harkkam08 said:

Hey I wanted to ask you guys your opinion on self esteem and how it relates to being a better person.

From the age of 17 to about 23 I really wanted to make friends with a certain group of people, I wanted my friends to be the uber jersey shore party all the time type of guys. I wanted the women I could date to be very sexy blonde etc.

I think most men would like a very sexy blonde

The catch is that I am not like that at all, I believed that if I could change myself and win the friendship and attraction of people that society admired, the jersey shore, party type, hot chicks and fast cars crowd that I was worth something then.

What you did was place your value in the hands of an external. Not good. :nono: It would have been one thing to say that making associations with a certain type of social circle would make it easier/more realistic for you to achieve your goals. But they would do nothing to legitimately increase your own sense of self worth.

I would gain self esteem through association with people that society looked up to. If they were my friends then I was okay even if I didn't feel comfortable around people like that.

Again, not the way to go.

Now my thinking has shifted I am 25 years old now and believe:

1) That my self esteem should not come from being friends with any particular group of people, or attractiveness of a woman. That a 9 or 10 as my gf does not make me better or worse than a person who has a girlfriend that is a 6.

I agree.

2) That all people are equal inherently in their value in relationship to each other and what matters most is how they treat you and if they respect you and how you treat them.

I do not agree. If everyone had equal value, there would be no sexual marketplace. There would be no "currency of exchange", whatever you'd like to say it is, because there would never be a value disparity. Think about it - do you have a best friend? Do you have a friend like you better than others? Or groups of friends you like better than others. When you think back on your past relationships with girls, are there some you think of more fondly than others? If you say yes, then this can't be true!

This just rings of some politically correct feminized piece of garbage mind virus. No one is equal, in the value they may add or anything else, and the entire reason society is structured the way it is arises out of philosopher's understanding of this important point.

3) That you should befriend people and date women that you are comfortable around and whose company you enjoy rather than seeking to win friends so you can up your social value.

I agree that you should befriend people you are comfortable around and who naturally "click" with you, but I disagree that you should automatically disqualify those who don't. Push yourself out of your comfort zone man, and don't be afraid to do so! Haven't you ever made friends or successfully dated someone before and it didn't make sense that that should have happened? I'm also a bit of an opportunist, so I don't necessary think it's bad to befriend someone in order to benefit from their social value.

In translation that means:

1) You see a guy who has three women hanging around him you approach this person and don't place him above you in value thinking to yourself he is a better person than you.

Again, I agree

2) You see two woman, one is plain jane and the other a hotter woman and you sit next to both of them and you don't mentally downgrade one and upgrade the other and you treat them the same.

Mmmm.... I don't know. As far as their potential value, judge them as you will. But I'm not going to chat up a girl I'm not physically attracted to when I'm out sarging because... I'm not attracted to her! That doesn't make a statement about her personal value, but it does speak to the value she has in my eyes sexually.

3) You see a group of 7 guys walking together who seem to have high social value as they are walking confidently and proudly and think to yourself that I am loser because I haven't been able to be that kind of person.

I agree. What you should think instead is "how can I be more like that".

The only caveat is that you don't shy away from people that make you nervous so that you are not left feeling powerless.

That's not what you said in your first point #3

If a hot women sits next to you, your body will feel more tense and on edge than if a lesser attractive woman sat next to you. However you don't treat the woman that looks better as having higher value than you or the other less attractive woman and even though you don't feel comfortable around her you push your boundaries as to not be controlled by your fear.

It sounds like your pedestalling women based on their physical appearance.

Human beings naturally seek places of comfort and the idea is to challenge that comfort to be more in control of yourself

Yea, but what you feel like doing isn't always the best course of action. Comfort isn't necessary a good thing.

These are just some thoughts I am having these days.

What Im going to do differently now, rather than just going to work and coming home is making a dedicated time on the weekend to go out to Meetup groups and meet people whose company I enjoy.

My question is what are your thoughts on this?

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