This is one of the things that brought me to this forum:

I'm in a LTR, so I'm "taken". I've also heard it said that women are four times more likely to go after a man who is taken (they said this on the first episode of the Marriage Ref - never watched it again). What was frustrating me was that I had some friends who were married or engaged, but it seemed like they had more girls actively flirting with them than I did. This was a phase I was going through at the time, but looking back at it here's why I think this was happening:

These guys were heavy flirters themselves, and they all wanted something. Some of them were flirting with the actual intent to have affairs, so obviously girls picked up on that. And most of them did end up having affairs. I've noticed people like this (men AND women) will tend to always try to keep something going on the side. Keeps life exciting for them, I guess.

The other guys would not actually cheat on their wives, but they were kind of like male attention wh0res: They wanted their ego stroked by the attention they received from these women. They actually needed it on some level, so they play these games with girls where they would flirt and compliment each other back and forth, even though they both probably knew nothing was going to happen.

I, on the other hand, have no intention of cheating on my LTR. People who know us know we have a stable relationship and that we have lived together for a long time. I also have never felt much like flirting with a girl when there was no actual intent to follow through with it. I will a bit just for fun now and then, but generally I think it's pointless.

So looking back, I see this is what was going on. Even though girls like preselection, I think they're less likely to go after a guy when they know there's little chance of him cheating or branch swinging. The guy who is into cheating, however, brings a lot of intent to his flirting, and the girl can pick up on that.

zekko....keep in mind I'm one of the older guys on SS. I look good for my age. Still in shape, slim, killer home and great job. I'm also married to a very attractive gal. One thing I have noticed is how brazen some women are in pursuit of males. I was out the other night with my wife when 2 nice looking women asked me to sit with them and have drinks. They did it right in front of my wife! These women were probably 20 yrs younger than I. I didnt make a move of course, and my wife gave them "the stink eye". This has happened before. My wife get's hit on right in front of me every now and then as well. It's weird. Some women just don't care! It does seem sometimes that you become more attractive to women if you are in an LTR or married. Guess they have a predisposition to desiring a man who is already taken. Maybe it's the fact that it's taboo, and it excites them. Who knows.

It does seem sometimes that you become more attractive to women if you are in an LTR or married

Click to expand...

Oh, I agree with that. It's just that at the time, I was thinking "I'm just as spoken for as these guys, why are they getting more female attention than I am?". At the time I thought they must be more attractive than I was. But even then, I think I knew the real truth.

The truth was obviously the guy who was willing to fvck these girls (the cheater) are going to get them more excited than I was, who wasn't willing to cheat on his LTR.

And I also was not willing to prostate myself to the same extent as the "male attention wh0res". One friend of mine, for example, would be very brazenly sexual or romantic with a girl (when he was away from his wife):
"If you weren't married, I would bring you roses everyday until you agreed to run off with me". And she would say:
"But you're married too". And he'd say:
"Well, yeah, but I would leave her in a heartbeat if I could have you".

And that's the way he would talk to these girls, so it would get them into a sort of playful roleplay with him. Where he would go out of his way to make them feel beautiful and special to him. So they would flirt back heavily with him, and he would do this with a LOT of girls. But it would all be very playful, and I don't think anyone took him completely seriously. Because he WASN'T serious. He admitted to me that he was very insecure and he did it because he needed to have the attention.

I could use more of this playfulness, but I don't have the willingness to cheat or the insecurity to drive me to that extreme.

zekko.....I admire your convictions. I won't cheat either. May sound old fashioned, but I made that promise to my wife when we married. I have known many men who have done exactly what your friend does. You are right. They are just male AW's. They are missing something in their lives or relationships that makes them do it. Maybe it's the thrill, the chase or just the game itself. On another note, you read alot on here about how a mans "worth" increases as he becomes older (career, status, salary and the like). Whereas women on the other hand, don't keep their looks, have kids and have all sorts of other baggage. It's just the opposite with females. I guess I think that's true for the most part. That's why the older guys like me can still get with gals in their 20's and 30's (although I don't). In the example I gave you above, I never did anything to attract the attention of those two women. I didnt check to see if either was wearing a ring by the way. AW's without question. We even had a couple approach us not long ago for the purpose of swinging. WTF? We are normal looking people, not dressed slvtty or anything like that. That's where the convictions kick in. I would never share my wife with another person under any circumstances. Your friend may get "lucky" eventually if he keeps after women like he does. Then when he finally has his affair, his marriage will be over and he won't even know it. As someone on here once said......Dark waters. Very dark waters indeed.

I have known many men who have done exactly what your friend does. You are right. They are just male AW's. They are missing something in their lives or relationships that makes them do it.

Click to expand...

Hey, it's always good to see someone on here that's older than I am

Anyway, this friend of mine, I know him pretty well. He got married at a pretty young age, so maybe that has something to do with it. He missed out on a lot of years of running around, although he says he got a lot of action before he met his wife. But still, he probably never got to sow all those oats. I truly do not think he would ever cheat on his wife, no matter how he talks to the other girls. Unless you count that as a sort of emotional cheating, which I suppose you could say.

I agree with you about how women lose their value as they get older, especially in comparison to men. I don't think I would do too well as a female. It seems like they have so few options.

zekko said:

Hey, it's always good to see someone on here that's older than I am

Anyway, this friend of mine, I know him pretty well. He got married at a pretty young age, so maybe that has something to do with it. He missed out on a lot of years of running around, although he says he got a lot of action before he met his wife. But still, he probably never got to sow all those oats. I truly do not think he would ever cheat on his wife, no matter how he talks to the other girls. Unless you count that as a sort of emotional cheating, which I suppose you could say.

I agree with you about how women lose their value as they get older, especially in comparison to men. I don't think I would do too well as a female. It seems like they have so few options.

Click to expand...

I know, I'm older than you. But hey, I'm not done having fun yet! That friend of yours that you think won't cheat? Bet if he keeps up with all the flirting, he'll run into some woman eventually that's going to roll with it. She may turn out to be someone he can't simply resist, and he'll be done like dinner. I'll just betcha.

zekko.....I admire your convictions. I won't cheat either.

Click to expand...

Well, I'm no hero. My girl continues to prove herself worthy of me, and as long as she does that she has more value to me than a random fling.

That friend of yours that you think won't cheat? Bet if he keeps up with all the flirting, he'll run into some woman eventually that's going to roll with it. She may turn out to be someone he can't simply resist, and he'll be done like dinner. I'll just betcha.

Click to expand...

Anything's possible. My friend has convictions also though, he is a big family man. He just likes to flirt, a little more intensely than most people. I really don't think he would do anything. But I also believe that most people probably would cheat, given the right set of circumstances, with the right person, at the right time. So you never know.

Looks like this thread is going to die, so let me throw in one more story before it does.

Many years ago I knew of this guy, he always had the most beautiful girls stopping by his house. Not saying he was banging them all, but they were stopping by. I was thinking "Why does this guy have more beautiful women in his life than I do?". Turned out he was selling them weed. Reminds me of that guy here who said all you need to get women is some cocaine.

The point is, all sorts of factors can affect your interactions with women. Because this guy made a decision to sell drugs and I didn't, he had all these extra girls coming over. It's not all just "be confident and they'll beat down your door".

zekko said:

The point is, all sorts of factors can affect your interactions with women. Because this guy made a decision to sell drugs and I didn't, he had all these extra girls coming over. It's not all just "be confident and they'll beat down your door".

Click to expand...

A "confident man" is indeed more likely to generate attraction in women over a nerdy introvert, and being "confident" is universally accepted as a girl attractant BUT, it is an attractant, not a guarantee that she will spead 'em.
A confident manner, strong body language and the like will only open the door. The rest is up to you to dominate and lead her in ways that REMAIN attractive and further enhance her initial spike in interest.

I agree that married and "unavailable "guys are frequently hit on by circulating single women BUT, that does not mean that those women want, ot intend the flirting to proceed to a sexual encounter.
A woman will often perceive a "taken " guy as a "safe" target. She can play her beloved flirty game and know that his wife will intervene, or the contraints of his marriage will apply the brakes at some point, in some way.
Many times a woman will flirt purely for EGO satisfaction, whereas generally, a man will flirt as the first step in a genuine seduction intention.

Just because a woman gives you "the eye" does not mean that she want to sleep with you.
Indeed, whenever I have been in an LTR , I have noticed other women keeping their distance and not being eager to go past mild or harmless flirting.

I know when I've got a girl I'm steady dating/banging, it's much easier for me to land new women.

When you have p*ssy on-tap, you're NOT desperate for it. Women love that. Even if they don't plan to close the deal and want to respect your relationship, it still thrills them to get any kind of "play" from a man who isn't desperate.

If you were a douchebag, you could get married and women STILL wouldn't dig you.

Geez, this thread is like the SoSuave Nursing Home.

jophil28 said:

Indeed, whenever I have been in an LTR , I have noticed other women keeping their distance and not being eager to go past mild or harmless flirting.

Click to expand...

But what would happen if you give the hint that your relationship is rocky and may break down soon?

Isn't that The Bait that every attached guy gives to their on-the-side girls?

Jitterbug said:

But what would happen if you give the hint that your relationship is rocky and may break down soon?

Isn't that The Bait that every attached guy gives to their on-the-side girls?

Click to expand...

Indeed it is, but my experience is that a LOT of single women will still keep their distance.
However it may be that my style is habitually serial. One hottie at a time.

Many times a woman will flirt purely for EGO satisfaction, whereas generally, a man will flirt as the first step in a genuine seduction intention.

Click to expand...

Totally agree. If a woman can peel your attention away from a "significant other", I think that gets them off like nothing else. It's the ultimate ego stroke.

And I also agree guys tend to flirt more when they mean it (obviously my male AW friend in the orginal post is an exception), whereas with women it's more of a pasttime.

But what would happen if you give the hint that your relationship is rocky and may break down soon?

Isn't that The Bait that every attached guy gives to their on-the-side girls?

Click to expand...

Oh, yes. It's classic. Women also use this one on guys a lot too.