I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and I've had major realizations that have really helped me to get rid of whatever anxiety or low self esteem I might have had left on me.

I started looking around at people who I used to perceive beeing "superior" "better" more "sophisticated" "rich" "better looking than me"...

some people are taller, some people are more muscular, some people have more authority, some people are more successful, and popular

that is a fact of life, and I always used to compare myself to these people and thought that attractive women would always prefer to date one of those guys over me... this belief always gave me anxiety, and a bit of lower self esteem... I just assumed that other people had better luck in life and it kinda made me feel down on myself.

however, I also begin to work on myself and improve my confidence and self esteem, and in the process I kept hearing in the news how famous people kept dying and passing away left and right, family members, and important people in life, who in the present moment no longer live.

the concept of death have come up to my mind in the last days, and how nobody ever talks about death, or the inevitability of it. In todays society people do what they can to look younger, fit, and never get old. Somehow death is taboo topic, and people believe THEY HAVE A GRANTED TICKET FOR ETERNAL LIFE, for most of as death does not cross our mental radar, or we take life for granted or believe that dying would never happen to us... like I heard my mom talking today that she believes in her heart she will live to be 100 years old.

so after meditating on this issue, I've come to realize that my father now looks way older than he used to be 5 years ago, I've already been in this country for 10 years.. and these years have gone by really quick.

I have come to my own realization that life is very short, reality is subjective and based on our perception of life, the only certain reality in this life is the FACT that we are going to die.

WE ARE GOING TO DIE NO MATTER WHAT WE DO.
100 years from now, every single person that you know, that lives in this planet, including you and me will have died, we will be gone. and there is not much we can do about it.

what is funny is that people really think that 100 years go by slowly and that it will never happen to them... this is being overly optimistic, the truth is that we could die today, next week, within a year or two,,, 20 or 50, or 100. it doesnt matter. time is relative.

this realization has truly helped me understand myself, what my goals are, and what I really wanna do with my life... today I dont compare myself with NOBODY anymore, at worst, I am equal with everybody else.

why?

because today I understand that all these guys who have power, who I used to perceive as being better than me will ultimately die too, they will dissapear sooner or later..... ultimately we are all equals, and we all have the same amount of biological time given for us to make the best of this life.

this realization has taken away my anxiety about life, I dont fear death anymore... its going to happen anyway,,, maybe today or in 50 years.... what would you possibly have to fear if you knew you could handle death?

nothing.

imagine you were sentenced to death within the next 24 hours, tomorrow you are going to be shot at for sure.... then how would you perceive your life right now? how would you think about that little girlfriend of yours with her little problems and drama??
would it matter at this point?? would anything matter but your own tranquilty and comming to terms with your own lifes purpose?

it is only after we die that we begin to live...
im not talking about reincarnation, Im speaking of having a deep inner understanding that death is inevitable, that life is short, reallly short, we have been given a gift, a time limited existence, and having fear of women, people, success or any situation in life is really irrelevant... if you learn to come to terms with your own life and death.

time is subjective, real time does not exist but in this physical life to make order of life situations.... whether you continue to live one more day or 100 years is irrelevant.. it will eventually come for you..

some food for thought guys... if you guys really understand this concept, then maybe you will decrease anxiety and fear of meeting the girl of your dreams... it is your responsibility to do it, its your choice.

its not about of luck, we are all given the exact amount of biological time, some of us live a bit longer, but ultimately we all pass away...

share your thoughts and reactions

as you guys think about what I wrote above, then you begin to realize that life is time limited, and the time that you have right NOW at this moment is all you really have

the past is the past and is gone... (wasting mental energy on the past other than to learn from mistakes is really a waste of time)

the future is uncertain and unpredictable... (tomorrow we can no longer be alive)

the only thing we have left which is closer to the truth is the present moment,,,,, feel your body resting against that chair, see your computer, the room, feel the air, smell how the environment feels like, hear that background noise, look at the details around the room you are in... become very present... very grounded... this is living in the NOW living in the HERE AND NOW...

its a powerful state to live in,,, when you are AWARE of your present moment to moment existence, then you area learning to LIVE..

think about that...

another concept is ISOLATION
if we ultimately are going to die... this means that we will take that last breath by ourselves, NOBODY is going to share that experience with us, nobody is ever going to live what we have lived when we were born, when we had our experiences in life, and ultimately nobody will ever understand how it feels like to be inside our own bodies living life through our own eyes.

nobody will take that last breath with you.. not even that little cute girl that you like.. she will never be there.

you say you wanna meet the perfect girl and marry her for life... well that is great, eventually some years from now, she will pass away, and so will you, however she will not go through that experience with you, it will be the most personal isolating event in your life... a moment of separation

my point here is that we are ultimately ALONE... we were born alone, and we will pass away by ourselves.... this means that we must learn to live our lives for ourselves NOT FOR EVERYONE ELSE

also, we MUST learn to find happiness inside our lives inside our inner self, our inner psyche, not the outside world, not with that girl with that special relationship, they will never give you hapiness,

why? because we are ultimately alone. and you live life for yourself, you reach happiness by doing things that make you happy not by having someone else.

if you get into a relationship without understanding this, you will get into that relatinoship hoping that that woman will fill your void, your loneliness your natural isolation... which you havent come to terms with in a mature way.

you are hoping for that person to fill the void and give you meaning in life, and she can never do that, for she has her own life, her own experience which you will never share... she lives it for her, and eventually she will go on her own way.. whether it is breaking up with you, or dying.

at that moment, when that special one lives you, you realize you are alone, this freaks some people out if they havent come to terms with death and their own existence. they feel the void, the loneliness and become desperated trying to find someone else to fill that void that somehow gives them short term meaning. but it wont last, eventually that relationship too will come to an end.. wheter in separation, divorce, disease, or eventually death.

PEOPLE understand that we are here to find our purpose in life and become happy from the inside, women cannot give us that. they dont have the capacity, and nobody else who is not you, has permission nor the capacity to help you feel better about yourself, it starts inside.


FINALLY
if we ultimately die, and if we are ultimately alone in this careless world... then what is the meaning of life????
life has no meaning... but the meaning that you give it. life is MEANINGLESS, there is not objective reality, the reality that you live is not the same as mine nor anyone elses.

you give your life the meaning that you choose to. this is our TRUE FREEDOM, we are truly free to chose our actions, our behaviors, our thoughts, our friends, our relatinoships.. its our responsibility to live the life that we want and follow our true desires.

we are responsible and we have the choice to believe that we can be successful with women, and that from now on you can chose to have the believe that you are the prize and women want you... you have that freedom, that power...

it doesn't matter anyway.... in the big scheme of things, nobody cares how you perceive live,,, people have their own issues... only you can give yoruself permission to have the beliefs, the attitudes and the success you want.

its your responsibility
life has no meaning, but the meaning that you chose to give it.
you become who you think you are.
you create your own universe.. you are the main character of your story, grab a pen and paper and start writing life the way you want it to be, and have the courage to run with it... LIFE IS SHORT.

you will die anyway.

enjoy

Wow. Amazing... Reading this high was practically biblical. Especially with Boards of Canada playing in the background. They are a sick psychedelic band. It holds so much truth it can barely be absorbed in one sitting. I will have to re-read this and I'll comment something more coherent after.