffling of priorities and values. ;)

[disgustipated]

Do you think after a certain age of not ever being married or having kids, that you're a bachelor for life?

I'm starting to feel this way. I'm 37 now. I swear I get all giddy when starting a relationship but something clicks "off" at a certain point where I'm like, I could take her or leave her. Maybe I've been settling for less in terms of attractiveness.

This past weekend with this new girl. We go out, she stays the night we have fun. Upon waking up I'm expecting her to do her norm and go home etc etc. She kinda invites herself along to do some stuff I was gonna do and I wasn't super against it. Maybe I shoulda been in hindsight but I didn't forsee what would happen. She ends up basically dragging it out into a whole nother full day over here with me. To me that's not abnormal persay if a girl is into me but my thing is now, I think I've been so used to having personal alone time to recoup my thoughts that I couldn't wait for her to leave. Like maybe I'm broken now and no matter how hot a girl is I'd eventually need that space?

At the time I really really for sure wanted children and the marriage thing, I was with my oneitis who cheated on me and kinda soiled that whole notion for me. Definitely a bad connection with that thought now when the rug was yanked out from me back then in my 20s.

The sex is crazy and good with this one but I'm already bored. Maybe her clinginess/neediness is contributing to that I dunno. I like her but I'm not crazy in love with her and haven't felt like that in a looooooooong time.

[zekko]

It occurs to me that it's no surprise most of the guys here enjoy their marriages. Men in general tend to be content with their marriages. Rollo always says men are the more romantic gender, after all.

The question should be posed to the women, I bet you'd get some interesting answers. Women are the ones who usually file for divorce, for instance. Women are more likely to have unreal expectations. And there's a saying: The wedding is for the woman and the marriage is for the man.

If women in this day and age would just honor their commitment and stay married to their man, I bet there would be a lot less complaints and misogyny on this forum.

As for fatherhood lowering testosterone, that's something that happens to help the male keep from straying while the kids are being raised. This just gives scientific proof that monogamy IS natural, at least in the short term.

[easun]

Yeah. My point was, however, that this "reshuffling" was only a consequence of temporarily shifting hormone levels. Take this "reshuffling" too far, and what you get is a woman who files for divorce many years later.

This just gives scientific proof that monogamy IS natural, at least in the short term.

It doesn't prove that monogamy is natural. It proves that men have the ability to pair bond and raise children. Not all men throughout evolutionary history were the ones raising the children. Far from it.

[zekko]

It doesn't prove that monogamy is natural. It proves that men have the ability to pair bond and raise children. Not all men throughout evolutionary history were the ones raising the children. Far from it.
Of course it shows monogamy is natural. The testosterone decreases so that the male can focus on providing for the female and the children, instead of being out catting around. That doesn't mean he is raising the children necessarily - the female can raise the children while the male provides for the family. If the male's only purpose is spreading his seed, there would be no reason for the male to stick around, and no need for the decrease in testosterone.

However, to clarify:
I am NOT talking about lifelong monogamy. I'm saying it's natural for a male to remain monogamous for a number of years to pair bond and care for the family to give the offspring a better chance to survive.

Also, I am NOT saying that it is unnatural for the man to spread his seed around and be polyamorous. I'm saying that the human male is equipped to do either, or both. Humans are very adaptable, and their natural intelligence and large brains make them capable of making decisions beyond merely following their animal instincts. The ability to adapt to different environments and situations make a species far more likely to survive.

[bmp2cpm]

13 years married. No children. She's made some mistakes, I've made some mistakes, but we're still together. There are days I'm very happy and there are days I'm very unhappy. Over the years, I have checked out other women. To this day, I haven't come across a woman I would rather be with long term. We get along really well on the days we don't drive each other crazy.

Also, there are a lot of things on this forum that can be applied to a marriage.

[AlNess]

Yeah. My point was, however, that this "reshuffling" was only a consequence of temporarily shifting hormone levels. Take this "reshuffling" too far, and what you get is a woman who files for divorce many years later.

Well that goes without saying. I wasn't referring to going to an AFC extent...I was referring to a healthy change of priorities required of a mature married man/father, ie. being a great, available dad who provides and protects, plays a big role in the child's life, looks out for his children's interests, has put the single guy lifestyle to rest, etc.

[easun]

Well that goes without saying.

Does it really, though? This forum wouldn't exist if that were the case. It sounded to me as if you were putting married life on a pedestal. But I understand what you are saying.

[Desdinova]

I like being in LTRs. Marriage? I've been there once. In my opinion there is no benefit to signing the legal document. Why can't you have a happy and successful LTR without the legal document?

So if you're asking if I like the benefits of being in a LTR, the answer is yes.

[zekko]

I like being in LTRs. Marriage? I've been there once. In my opinion there is no benefit to signing the legal document. Why can't you have a happy and successful LTR without the legal document?
I like LTRs also, as far as I'm concerned there's nothing better. I know parts of the PUA community will call you a chode for that. But I wipe my @ss with what the "community" thinks.

If you have children I can see some benefit to being married, although that probably makes it all the more risky. I can think of a few other benefits:
If you're in a job that doesn't provide health insurance you can get some through your spouse if her job does.

Also, if I stay with my girlfriend eventually I would like to marry her so that I can pass my estate on to her without her having to take a huge tax hit. I'm not getting any younger, after all. People a lot younger than I have dropped dead. But about the time I married her, she'd probably decide to get a divorce lol.

[samspade]

I thought I'd chime in since I was away when this thread got started. In fact, I'm just now realizing the Married Man forum exists. Nice!

Anyway, I'll be married two years in July. Do I enjoy it? Yes, yes I do. But my wife makes it easy for me. We hardly ever argue, she's good at taking care of the home (and me), and we have similar values and goals. We don't spend much money except on travel, and neither of us wants kids right now.

I know this sounds cynical, but my marriage is more like a solid LTR. Yeah, it's more serious than that, because family is heavily involved. But our marriage wasn't heavily planned and was predicated more on keeping our relationship going because we wanted to stay together (she was here on a tourist visa at the time).

I knew the risks involved and I assumed them. So far it's been great. There are things I miss about being single, but not enough for me to be single I suppose.

[strey]

Do you married guys enjoy it?

its like a timid version of hell. it sucks.

"marriage is a punishment for shoplifting in some countries."- Wayne responds to Garth in Waynes World when Garth asks Wayne if he wants to marry Cassandra.

[FairShake]

The HAPPIEST people I know are people in happy, healthy marriages.

The most MISERABLE people I know are people in...or recovering from...sad, destructive marriages.

I know some lifelong single people too...they aren't as happy as the happy ones or as sad as the sad ones but they do tend to be lonely and needy as hell. I guess it's a safe route though.

The only thing I can say is good marriage rocks and it's stood the test of time because it is a natural inclination for the majority of people. But remember to take your time and vet, vet, vet.

[Spinning Spinning]

I'm married and i'm unhappy. My wife simply isn't the person i got married to anymore. Considering we were together for 8 years prior to marriage and lived together for pretty much 6 of those years i don't understand what changed it all once we tied the knot and it makes me angry TBH. It's like she witheld her real self to me until we actually did the deed. And I'm not just talking about in the bedroom like in the Oral Sex and Marriage thread , little things like for instance:

She wont wear makeup or perfume as it's "toxic" and will give her 5hit like cancer, She constantly ignores any hints I give her with regards to how I'd like her to look. Around 6 months ago she put on makeup for some event and i told her she looked beautiful. Her response was that she would now wear makeup from now on. Lasted all of......well she didn't put it on again. She moans about not looking good and stuff but wont do anything about it.

Because she's turned vegan and wont eat anything normal she has awful breath but of course she refuses to use proper toothpaste as it has chemicals in it. No listerine for her no way that 5hit is toxic. What a forking turn off.

She started washing my clothes with all natural detergent and refused to let me use proper stuff in OUR washing machine. this resulted in me going to work and my armpits smelling after a few hours. Problem being when I'd get home and take my shirt off my armpit wouldn't stink at all but my shirt would. It was so embarrassing sitting in a meeting with people meny levels above me and having smelly armpits. I told her about this many times but she just kept going. Now fair enough i can wash my own clothes but bear in mind not in our washing machine with real detergent. So now my business shirts go home to my mum (how fkn embarrassing).

This is just the tip of the iceberg but an example of many things that changed as soon as we married. It may sound petty but add them all up and combine them with the issues in the bedroom and it really takes it's toll on the relationship.

So we argue all the time, more often than not she won't even say hi when she comes home, she'll just point out that the house is a mess or the dishes haven't been done. She'll hop into bed at night and demand that the TV is turned down to an inaudible level because she wants to sleep. She constantly bemoans the fact that we're not rich (we are not poor) and craves material objects. So I get us a new car and within 4 months she stacked it with scratches all over it. She'll reverse and slam back into drive before she brakes whilst it's still reversing. So she gets her car but treats it like crap. Once again just showing examples this isn't everything.

We also have son that's 16 months old we both love him to death probably the only reason I'm still there.

I want to leave her but I know it would destroy her. I don't think she realises how bad things are or maybe she tries to reassure herself that things are OK. During arguments she'll talk about breaking up and leaving but I know she's bluffing. The other day we argued before work and she texted me saying she was going to her mums. I didn't reply cause I was over the 5hit and just wanted some time to myself but sure enough she texted again with a different attitude asking me if I'd cheered up and that she wasn't going anywhere.

What's the scariest thing? I speak to guys 10 years older that tell me it just gets worse from here.....go figure what do i do? I have a 16 month old son FFS. I can't stop thinking about other women as I'm still in my prime sexually but am getting nothing and TBH I want nothing from her the spark just isn't there and she's done nothing to try and reignite it.

So why am i saying all this? Just remember you never know a woman properly and until you're married to them. If you find things aren't going well make a conscientious effort to improve them but if they don't you need to make the hard decision. The grass always seems greener but it's scary 5hit guys especially when you've been with the missus for so long. Don't end up in the predicament I'm in.

I truly hope someone can learn from my mistakes.

One more thing, FWIW, my missus is pretty hot. She is slim toned and has pretty much the best body I've seen naked in my time. looks aren't everything as I'm sure you know.

Just reading Augustus' post we are not legally bound by contract as we married in Greece and the certificate is not recognised here. Not that I'd want my wife to go without, I'd laways do the right thing. Maybe a good idea would be to get married in Europe.

[HariPoter13]

You reap what you sow.

[betheman]

I'm married and i'm unhappy. My wife simply isn't the person i got married to anymore. Considering we were together for 8 years prior to marriage and lived together for pretty much 6 of those years i don't understand what changed it all once we tied the knot and it makes me angry TBH. It's like she witheld her real self to me until we actually did the deed. And I'm not just talking about in the bedroom like in the Oral Sex and Marriage thread , little things like for instance:

She wont wear makeup or perfume as it's "toxic" and will give her 5hit like cancer, She constantly ignores any hints I give her with regards to how I'd like her to look. Around 6 months ago she put on makeup for some event and i told her she looked beautiful. Her response was that she would now wear makeup from now on. Lasted all of......well she didn't put it on again. She moans about not looking good and stuff but wont do anything about it.

Because she's turned vegan and wont eat anything normal she has awful breath but of course she refuses to use proper toothpaste as it has chemicals in it. No listerine for her no way that 5hit is toxic. What a forking turn off.

She started washing my clothes with all natural detergent and refused to let me use proper stuff in OUR washing machine. this resulted in me going to work and my armpits smelling after a few hours. Problem being when I'd get home and take my shirt off my armpit wouldn't stink at all but my shirt would. It was so embarrassing sitting in a meeting with people meny levels above me and having smelly armpits. I told her about this many times but she just kept going. Now fair enough i can wash my own clothes but bear in mind not in our washing machine with real detergent. So now my business shirts go home to my mum (how fkn embarrassing).

This is just the tip of the iceberg but an example of many things that changed as soon as we married. It may sound petty but add them all up and combine them with the issues in the bedroom and it really takes it's toll on the relationship.

So we argue all the time, more often than not she won't even say hi when she comes home, she'll just point out that the house is a mess or the dishes haven't been done. She'll hop into bed at night and demand that the TV is turned down to an inaudible level because she wants to sleep. She constantly bemoans the fact that we're not rich (we are not poor) and craves material objects. So I get us a new car and within 4 months she stacked it with scratches all over it. She'll reverse and slam back into drive before she brakes whilst it's still reversing. So she gets her car but treats it like crap. Once again just showing examples this isn't everything.

We also have son that's 16 months old we both love him to death probably the only reason I'm still there.

I want to leave her but I know it would destroy her. I don't think she realises how bad things are or maybe she tries to reassure herself that things are OK. During arguments she'll talk about breaking up and leaving but I know she's bluffing. The other day we argued before work and she texted me saying she was going to her mums. I didn't reply cause I was over the 5hit and just wanted some time to myself but sure enough she texted again with a different attitude asking me if I'd cheered up and that she wasn't going anywhere.

What's the scariest thing? I speak to guys 10 years older that tell me it just gets worse from here.....go figure what do i do? I have a 16 month old son FFS. I can't stop thinking about other women as I'm still in my prime sexually but am getting nothing and TBH I want nothing from her the spark just isn't there and she's done nothing to try and reignite it.

So why am i saying all this? Just remember you never know a woman properly and until you're married to them. If you find things aren't going well make a conscientious effort to improve them but if they don't you need to make the hard decision. The grass always seems greener but it's scary 5hit guys especially when you've been with the missus for so long. Don't end up in the predicament I'm in.

I truly hope someone can learn from my mistakes.

One more thing, FWIW, my missus is pretty hot. She is slim toned and has pretty much the best body I've seen naked in my time. looks aren't everything as I'm sure you know.

Just reading Augustus' post we are not legally bound by contract as we married in Greece and the certificate is not recognised here. Not that I'd want my wife to go without, I'd laways do the right thing. Maybe a good idea would be to get married in Europe.

Sounds like a living hell, Id be spelling it out to her, she s not the person you fell for, its time to cut loose or change

[Colossus]

The HAPPIEST people I know are people in happy, healthy marriages.

The most MISERABLE people I know are people in...or recovering from...sad, destructive marriages.

I know some lifelong single people too...they aren't as happy as the happy ones or as sad as the sad ones but they do tend to be lonely and needy as hell. I guess it's a safe route though.


That's probably the most honest, simple assessment of the marriage conundrum I've read.

Being single for life certainly involves less risk, but I dont think most people can really get the most out of life that way. It sounds great on paper, but you will inevitably be lonely and needy, because there isnt someone there to meet your most basic human emotional needs. You have to rely on friends, which are sporadic at best. They have their own lives.

I will agree however that the most miserable people I have seen are the chronically lonely and the people in SH!T marriages. There is no hell like a bad marriage.

[samspade]

I'm married and i'm unhappy. My wife simply isn't the person i got married to anymore. Considering we were together for 8 years prior to marriage and lived together for pretty much 6 of those years i don't understand what changed it all once we tied the knot and it makes me angry TBH. It's like she witheld her real self to me until we actually did the deed. And I'm not just talking about in the bedroom like in the Oral Sex and Marriage thread , little things like for instance:

She wont wear makeup or perfume as it's "toxic" and will give her 5hit like cancer, She constantly ignores any hints I give her with regards to how I'd like her to look. Around 6 months ago she put on makeup for some event and i told her she looked beautiful. Her response was that she would now wear makeup from now on. Lasted all of......well she didn't put it on again. She moans about not looking good and stuff but wont do anything about it.

Because she's turned vegan and wont eat anything normal she has awful breath but of course she refuses to use proper toothpaste as it has chemicals in it. No listerine for her no way that 5hit is toxic. What a forking turn off.

She started washing my clothes with all natural detergent and refused to let me use proper stuff in OUR washing machine. this resulted in me going to work and my armpits smelling after a few hours. Problem being when I'd get home and take my shirt off my armpit wouldn't stink at all but my shirt would. It was so embarrassing sitting in a meeting with people meny levels above me and having smelly armpits. I told her about this many times but she just kept going. Now fair enough i can wash my own clothes but bear in mind not in our washing machine with real detergent. So now my business shirts go home to my mum (how fkn embarrassing).

This is just the tip of the iceberg but an example of many things that changed as soon as we married. It may sound petty but add them all up and combine them with the issues in the bedroom and it really takes it's toll on the relationship.

So we argue all the time, more often than not she won't even say hi when she comes home, she'll just point out that the house is a mess or the dishes haven't been done. She'll hop into bed at night and demand that the TV is turned down to an inaudible level because she wants to sleep. She constantly bemoans the fact that we're not rich (we are not poor) and craves material objects. So I get us a new car and within 4 months she stacked it with scratches all over it. She'll reverse and slam back into drive before she brakes whilst it's still reversing. So she gets her car but treats it like crap. Once again just showing examples this isn't everything.

We also have son that's 16 months old we both love him to death probably the only reason I'm still there.

I want to leave her but I know it would destroy her. I don't think she realises how bad things are or maybe she tries to reassure herself that things are OK. During arguments she'll talk about breaking up and leaving but I know she's bluffing. The other day we argued before work and she texted me saying she was going to her mums. I didn't reply cause I was over the 5hit and just wanted some time to myself but sure enough she texted again with a different attitude asking me if I'd cheered up and that she wasn't going anywhere.

What's the scariest thing? I speak to guys 10 years older that tell me it just gets worse from here.....go figure what do i do? I have a 16 month old son FFS. I can't stop thinking about other women as I'm still in my prime sexually but am getting nothing and TBH I want nothing from her the spark just isn't there and she's done nothing to try and reignite it.

So why am i saying all this? Just remember you never know a woman properly and until you're married to them. If you find things aren't going well make a conscientious effort to improve them but if they don't you need to make the hard decision. The grass always seems greener but it's scary 5hit guys especially when you've been with the missus for so long. Don't end up in the predicament I'm in.

I truly hope someone can learn from my mistakes.

One more thing, FWIW, my missus is pretty hot. She is slim toned and has pretty much the best body I've seen naked in my time. looks aren't everything as I'm sure you know.

Just reading Augustus' post we are not legally bound by contract as we married in Greece and the certificate is not recognised here. Not that I'd want my wife to go without, I'd laways do the right thing. Maybe a good idea would be to get married in Europe.

Dude, you are White Knighting and enabling beyond belief. It is YOUR washing machine. She won't "let" you put regular detergent? You have lost all frame and lost control of her. Besides that, the "right thing" isn't to keep her from going without. What about your happiness?

I know you have a sixteen month old kid but will he be healthy in a messed up home with two parents who dread each other?

[Spinning Spinning]

I know bro but when you gotta live with them sometimes it's easier to just submit....I know it's weak. Hopefully the happiness is rediscovered overseas, I've put her on notice the last couple of days. You know what she did? She got up out of bed whilst we were in the dark to go sleep in my sons room and she king hit me in the head in the dark without me knowing it was coming as she left the room. It was that hard I thought she'd hit me with something but alas it was her fist go figure......fkn psycho ***** she is. Now don't get me wrong I'm no beaten husband and if I could be fkd I woulda got up and done some damage before but what's the point? She could report me to the authorities i'm so much bigger than her it's just not funny.

[Colossus]

Jeezus man. This woman owns you like a cheap suit. If my woman punched me close-fisted in the head, in the dark, there would be hell to pay. Not saying you should hit her back obviously--that is suicide--but you are afraid of what will happen if you put your foot down. What is the worst that could happen??? She'll leave you? Mate she would be doing you a favor.

There have been isolated stories of guys salvaging relationships this far gone but if I were you I'd hedge your bets and divorce her for the betterment of your life and son. Of course who knows, she may try to take you for all you're worth and keep the child....marriage is just a precarious place to be as a man when it goes south.

[Spinning Spinning]

So true bro I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I love my son I NEED to see him every day. My missus isn't evil, she wouldn't withhold my son from me but I dare say she would be keeping him with me getting the raw end of the deal. Plenty to ponder for sure.

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I know bro but when you gotta live with them sometimes it's easier to just submit....I know it's weak. Hopefully the happiness is rediscovered overseas, I've put her on notice the last couple of days. You know what she did? She got up out of bed whilst we were in the dark to go sleep in my sons room and she king hit me in the head in the dark without me knowing it was coming as she left the room. It was that hard I thought she'd hit me with something but alas it was her fist go figure......fkn psycho ***** she is. Now don't get me wrong I'm no beaten husband and if I could be fkd I woulda got up and done some damage before but what's the point? She could report me to the authorities i'm so much bigger than her it's just not funny.


I'm tired of hearing you complain. We have told you that you need to get a divorce. But you still haven't made any actions. I know I've told you in another post what you need to do. This is so disrespect that it makes me even upset reading your post. Noone has to put up with this bs. NOONE

[Spinning Spinning]

OK AJ I know but it's not that easy. Anyway I'll cease to trouble you with my issues and try and give something back to the forum.

[Bible_Belt]

sometimes it's easier to just submit

Just out of curiosity, did you have a domineering mother? How much does your wife resemble your mom? I only ask because that is why a lot of people put up with abuse.

And on that same token, do you resemble your wife's father? I'm guessing not. Maybe he is more dominant than you, and that is what she needs?

I think that if you just once answered any of her b!tching with "there's the door. Use it if you want. Otherwise, shut the fvck up," then she would start treating you a lot better. She knows you won't, but she still wants you to.

[Spinning Spinning]

No and no. I am my own person, I'm more domineering than her old man and my mum didn't dominate me. I guess I haven't been totally honest or really given the whole story. At the risk of being told to STFU and cop the crap about serves you right and get judged I'll go ahead anyway. Just remember I really putting myself out there.

I've been a marajuana addict on and off since the age of around 16. More so from the age of around 24 onwards. I've finally given it the flick and am starting to awaken from my slumber. Whereas before I was happy to keep the peace now I can't hack it. The real me is starting come out and the real me isn't prepared to accept things the way they are. The real me wants more out of my life including sex. I've noticed since I quit many women are giving me looks, I've lost weight got really fit and muscular and my libido has returned. Not that I wasn't horny anyway but I was just happy with porn. Whereas I used to let women have a perve and just enjoy it now I want to do something about it. So I guess that's it gentlemen I haven't been myself and have been willing to accept things even though they weren't working because it was easier. Now all of a sudden its' the other way around and much harder.

So yes it's my fault I know but I guess it's not late to do something about it.

[backbreaker]

you have to use common sense, know when to pick and chose your battles, but your battle strategy should not be the white flag every tiem.

If I honestly know i'm wrong, which isn't often but it does happen, backbreaker is human, i can admit it, kiss her on the check, give her a back rub and tell her i'm sorry and she can appreciate that for what it is because idont' do that every day. if it's something so petty i don't feel like arguing over, like me looking at another woman's' feet or some **** like that (has happened lol), i just laugh it off. it's not that serious. but the vast majority of the time i have battle line and she knows not to cross it.

the entire dynamics of our relationship are different because she knows i'm not fvcking around. so because of that she doesn't really test me. if i want to go out and come home at 1am "have fun be safe". no **** when i get home, and as long as she's not giving me any **** and is happy to see me, i have no desire to step out on her.

the few times she will make a stand on something, because she usually doesn't, i know she means it, regardless of how trivial it is to me, she doesn't like to fight with me and if she is going to risk getting into a fight with me i know in my head that she has really thought about this or this means something to her so regardless of how trivial it is i don't take it lightly, but i don't necessarily cave in either.

but inreality, **** i just picked a good woman lol. she isn't very trivial. she likes being a lady, isn't controlling or doesn't try to be. she has her quirks but who doesn't. thank god i did not settle for the first **** who would fvck me or saw dollar signs and pretended to like me.

I've been a marajuana addict on and off since the age of around 16. More so from the age of around 24 onwards. I've finally given it the flick and am starting to awaken from my slumber. Whereas before I was happy to keep the peace now I can't hack it. The real me is starting come out and the real me isn't prepared to accept things the way they are. The real me wants more out of my life including sex. I've noticed since I quit many women are giving me looks, I've lost weight got really fit and muscular and my libido has returned. Not that I wasn't horny anyway but I was just happy with porn. Whereas I used to let women have a perve and just enjoy it now I want to do something about it. So I guess that's it gentlemen I haven't been myself and have been willing to accept things even though they weren't working because it was easier. Now all of a sudden its' the other way around and much harder.

well i'm glad you decided to be honest. i used to be addicted to crack cocaine. true story. i understand more than you know the changes that youa re going through (it's called PAWS).. the upd's the downs' the depressing the happiness one day, the lack of sex drive some days the over exaggerted sex drive the next day, re establishing relationships being the new you, i get it all. been there.

i have seen alot of this. alot of times a person will get married or date someone for a long time who struggles with one addiciton or atnother and they themselves learn how to cope with it and get used to it, or they are used to you being a certain way, and when you get clean, you aren't that way anymore, so reality you aren't the person they feel in love with. your wife married a guy she could control, she could not fvck, and still live under your roof lol, and you aen't that guy anymore and she doesn't like it. you can say it's her fault but no one told you to become a drug addict lol. whatever you do don't use it as an excuse to light back up. do not do that.

honestly, and i don't recommend this to everyone but in your specific case you need thearpy. seriously. you have some serious issues with her to work out becuase literarlly you are n't the guy she married. if she is not willing to change, you have to go, and when i say have to i mean you have to as your soberity is on the line. can't tell you how many people i have seen relaspsed beucase their girls did not like the new and improved them, but liked the guy they can control and would temp them or p9ut them in very crappy situtations


anyway it will get better man. i was not married but same deal. girl i really liked when i was high as a kite, she did not know i was an addict utnil i went to rehab, and when i got out, i realized, this ***** is crazy lol but was able to be crazy when i was constantly getting high i did not gie a ****. now i give a **** and idon't like it.