View Full Version : can/should kids be the answer to saving a marraige?
12-17-2009, 02:55 PM
im not married, nor have kids, nor do i want either. but i have many older friends that got married young, and often say "having kids saved my marraige". i guess the couples were in love at some point, and started to slip away, only then to get pregnant and :confused: "forced":confused: to stay together for the sake of the kid? do kids really save it? in the end, are the kids the one getting the shaft? but i see after this happens, the marraige usualy goes south, and then its all about the kids, with no room for the marraige.
god, i hope this never happens to me.:nono:
12-17-2009, 02:56 PM
12-17-2009, 03:12 PM
12-17-2009, 04:14 PM
The truth is that children will never save a relationship. That's like saying a bandage will save a leg infected with gang-green. Perhaps even that metaphor isn't constructive.
Any sort of superficial anything to save a relationship will likely fail. I think that bringing kids into the equation is one of the most selfish things two people could do. Thinking that some intermediate life yet to exist will be their bridge to a proper union.
I know a few people whose parents told them they thought having kids would "help things". Often times, they end up holding resentment for their parents relationship, and struggle to deal with these sorts of emotions.
Children will never fix anything. They are a huge responsibility and a life changing experience like nothing else. I'm not a father, but I know this much.
12-17-2009, 08:08 PM
If the woman can still get a divorce with the same (and increased) benefits and take the kids with her, then no, kids will not save any marriage.
Like others in this thread I haven't been married or had kids and there are no such plans on the horizon. Yet from what I can gather kids are more and more being considered as toys/pets. One example is the screenshots circulating the net of mothers using mobile facebook just minutes before and after delivery. I can't imagine that in this day and age, the concept of a child needing a healthy, in tact relationship between its two biological parents, is likely to prevent many mothers at all from picking up and running off.
12-17-2009, 09:45 PM
Well, the kids kept me married long enough for them to reach the age they could choose who to live with,but no longer. Kids are work. When you are both tired from raising the kids and have no time to think aobut anything else-they may prolong the marriage because you are too exhausted to think about the problems you have. BUT eventually, you find the time and realize you aren't happy where you are. You don't have the time to work out your problems, and by now;your wife thinks this is the way it's going to be.
Have your life locked down tight before having kids. Even then, she may get used to ordering THEM around and start on you.
12-18-2009, 07:48 AM
This is crazy,a bit like saying the condemned Man is saved from falling through the trapdoor by the rope round his neck.
12-18-2009, 08:54 AM
No, having kids does not "save" a marriage. It just gives you something more important to focus on than how much the marriage sucks. Once you have kids, it's about the kids. It's not about "you" any more, so most people ignore their own happiness and try to make sure their kids come up right.
Hopefully the conflict in the marriage doesn't affect the children...but that's asking a lot. It typically does. I've known couples who "stay together for the kids"...they all break up. I've known couples who got pregnant and then married BECAUSE of that. They break up too.
In short...don't do it. You owe it to your kids to at least TRY to build a happy (or at least non-conflict) home BEFORE having kids.
12-18-2009, 10:43 PM
The answer is no....kids don't make nor break a marriage. You're friend is misguided.
12-19-2009, 10:54 AM
I think my parents only stayed together as long as they did because they had me. It was a miserable experience for everyone involved.
12-26-2009, 04:55 AM
The odds of children saving a marriage really bad. Look at the statistics of failed relationships within the first year of having a kid.
And when they do save a relationship, the reasons why it worked often suck.
02-06-2010, 11:53 PM
in fact, i think that children can sometimes ruin a marriage.
most good marriages are merely "tested to the limit" at times, when adding children to the mix but bad marriages can get worse when you add the troubles and responsibilities of parenthood to it.
02-07-2010, 02:06 PM
Wow, RUN fast! Kids do not help marriage, AT ALL! I have numerous friends who put up with the most ball busting, miserable, b!tches on earth "for the kids." If it's bad now it will only suck more when you can't leave because of the kids.
Man I have 2 friends who had darn near "perfect" wives before kids, after... they just changed!! One his wife went through postpartum depression and her mind just snapped. She was a picture of mental health and now she has been in and out of mental institutions ever since having their child. Don't do it!
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