So I went out a couple of times with a female exchange student from my uni. She seemed to enjoy my company, and we always had great conversations. Each time we went out, she would talk about how she wished "nice" guys would make a move on her. She also commented once that I should make a move on female friends On the other hand, she would often complain about guys hitting on her and wanting jsut casual sex. I tried kino a few times, and she seemed mildly receptive. Last night, after taking her to a movie premiere, I went for the kiss close and she froze up. Today, she just texted me to say she had to cancel our meeting on Thursday because she had an assignment due on Friday that she was worried about. She did mention it at the beginning of the evening, before we made plans to meet on Thursday, but it still seem a little premature to cancel plans three days ahead.

I chatted to a female friend about this, and this was her response:


Female Friend: "narcissistic"
this word should be ringing bells

Me: As in wanting the attention., but no actual interest?

Female Friend: bingo. she likes the attention, therefore subliminally telling you to give it to her. getting her fix, then ****ing off.

Me: So best to abandon and ignore?

Female Friend: yep.

So two questions:

1. Should I continue to pursue this, or should I abandon it as a lost cause? I am leaning towards my friend's opinion on this one, but thought I should see if others agree.

2. Does anyone have any tips for what I can learn from this experience, or point out any mistakes I made?

For one, you should always take a females advice with a grain of salt. They are usually horribly wrong, and only tell you what you want to hear.

In this scenario though, she seems right. You had gotten put into the friendzone a long time ago. The minute she starts talking about other men you are doing something wrong.

You became an orbiter, her emotional tampon. Someone to talk to about the other boys she actually does have interest in.

Solution: Cut contact and start spinning new plates. Learn to identify the friendzone and interest levels early on. It will save you from embarrassment.

female friends are full of crap

Firefly said:

1. Should I continue to pursue this, or should I abandon it as a lost cause? I am leaning towards my friend's opinion on this one, but thought I should see if others agree.

2. Does anyone have any tips for what I can learn from this experience, or point out any mistakes I made?

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Well, the problem I'm having is this: What ever made you think it was a worthy cause to begin with?

She talks to you about other guys she wishes she could date, she recommends you pursuing other female friends, and now she rejected a kiss, and canceled a meet-up.

Everything about this situation seemed like it was a girl FRIEND.

What can you learn from this? If you were interested in her romantically, you should have made a sexual move on the first date. Not necessarily sexing her in a bathroom, but at least going for a kiss. If she rejects you early, at least you don't waste a bunch of other nights hanging out with an uninterested girl. You don't wanna hang out with a girl 7 or 8 times, sit around talking about what kind of people she's interested in dating, and THEN decide to make the move.

Girls are normally awful with dating advice, but your chick friend is blunt and direct: The girl's not interested. I don't know that she's narcissistic, because for all I know she just thought you were a friend. Your story didn't really lead me to believe that she could tell you were romantically interested.