I'm writing this begging for help from you guys. I am sorry, this will be kind of long.

So I had been with my girlfriend for a year. The relationship was great, we got along excellent, shared a lot of interests, although we had no big fights (probably this made the relationship boring). We saw each other very frequently (once a day, or perhaps once every two days, except weekends, where there was no contact at all -- because she went back to her hometown every weekend to visit her parents).

Suddenly when Christmas was approaching I had a an entire week and a half of work to do, so it was impossible for me to see her. We just talked on the phone. I would have thought this would raise interest in her, however, after that week she started hanging out with friends and declining my invitations to see each other. She kissed some guy at one party. She began to act coldly before that, so one day she confessed me that he made out with that guy, I got pretty mad, then said that I would forgive her. She told me that she was acting weird because she had that in her conscience, so after that, I believed that she would be back to normal ... but NO.

She entered grad school and had some pretty though exams, and she stopped calling and texting me. I started freaking out, believing she was seeing other guys, and I said 'we need some time apart'. We agreed to take a couple of weeks without contact. I could not handle it, so I called her. We resumed contact but she said then that 'she was not ready for a relationship' and she 'needed time for herself', but that she wasn't sure of what she wanted. Now, when I hear this from any girl, I know that it is OVER; I thought she was dumping me. However, she told me that she had doubts, and if I said so "we could be together again, and try it all over".

So I started inviting her to dates, taking it slowly, and she has always accepted, and when we go out she acted warm, we made out in the car, etc. One day I invited her and said that she had plans, so I freaked out and went out to where she was having dinner with friends and told her that I could not take her bull**** and we should end it all. She said "ok" at first, but then said "no! I WANT to go back to you, I thought we were taking things slowly, but I understand, this is not fair ... I'm making you wait". I said "this is over", and she said "can we talk tomorrow? my friends are here". I said "If you want, we can talk, but if I don't hear from you tomorrow I'll assume it is over". Next day she called me, told me that she wanted to see me, that she was sad, but that she didn't want to talk about that stuff. So I agreed to go to her apartment, where she hugged me, then we played some guitar hero, then we made out very passionately and she said "I can't take it any longer. I want your tongue". So we went to her bedroom and I gave her head, she ended with a great orgasm, although we didn't have sex, she said she felt bad about doing that because she would be even more confused.

Next day (yesterday) I didn't call, she called me. We spoke, but there was no warmth again, no "baby" no "I love you" or stuff like she used to say everyday a month ago. I feel like she's not going to act warmly again unless I do something drastic.

What I want to know is am I on wrong track or should I be patient?

Should I go 'no contact'? I have thought about 'no contact', as recommended in so many threads here, but I don't know if that would be the right choice because I would be doing it to elicit a response from her. Like playing a trick. Also, if I go 'no contact', would she get offended? How do I suddenly stop contact with her?

I feel that I'm in AFC-land, and I don't know how to recover. HELP PLEASE!

100% no contact and move on. What you did before obviously didn't work and its like your walking on eggshells with the relationship.

Yea. 1337 pretty much layed it out. No contact.

Only one thing. When I called her, she always answered or promptly returned my calls. She will surely contact me shortly.

When you say "no contact" that means not answering her calls (if she calls me)?

I would like to add that I would like to recover this relationship. I have a bad case of ONEITIS. I saw a future with her.

I hate to disappoint, but it's extremely hard to recover from this point.

My personal advice would be to drop her. She freakin cheated on you. You don't want that kind of relationship. It hurts a lot. Also, by the way she sounds, she seems like she's not really into the relationship. She may say she wants you back, but think of how much time she put into the relationship. She just can't throw it away.

I'm not the most experienced one to be taking advice from, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people would agree on dropping her.

I understand it hurts. More then likely you won't listen to us and still try to save the relationship. Just know that it will never be the same again. She keeps going back and forth with you cuz you are her provider but in her mind not the lover. She cheated on you and all you said was ok you forgive her?? She doesn't respect you. When a girl doesn't have enough respect for you then it's basically over. Move on and find other girls.. Easily said then done but you will ony get hurt more if you continue this relationship but it's your life.. Hopefully you will learn from this after it's offically over eventually....

Between you and her, there's a perception of your relative values in the relationship... She feels like she can do better... She used you for head? You should have said "I want YOUR tongue, right now, and afterwards we'll see if I feel like giving you anything" [and pull out your ****]... After all that's where you want the relationship to be: You getting pleasured by her, and pleasuring her right back afterwards. You want it to be fun for the both of you, and right now it's fun for neither of you... The difference is that SHE is out there flirting with other people, whereas you are not, but should be, because SHE is. Your happiness is more important than the relationship... She understands that her happiness is more important, and that's why she's flirting with other people. You need that same mindset.

Letting her lead all the time is no good, you're pretty much giving her what she wants at any moment and not doing what YOU want. Time to make it "my way or the highway"...

(PS: what you want is probably NOT just sex and blow jobs. It's also RESPECT... sex and blow jobs come with respect. but this girl doesn't respect you. You should not tolerate a situation where you're not respected... You deserve respect.)

The balance of power in your relationship has swung heavily to her side... When you decided to take a break from one another, and you called her before she called you, that kinda proves that you need her more than she needs you. It's cool if you two have a close relationship, where you BOTH are being very loving to one another, but this relationship doesn't sound close like that. It's no longer the mutual-respect, loving relationship you both want it to be.

Edit: **** I just read the ending of the story... Yeah the relationship is dead, the girl is a flake. Find another one! You can do MUCH better. Aim for a hotter, cooler girl this time. You want FUN, not a flaky girl who doesn't respect you anymore.

"She kissed some guy at one party. She began to act coldly before that, so one day she confessed me that he made out with that guy"

Seriously, I see your type very often, your like a dime a dozen, men like you are everywhere.

The advice I or anyone else can give you will not be heeded, your too entrenched into the AFC beta mindset, that any pearls of wisdom could help to drag you out of.

You my friend need to be burned, and burned badly.

Call it a baptism in fire! It will sting and hurt at first and probably last months, but it will burn out the beta boy from you and hopefully encourage you to grow a pair.

I thank you all for the excellent responses. I've been badly burned before, and I was out of AFC-land for a while. After two girls, I found this one and thought that she was the one. That the root of the problem.

But you're all right, there's no respect for me anymore, and I don't want a relationship like that.

I'm ejecting. It will hurt like hell, but it sounds like the relationship is doomed.

I needed this kick in the nuts, thank you.

In many ways I am like you, cupraikso. I like being in relationships and letting go of a person you were so intimate with is NEVER easy, especially for me. Its very easy for me to lapse into AFCdom when things get sour.

But looking at this from an outside perspective - its true that you need to let this one go. I dont need to repeat what the other posters have said. She doesn't respect you, and you shouldn't respect her.

Its not going to be easy, but you must do it.

Is there really no way to make good of this situation besides getting lost? What if he continues to date (or whatever you would call whats going on) this girl while seeking/dating others?

I don't believe none of you have ever cheated or done something stupid when you're in a great relationship. Doesn't interest constantly rise and fall in any relationship? Ever think this girl wants him to bring back that desire and show he is a true DJ rather than just get off? Sounds like a test to me. Perhaps her invitation to intimacy was a request for more than just an orgasm, and when he didn't realize that she was disappointed.

wow. I was in the exact same position weeks ago. But my LTR was 5 years! Recently, I broke it off with her and had no contact. Shes been calling me a lot. I would pick up every once in a while and say hi. She wanted to just talk and said she missed me. I would just say that I was busy or had to go do something. But I'm pretty much over her. Just know that there are plenty of fish in the sea. If I can walk away from a 5 year relationship, you can walk away from your 1. Girls like this just 1. dont know wtf they want out of life or where there life is headed 2. you were an AFC, gave her everything she wanted and is bored. Mine was a mix of both but swong more towards #2. Bottom line, just drop her.

But you live, you love, you lose, you learn, you DJ, and then you LIVE.

Once you attempt to break it off, they would come running back saying "ohh baby i miss you and love you so much, I dont know what I was thinking, blah blah blah." DO NOT LISTEN! Its all bull. She's going to try to sweet talk to and tell you all of the things you wanna hear. But i have a feeling she's told you these things before. Might sound cold, but you gotta drop her like a bad habit. It's not gonna be easy. You're going to miss her and think about her too. But just tough it out, go out with your boys, and DJ other girls. I was outta the game for 5 years, so I'm knocking off the rust. Had a blast just going out and gettin rejected. Never had a better time getting rejected. Did end up with 1 number outta like 5. Not too shabby for the first weekend out.

On a side note, would it be a bad idea to F&*#K Buddy your LTR ex? I'm over her for sure. Not sure if shes over everything. Thoughts? p.s. we broke up less than 2 weeks ago.

Yeah I actually agree with lifeislearning now, in theory anyway. If the OP could be totally frank with the girl, then it would work out fine. That's what he should do. But no matter what, this relationship needs a reality check, a dose of fearless honesty. It might end or get stronger but either way they'd come out of it happy.

No worrying about the outcome, though; when being honest you have to take the risk that she won't like what you have to say, and that you won't like what she has to say.