So I need some advice guys, frankly, I'm a bit confused at the moment.

**I know it's long, but I think most of the details are important. The short version is, I've recently reconnected with a girl. She seems interested in me (makes conversation, agrees to dates, kino, gave me head without even asking, etc) but has twice said we shouldn't proceed because we're both 'too busy for it to work'.**

There's this girl, lets call her Sam. I went to high school with her, but she was a year younger, so I only ever had one class with her. We are facebook friends from years ago but honestly I had forgotten who she was. About 2 weeks ago I was bored, saw her online, and randomly messaged her. She responded, seemed pretty cool, got her phone number and msn. Chatted a bit more, than invited her out to a date for Good Friday since we had the day off and neither had plans. I didn't literally say 'date' but I thought it was pretty obvious. She agreed, apparently enthusiastically.

A few days later, we're talking again, and she asks "So we're just going to be hanging out right, it's not a date?" I figure this is a test or maybe I wasn't clear, so I just tell her that yes it's going to be a date, problem? This is where it got a bit weird. She says something about not being sure if it's a good idea to start anything because we're both very busy and wouldn't have the time for a relationship. I deflect this by basically saying let's not get ahead of ourselves, I asked you on one date, not to be my gf. I might not even like you, why not worry about logistics until necessary? She agrees, apologizes for apparently having a habit of 'overthinking'.

Thursday night, she goes out with some friends for a party and apparently gets way too drunk. I stay at home because I had some work to finish, but I see her on msn after her party, she starts talking to me, very affectionate but obviously indeed super drunk (she webcammed and couldn't even sit straight). I ask if she's going to be feeling good enough for our date tomorrow and as drunk people are prone to do she assures me she'll be fine. I go to sleep, wake up around 11 am. Big surprise, she flaked. However, I am not too surprised as after yesterday she probably felt like absolute ****, and she genuinely seemed to feel bad about having to cancel. She sent me a text at 7 am saying now that she's sobered up she feels terrible, then another one at 11 am when I didn't respond, and wrote on my Facebook wall. Whatever, I had backup plans with some friends anyway, just do those instead.

She was going camping for the weekend so we don't talk again until Sunday evening. I'm not doing too much because it's Sunday evening, but it's a gorgeous day outside, so I ask if she wants to come for a walk. She agrees, again enthusiastically. Keep in mind this is actually the first time we've hung out in person in years since HS. We walk and talk, not my A game but pretty good conversation. She seems interested, but unfortunately I don't have a good opportunity to go for a kiss.

Next few days we chat a few times, usually she initiates, good fun conversations.

Tuesday night after I get back from the gym, she asks if I want to get a slushie from this place near our houses (we live about 3 minutes apart, pretty handy). It's late and I'm bored, so I go since it's supposed to be quick. Slushies turn into a walk, which turn into coming over to my house to chill for a bit and watch half a movie. This leads to tons of kino (she's receptive and initiating quite a bit of it), half a movie ends up being a movie and a half. Now, I try to move my hand down her pants and she says that's a bad idea (period), however, without me asking, she proceeds to go down mine, and give me head. Again, this was entirely her initiative. After we're done I drop her off at home, kiss good night, before I even get home I get a text saying "muah", apparently high interest right?

That night was spur of the moment though, we had actual plans previously to hang out the next day, but I tell her I dont have much time (exams) so lets just do a quick date instead of a long hangout and suggest minigolf. She rejects minigolf and says she can wait and is tired anyway (understandable, she was at my house till 4 am, had class at 8:30). She messages me late at night again to get slushies, but I'm too busy and refuse.

For the next few days we're too busy to hang out or talk much, but briefly discuss hanging out Saturday night. Yesterday we talk briefly, she was going out again, invited me to come with her friends but I couldn't.

Then today, I get this text "You're busy and I'm swamped. I'm thinking whatever this is, we can't make it good, and I'm starting to stress over exams. How was your exam?"

And I really don't understand. If she's not interested, then why was she so receptive, why did she invite me to hang out multiple times, show affection, compliment "You have a really hot body/smell amazing, etc", respond physically, and give me head of her own initiative?

If she is interested, then what the hell is this? Yes we're rather busy at the moment, but exams are temporary, and even know we're managing to see each other once or twice a week.

What is her problem, and what am I doing wrong? Should I just wait until we are done exams and hit her up then? Back off and let her chase? Deflect it like I did the first time she said it?

As for what I want from her, I would be fine with either GF or just FWB. Please help.

I should mention I'm no pimp, but I'm not new either. I can usually judge interest fairly well, and know that actions speak louder than words. Usually even if a girl says she's interested, if she acts badly, you can see through it.

But with her it's pretty much the opposite, words are saying no (sometimes) while her actions are saying yes (most of the time).

Not to sound arrogant but I almost wonder if she doesn't feel good enough and is thus backing off because she's worried about being played?

SmoothTalker said:

But with her it's pretty much the opposite, words are saying no (sometimes) while her actions are saying yes (most of the time).

Not to sound arrogant but I almost wonder if she doesn't feel good enough and is thus backing off because she's worried about being played?

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She's guarding herself.

Don't worry about what she is saying. Actually, DON'T WORRY. It's when you start worrying that the overthinking begins and then well... it leads to more overthinking.

I read your whole post and all it seems like is that SHE is afraid that you might turn around and say that you are too busy for her. She's not too busy for you... obviously because she's made the time to see you.

She just needs some sort of reassurance.

"You're busy and I'm swamped. I'm thinking whatever this is, we can't make it good, and I'm starting to stress over exams. How was your exam?"

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When I read this... it sounded more like a question than a statement.
And then she backhands it with a question asking how your exam was... which obviously means that she is still interested in talking to you.

Know what you should do? Ignore that statement she made about "busy" and "swamped".


When are your exams done?

BTW, I can't see anything you are doing wrong. You aren't too available, you've isolated and escalated and are moving along. She just seems insecure about the situation which is a GOOD thing, at least for you it is.

And the reason I ask when your exams are done because maybe you can fade out a little and see what happens.

But whatever you do, don't listen to her.

Just ask her out again soon, I'm pretty sure she will say yes.
I think normally anyone else might say "Let her chase" but the problem is that if you completely disappear off the grid, you are only going to reinforce her idea that you are WAY too busy for her and it might backfire on you. Just stick on the DL for a few days... after all your exams are more important than her.

- 11am is pretty early for a date ... especially as 1/2 the population are "evening people" so for them 11 am would be too early most likely,
- try and refrain forom talking on msn.....
- making dates for sat /friday nights is often an own-goal, as people are normally aready planned to do stuff with freinds so there is much less chance they say yes - its just maing it harder for yourself (and it makes you look like you dont have a socail life...) now a girl wiht high Interst level would give you a counter offer for another time, but its better to avoid this from having to happen.
- from what i read your moving quite/very fast with her, like you seem to talk to her every day, making(at least trying to make) dates for every couple of days, etc... SLOW IT DOWN... give her time to miss you, make her think you have a busy social life and other 'options' (challenge and mystery)
- a girl with high interst level will make time for you (and shes NOT really doing this), but also people do also (depeinding on personality get screwed up/very worried by exams/coursework)...so why not say along the lines of " good luck wiht exans, let me know when they finish" (so this tests her IL where if its high enougth for you (and shes the type to get worried about exams/ making time for studying), she will let you know when shes finished).
...OR set a date for after her exams.

Kailex said:

Know what you should do? Ignore that statement she made about "busy" and "swamped".

When are your exams done?

Just ask her out again soon, I'm pretty sure she will say yes.
.

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i agree