On sosuave they stress that you must love your self. What does that mean? And why is it so difficult to like and love one self? I found some answers here by Osho, I just extracted some text, but you can find the whole text here:

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Shiva-Shakti/Difficult_for_me_to_love_myself.htm

Every child is born with tremendous love for himself. It is the society that destroys that love, it is the religion that destroys that love -- because if a child goes on growing in loving himself, who is going to love Jesus Christ? Who is going to love the president, Ronald Reagan? Who is going to love the parents? The child's love for himself has to be distracted. He has to be conditioned so that his love is always towards an object outside himself. 

It makes man very poor, because when you love somebody outside of yourself, whether it is God, the pope, the father, the wife, the husband, the children -- whoever is the object of your love -- it makes you dependent on the object. You become secondary in your own eyes, you become a beggar. You were born an emperor, utterly contented within yourself. But the father wants you to love him, the mother wants you to love her. Everybody around you wants to become an object for your love. 

Nobody bothers that a man who cannot love himself cannot love anybody else either. So a very mad society is created where everybody is trying to love somebody -- and they have nothing to give. Nor has the other person anything to give. Why are lovers continuously fighting, nagging, harassing each other? The simple reason is they are not getting what they were thinking to get. Both are beggars, both are empty. 

A rightly brought up child will be allowed to grow in love towards himself so that he becomes so full of love that sharing becomes a necessity. He is so burdened with love that he wants somebody to share it. And then love never makes you dependent on anybody. You are the giver; the giver is never a beggar. And the other is also a giver. And when two emperors, masters of their own hearts, meet, there is tremendous joy. Nobody is dependent on anybody else; everybody is independent and individual, well-centered in himself, well-grounded in himself. 


But learning to love oneself is not difficult, it is natural. If you have been able to do something which is unnatural, if you have learned how to love others without loving yourself, then the other thing is very simple. You have done the almost impossible. It is only a question of understanding, a simple understanding, that "I am to love myself; otherwise I will miss the meaning of life. I will never grow up, I will simply grow old. I will not have any individuality. I will not be truly human, dignified, integrated."

And moreover, if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anybody else in the world. So many psychological problems have arisen because you have been distracted from yourself. You are unworthy, you are not what you should be; your actions have to be corrected. You have to be molded into a certain personality. 

Everybody is full of hate for himself. And do you think if you hate yourself you can find someone who is going to love you? Even you are not ready to love yourself; it is impossible for anybody else to love you. You have accepted the idea that unless you follow certain rules, religious dogmas, political ideologies, you are not of any worth. When you were born, you were not born as a Christian, as a Catholic; you were not born as a communist. Every child comes into the world as a tabula rasa, completely clean. 


Your first responsibility is towards yourself. And just see: if everybody is loving himself, caring about himself, his intelligence will come to its peak, his love will be overflowing. To me, the philosophy of selfishness will make him really altruistic because he will have so much to share, so much to give, that giving will become a joy to him, that sharing will be a celebration to him. Altruism can only be a by-product of self-love. Because you don't love yourself, you feel weak -- because love is nourishment, it is your strength.

Desire said:

Nobody bothers that a man who cannot love himself cannot love anybody else either.

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Not true, you hear that in talkshows all the time. I remember hearing it on Ricki Lake many times: "Girlfriend, you gotta love yourself before you can love other people!" It is one of those things that sound convoluted and therefore wise, but when you actually think about it, there is no logic to it. Why assume that people don't love themselves? It is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism to love your own personality and actions and put yourself before almost anything else. If anything people love themselves too much. That there is self-criticism doesn't mean people don't love themselves. It seems "you don't love yourself enough" is actually a veiled insult thrown at someone in a discussion, disguised as advice. That's sure how it is used in talk shows, which is where it has been perpetuated. (Ironically, the same kind of people will say "People are too selfish these days." Anything that makes us hang our heads in shame, I guess. Even if the statements are contradictory.)

Where is the logic in that you can't love other people if you don't love yourself? How does that function? Is it something about how emotionally broken you are if you don't love yourself, so then you can't love someone else either? I counter: most people "love themselves". Also, most people are critical of themselves, and with the right wording you can probably convince them that they don't love themselves, yes. But regardless, most people also love one or more other people. All part of human instinct, it is.


"It is the society that destroys that love, it is the religion that destroys that love -- because if a child goes on growing in loving himself, who is going to love Jesus Christ?"
---Untrue and Christian-bashing. I am not in the least religious, but I recognize propaganda when I see it. You can use the same line for anything, just replace Jesus Christ with whatever you want to attack. "it is the Government that destroys that love --because if a child goes on growing in loving himself, who is going to love the Government?" See, it's easy. But much as I dislike religion, or the secular religion of worshipping the state as the giver of all things good, I don't think any of them ruins self-love. If self-love is what we need, that is. Go and chop some wood or help out in the kitchen instead of philosophizing over self-love, it helps your mental health more than navel gazing.

Veridin said:

Not true, you hear that in talkshows all the time. I remember hearing it on Ricki Lake many times: "Girlfriend, you gotta love yourself before you can love other people!" It is one of those things that sound convoluted and therefore wise, but when you actually think about it, there is no logic to it. Why assume that people don't love themselves? It is a deeply ingrained survival mechanism to love your own personality and actions and put yourself before almost anything else. If anything people love themselves too much. That there is self-criticism doesn't mean people don't love themselves. It seems "you don't love yourself enough" is actually a veiled insult thrown at someone in a discussion, disguised as advice. That's sure how it is used in talk shows, which is where it has been perpetuated. (Ironically, the same kind of people will say "People are too selfish these days." Anything that makes us hang our heads in shame, I guess. Even if the statements are contradictory.)

Where is the logic in that you can't love other people if you don't love yourself? How does that function? Is it something about how emotionally broken you are if you don't love yourself, so then you can't love someone else either? I counter: most people "love themselves". Also, most people are critical of themselves, and with the right wording you can probably convince them that they don't love themselves, yes. But regardless, most people also love one or more other people. All part of human instinct, it is.


"It is the society that destroys that love, it is the religion that destroys that love -- because if a child goes on growing in loving himself, who is going to love Jesus Christ?"
---Untrue and Christian-bashing. I am not in the least religious, but I recognize propaganda when I see it. You can use the same line for anything, just replace Jesus Christ with whatever you want to attack. "it is the Government that destroys that love --because if a child goes on growing in loving himself, who is going to love the Government?" See, it's easy. But much as I dislike religion, or the secular religion of worshipping the state as the giver of all things good, I don't think any of them ruins self-love. If self-love is what we need, that is. Go and chop some wood or help out in the kitchen instead of philosophizing over self-love, it helps your mental health more than navel gazing.

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tisk tisk

Where is the logic in that you can't love other people if you don't love yourself? How does that function? Is it something about how emotionally broken you are if you don't love yourself, so then you can't love someone else either? I counter: most people "love themselves".

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The reason you cannot love someone else utnil you love yourself is because when you come at that person, you are coming at that person to fulfill something that you haven't filed, instead of coming at a position to be able to give love, you are trying to take it.

Let me explain. People need to feel good about themselves. Feel "loved" if you will. Either you are going to like you and feel good about you or you are going to look for other people to reaffirm that love. But there is no situation where you dont' genuinely like the person you are, yet, you are able to selflessly give unconditional love to someone.

This is why the back bone of being a Dj is self worth, self improvement.That way you don't go out trying to get a woman to fill that void.

it is not possible to not like the person you see in the mirror, and carry yourself like you don't like the person you see in the mirror, yet, be able to provide unconditional love to someone.

I counter: most people "love themselves".

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No they don't.

If they did, neg hits wouldn't work as well as they do. nor would most people put up with half the **** they do from others

Do the following topics right now in the main forum

One sentence that can change my life?
Dealing with being DUMPED and REJECTED
How to go from AFC to DJ
Height is really important to women?
Inner Game Issues
Feeling extremely down...

sound like people who love themselves? hell no.

90% of it all, besides the tips, tricks, tactics, all that stuff, is most guys here, just don't think they are good enough to date ass licking hot women. why is that?

You want to know what self love is? Read the fountainhead. Self love is simply put, not depending on anyone else for validation, and being sati sifed with what you have done, what you are doing, and what you are going to do. Knowing that you are honeslty trying your best. The difference between howard rowark and peter keating is self love. Howard rowark while he went through pure hell, he loved himself and didn't look to other people for direction. Peter Keating for all the **** he accomplished, couldn't anything without the approval of his mom or others. And while peter had more stuff than he did, had more women, more money more fame, Howard was always, happier.

Read the power of now.

Its all about the egoic mind versus you/self/center.

Its about being concious of your thoughts and learning their origins.

Its too deep of a subject to illustrate it here.