Colossus
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2005
- Messages
- 3,494
- Reaction score
- 542
Coming up on my 2,000th post, I thought I would make a simplified list of what I have learned since joining SS, both through the forums and my own experiences, which have proved to be the most valuable of all. Credit to FUGLYDUDE for the inspiration.
I came here in January of 2005, at the age of 23. In those days I was a lost soul. I dont remember what exactly led me here, but I do know that I was a complete greenhorn when it came to dealing with women. I got played like a fiddle. In the few years prior to SS I had gotten some decent female attention just based on my looks, but I had zero idea on how to handle it. I ate up a LOT of info in my first year here, and subsequently left for a long while once I was hooked deep into my cataclysmic, dysfunctional oneitis. The road back from that was long and fraught with doubt, but I am a better man for it.
I almost feel lame even making this post, as I'm a soon-to-be 30 year-old man still posting on forum about picking up chicks----but one thing I've realized is that this forum and the 'seduction' communty in general tend to make things WAY more complicated than necessary. If you sift through all the bias, semantics, and bullsh1t you can distill out a few sound principles that will really help you kick as$ with women and in life. And at the end of the day that's what this place is: men helping other men kick as$.
1. Self Improvement
This is really at the heart of it all. NEVER stop improving upon yourself. Complacency brings stagnation, and stagnation brings decay. There is always something you can be better at. Whether it be your physique, your athletic performance, your social skills, your finance management, your hobbies, or your relationships. This is also the best way to improve your value with women, because it takes your focus off of them while simultaneously making you a man of greater value.
2. Deal with your sh!t.
Part of being a goddamn MAN is dealing with your own personal problems. Dont ever be too prideful to seek professional help if need be. You know when you have some issue(s) that just cannot be healed with time or venting with your buddies. You have to be intentional about getting to the root of these problems. Chances are you have an idea what it is anyway. If you do seek help for something, make sure you get a man's man who is going to shoot you straight. You'd be amazed at what a few sessions can clear up; stuff you may have been wrestling with for years.
3. We all need relationships, but they should never be a point of arrival.
Life is meaningless if it is not shared. You can go out and do all the most badas$ stuff in the world, but if you have no one to share it with, it is meaningless. All those memories only exist in you own mind, and will die with you. Basically what I'm getting at is accept that you are a human being and need to share you life with others. What you should NOT do is make that ideal relationship with a woman a point of arrival. In doing so you will become complacent, and inadvertently put the whole thing on a pedestal. Life is always changing. If you are both happier because of it and there is reciprocal love and respect, enjoy it for what it is, but dont treat it as your destination.
4. Dont overthink it.
Women have free will, and their reasons for doing things are often irrelevant to you. It's good to analyze your mistakes, but avoid the trap of spinning your wheels on the why's and what if's. Move on, move on.
5. Learn to temper your emotions.
When you are only casually interested in a girl, it is easy to keep yourself cool. But when that 'blue moon' comes around and you are REALLY into her, things can quickly get out of hand. You have to be able to mentally take a step back and remind yourself you dont really know her. It's ok to feel, just dont let it override your rational control center.
6. Dont issue ultimatums unless you are 110% prepared to leave, because likely you will.
Ultimatums rarely work unless you already have strong established frame. Most of the time they are a sign of powerlessness and desperation.
7. Avoid attention wh0res.
Most of the pain, cynicism, and recurring problems seen on this forum can be distilled down to attention wh0res. The best way to deal with them is to recognize them and avoid them completely! They will always crave attention from other men, tease and disrespect you, manipulate you, seek power over you, and cannot be trusted. They are a drain on a man’s time and emotions, and will usually damage your confidence and faith in women for a long time to come. Credit to JARIEL for saying this better than I.
8. Choose the woman who chooses YOU.
You cannot negotiate genuine desire. Interest level, interest level, interest level. They will demonstrate it. If they like you they will make it EASY for you to seduce them. This is DJ 101. This is the surest way to start a relationship off with the frame in your favor. Which leads me to my last point:
9. Women need to WORK for a man's heart.
Women cannot appreciate what is gained easily. They want to work for a man's heart! There is something about this process that makes their love for you stronger than ever. They do not want a man who just spills his innermost feelings on her like she is his mom. They need to feel and test your strength. And it WILL be tested. This dosent mean you need to be a complete robot, but the process of revealing yourself to her must be slow, and rationed. YOU have to guard your heart. She could be a b1tch, a selfish headcase, or full of some agenda you might not want. In the early stages of dating, NEVER reveal how you feel. Always be vague and leave something up to their imagination. Credit to FALCON for this golden proverb.
Feel free to add any of your own tips you learned since joining. Peace!
I came here in January of 2005, at the age of 23. In those days I was a lost soul. I dont remember what exactly led me here, but I do know that I was a complete greenhorn when it came to dealing with women. I got played like a fiddle. In the few years prior to SS I had gotten some decent female attention just based on my looks, but I had zero idea on how to handle it. I ate up a LOT of info in my first year here, and subsequently left for a long while once I was hooked deep into my cataclysmic, dysfunctional oneitis. The road back from that was long and fraught with doubt, but I am a better man for it.
I almost feel lame even making this post, as I'm a soon-to-be 30 year-old man still posting on forum about picking up chicks----but one thing I've realized is that this forum and the 'seduction' communty in general tend to make things WAY more complicated than necessary. If you sift through all the bias, semantics, and bullsh1t you can distill out a few sound principles that will really help you kick as$ with women and in life. And at the end of the day that's what this place is: men helping other men kick as$.
1. Self Improvement
This is really at the heart of it all. NEVER stop improving upon yourself. Complacency brings stagnation, and stagnation brings decay. There is always something you can be better at. Whether it be your physique, your athletic performance, your social skills, your finance management, your hobbies, or your relationships. This is also the best way to improve your value with women, because it takes your focus off of them while simultaneously making you a man of greater value.
2. Deal with your sh!t.
Part of being a goddamn MAN is dealing with your own personal problems. Dont ever be too prideful to seek professional help if need be. You know when you have some issue(s) that just cannot be healed with time or venting with your buddies. You have to be intentional about getting to the root of these problems. Chances are you have an idea what it is anyway. If you do seek help for something, make sure you get a man's man who is going to shoot you straight. You'd be amazed at what a few sessions can clear up; stuff you may have been wrestling with for years.
3. We all need relationships, but they should never be a point of arrival.
Life is meaningless if it is not shared. You can go out and do all the most badas$ stuff in the world, but if you have no one to share it with, it is meaningless. All those memories only exist in you own mind, and will die with you. Basically what I'm getting at is accept that you are a human being and need to share you life with others. What you should NOT do is make that ideal relationship with a woman a point of arrival. In doing so you will become complacent, and inadvertently put the whole thing on a pedestal. Life is always changing. If you are both happier because of it and there is reciprocal love and respect, enjoy it for what it is, but dont treat it as your destination.
4. Dont overthink it.
Women have free will, and their reasons for doing things are often irrelevant to you. It's good to analyze your mistakes, but avoid the trap of spinning your wheels on the why's and what if's. Move on, move on.
5. Learn to temper your emotions.
When you are only casually interested in a girl, it is easy to keep yourself cool. But when that 'blue moon' comes around and you are REALLY into her, things can quickly get out of hand. You have to be able to mentally take a step back and remind yourself you dont really know her. It's ok to feel, just dont let it override your rational control center.
6. Dont issue ultimatums unless you are 110% prepared to leave, because likely you will.
Ultimatums rarely work unless you already have strong established frame. Most of the time they are a sign of powerlessness and desperation.
7. Avoid attention wh0res.
Most of the pain, cynicism, and recurring problems seen on this forum can be distilled down to attention wh0res. The best way to deal with them is to recognize them and avoid them completely! They will always crave attention from other men, tease and disrespect you, manipulate you, seek power over you, and cannot be trusted. They are a drain on a man’s time and emotions, and will usually damage your confidence and faith in women for a long time to come. Credit to JARIEL for saying this better than I.
8. Choose the woman who chooses YOU.
You cannot negotiate genuine desire. Interest level, interest level, interest level. They will demonstrate it. If they like you they will make it EASY for you to seduce them. This is DJ 101. This is the surest way to start a relationship off with the frame in your favor. Which leads me to my last point:
9. Women need to WORK for a man's heart.
Women cannot appreciate what is gained easily. They want to work for a man's heart! There is something about this process that makes their love for you stronger than ever. They do not want a man who just spills his innermost feelings on her like she is his mom. They need to feel and test your strength. And it WILL be tested. This dosent mean you need to be a complete robot, but the process of revealing yourself to her must be slow, and rationed. YOU have to guard your heart. She could be a b1tch, a selfish headcase, or full of some agenda you might not want. In the early stages of dating, NEVER reveal how you feel. Always be vague and leave something up to their imagination. Credit to FALCON for this golden proverb.
Feel free to add any of your own tips you learned since joining. Peace!
