Ugh, im lost, need some opinions moving forward, thanks

[katzorange]

Hi guys,

Kind of a long story, met this girl, asked her out, we went out and gave her the time of her life on the first date, making out, sexual/physical touching the works, but yea... we were drinking not too much tho to get real drunk. She sends me text msg the next day saying that she had a great time and apologized that she got a bit drunk, i said no worries. after 2 days she texted me again just saying hi, so i took the opportunity to ask her out again for a 2nd date, i told her we should go to the movies cuz i havent been there in ages in which she agrees.

Saturday comes, she texted me asking if we were still on, i said yea and picked her up. I went for a kiss to greet her, she kissed me on the cheek instead. She is waaayyy more reserved this time, i couldnt even put on some snuggle times in the theatre lol. We hung out at the bar nearby for a couple of drinks, i touch her here and there she doesnt touch back... walking to the car after, i tried holding her hand, she holds it back...half assed. anyways, before i dropped her off i asked her if she isnt doing anything the following day that we should do lunch... she said yes, and i told her to pick me up, she also agreed. I dropped her off and she kissed me goodbye...on the lips this time lol.

The next day she textd me asking what time she should pick me up, i said, right now, she came we had lunch invited her to my place after... and again... she is a bit uptight lol. but yea we just chilled watch movies and ate junk. I tried snuggling a bit. she wouldnt resist but wouldnt snuggle back either. I will put my arm around her, she would only come in halfway. hold her hand, open it up halfway... wtf? She ended up goin late. lol anyways i walk her to her car, she again kisses me goodnight. Oh ya by the way, she pays for her own ****... I dunno how to proceed with this one... Im thinking that she wants to take it slow, since we were hot like fire on the first date.... but i dunno, what do u guys think? You djs opinion would be much appreciated.

[Jitterbug]

During the early phase of dating, women will pull out their best moves to see if they can grab the frame and control you. Your woman is bent on controlling the pace of this newly formed relationship.

I remember something jophil28 (a veteran here) said a while ago: early in a relationship, typically the man has his foot on the gas and the woman has hers on the brake.

When she suddenly slows down, if you keep trying harder like a clumsy puppy, you will get dumped. What you want to do is to slam on the brake. Go SLOWER than her, withdraw most of your attention, make yourself scarce.

[ThunderMaverick]

Eeeh..

Depends on how attracted she is to you. A couple of weeks ago I had a girl say to me as we were making out; "I don't have sex on the first date." I asked her why?

Her: Because I don't want to be seen as a slut" (social conditioning)

The moment was hot so i don't want it to cool down. I had to shatter that belief really fast.

Me: Well if that's the case I'm just as big of a slut as you are. I don't usually have sex on the first date either. Do you want to?

Her: Yeah, but I think we should take it slow...

Me: We're mature adults here so I don't see why. If you want to and I want to why should you care about what people think? I don't care. It's none of their business.

Her: Well what if we have sex and don't talk?

Me: What if we DIDN'T have sex and didn't talk? What's the difference? Who knows what'll happen either way.

Her:.....I dunno.

After working my hands very nicely around her body for about 10 minutes I slipped it in with her gripping me close to her. We're having sex on the regular now and she's always texting me dirty messages.

Either you didn't escalate well enough (being afraid of expressing your own sexuality towards her) or she's just not that attracted to you. If she doesn't put out by the third date..Maybe you should ask her why she's so hung up physically.


Edit: Wow, after reading that I sound like a speed seduction artist. I just want to make it known that we had really good chemistry and I didn't pull any tricks to seduce her. I'm usually just my sexually charged fun loving self. I'm sure my words were more delicate than what i posted.

[AMDG]

I dunno how to proceed with this one

That's simple - pull back and wait/no contact - if she's interested she will come to you. For now she has buyer's regret for the drunk episode.

[katzorange]

If i pull back and wait, wouldnt she think that ive lost interest cuz im just after her poon? like im not being persistent or what have you. Her last relationship ended badly and I know the guy, she knows some of the people I know. does that matter? Like i wanna ask her out still, but i wouldnt try to force anything yknow? I act depending on what her body language gives me.

[Jitterbug]

Ah, her buyer's remorse makes sense now. You're The Rebound Guy - and losing the frame quickly. She just wants to use your attention to get over him and doesn't really want it to go very far.

[katzorange]

ummm she is over him, they have been broken up for a year now. she hates his guts... and that is from what i heard from other people. the guy has a new gf now, she had been out on other dates since then.

[AMDG]

If i pull back and wait, wouldnt she think that ive lost interest cuz im just after her poon?

You have been friendzoned already - let me put that in perspective for you : "making out, sexual/physical touching the works", "she had a great time ", "she wouldnt resist but wouldnt snuggle back either", "she again kisses me goodnight" - from hot to cold. The only thing you can salvage now for sure is your dignity.

[Jitterbug]

ummm she is over him, they have been broken up for a year now. she hates his guts... and that is from what i heard from other people. the guy has a new gf now, she had been out on other dates since then.

Hate is not much different to love. If she's indifferent towards him then she's truly over him. If she still feels intense hatred for him, she's still emotionally attached to the guy.

A year isn't that long. Considering that he's moved on and now in a new relationship and she's still out there dating, he's clearly one-upped her.

[vitor]

Invite her over for dinner and drinks. Drink a healthy amount of wine, im talking 3 glasses plus each. After dinner pop in a dvd. About 5 mins into the DVD move in and kiss her, start making out. After a few mins, grab her hand and walk her to the bedroom.

If she resist or says no then respectfully tell her that you think you two would be better as friends and you have to get up early in the morning ask her to leave.

You should not have to watch a crappy dvd with a chick who is not going to F . I usally sleep with a woman on my third date, and if not they rarely get a 4th date.

This is adult hood not high school she needs to respect that.

[romangod]

Hi guys,

Kind of a long story, met this girl, asked her out, we went out and gave her the time of her life on the first date, making out, sexual/physical touching the works, but yea... we were drinking not too much tho to get real drunk.

I dunno how to proceed with this one... Im thinking that she wants to take it slow, since we were hot like fire on the first date.... but i dunno, what do u guys think? You djs opinion would be much appreciated.

I think she sobered up. :rockon:

It sounds like you've been crowding her and putting the cart before the horse. You're all over her physically before she gets a chance to know what you're all about. Now she knows.

A woman with a few drinks in her is different than when she's not under the influence.


Cheers!

[jophil28]

It sounds like you've been crowding her and putting the cart before the horse. You're all over her physically before she gets a chance to know what you're all about. Now she knows.



Yes, I agree, Roman..

Your physical attempts to 'connect' with her come across as too pushy and too hasty. You are way too focussed on her physical reactions.

She knows what you want, and she also knows (from your actions) that you want it ASAP. That is almost a guarantee that she will either withdraw from you or she may cut you off it you amp it up.

Get your foot off the gas.

[katzorange]

dammit! lol

[DMSR76]

Time to get really indifferent about this one, guy. If she responds to your indifference in a positive manner, then cool. If she doesn't, no biggie, no loss. Don't invest time and/or emotion in someone who refuses to reciprocate. It's not your fault she agreed to get physical on the first date.

Frankly, I have no patience for that hot and cold crap.

[katzorange]

Well, come to think of it, Im a man and she's a woman, she is suppose to know what I want and its my job to let her know. Right? I am not making excuses for my desires as a man, I ddnt think i was pushy, I ddnt even try to kiss her, cuz what do u expect me to do? after what happened on the first date, of course im gonna try to AT LEAST hold her hand right? We were all up on each others grill, she expects me to sloowwww down right away the next time we meet?

I read her body language on the 2nd and 3rd thats why I ddnt try anything, although I still kinoed (putting arm around her,holding hand) her just to let her know that I am interested and Im a sexual guy, but never forced anything. She never resisted my advances... although its obvious she is holding back. We spent 5 hours chilling at my place, if she felt uncomfortable I guess she wouldve left earlier, and she gave me 2 double kisses on the lips so... thats y im kinda confused, i think she needs a bit warming up to. Although Jophil is right I need to step on the brakes.

PS. What is buyer's remorse? lol

[Proselytiser]

Buyer's remorse: She thinks she gave herself up too quickly, basically... and doesn't like to feel like a slut. So this hot-cold behaviour is for the purpose of redressing that dissonance.

You should LJBF her or at least put her on the backburner while you date other women

[katzorange]

Ugh u guys give such big words... lol "redressing that dissonance" u make my brain bleed lol but thanks for explaining that to me.

Lol why should I LJBF her? Obviously she likes me, she just probably needs some reassurance. I am dating other girls, altho this one is the one i like from the lot.

[Proselytiser]

LJBF her because as has been said in this thread and proven by FRs, it is more likely to work than playing by her terms, and if it doesn't work, your dignity is still in tact.

I think you should have a look around this section and The Archives, look at threads especially ones started by Rollo Tomassi, guru, jophil (espec. his latest two FRs) and others. Try and get a good understanding of what 'frame' is and how its important. In essence, you want to do things on YOUR terms. Respond to her in her terms, and she controls the dynamic, you fall into a kind of tactical hell where best case scenario is a stalemate (assuming that you don't just next her).

[AMDG]

Ugh u guys give such big words... lol "redressing that
Lol why should I LJBF her?

Because you are supposed to flee low IL :)