Background: One of my good buddies has been dating a soul crushing girlfriend for nearly a year. We were in college together and he has a good career and is doing pretty well for himself. before I left for my venture, he was always going out and enjoying himself be it at bars, clubs or parties. Fast forward to now , he is dating a hb 5 who seems to just be miserable. Unfortunately, I am not sure his self confidence is terribly high- he's not overweight or losing his hair, but is no the short side. He has a solid reputation of being a genuinely good person though.

What we have tried to do: He complains a lot about his gf. She is verbally abusive to him, but swings back and forth between emotions when they are together. Myself and others have suggested that he explore the single life a bit more, but to no avail. One of my friends outright told him to break up with her.

What we are planning to do: Our social group has rid itself of all the cancerous drama queens, aka orbiting women, from the past year. Now it is just the fun folks. My suggestion was to do what we do best ; play the field and enjoy our time out. My hopes are that by watching us enjoy our time out, and enjoy getting other girls, he will realize that he should ditch his current gf and join the party. Basically we are leveraging everyone's desire to "keep up with the jones", and hope that by us playing the field, he will as well.

I believe this will work, but am not 100%. What I am asking from this community is supplemental ways to get my friend out of his relation**** and back to where he was 1 year ago - a happy person. yes, I realize how hard it can be to save someone in a doomed relationship, but I feel its my American duty to look out for old friends. I hate seeing bad things happen to good people and am not turning to the community at SS to help me out!

Thanks in advance!

Hate to break it to you, but the change within him needs to start exactly there... within him.

You can take him out and show him what a good time you guys are having and it MIGHT work, but if he is really within the grasps of that harpy, then he'll just play you off as fools.

I mean, there's no harm in TRYING, but if he doesn't want to dig himself out of the hole, all you are doing is throwing a rope down to him. If he can't grab that rope and climb up, it's because he definitely wants to stay within that nice, comfortable hole.

You already said that some of you have tried confronting him... and where's that gotten you? Nowhere.

You're probably better slipping off the address to this website without telling him what it is.

Again, I'm not trying to disconcert your efforts here, but you can't go in expecting that he'll magically want to change his views on his relationship based on a night out. What if none of you pull numbers? What if all the stars align in a certain way that this actually backfires and explodes in your faces?

What if he decides to bring the girl over or she comes on her own?

The thing you must ultimately realize is that if he sticks to a girlfriend that is verbally abusive to him and doesn't leave her, it's because he WANTS to stay miserable. In a warped and twisted way, it's how he is happy... at least in his mind. If you guys have emotionally jarred him and confronted him with dumping his g/f or trying to open his eyes and it hasn't worked... I doubt anything else will shake him up from doing so.

What you CAN do is make sure you are there for him when the inevitable crash comes.

Like Kailex said, does he want the help?

What you CAN do is make sure you are there for him when the inevitable crash comes.

word son, good call. I was just hoping that someone would have some silver bullet that worked for them in the past. Yes, its impossible to change someone especially at my age. As was the case with another one of my friends gf, it took her cheating on him too leave her. None of us liked her, but the situation took care of itself when she hooked up with a co worker. Most of the time, people give themselves enough rope to hang themselves with, but you just got to give it time.

The good news is that me and the boys will be pulling pretty well , which means hanging out with new and hotter chicks. One of my friends took the friend in question on a double date with a pair of smokeshows both of whom were sisters. His gf did NOT like that at all. Maybe instead of changing his mind, we can change her mind and get my boy a new chick - two birds one stone!!

edit: he took the pro active approach and wants to come out with the boys on a bender tonight. I take this as a good sign that change is within the realm of possibility.

Just to add to what Kailex said so skillfully -

If I were you I would NOT badmouth his G/f in any way. He is clinging to a toxic relationship with her because he WANTS to be with her more than he wants to be single. There is nothing that you can TELL him that he does not already know about her.
Just let things take their course here. IF she is overbearing and abusive then that is HIS experience to deal with (as much as you want to yank him out of it)
He is getting some rewards and benefits from being with her (it may be hard for you to see), but it is his LTR to either continue or to finish.
He will probably finish it when her poor behavior escalates to the point of his exhausted intolerance, but many guys just stay inspite of the shrew's sins because, as Ed Thoreau once wrote, "Most men live lives of quiet desperation..."

Just maintain your friendship with him as usual.
You sound like a good guy and a loyal friend -

"No fallen comrade left behind.." eh ?

ha ha ,well some of my friends are in doomed relationships and I just let them be. Really, who's business is it to try and interfere with that shiat most of the time. Heck, it hardly warrants making a post, but sometimes once and a while you gotta stick up for your boys.

Will try with the 'show not tell' approach and hope it works. I don't badmouth people or gossip since thats what women do - women create problems, men create solutions. So to that, i agree with the above poster.

So tonight shall consist of pulling from the college scene. Its a place where I and others have had good amounts of success in the past. When the ladies flock, minds will be changed! wish us luck!