Hey guys,

I've been a lurker for many years on this forum, and try to live by the DJ principles with a few nice successes under my belt (so to speak).

I'm facing a problem with my current girl that I would appreciate some thoughts on. We've been seeing each other for about 2 months now. A few weeks ago she asked to be exclusive, and I agreed. Dropped contact with other spinning plates. So far so good.

But since then she has mentioned on two occasions her "doubts and fears about 'us'". She often asks me about other women I've been with, and who I saw while also seeing her when we first started going out. I avoid talking about it in the typical C&F way, or just by ignoring the question (whatever works at the time).

Given these facts, it's almost as if she is not sure she really wants to be with me, but at the same time, desperately doesn't want anyone else to have me either.

I should mention that at this point in my life I would like a steady relationship. But I want to achieve this without forcing anything (i.e. without going too fast with a girl who is not ready).

What's the best response? Ideally I want her resolve her own "doubts and fears". So I think the best route is to withdraw a little, and see her less often. We see each other about 5 times a week. Every time we meet we have sex at least twice There is obviously scope for reducing contact with her, but will it do any good?

It does annoy me a little that after HER asking ME to be exclusive, she's now going back a step. I want to stay with her, she gets extremely horny when we are together and it's fun. There is obviously a nice level of attraction there, we get on well, but she has reservations.

Normally my reaction would be to start spinning a few more plates, but I want to keep my word with her and not see anyone else.

On the other hand, maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, maybe she just has nerves as our relationship gets more serious. In this case, I should just ignore these things she says and focus on keeping the attraction level high (which could involve seeing her less often in any case).

Besides, I think some people on this forum would ask what the hell I am complaining about if the physical relationship is going so well. But still, in the back of my mind, I am insulted every time she says how unsure about "us" she is. I feel she should be proud and grateful to have my attention ffs! Why should I give up sex with other women for anything less than that?

Your perspectives on this would be very welcome. Please help me see the big picture- have you experienced anything similar to this, and how did you respond?

Thanks

pfrog

She seems to be sh!t testing you and trying to corral you into the (her) LTR frame....

Maintain your current "dating - plate spinning - single guy" frame as if you hadn't agreed to be exclusive......deflect all testing and don't be too availible....

LTR game means NOT changing to a LTR game....

Over and Out.

All I have to say is pook's Anti Dump is some good ****....re read some of that stuff you can formulate the answer you seek

Fear makes the gina tingle. It's a subtle form of Shyt test and insidious. She knows you can pull more tail, she knows it makes her hot, she knows as soon as you commit you won't make the gina tingle. She's happy where she is but she has the normal female urge for more. Sounds like you should say nothing and do nothing.

Her doubts could be based on any number of things. Until you know what they are you cant assuage them. In the meantime, see her less. If she is acting uncertain don't reward her with your personal time.

Thanks, some good feedback that is already making me feel better about handling this. I guess what it boils down to is that she needs to hear that voice louder inside her that yearns for my attention; if it's too quiet, then other shyt takes over. And the best way to make it louder is to not give her my time so freely.