Hi guys,
This is the first forum i've seen which actually recognises PD's and understands their completely devastating impact on the people that they befriend.
I'm 8 months separated from my wife who has been confirmed with a PD, I personally think it's HPD. We have two young children and i'll have to know her for the next 17 years or so, minimum.
A quick run down of what i've dealt with:
1. She's been cautioned by police after claiming she'd been attacked and raped in our house by an unknown man. She was full of cuts and bruises. Police did forensics - found she'd done it all herself. The cuts were to her face and scalp and were inflicted with a sewing needle.
2. Didn't like me going to work at one time, so text messaged me after I left and said she'd been bad and would punish herself. She took an OD and ended up in hospital. I had to tend to her and subsequently lost my job due to the time that domestic issues were taking up.
3. She can't hold friends. With any new female friend, she'll shout their name from the hill-tops for the first part, then will forget them in an instant. Often, they lose interest in the ex because she'll commit to arrangements but will then let people down.
4. She says she gets on with men better. Well yes, because then she can use sexual persuasion to manipulate. She doesn't have male friends either though. Any man she talks to is with a view to suggesting she's interested in them, even when she isn't at all.
5. She frequents online sites for men. She's been caught in two EA's online. She doesn't like the idea of finding a partner locally or outside the web, as she can't then feed the BS that creates the sympathy and attention.
6. Having got caught on one EA by myself and questioned, she took another OD to get out of the situation. She was assigned health workers, then thought she could excuse her actions by saying she was sick.
7. Got obsessed with her appearance and lost 70lbs in three months.
8. Fraudulently bought clothes and beauty products. Has since been sued. Spent all her income on herself, left me to pay rent, bills, food etc.
9. Went 'man' crazy after I left her and couldn't take anymore. Eventually found herself a young lad of 23 years on myyearbook. Spider caught herself another fly! Became obsessed with going to see him at weekends.
10. Swore on our children's lives that OM was platonic. Months later, found graphic pictures of her masturbating herself, sent to him.
11. Speaking of above, has history of sending naked, graphic pictures to men online.
12. Has told people online that her ex (that's me!) beats her up. There was never any violence between us.
13. Has history of self harm and creation of injuries (some real by running into doors etc, some with make-up), to cry-wolf to people online.
14. Has claimed she's been raped a few times in the past, kicked in the gut when pregnant with first spouse (yes, i'm the second and she's only just turned 30), and other various tales which I just don't believe.
15. Can't hold a job for five minutes.
16. Finds new interests and takes them on with an intense passion, then within a short time will get completely bored of it and will leave it behind.
17. The lies in general....oh my, they just run off the tongue with every single sentence spouted.
18. Asked me to consider reconciliation twice since separation. Both times claimed was single and had improved mentally. She wasn't at all, she was playing me, OM, and also frequenting dating sites and MSN, all at the same time.
19. Will deny things even when caught square in the face, then will turn the table and make you out to be the bad guy.
20. Justifies all wrong-doings with a simple statement of 'I was/am ill'. Never expresses regret, remorse or consideration for actions. Purely thinks she can excuse them.
21. Can morph character to fit into any group of people, though doesn't hold it forever. Easily influenced into things by peers to 'fit in'.
There will be loads more character traits but there's 21 to kick things off. I note a common thing with these people though, a lot tend to be attractive and the sex incredible. It's the same for us, mainly because PD's will do anything satisfy you and are usually damn adventurous!
We've just finalising the contact with children at the moment, then are set to proceed divorce. She still calls, often for silly reasons, due to her extreme attention seeking and continues to try the pull/push routine to keep me dangling on a string.
I used to wonder if she was undecided or just deliberately trying to play me whilst she pursued various men. After a six year relationship and two children, you'd think i'd cement in the head a bit more than the average Joe. It doesn't matter now though, my eyes are opened, much as a result of reading the PD threads on here.
Anyway, thanks for reading and hope to have some responses from people who've experienced similar issues with their own ex's. I'm particularly interested in learning the best way to deal with her on an LC basis (due to kids) whilst keeping control of the situation.
Also, is she likely to attempt to play me for years, or will she find herself other prey to focus on? Probably both!
Aim
This is the first forum i've seen which actually recognises PD's and understands their completely devastating impact on the people that they befriend.
I'm 8 months separated from my wife who has been confirmed with a PD, I personally think it's HPD. We have two young children and i'll have to know her for the next 17 years or so, minimum.
A quick run down of what i've dealt with:
1. She's been cautioned by police after claiming she'd been attacked and raped in our house by an unknown man. She was full of cuts and bruises. Police did forensics - found she'd done it all herself. The cuts were to her face and scalp and were inflicted with a sewing needle.
2. Didn't like me going to work at one time, so text messaged me after I left and said she'd been bad and would punish herself. She took an OD and ended up in hospital. I had to tend to her and subsequently lost my job due to the time that domestic issues were taking up.
3. She can't hold friends. With any new female friend, she'll shout their name from the hill-tops for the first part, then will forget them in an instant. Often, they lose interest in the ex because she'll commit to arrangements but will then let people down.
4. She says she gets on with men better. Well yes, because then she can use sexual persuasion to manipulate. She doesn't have male friends either though. Any man she talks to is with a view to suggesting she's interested in them, even when she isn't at all.
5. She frequents online sites for men. She's been caught in two EA's online. She doesn't like the idea of finding a partner locally or outside the web, as she can't then feed the BS that creates the sympathy and attention.
6. Having got caught on one EA by myself and questioned, she took another OD to get out of the situation. She was assigned health workers, then thought she could excuse her actions by saying she was sick.
7. Got obsessed with her appearance and lost 70lbs in three months.
8. Fraudulently bought clothes and beauty products. Has since been sued. Spent all her income on herself, left me to pay rent, bills, food etc.
9. Went 'man' crazy after I left her and couldn't take anymore. Eventually found herself a young lad of 23 years on myyearbook. Spider caught herself another fly! Became obsessed with going to see him at weekends.
10. Swore on our children's lives that OM was platonic. Months later, found graphic pictures of her masturbating herself, sent to him.
11. Speaking of above, has history of sending naked, graphic pictures to men online.
12. Has told people online that her ex (that's me!) beats her up. There was never any violence between us.
13. Has history of self harm and creation of injuries (some real by running into doors etc, some with make-up), to cry-wolf to people online.
14. Has claimed she's been raped a few times in the past, kicked in the gut when pregnant with first spouse (yes, i'm the second and she's only just turned 30), and other various tales which I just don't believe.
15. Can't hold a job for five minutes.
16. Finds new interests and takes them on with an intense passion, then within a short time will get completely bored of it and will leave it behind.
17. The lies in general....oh my, they just run off the tongue with every single sentence spouted.
18. Asked me to consider reconciliation twice since separation. Both times claimed was single and had improved mentally. She wasn't at all, she was playing me, OM, and also frequenting dating sites and MSN, all at the same time.
19. Will deny things even when caught square in the face, then will turn the table and make you out to be the bad guy.
20. Justifies all wrong-doings with a simple statement of 'I was/am ill'. Never expresses regret, remorse or consideration for actions. Purely thinks she can excuse them.
21. Can morph character to fit into any group of people, though doesn't hold it forever. Easily influenced into things by peers to 'fit in'.
There will be loads more character traits but there's 21 to kick things off. I note a common thing with these people though, a lot tend to be attractive and the sex incredible. It's the same for us, mainly because PD's will do anything satisfy you and are usually damn adventurous!
We've just finalising the contact with children at the moment, then are set to proceed divorce. She still calls, often for silly reasons, due to her extreme attention seeking and continues to try the pull/push routine to keep me dangling on a string.
I used to wonder if she was undecided or just deliberately trying to play me whilst she pursued various men. After a six year relationship and two children, you'd think i'd cement in the head a bit more than the average Joe. It doesn't matter now though, my eyes are opened, much as a result of reading the PD threads on here.
Anyway, thanks for reading and hope to have some responses from people who've experienced similar issues with their own ex's. I'm particularly interested in learning the best way to deal with her on an LC basis (due to kids) whilst keeping control of the situation.
Also, is she likely to attempt to play me for years, or will she find herself other prey to focus on? Probably both!
Aim
