Alright, so I've just now got myself into my first real relationship and I've got little experience or knowledge on how to handle this but I know enough that I might be heading in the wrong direction which might lead to a failed relationship. I know in time it's inevitable but I hope I can learn how to hold one rather then lose this one and learn afterwards you know.

Well I've been dating this one girl for about 2 1/2 months so far. We met a few months back and such when I was with someone else for only 2 weeks but shortly after I broke things off with her we began to hang out quite a bit. Did all the right things, and still do. I bust her balls and give her a hard time while keeping it friendly and in a joking manner to keep her laughing.

At times I think it's too much when I saw how she is screwing up and I'll have to find someone else or say something really mean and being an *******, so I balance it out by showing her I do care and like her by my actions. I find myself as a moral person and wouldn't ever cheat on anyone or lie and I've told her that. We trust each other and such and she see's the good person I am deep down.

Despite the mean and joking things I say, I always say sweet things to her and constantly show her affection. I don't call her much, actually only a handful of times as I hate talking to her but we text nearly everyday. And I see her quite often too as well.

Now this is where I think I might be setting myself up for failure and I know I am but I'd rather hear other advice cause I'll believe it more hearing it from someone else.

I notice that I spend a lot of time with her. Now that school has started and most of my good successful friends are gone, I'm left with mostly acquaintances who I don't care much for as they are going nowhere and bringing me down so I'm left with hardly any true friends. So I don't have much to do on my free time unless I want to do the usual which is get wasted or do drugs which I am trying to get out of. Which is actually what my girlfriend in going through. She actually just lost her only friend she had left today... So that leaves us spending quite a lot of time together. We might go a day or two without seeing each other. Maybe more. I have horrible memory..

And when we do hang out I notice I show her way too much affection where I usually don't see any back or as equal to what I'm giving/showing. I'm kinda touchy feely so I crave touching and kissing which I do quite often with her. Something I've tried to tame but I can't stop kissing the person I'm attracted too. It was only till recently that we've became more closer that she is opening up and showing more affection towards me.

She recently read me her diary where I found out how she missed me when she was gone for a month in a different state and that she couldn't like anyone else cause she was wrapped up over me during that time after only knowing me for a month or so. And that she wanted to say she loved me she thinks but didn't know but she made it clear in most of her entry's that she has really strong feelings for me. And she's said things to me too that indicated that, but as far as showing it she doesn't do so well at indicating that which throws me off. I need to be shown affection and sometimes I don't get that which makes me second guess her feelings. I actually talked to her about it maybe a few weeks ago which almost led me to end the relationship but I decided to just tell her how I felt and asked that we both make changes which seemed to help a lot.

Anyway, after reading all this I found myself asking her to finally say it. The, "I love you," knowing that that probably wasn't the best way about it but I honestly want to finally feel loved and here someone say it. Lame and insecure I know. But after a while she didn't say it so I did. Last night. And of course she said it back. Not sure if that was the smoothest thing I could have done.

What I want to know is how do I handle and hold a long term relationship? I'm confused and torn on how I should be on this since this is my first time. Should I act like a DJ like we see here in the articles and still play the game where I neg her and make myself unavailable to her? Or do I open up and develop a deep connection where I become more loving and available to her?

So what I've tried doing is a bit of both. Say things showing that my interest with her might not be high or as certain initially but bring her back in by showing affection or by re-affirming her that I was kidding and saying something nice.

I haven't a clue what I should be doing to hold a relationship since I've never had experience with anything long term but I know it's something I'm ready for and willing to work on. I'm second guessing myself now on saying I love you to her first last night but I really do and I know she feels the same way. But doing so did I lose the challenge? Do I need to spend less time with her, which I'm sure I do as too much will make her take me for granted and make us both tiresome of each other?

What do you guys know or do that works for a long term relationship?

Everything is fine.

The only thing you need to do, is start acting like an unpredictable ******* sometimes.

Dont reply to texts once in a while. Dont talk to her for a few days. Dont tell her where your going or what you did sometimes. Flirt with other girls and keep your options open. Dont show her any pyshical affection untill she comes over to you and initiates, it shows neediness and validates her too much. Dont always arrange to get together, let her bring it up. Be unpredictable in general. Never validate her too much, make her wonder how much you like her. Make her miss you, the anxiety she feels when she wonders where you are and why you havent replied is powerful. Pass all **** tests, never say sorry and never become weak. Be ready to end it if she does something that you wont tolerate, you may not want to, but you must. etc. etc.

This stuff will keep her interest level high and your relationship healthy. Do it sparingly. Its to prevent slipping into being a predictable and easy boyfriend, while she gets bored secretly and you get more and more AFC. By reading your initial paragraph you're at the start of the road leading to the AFC fate. Stuff like saying 'i love you' first, or bringing it up like that is a big nono.

First relationship sucks more often than not.

read roissy. http://roissy.wordpress.com/

if only i had such understanding in my first relationship!

Thanks man. It's odd how I realize these things yet I put this part of me on the back burner thinking that once I have her I can just let my guard down. I know I'm setting myself up for failure. Gotta take control of this asap. And I'll definitely give that website a read.

Just remember that relationships end. Girls will come and go in your life. The amount of fun that you are having at any given moment is much more important than the length of time that any one relationship lasts. All that matters is that the two of you enjoy being with each other right now. When that changes is when the relationship will end.

What she means when she says that she loves you is that she loves the way you make her feel...right now. Do not confuse that with any sort of Hollywood definition of love - the kind where a woman will suffer for you and remain with you no matter what. Your mother is the only woman who loves you like that. Every other woman on the planet will leave you when it is not fun any more, whether you have been together three months or thirty years.

When I was younger I was worried about whether or not a relationship would end. Now, after several relationships, I just assume that they will end, and instead of worrying, I have as much fun as I can before that happens.