Question.

How do you guys feel about public displays of affection with a girl you dating? The last few girls I dated when they broke up with me they made it a point of letting me know that their new boyfriend holds their hand in public and is happy to call them their lady.

The last girl I dated was hot. But that just isn't me. I enjoyed being seen in public with her but I am not about holding the hand in public thing. I dont mind interlocking elbows and doing window shoppin. Or a quick hair sniff. But I dont like to kiss or hold hands in public.

Same with the other girls...they werent as attractive but my point is taht it doesnt matter their looks.

Ofcourse there are other factors...but did I possibly drop the ball by not doing that Public Display of Affection thing?

PDA is important.

It allows the woman to show the world she is desirable and her love interest confirms that.

I go out of my way to make this happen.
I'm not talking about holding hands so much, but rather a public kiss.

I hardly think holding hands qualifies as PDA. If anything it's a sign of ownership when done with the right art. Roissy has a great thread about the subtle aspects of an overhand grasp (your palm on top, hers submissively below) being subconsciously interpreted as an Alpha trait.

Beyond that, PDA can be a useful tool in demonstrating higher value (DHV) and social proof so long as it's your woman who's initiating it. Guy's leaning in or pawing at their women initiating PDA semantically telegraphs his neediness and ultimately his lower masculine value in respect to her. Women leaning in, staring longingly, hanging onto and otherwise initiating PDA (like passionate public kissing) denotes a higher value man - particularly if he gives off an attitude and ambience that he's reluctant to do so. Not only does this send the message that he's a commodity to other women, but it also effectively ups his Alpha interest level for the woman he's with.

What's wrong with public displays of affection? If you don't want to do it, maybe you're too inhibited. Just consider it kino if that helps you any.

Holding your woman's hand the right way is very important.
When I hold hands with a girl, I'm leading her, I'm letting everyone know she's mine and that she values my leadership.

Don't initiate PDA like kissing or hugging unless she initiates it. If she initiates it, respond well and satisfy but don't overdo it.

There is another trick that will make your girl hold your arm without you initiating it. Put your hand in your pocket and keep some space between your elbow and body. She will grab your arm 80% of the time. At least in my case, it almost always works. That way you're not holding her hand, she's holding your forearm and you're leading her as well.

Women love men leading them. It's in their genes. Do it right and you will never have to worry about women anymore.

Okay I will put the responses in perspectives.

I dont think my lack of holding hands in public was the main reason these girls left. But they always quote it as something their new boyfriends do so I guess its a recurring theme that I may try to implement...at least consider. Its going to take practice.

I actually enjoy doing the elbow thing. I enjoy dancing with my lady close..sometimes. But holding hands..i dunno. Just unnerving. Maybe I need to man up and just do it....for them..because I dont need it. But I want the girl to feel good and stuff...so.

SecondHalf said:

It allows the woman to show the world she is desirable and her love interest confirms that.
I go out of my way to make this happen.

Click to expand...

Rollo Tomassi said:

Beyond that, PDA can be a useful tool in demonstrating higher value (DHV) and social proof so long as it's your woman who's initiating it. Guy's leaning in or pawing at their women initiating PDA semantically telegraphs his neediness and ultimately his lower masculine value in respect to her. Women leaning in, staring longingly, hanging onto and otherwise initiating PDA (like passionate public kissing) denotes a higher value man - particularly if he gives off an attitude and ambience that he's reluctant to do so. Not only does this send the message that he's a commodity to other women, but it also effectively ups his Alpha interest level for the woman he's with.

Click to expand...

Thanks Rollo.
This post made me think about my "game" or lack there of some.
I'm pretty good at hooking the woman, crappy at keeping them. My PDA post is just another example of the types of things I am doing wrong.
Point taken.

SH

Think of it this way. If you realyl like someone why would you not PDA. Clearly you don't want to be obnoxious or hanging all over your woman, but showing that you can PDA is an alpha trait becuase it means you're not concerned about what others think.

As for the woman PDAs make them feel special and all warm and tingly. When used properly you can get a woman to be puddy in your hands.

The_411 said:

As for the woman PDAs make them feel special and all warm and tingly. When used properly you can get a woman to be puddy in your hands.

Click to expand...

That was always my view. Being aggressive, showing attraction ...
I had just never considered the long term effects of being the initiator as pointed out by Rollo. I don't lean into a woman that is not open to it (my perception), but ... initiate I do.

SH

I don't see why you're scared of a little contact in public. Just find your line.

If you have the type of girl that is content with you just putting your hand in your pocket and then wrapping her arm around yours, that's great. If she is trying to jerk you off while you are sitting in the first row of pews in church, maybe it's time to have a talk -- or get out of church.

Know where you draw the limit. Occasionally push it, but not too much.

Delly2000 said:

Question.

How do you guys feel about public displays of affection with a girl you dating? The last few girls I dated when they broke up with me they made it a point of letting me know that their new boyfriend holds their hand in public and is happy to call them their lady.

The last girl I dated was hot. But that just isn't me. I enjoyed being seen in public with her but I am not about holding the hand in public thing. I dont mind interlocking elbows and doing window shoppin. Or a quick hair sniff. But I dont like to kiss or hold hands in public.

Same with the other girls...they werent as attractive but my point is taht it doesnt matter their looks.

Ofcourse there are other factors...but did I possibly drop the ball by not doing that Public Display of Affection thing?

Click to expand...

When i first met my ex, We started out walking side by side, I really liked her, and as we walked, i said to myself "F it!, i gotta step it up" I grabbed her hand, like im leading her and she smiled. And there has been girls that i didnt really feel that way but they were cute, you know to mess around with, i didnt hold their hand or anything just sexual kino and stuff. To me, Holding a girls hand says alot without words, In a way your saying "your my woman" and if the girl likes you to begin with, its going to lead to being into a relationship with her. Holding hands isnt just kino contact IMO its shows you want to step it up with her. No matter what "she" may say, girls want to feel wanted especially if shes been with jerks and hasnt felt much "closeness" to a guy. If you hold her hand and show affection, in private or public she will EAT IT UP!.

SecondHalf said:

That was always my view. Being aggressive, showing attraction ...
I had just never considered the long term effects of being the initiator as pointed out by Rollo. I don't lean into a woman that is not open to it (my perception), but ... initiate I do.

SH

Click to expand...

Like anyting perhaps use the 2/3rds rule and intiate 40% of the time, or perhaps it's more like 20/80

I told women who I go out with that its fine if they do public display of affections with me as long as they are fine if I do public display of molestation with them.

Exhibit A
http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39310000/jpg/_39310064_girlfriend_ap300x245.jpg

Exhibit B
http://www.funnyhub.com/content_images/2763_1382_andy-grabbing-mandy.jpg