Hey there,

Ok, relatively strange situation: some months ago I got back in regular contact with an ex, when we broke up it was with mutual agreement, so not a lot of resentment there or anything, and we allways kept more or less in touch, but recently we got closer, i would say she´s possibly the closest to a friend in the female gender I ever had.
Recently she started to come to visit sometimes, I live in the in a big city and she likes to come and stays in my place (2 times it happened), the first time this happened I made a move but she was not receptive, and I thought to myself "no big deal", I was very casual about it. And all this time I was perfectly aware that letting her get closer as "a friend" wouldnt help my case, but I wasnt very focused on having a "case" with her anyways, and most of the times she was far away, so it was really a non-issue.
But she was here recently, and in some converstations she's transmitted the idea that she sees me as someone very "safe". And that she didnt felt attraction. And I know for a fact that she fvcks her most recent ex.
Ok, now, i know this is kinda childish but it started to bug me, and now I´m bent on turning her into a fvck buddy.
You guys think simple tactics like withdrawing attention, or shoving other women in her face next time she comes is the way to go in this situation? It´s weird, because we probably got too close and there's too much familiarity, I think she can read me too well by now.
Any insights guys? or you think the fvck buddy ship has sailed?

Dear Rad,
A very common situation.....Just don't push to hard.......Sooner or later there will be a crisis in her personal life,just be there for her...need not be her love life playing up,it can be her Cat dying,problems with the family,difficulties at work....Nice guy Rad will always be there for her...be patient,she will come,they always do.

Get other women involved, have them round, get a few momentos to be left around the place, photos etc.
as it is this woman ha no intention f having sex with you, you are 'safe' 1 do you understand how unnatractive safe is?
make yourself not so safe, make her feel like she has comeptition and you are no pushover, next time she wants to come over, tell ehr you have friends staying, no more, dont answer any questions about who they are what the reason is.

Buy her flowers, and make sure she can always crash at your place. Maybe cuddle with her for a few hours like a chump.

Dude, go get some new pusssy. forget the old shiit you already hit and quit.

Well, banging an ex is certainly nothing that hasn't been done a million times by millions of broken up couples but really, its just a big waste of time.

The only way to do that is if you made her scream when you were dating...THEN,maybe she'll want the sex even when she doesn't want the relationship. If you weren't great,she won't be interested in the sex half of a relationship

She won´t be coming back for a while... so I´m back to it being a non-issue. But I guess if she wants to come in the future I´ll have to decide on a course of action. I wasn´t really that interested until I realised the way she saw me, it pissed me off.
I know, my fault for being a dumbass, but when we started to get back in contact she was living in the other side of the country and there was no foreseeable prospect of being with her, so I didn´t see this coming. This woman was trying to set up booty calls with me after we broke up some years ago, so this sort of came as a surprise.

First mistake: You're still in love with her.
Second mistake: Lie to yourself about it.


Anyone who makes a big deal about getting back with an Ex for the sake of feeling "superior" is lying to themselves. You miss what you had with them and you're trying to relive a part of the past.

Is it a big deal when you **** a random chick you dont care about?
Is it a big deal when you fail to **** a random chick you dont care about?

The answer should be "no" to both.

Is it a big deal when you do, or do not, **** an Ex that you dont care about?

The answer should be "no" to that also.



It's only a big deal when you care about the person, whether they're your Ex or not is irrelevant.

Radharc said:

She won´t be coming back for a while... so I´m back to it being a non-issue. But I guess if she wants to come in the future I´ll have to decide on a course of action. I wasn´t really that interested until I realised the way she saw me, it pissed me off.
I know, my fault for being a dumbass, but when we started to get back in contact she was living in the other side of the country and there was no foreseeable prospect of being with her, so I didn´t see this coming. This woman was trying to set up booty calls with me after we broke up some years ago, so this sort of came as a surprise.

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You're thinking about this way too much.

The difference between a DJ and everyone else is learning how to move past failures. DJ's give it a shot, success/fail, then move on. The worst thing you can do is dwell over the past.

Do not keep in regular contact with this girl. Any of the people that "im in regular contact with" I dont ****. Dont **** where you sleep. Dont **** where you eat. Any of the "past" friends/Ex's that I do ****, I talk to once a month MAX.