“Good things come to those who wait” - it’s a well known saying and is something a girl said to me 2 months before we had sex.
One of the most common mistakes I see on these forums and among men in general is their overwhelming sense of urgency. It’s as though they’re on a time limit and have to make certain moves, get her on a date, into bed and into a relationship before the clock counts down. Any setbacks seem to fill them with dread, causing them to do stupid things or say too much in the hope of speeding things up.
In the pick up community, a lot of focus is placed on quantity of lays. PUAs will race through clubs and bars trying to build as many prospects as they can before the night is through. For them, it’s like a game and urgency is key, but for the rest of you, this could be what’s ruining your game or your chance with specific women.
All too often, guys start thinking, “I’ve got to get her before another guy gets her”. That’s not only desperate and a sign of low confidence, but if she does go with another guy, she was just not into you that much and you’ve dodged a bullet. Move on.
Urgency is also guaranteed to kill a broken relationship. Sometimes a couple just need a break to see how much they mean to each other. It doesn’t help her to realise your value when you’re calling her regularly, checking to see if she’s ready to get back.
When a girl flakes on a date, I see guys fly into a state of panic, as though they have to get her back somehow before she disappears forever. Of course, the more urgent and pushy they are, the more they scare these poor girls away. Sometimes they get into this “all or nothing” mentality where they have to get the chick to commit to something otherwise they throw a tantrum, cut ties and ruin any hope of a future date.
Women are indecisive and emotional, and it takes them time to rationalize decisions. They don’t respond well to pressure.
Here’s the thing. Sometimes, you can just happen to meet the right girl at the wrong time. Some girls are just not ready to date. They’ll take your number, flirt and lap up the attention, but the thought of going out (especially with someone they barely know) is a bigger step than they’d like to take. Other times, girls have an ex or a oneitis guy they can’t get out of their head. They might think you’re hot and you’re great company, but they can’t see you when they’re thinking of another guy, and you wouldn’t want that either!
In these cases, you have to learn to step back, move on and have patience. Don’t throw a hissy fit, don’t give them an ultimatum, don’t delete them from Facebook. Just bow out gracefully and be cool. Just a “No problem. Maybe another time” or a “Don’t worry about it” will suffice, before backing off.
Personally, I still have quite a lot of girls who flaked on me in my Facebook friends list. We were meant to go out, they cancelled and I left it there. However, the same thing always happens. A few weeks/months later, many of them start “liking” my pics, commenting on my statuses or writing emails to “catch up”. Some even apologise and explain why they flaked – an ex in the picture, low confidence, lack of time etc. I’ve picked up on many of these second opportunities and had success with them.
Now, I’m not saying you should wait around until that happens. Just don’t go burning your bridges and learn to lose the sense of urgency. You might not get the chick you want by the end of the week, but that’s not to say she’s gone forever.
One of the most common mistakes I see on these forums and among men in general is their overwhelming sense of urgency. It’s as though they’re on a time limit and have to make certain moves, get her on a date, into bed and into a relationship before the clock counts down. Any setbacks seem to fill them with dread, causing them to do stupid things or say too much in the hope of speeding things up.
In the pick up community, a lot of focus is placed on quantity of lays. PUAs will race through clubs and bars trying to build as many prospects as they can before the night is through. For them, it’s like a game and urgency is key, but for the rest of you, this could be what’s ruining your game or your chance with specific women.
All too often, guys start thinking, “I’ve got to get her before another guy gets her”. That’s not only desperate and a sign of low confidence, but if she does go with another guy, she was just not into you that much and you’ve dodged a bullet. Move on.
Urgency is also guaranteed to kill a broken relationship. Sometimes a couple just need a break to see how much they mean to each other. It doesn’t help her to realise your value when you’re calling her regularly, checking to see if she’s ready to get back.
When a girl flakes on a date, I see guys fly into a state of panic, as though they have to get her back somehow before she disappears forever. Of course, the more urgent and pushy they are, the more they scare these poor girls away. Sometimes they get into this “all or nothing” mentality where they have to get the chick to commit to something otherwise they throw a tantrum, cut ties and ruin any hope of a future date.
Women are indecisive and emotional, and it takes them time to rationalize decisions. They don’t respond well to pressure.
Here’s the thing. Sometimes, you can just happen to meet the right girl at the wrong time. Some girls are just not ready to date. They’ll take your number, flirt and lap up the attention, but the thought of going out (especially with someone they barely know) is a bigger step than they’d like to take. Other times, girls have an ex or a oneitis guy they can’t get out of their head. They might think you’re hot and you’re great company, but they can’t see you when they’re thinking of another guy, and you wouldn’t want that either!
In these cases, you have to learn to step back, move on and have patience. Don’t throw a hissy fit, don’t give them an ultimatum, don’t delete them from Facebook. Just bow out gracefully and be cool. Just a “No problem. Maybe another time” or a “Don’t worry about it” will suffice, before backing off.
Personally, I still have quite a lot of girls who flaked on me in my Facebook friends list. We were meant to go out, they cancelled and I left it there. However, the same thing always happens. A few weeks/months later, many of them start “liking” my pics, commenting on my statuses or writing emails to “catch up”. Some even apologise and explain why they flaked – an ex in the picture, low confidence, lack of time etc. I’ve picked up on many of these second opportunities and had success with them.
Now, I’m not saying you should wait around until that happens. Just don’t go burning your bridges and learn to lose the sense of urgency. You might not get the chick you want by the end of the week, but that’s not to say she’s gone forever.