Falcon25 said:
Been seeing this girl for like three weeks. I mentioned in another thread how much we saw each other for like a week straight.
Yeah,I remember you saying something about seeing each other 6 days a week,which is waaay too much.
You may say,"Ok,you're right. Maybe it was too much,but she wanted it. It was
her idea to see each other so much".
And I'll say the same thing I said in your other thread...
STOP FOLLOWING HER.
I don't know if you've heard of this before or not,but it's a true saying...
"Sometimes you have to treat women like children".
That's true. And how do you treat children? You LEAD.
You give them limits and boundries. Or to just put it plainly,you tell them NO from time to time.
You know why you do this? Because kids don't know any better. When you tell a child NO,or give them boundries,it's for
their benefit.
A child is a child,so you putting restrictions on them may seem like you're trying to keep them from having fun or whatever,but YOU KNOW it's because you're looking out for them.
That's how it is with a woman. If you turn her down sometimes instead of seeing her everyday simply because SHE WANTS IT,you know you're doing it
for her best interest and for the good of the relationship.
The way things are now are the result of you doing things
her way.
You followed her,she's following her feelings,(WHICH ARE HOGWILD AND UNRESTRAINED).
Unless you stop putting your dating/social life in the hands of HER FEELINGS,you'll continue to be frustrated.
As a result of you following her,look at yourself.
You're up,you're down,left and right,you want to see her,but she wants to "take it slow",then when you consider moving on,then she bombards you with texts and phonecalls.
Emotionally this girl is confused. And she's infected YOU with that confusion.
And you know what? This is ALL THE RESULT of
YOU not being a MAN and leading.
Falcon25 said:
Two weeks ago she told me that she wanted space and to slow things down.
As previously stated,this was because you didn't cut off her "buffet style" appetite for your attention.
Instead of seeing her a day or two,then cutting her off,you just kept going to see her whenever
she wanted.
You basically just let her eat and eat and eat until she got sick (of you).
Falcon25 said:
On Saturday, she tells me how She wants to "come to me" instead of me pushing it.
Even though it is your job to lead,she has a legit concern here. And again,this happened because of you two seeing each other too much.
You know what the funny part about this is? You two seeing each other for 6 days straight was
her idea (if I'm not mistaken),and now
SHE'S accusing
YOU of "pushing it".
It's because you're not leading. You're letting her emotions control THE RELATIONSHIP,but her emotions KEEP CHANGING.
Falcon25 said:
All I did was kiss her. We had been making out a lot. She stopped that. We used to hang out, she stopped that as well. She went from texting me every morning, every day to now barely once a day. She kept asking me questions about long term relationships, what I'm looking for, etc.
Take a look at what I underlined here in this part of you post.
You said.....
She stopped this
She stopped that
She went from texting me this
She kept asking me that
She,she she. And what about YOU? And what did
YOU do?
Did you just sit back and watch her run back and forth,here and there, around and around in emotional zig-zags?
So what ARE you doing? Are you just sitting on your hands waiting on
her to give you the green light?
You need to tell her to SHUT UP and leave you ALONE.
STOP waiting for
HER to decide if
YOU can have a girlfriend or not.
If you want a woman in your life,then go get one. STOP letting
her indecisiveness cause YOU to be alone.
A relationship is TWO yeses. It takes TWO.
Not a yes and a no.
Not a yes and a "I need time".
Not a yes and "I don't know".
It's TWO yeses.
So if she's not a "yes",then tell her to stop wasting YOUR TIME,or better yet,YOU STOP wasting
your own time.
Just how long has this nonsense been going on anyway? And how much longer do YOU plan to put up with this?
You're REALLY going to be in for a shock if she keeps you entangled in this foolishness for another month or two,decide she's had enough,then a week after she moves on from this madness,you find out she's been in a COMMITED RELATIONSHIP with some other dude for the past 3 weeks.
And BELIEVE ME,this kind of thing
does happen.
Falcon25 said:
So she is asking me to slow things down. I asked her if she wants me to stop seeing her, she said no I just want you to let me come to you. I guess I saw her too much? Or I acted too interested? Too available? Or affectionate? I am a very affectionate person. So I guess she thought I saw her as a girlfriend already? She mentioned that she didn't want to kiss because we are in a grey area.
She didn't want to kiss you because you two are in a
grey area?
What does that mean? And who decided you were in this "grey" area?
Dude,if you don't stop playing game and stand up for yourself,this girl is going to have you going nuts.
A "grey" area? What is that?
Falcon25 said:
She wants time. My question is; How the hell am I suppose to be close to someone when I don't see them?
So she wants time. Just how much time does she want? What does she expect YOU to do during this "time",and once this "time" has expired,then what happens?
Falcon25 said:
Should I tell her how I feel?
No,of course not. You should do what
she did.
She told you what she wanted. You need to TELL HER what YOU want.
Stop sitting there listening to her talk about what she wants,and TELL HER what you want.
If she's cool with what you say,then good. If not,then you say,"Adios".
Falcon25 said:
How do I get the attraction back from this? How do I get the control back. So far, I have been not calling, not texting, or making plans with her.
Well,the not texting her/not calling her/not making plans with her DOES NOT create attraction. It may make her miss the attention,but that's it.
As far as attraction goes,it's just you doing some of the things I mentioned earlier.
There's ONE element you seem to be missing,and without it EVERYTHING ELSE you do will fail,and that's this...
The willingness to walk away.
If you're NOT WILLING to walk away from this girl,then nothing else you do will matter.
If you're willing to stay with her no matter what she says,what she does,how she acts or behaves,no matter how looney or crazy her behavior is,then it's ALREADY over with.
You want attraction? Then live your life. YOU live it. Stop letting
her feelings and emotions control YOUR behavior.
Next time she starts giving you a laundry list of her emotionally driven wants concerning you,then you go,"Are you finished? You've said what you want,now I'm going to tell you what I WANT".
Then you tell her. If she tells you no to your wants,then you tell her NO to hers. At that point,you two will no longer have any reason to continue being around each other.
Tell her it was cool meeting her and knowing her,but there's no sense in you two wasting each other's time when you each have different wants and desires.
SAY THAT to her. She'll probably start crying,but that's
her problem.
Sometimes you have to do this. If you don't,she'll keep you stuck ALONE by her indecisiveness.
