ok, as most of you know by now i've been a slump with girls this year, and most of last year. i don't mean a little slump, i mean i'm striking out everytime i'm up to bat! i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing wrong or not doing and haven't figured the problem out yet. what's happening you ask? girls keep picking other guys over me. for instance, i will meet a girl, talk to her for awhile and think she's interested. she laughs at all my jokes, gives 90% of the signs of being interested but i can't get them to commit to more then "just a guy i hangout with and talk to sometimes". it's like a new version of the friendzone, except i never get the LJBF line, i never see it coming! what happens is i'll be talking to them and out of nowhere comes the "i'm seeing someone now". i didn't even know i had any competition to beat out! i'll ask them to go out and do stuff, but either they don't take me seriously or they won't give me a response. i'd at least like to get a no instead of waisting my time talking to these girls over the span of a few days or a few weeks, and them knowing i'm never going to get anywhere with them. to make matters worse, i get beaten out by LOSERS! now you might think "yeah well what makes you so damn great?" i'll tell you. i have a job, a good job. i like to think i'm decent looking at least(look at my profile pic). these guys are butt @ss ugly! i got dumped for one guy who's white but tries to act like he's gangsta, is boney as sh!t, has one freaking arm and the girl is a single mom. you mean she wants to bring her kid around a Slim Shady wannabe over me?! another girl chose a guy who's a f'ing cook at Waffle House....yeah, WAFFLE HOUSE and he's a geek and is balding. i wouldn't feel so bad if the guys i was losing out to were on my level or better then me, but this is a joke. i just have to figure out why i'm not the one they pick. i also never see girls checking me out. i can't even get a decent looking fat girl to look my way! well i take that back, i had this one really hot girl checking me out the other day but i was on a date and couldnt do much about that. i honestly think God is playing a cruel trick on me. the stuff that's happening to me has never happened to me in the past! i never "lost out to another guy" and if i did i could see why, i could justify it. when i'd ask a girl out she'd say either yes or no, it wouldn't be this waste your time for a week or 2 and then she comes up with the i'm seeing someone now line. i have girls that are interested in me, but there's just no interest there on my part. everytime i meet a girl and think "ok this is the one who's going to get me out of this slump" the same sh!t happens and i'm back to square one. i'm not gonna lie, i haven't had sex this year. that's how bad it is. hell, come to think of it i can't remember the last time i had sex! my v-card is in the mail.

Robert28 said:

ok, as most of you know by now i've been a slump with girls this year, and most of last year. i don't mean a little slump, i mean i'm striking out everytime i'm up to bat! i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing wrong or not doing and haven't figured the problem out yet.

Something's wrong with your approach, your swag, your attractiveness, your confidence, not enough attraction, the possibilities are endless. I wish I had more detailed stories.

what's happening you ask? girls keep picking other guys over me.

You might want to better yourself so that you look like (or do) have something cool to offer.

for instance, i will meet a girl, talk to her for awhile and think she's interested. she laughs at all my jokes, gives 90% of the signs of being interested but i can't get them to commit to more then "just a guy i hangout with and talk to sometimes".

Stop talking to these women as friends. Talk to them on a more sexual, physical level. Don't wait to escalate. Make the ho say no. You can't trust IOI's all the time.

it's like a new version of the friendzone, except i never get the LJBF line, i never see it coming!

Port Friendzone, Louisiana; Friends Beach, South Carolina; Friendston, Georgia. However you slice it, there is only one friendzone. That's a tangent, but regardless, you need to get physical and stop being scared.

what happens is i'll be talking to them and out of nowhere comes the "i'm seeing someone now". i didn't even know i had any competition to beat out!

You will always have competition to beat out. No matter how pretty or ugly the girl is, there's competition.

i'll ask them to go out and do stuff,

How do you do that? Do you ask or tell? The latter is better. A DJ etches plans in stone, not jello. Be a man.

but either they don't take me seriously or they won't give me a response.

There are girls who just aren't that into you. Unsurprisingly, a girl wouldn't forget a date with Brad Pitt!

i'd at least like to get a no instead of waisting my time talking to these girls over the span of a few days or a few weeks, and them knowing i'm never going to get anywhere with them.

Strike while the iron's hot. Make the ho say no. Show early on you have something cool to offer and that you're not afraid of your goddamn sexuality as a human being.

to make matters worse, i get beaten out by LOSERS!

AFAIC, they think you're a loser too. Stop worrying about them and worry about your own character.

now you might think "yeah well what makes you so damn great?" i'll tell you. i have a job, a good job. i like to think i'm decent looking at least(look at my profile pic). these guys are butt @ss ugly!

AFAIC They think you're butt @ss ugly too. If you can make yourself beyond decent looking, take that step! Advance yourself in every way you can.

i got dumped for one guy who's white but tries to act like he's gangsta, is boney as sh!t, has one freaking arm and the girl is a single mom. you mean she wants to bring her kid around a Slim Shady wannabe over me?!

He had something attractive about him or he wasn't afraid of his testosterone.

another girl chose a guy who's a f'ing cook at Waffle House....yeah, WAFFLE HOUSE and he's a geek and is balding. i wouldn't feel so bad if the guys i was losing out to were on my level or better then me, but this is a joke. i just have to figure out why i'm not the one they pick.

Gotta attract them somehow. Then don't be a wuss. Be a jerk/ bad boy. Do things that alpha males do.

i also never see girls checking me out. i can't even get a decent looking fat girl to look my way! well i take that back, i had this one really hot girl checking me out the other day but i was on a date and couldnt do much about that.

Damn. It's because you had a girl and the girls saw the social proof. If you're one who gets chosen, you shouldn't have trouble.

i honestly think God is playing a cruel trick on me. the stuff that's happening to me has never happened to me in the past!

No! You can't blame God, you can only blame yourself. If you got fat, drop the weight. If you got acne, see a dermatologist, etc.

i never "lost out to another guy" and if i did i could see why, i could justify it.

Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop envying the better man and become the better man!

when i'd ask a girl out she'd say either yes or no, it wouldn't be this waste your time for a week or 2 and then she comes up with the i'm seeing someone now line.

Women are experts at being attention wh0res. It's the treadmill effect. You keep running, but you're getting nowhere, wearing yourself out in the process.

i have girls that are interested in me, but there's just no interest there on my part.

I'd go for them if I were you. Social proof can be a big help.

everytime i meet a girl and think "ok this is the one who's going to get me out of this slump" the same sh!t happens and i'm back to square one.

Stop putting women on these motherf**kin' pedestals! These are just women, not queens and goddesses! Get that bullsh*t out of your mind! Your princess is in another castle.

i'm not gonna lie, i haven't had sex this year. that's how bad it is. hell, come to think of it i can't remember the last time i had sex! my v-card is in the mail.

Get back out there and keep trying. I told you Friends Beach, South Carolina is not a cool place to visit. Get off your ass and handle your goddamn business like a man. Life ain't fair. Stop whining. If you got the short stick, you better break someone's long stick or get used to a life of misery and being used and cheated on.

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Read betwe- I gave you tough love because you need a wake up kick. Now just do it like Nike.

Sorry Robert, but it's most likely something YOU are doing.
I'm afraid that's the truth.

Whether it be the "type" of women you are wanting to see to get out of the slump or whether it's your interaction, I'm almost 100% sure that it's something you are either doing or NOT doing.

There is no conspiracy out there against you and God has not stricken you down with some terrible disease.

Also, the fact that you have a job and are "decent looking" doesn't automatically give you an "in". Just because you have certain factors that women look for... it doesn't mean that you are an immediate candidate to be someone's dating material.

And don't judge a person based on his looks and whether he has a job at the Wafflehouse... it's something YOU are or aren't doing. Apparently Wafflehouse-Man has game and is doing SOMETHING right.

All I see is finger pointing in every other direction than yourself. I think it's time to start seeing those women who are interested in you that you don't "particularly care for", because maybe one of THOSE is the one that gets you out of the slump.

Again, and one more time, start looking within you for the answers you are seeking... stop pointing fingers at everyone and everything else. Sometimes when we're knocked off the ladder, we have to start again from the bottom rung. You don't want to just jump up and try to hit the fifth step immediately.

You're probably validation seeking now, desperately hoping for things to work.

I was like this at a bar a couple of weeks ago and even 'I' could tell I was being creepy.

Kailex said:

Sorry Robert,but it's most likely something YOU are doing.

I'm afraid that's the truth.

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Don't be sorry about this Kailex. This is actually good news.


The fact that it is him and not "God",the "cosmos",the universe,or something outside of himself means that this is TOTALLY within his control.


He's not at the mercy of some "mysterious" force outside of himself.

Robert28 said:

ok, as most of you know by now i've been a slump with girls this year, and most of last year. i don't mean a little slump, i mean i'm striking out everytime i'm up to bat!

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If you're striking out everytime you get up to bat,then take a timeout and go over the basics of your "swing".


Look at how you're holding the bat,check the timing out your swing,etc.


Look at and listen to others who are currently having the success you want.

Robert28 said:

i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing wrong or not doing and haven't figured the problem out yet.

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Well we can help you figure this thing out,but we'd need detailed info on how you approach a girl.


You know,what you say to her,how girls generally respond,etc.

Also,when is it you notice problems starting to show up? Is it during the approach,after the approach but before the first date,or after a date or two has taken place?

Robert28 said:

what's happening you ask? girls keep picking other guys over me. for instance, i will meet a girl, talk to her for awhile and think she's interested. she laughs at all my jokes, gives 90% of the signs of being interested but i can't get them to commit to more then "just a guy i hangout with and talk to sometimes". it's like a new version of the friendzone, except i never get the LJBF line, i never see it coming! what happens is i'll be talking to them and out of nowhere comes the "i'm seeing someone now"

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Well one thing I've noticed from the little bit you've said so far is that the girls don't seem to have anything invested in you yet.



You make it seem like these girl just walk off from you with ease. If so,that means they've yet to invest anything in you. It seems like they're just using you for "side entertainment" until someone they REALLY WANT comes along.

Robert28 said:

i didn't even know i had any competition to beat out!

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Come on now Robert,you should know better than this.

Unless you're in a commited relationship with a girl,you got compettition.

Heck, you have competition even if you're in a LTR.

Robert28 said:

i'll ask them to go out and do stuff, but either they don't take me seriously or they won't give me a response.

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Then something's off in the way you ask them.


Do you laugh and play and joke around a LOT with them,then ask them out?

Robert28 said:

i get beaten out by LOSERS!

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How much of a "loser" can they be if they're stealing girls away from you?

THEY HAVE what YOU WANT.


You're making the same mistake I used to make.


You think women are like YOU.



You think that they should attracted to the things you'd be attracted to.
You think,"I'm decent looking and I have a job,so I should be able to beat out these "loser".


But women are EMOTIONAL.


If you don't make them "FEEL",I don't care what kind of job you have,or how handsome you are.



I used to think like that. I'd be like,"I'm a decent looking guy. I have a car.",and I'd be driving down the road ALONE while seeing a guy and a girl WALKING DOWN THE STREET TOGETHER holding hands.

Robert28 said:

i have girls that are interested in me, but there's just no interest there on my part. everytime i meet a girl and think "ok this is the one who's going to get me out of this slump" the same sh!t happens and i'm back to square one.[/B]

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You see the part I put in BOLD?

You need to change that. You may not know EXACTLY where you're going wrong at,that "this is the one who's going to get me out of this slump" needs to GO.



If everytime you approach a girl you think,"Oh please,PLEASE let her say yes! Let her be the one to end this slump I'm in",that's one problem you have right there.




You got it backwards. You don't find a woman,then get happy.

You become happy FIRST,then you'll get the girl.



If you're walking around waiting on some "chick" to bring you joy or make you happy as far as dealing with women is concerned,you'll have a looong wait.




It's not a girl's job to get you out of a "slump",it's YOURS.


Get your mind out of this slump mentality FIRST....RIGHT NOW,while you're single,then the change will be reflected in your approaches.


DO THAT. We can still help you to go over how you normally approach girls to see what (if anything) you need to change,but that "slump" thinking is something you can change on your own.

thanks for the replies. it's not that i'm down on myself, or that i think there's some force keeping me from having the success i want, i just can't figure out this slump i'm in. it's a kind of slump i've never been in before. ofcourse i've been rejected by my fare share of women in the past, but this seems different then what i'm use to. in the past i would know within an instant if a girl was interested in me or not. the problem i'm having is i THINK they're interested in me but they really aren't. i think i tend to joke around too much at times, and that might have something to do with me not being taken seriously but i've always been that way and it hasn't been a problem or hindered me from dating women i want until recently. i keep thinking of the old saying "if you can make her laugh you can make her do anything". i can make them laugh, i just can't get them to do anything! it's not always in my approach that isn't working, it's something after the first date. it's like we will have a great first date, but the interest quickly fades afterwards, or maybe it wasn't there to begin with but it sure seemed like it was from my standpoint. i don't think that the dates i go on are boring, or filled with awkward moments, or anything like that. if i could put my finger on it i would tell you so we could get it corrected but i just dont know what it is. here's how my most recent date went. we went out to dinner, then to a bar and had a few beers. everything was going fantastic! on our walk back to her car(she met me at the restaraunt) she out of the blue mentions how she's only attracted to redheads. i'm not a redhead so i instantly think "well hell, this is over with." i didn't know what to say or do at that moment. we had a date where at the end you'd think we would have been heavily making out, or at least kissed, but that one little comment she made killed my confidence because i thought i had no shot or that she made that comment as a hint that she wasnt interested. guess what? we have hardly spoken since the date, and before the date we spoke everyday. funny story about something that happened to me on our date though. she was in the bathroom and my phone rang so i walked outside to answer it. it was my mom calling to ask if i would come over oneday to fix her sink. while i'm on the phone these two random girls walk up to me and ask me who i'm talking to, i said my mom. they took my phone from me and said "hey mom! we think your son is really handsome!" and the other one goes "yeah and hes not a virgin anymore!"haha they were hot too! couldnt game either of them because i was on the date like i said, and i thought i had a shot with the girl i was with. had i known i didnt i deffinatley would have hungout with those two all night. Igetit, i think i am how you used to be, but the thing is i wasn't always like this. i fell in this slump somehow and can't seem to get out. it's like a pitcher who used to bring the heat all his career, but not he just can't bring it like he used to even though hes been pitching all his life.

Robert28 said:

while i'm on the phone these two random girls walk up to me and ask me who i'm talking to, i said my mom. they took my phone from me and said "hey mom! we think your son is really handsome!" and the other one goes "yeah and hes not a virgin anymore!"haha they were hot too!

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See, now why can't anything cool like this ever happen to me?

You need to use stuff like this as a focal point for building strength. Any positive interactions are just a starting point for true development. Focus on what's going right, not just what's going wrong.

What was 'the top of your game'? Was this a gradual thing or did girls start avoiding you all of a sudden?

Well first of all,let me tell you something a poster told me here like a year ago...


Could you break up you replies into paragraphs? It makes it a WHOLE LOT easier to read.


Anyway,down to business....

Robert28 said:

the problem i'm having is i THINK they're interested in me but they really aren't. i think i tend to joke around too much at times, and that might have something to do with me not being taken seriously...

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Yeah,I had a feeling that this may have been at least part of the problem.

You get back what you send out. So when you said that girls tend to think you're not serious about wanting to see them,then that means you must have been sending out non-serious vibes and conversations.


Well that's one problem down. You can handle that.

Robert28 said:

i keep thinking of the old saying "if you can make her laugh you can make her do anything". i can make them laugh, i just can't get them to do anything!

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Well it's good that you can make them laugh,but you have to be SERIOUS when it comes to things you SERIOUSLY want with her.


You can't joke around ALL THE TIME. If you do,she'll never know when to take you seriously.



What you need to do is get the attraction handled FIRST.



A.C.S./attraction ,comfort,seduction...in THAT order.


She must feel some attraction for you during the approach,otherwise she wouldn't have bother even going out with you in the first place.


Apply some of that attraction DURING the date. Tell her you like the way she looks in something. DON'T SAY,"You're hot","You're beautiful" or any of that nonsense.


Stick with "I LIKE" this or that about her.


Use some sexual innuendo on the date. Not too much,but from time to time to spice things up.



You have to get the sexual part,or the "attraction" phase handled FIRST.



Once that's done and you go into comfort,then make her laugh all you want,but within moderation.

Robert28 said:

it's not always in my approach that isn't working, it's something after the first date.

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I like this. I like it when I ask for specific information and get it.


At least you know what NOT to tinker with. If the approach is fine,then keep doing what you're doing.

Robert28 said:

it's like we will have a great first date, but the interest quickly fades afterwards, or maybe it wasn't there to begin with but it sure seemed like it was from my standpoint.

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No,the interest was there. Trust me,a girl wouldn't get all dressed up,do her hair,makeup,nails,and all that unless there were some interest on her part.



No,the decline in interest happened somewhere DURING the date. Your appraoch clearly created interest in her,but you took a wrong turn some time while the date was going on.


I hate having to ask the same questions over and over again to different members,but it's necessary.


The MAIN question is this....


What do you talk about on the dates? To me,you need to check out your convos to see what the deal is.


Does the conversations have any excitement in them? Do they stir up any emotion in the girls?


How are YOU during these conversations? Do you speak with energy and passion,or are you like a professor talking to his class?


As far as I can tell,the problem is DURING the date.

Robert28 said:

i don't think that the dates i go on are boring, or filled with awkward moments, or anything like that.

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You need to try and put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

YOU don't think the dates are boring,what about her? what does she think?


Share a story about yourself,something funny or exciting. It'll compel her to share one about herself,and cause you two to connect to each other.

Robert28 said:

here's how my most recent date went. we went out to dinner, then to a bar and had a few beers. everything was going fantastic! on our walk back to her car(she met me at the restaraunt) she out of the blue mentions how she's only attracted to redheads. i'm not a redhead so i instantly think "well hell, this is over with."

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Robert,Robert...Robert.....come ON man.

Are you serious? You fell for that line?

This is basic Sosuave teaching man.


Robert,she told you that she's only attracted to redheads.


This is Sosuave rule #1: Go by what a woman DOES,NOT BY what she SAYS.



She told you she was only attracted to redheads....WHILE OUT ON A DATE with YOU.



That was a test. If she were truely only attracted to redheads,then what's she doing out on a date with you?

If her statement were true,she would have rejected you the instant you approached her.



When a girl's words contradict her actions,ALWAYS GO BY HER ACTIONS.


You know that.

Robert28 said:

i didn't know what to say or do at that moment. we had a date where at the end you'd think we would have been heavily making out, or at least kissed, but that one little comment she made killed my confidence because i thought i had no shot or that she made that comment as a hint that she wasnt interested.

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Her little "test" did what it was designed to do,which is to weed out the wimps,and unfortunately,you had a "wimp" moment at exactly the wrong time.


You should have came back at her with something like,"Oh,you're attracted to redheads? Hey,me too,but I decided to go ahead and give you a chance anyway".


Throw her test back in her face. Instead of it breaking you down,you would have took it,turned it into a neg,then sent it right back to her.



She would have been shocked...and it would have created some attraction in her to see that she's dealing with a MAN,and not some weakling who got broke down by her bulls**t little test.




I say to examine the topics of conversation you have on dates.


See if the CONVOS are fun and interesting instead of joking and playing around too much.

Holy crap Robert, your last block of text almost killed me.

I'm going to go ahead and suggest that you start up some Field Reports, Robert. Start telling us detailed versions of what you ARE doing, because if there is something I hate and I know that Igetit! hates is coming in here, giving advice and then not receiving updates on the situation to see how the person is doing.

Now we both agree, Igetit! and I that the problem is something you are or aren't doing, but we can't pinpoint it just yet because we only have ONE detail so far... which is the "redhead" sh!t test.

Yes, you failed it, but see how we can give you advice when something like that happens again?

You have thousands of ways to defuse that situation. We can help you, but it all begins with YOU and ends with YOU. We're just a medium to help you realize how to get there, but you have to look for that inner spark within you to get back to where you once were.

And I'll start by saying this... stop putting so much pressure on yourself to get out of a slump.

Do you know how basketball players get out of shooting slumps? They keep shooting.

Do you know what the BEST shooters in the world would say when they were slumping BAD? "The next one is going in."

Even if they missed again... "The next one is going in."

They WOULDN'T say: "Oh please, let this be the one that goes in."

Notice how you are saying that same exact thing, but two different mindsets altogether??? The first one, is CONFIDENT. The second sounds desperate and doubtful.

Go out there and be Reggie Miller, Ray Allen, Michael Redd... WHOEVER, but go out there and work on that "jump shot". And I expect to see updates.

And yes, that's a threat.

we only have ONE detail so far... which is the "redhead" sh!t test.

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That grabbed my attention as well. I guess the obvious right answer is to ignore it and plow through, or make some sort of C&F remark, then ignore it and plow through. But I have to admit when I read that there was a part of me that would want to say "Oh, well why am I wasting my time with you then?", then just leave her there on the spot. That would be pretty funny.

oh no worries, updates are coming. i just have to meet another girl(s) and let you know how it goes. don't have any prospects yet. when i do though, i will post our conversation in detail and give updates.

yeah, i knew i dropped the ball with the redhead comment as soon as i didn't say anything back to her. i just couldn't come up with anything at the moment it happened. i've never been given a sh!t test at the END of a date, it's usually before i ask her out, or the beginning of the date, never at the end. especially since we were having such a good time....or so i thought.