She wants to get married; worried I'm not ready.

[DMEDFISIK]

A few months back I approached an attractive girl at an event. We hit it off, hung out a bit before she left town; because she lived out-of-state, all we did was talk. Three months into talking to her, she wanted to fly down and come see me.

She came into town and we had a really great time. However, there’s a problem. She is just under 25, and is looking to get married in about two years. I, on the other hand, at 26, am just about getting ready to complete my PhD, and applying to medical school this year. Therefore, the idea of settling down isn’t something important to me right now. My main foci are setting myself up for a good career and seeing that my ambitions are reality.

I’ve worked very hard to get to my current position and more hard work lies in store. The fact that I have these goals and don’t have enough money stashed up trouble her, especially as it relates to settling down. It seems to me she wants to have things easy. I warned her that even if we got married, life wouldn’t be the picturesque, easygoing fantasy she’s conjured up for herself, at least not until I’m done with my training. She knows I'll be set ultimately, but is worried about the initial few years. Her resolution is for us to just try and see where things go. Personally, I don’t even want to try anymore knowing were she stands.

She’s very attracted to me and thinks I’m awesome and all that, but she’s worried I won’t be ready to settle down, and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to take care of her. What’s weird is that she has a decent job, or maybe she’s looking to be a stay-at-home mom as she is quite traditional.

I meet a good number of girls, but this girl seems a little bit different. So far I’ve kept my distance and I will limit contact.

Is my decision to let her alone a good move on my part? This is a girl for whom I could potentially have strong feelings, and I would rather be cautious and save myself the impending disappointment.

[5string]

4 out of 5 voices in my head say she's a gold digger.

Watch your six with this one.

[joverby]

Wow, why are you guys talking about getting married already? Gold digger alarms are def going off in my head. If you do for some crazy a$$ reason marry this chick, pre-nup. Becasue really, who sets a time limit on when they want to get married? That isn't a very smart thing to do at all, you can't put a time limit and that kind of pressure on marriage.

[EvilAgenda]

First, congrats on almost finishing up your PhD. And I wish you luck on getting into Med School.

Second, you are right to have told her what you did. Her wanting to put you under a leash after 3 months of dating is just crazy.

Yes, girls worry about their futures, yes they want to know where the relationship is going, yes she is at that age when her biological clock starts ticking, BUT, marriage is a HUGE commitment, and she gotta understand that it's not easy for a man to accept it.

Anyway, sounds like she really digs you, and I wouldn't just throw away a girl to whom you could potentially have strong feelings for.

P.S.: Gold digger alarms. HAHA, wtf? All women are gold diggers. Accept it.

[joverby]

First, congrats on almost finishing up your PhD. And I wish you luck on getting into Med School.

Second, you are right to have told her what you did. Her wanting to put you under a leash after 3 months of dating is just crazy.

Yes, girls worry about their futures, yes they want to know where the relationship is going, yes she is at that age when her biological clock starts ticking, BUT, marriage is a HUGE commitment, and she gotta understand that it's not easy for a man to accept it.

Anyway, sounds like she really digs you, and I wouldn't just throw away a girl to whom you could potentially have strong feelings for.

P.S.: Gold digger alarms. HAHA, wtf? All women are gold diggers. Accept it.

Sure, everyone is a gold digger. Most just don't try to get you to marry them after 3 months of seeing eachother and put a timeframe on it.

[DMEDFISIK]

Wow, why are you guys talking about getting married already? Gold digger alarms are def going off in my head. If you do for some crazy a$$ reason marry this chick, pre-nup. Becasue really, who sets a time limit on when they want to get married? That isn't a very smart thing to do at all, you can't put a time limit and that kind of pressure on marriage.

EXACTLY. She brought it up, not me. I think I'll just keep her as a friend and continue dating other women. I was almost considering slowly letting go of other girls because of her. Now not so much.

And early on I told her I was going to get a pre-nup, and it would require I get to keep my money and I take all of hers. She didn't like it, but she laughed :D

@EvilAgenda, thanks. Still have a bunch of experiments to run, but we'll surely get there.

And I think she really digs me, but the workings of the female mind still require many a man stay on high alert. I'll keep talking to her but with little expectations. Marriage is a difficult thing to which I can commit, especially at my age unless she shows she is really worth it. She hasn't really proven herself to me at that index yet. So...

[Tiguere]

another gold-digger after a poindexter.

[DMEDFISIK]

LOL. I may work like a poindexter, but I certainly don't look the part. People get shocked I even do what I do. My best friends in high school were usually the so-called cool/bad guys, although many of them haven't done well for themselves (yet).

[5string]

Use her as subject matter for your thesus.

[f283000]

If I were you I would be very careful with her... as in ALWAYS WEAR A GOOD CONDOM!

You don't want her to trap you with pregnancy and ruin your life you got too much going for you. A woman will go to any lenght to trap what she considers "a good catch."

[Ease]

Foci isnt a word.

It only appears in geometry when i type it in to google. Regardless of its correctness, that is unnecessary and gay. I am surprised this girl is interested in you after you said that.

[Borknagar]

I'd make her wait longer, and not only a prenup but also a extensive psychological evaluation as well, which I think should be required before getting a marriage license.

[pdx1138]

Jeez, you guys haven't even lived together for any period of time and she's talking marriage?

Gold Digger.

[Desdinova]

She is just under 25, and is looking to get married in about two years.

Yeah, women say all kinds of stupid 5hit. If you gave her the boot, she'll probably still be single two years from now. You CANNOT plan when you're getting married if you're not engaged. If you don't want to marry her, then you don't have to. I would have told her "If that's what your plans are, then you'd better find someone else because I currently have no plans on getting married in two years."

[DMEDFISIK]

Foci isnt a word.

It only appears in geometry when i type it in to google. Regardless of its correctness, that is unnecessary and gay. I am surprised this girl is interested in you after you said that.


Alright wiseacre.

[DMEDFISIK]

Jeez, you guys haven't even lived together for any period of time and she's talking marriage?

Gold Digger.

What's strange is that I have no money, at least not yet. So I don't see what she's digging. Unless of course she wants to tie me down now for later, but this seems contrary to her worrying about the "initial few years", although I might be missing some nuances here.

[movistar]

What's strange is that I have no money, at least not yet. So I don't see what she's digging. Unless of course she wants to tie me down now for later, but this seems contrary to her worrying about the "initial few years", although I might be missing some nuances here.


Ambition is like money in the bank to chicks....

[pdx1138]

So I don't see what she's digging.

ok maybe not.

but definitely a US Treasury Note Digger...ha ha.

She's thinking you will eventually be a doctor, with a nice huge paycheck.

[handle]

Alternate view: could be a biological clock thing. As I'm sure you're aware there's concerns about birth defects and all that when women get 30+, maybe she wants to not waste her time and start having kids.

Either way, that kind of talk only a few months in would make me back away quickly.

[5string]

What's strange is that I have no money, at least not yet. So I don't see what she's digging. Unless of course she wants to tie me down now for later, but this seems contrary to her worrying about the "initial few years", although I might be missing some nuances here.Don't you get it? She sees your future potential.

Would you invest in a penny stock if you knew it would appreciate 1000 % in the next few years? Of course you would. You are young. Why are you even considering this? Get it together, don't marry her, finish your education and become the best gynocologist you can be. :D

[Espi]

early on I told her I was going to get a pre-nup, and it would require I get to keep my money and I take all of hers. She didn't like it, but she laughed :D




Sure she laughs now...

A pre-nup will not protect you in divorce court.

The only way you can protect your hard-earned money is to not get married.

Even a common-law marraige (which in most states, is simply defined as co-habitating 2 years or more) can ruin your wealth.

My advice: stay single.

You are very wise to forgo marraige. I can just see this chick marrying you and then filing for divorce two years later while you're working 80 hours a week saving lives and she's busy meeting up with her GF's for the latest shopping spree.