I've been dating this girl that i've actually known a while but lost contact for a couple months until the last month or so were we've hung out 4-5 times. Had sex, its been fun etc but then in the last week its been hard to get intouch with her but i still feel like i could if i wanted. Like it wasnt the end. I called her up today casually to maybe hang out later on since i'd be around her area anyway. So we fluff about what we are doing right now and stuff. Before I even get to asking her out she says she is just about to take a shower and maybe going to sleep early so I said ok and that was it. So like an hour later I'm on FB and see an event invite that she's invited to and accepted and then someone has already snapped photos of it and put it on FB lol... so I sent her a message saying "i cant believe you just f***ing lied to me. I hate that s**t". She replies with shes sorry and blah blah blah.. and she didnt know what to say and that she sucks and if i didnt wana see her again its ok... rah rah rah.. blow to the ego i guess...

Still, I feel like if i wouldnt have called her out on it, I couldve maybe just ignored it and seen her next week. But i got mad and said wtf and caught her out.

In general is it a good thing to do? Isn't having the ability to emote an attraction trigger? or does the girl need to be very into you in order for your boundary setting to work? Seems like she didnt care and it may have done more harm than good. Back when i first met this girl i caught her out in something too.. nothing too major but i stopped talking to her... So she sees me as someone who is maybe too smart for her to do things, like it would piss me off. It really doesnt but with lying like that i was just thinking "why the hell did u need to do that?"

I'm going to disagree a bit. Seeing something in one's own newsfeed is not stalking. (Chick needs to be a better liar!) It does no good however raging on the beeeatch, it only puts her in a defensive position. I might have simply clicked 'like' on one off the party pics. It's subtle. And it would have made her feel guilty, without you having said a thing. Now, she doesn't feel guilty, she probably feels angry. Guilt would have been better. After the 'like,' I then would never bring it up.

What do to now? Go dark! It's the only way for her to get over her anger (or feeling violated) and eventually return to guilt.

If a girl is lieing to you I would think her IL is low. If her IL is high however then she is just a pathological liar and you shouldn't tolerate that. You need to let her be and stop dating her.

Making a girl feel guilty is a pusy way of thinking.

Calling it out is fine, but a lot of the time you've made the mistake of not seeing the signs untill that point, which is the case here. She's been avoiding you for a week and shutting you down when you bring up plans, this lie was on its way.

Theres a lot of things you need to call out. But lack of interest in seeing you is not one.

Either way. I think the worse thing you can do is to chase a chick (you have history with) who has low interest. It is only guaranteed to drive her interest lower.

Her lie was interesting though. She could have just said she has plans and needs to run. Instead, she seemed to preemptively shut you down with her lie, before you even asked to see her.

Why? Either low interest, or she wants to keep you on the shelf until she needs you and doesn't want you to know the shyte she is up to. Either case = bad.

Time to move on, she is not interested.

Never do anything when angry, it just makes things worse\

- comic_relief

yea i basically already did it and it felt good to get things off my chest. I was too soft on her at the start. I didnt call her out on low IL.. it was more like for teh sake of urself this is **** u do and u need to look in the mirror cos u constantly critisize others on less worse ****. She constantly replied with stuff things like 'i know everyones right and im a screw up'.. 'just hate me pleasee'...'im a piece of ****' etc...then said what can i say to make you happy.. i told her I am happy and to **** saying anything.. she said enough.. what good is all the sorries and promises and crying if u go back and to the thing u just said ur sorry.. said i dont buy all her lines and im telling it for her... told her dont wana see her cos i have something important at her apartment which had to be taken somewhere but im too disgusted right now to look at her (which i am)and told her to do it for me.. called her out on all crazy **** shed done... she basically went out n got mad drunk to bury it all.. her usual way to handle it.. im gona go off the radar... i know when this all subsides and its her and the dip**** (he is - shes already told me about things shes done and hes failing hard on her tests.. and shes a pro! tester)...I left a mark and im better... In my gut i feel like 2 weeks to a month before my phones ringin.. I guess cos of this facebook era, shes the type of person that wont like this mark of someone hating her and knowing i could well out rubbing dirt all over her name (if she thinks im still angry)... i duno... im gona go off the radar.

Thanks for the advice but i had to call her out and be harsh just cos... nobody else has or will...

Now, what did all that acomplish, absolutely nothing. Because of your lashing out, it only makes you look worse. Next time just walk away quietly, no use bringing yourself down to her level.

You demonstrated low value. Not only was your value already low, in her eyes, but it sank that much lower. And no, her ego didn't take a hit. You boosted it. In the words of Roissy, "Women secretly get a thrill out of the power they wield as society’s de facto hypergamous dumpers. When a woman dumps a man, she wants to know she got to him. Though she will never admit it, the act of gettting to a man is a blissful ego massage for the typical woman." Like my signature reads, actions are expressions of value.

comic_relief said:

Never do anything when angry, it just makes things worse\

- comic_relief

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Social_Leper said:

A good maxim to live by. I'd extend it to: Never allow your actions to be governed by your emotions. Period.

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Disagree,anger is the leading emotion that turn an afc afraid of conflict to a man willing to do what his instinct tell him to do.
As long as it's a controlled anger it's fine,the wrong anger is the one of the man screaming at the waiter that he wants to talk to the manager.

Do you know that anger and sexual excitement run in the same circuits in our brain?
Well in my life the best sex I gave to women was after they pissed me off and I turned caveman,things I would never be able to do while calm.
Anger is refreshing,it takes away all the social conditioning.

Social_Leper:
A good maxim to live by. I'd extend it to: Never allow your actions to be governed by your emotions. Period.

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Strelok:
Disagree,anger is the leading emotion that turn an afc afraid of conflict to a man willing to do what his instinct tell him to do. As long as it's a controlled anger it's fine,the wrong anger is the one of the man screaming at the waiter that he wants to talk to the manager.

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I agree with both of you, but there is a difference between your ideas. Social Leper was not talking about the suppression of emotions, rather simply not allowing your emotions to change your game plan. To quote from the 48 Laws of Power:

The most important of these skills, and power's crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions. An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power, a mistake that will cost you a lot more than temporary satisfaction you might gain by expressing your feelings. Emotions cloud reason, and if you cannot see the situation clearly, you cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control.

Anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, for it clouds your vision the most. It also has a ripple effect that invariably makes situations less controllable and heighten your enemy's resolve. If you are trying to destroy an enemy who has hurt you, far better to keep him off-guard by feigning friendliness than showing your anger.

Love and affection are also potentially destructive, in that they blind you to the often self-serving interests of those whom you least suspect of playing a power game. You cannot repress anger or love, or avoid feeling them, and you should not try. But you should also be careful about how you express them, and most important, they should never influence your plans and strategies in any way.

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comic_relief said:

Never do anything when angry, it just makes things worse\

- comic_relief

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QFT

also I dont think calling them out on their **** will accomplish anything anyway, they will all lie when given an incentive to lie

a hobby of mine is listening to people's lies when I already know the truth (and they dont know that I already know). It really gives me a reality check, AND its entertaining and sometimes funny. It can also be used to your advantage, just know who you are dealing with now.

JohnnyStrabler said:

QFT

also I dont think calling them out on their **** will accomplish anything anyway, they will all lie when given an incentive to lie

a hobby of mine is listening to people's lies when I already know the truth (and they dont know that I already know). It really gives me a reality check, AND its entertaining and sometimes funny. It can also be used to your advantage, just know who you are dealing with now.

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I absolutely agree with you, but why do you disagree with what I said? I am curious.

- comic_relief

EDIT: Ah, QFT doesn't mean "Quit Fvcken Talking." It means "Quoted for Truth" Damn post limits *annoyed* I need to keep up with Internet Lingo

comic_relief said:

I absolutely agree with you, but why do you disagree with what I said? I am curious.

- comic_relief

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Oh I actually agree with you on never doing anything when angry....what do you think I am disagreeing with?

In the case of a girlfriend though. If she does something and you express anger at her decisions but she goes n does what she wants anyway then you further expose her but from the same perspective of not "ur IL dropped boo hoo" but "in this world.. people do this, and not this.. you did this and its effing bull**** rah rah"... Surely thats OK?

I read it somewhere the other day its like. Yo u get angry, they get angry cos u dont trust them (it aint about that).. and if u stand by and let it happen there are no boundries set... but u still get ot nail her..

I guess u just play it by what you want huh?.. been in a similar situation with another girlfriend. i always stood by just cos i wanted sex, but the one time i get angry she does something as revenge... its messed up, but it was a 10 and i still wanted sex... but itd be good if just the anger expressed would actually have them pull there **** together... like if they represent u as someone who is always calling their **** out and know how much of a ***** they are.. they would stop it... like a kid touching a hot pan... No?? Like if im a ***** this ****er is going make me feel like one... Although thinking about it, despite being intouch with htis particular person, shes more likely to just cut me off, so nobody knows about her whoring and carry on.. lol Still... atleast ill stick out in her brain as the one guy who caught her and made her feel like ****...